Don't Make This Easy (Chapter 22)
Title: Don't Make This Easy
Author: sherrycookies
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/ Jack Barakat
Rating: R
Summary: Alex is the new tutor at a new job in a new place far from home in Victorian England. What happens when he starts to get unwanted feelings toward his new master?
Disclaimer: I don't own All Time Low, blah blah blah.
Alex walked on until he heard the sound of wheels behind him. He turned around to see a carriage, and he signaled with his hand for it to come closer.
“Where to?” He called to the driver.
“Millcote,” he replied.
“Can I tag along?”
The man nodded and Alex hopped inside. Then the carriage lurched forward.
He rested his head against the window. Everything seemed like a dream, like all this wasn’t really happening. Was he really running away? Was he really leaving the one person who had captured his heart? Everything was uncertain, and now he was going to a town that he had never been in before. Was he really going to start a new life?
“Sir?” The man asked.
“Hm?” Startled, he answered. “Yes?”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing out this late?”
“Oh, uh,” he searched for an answer. “I was sent to get something from town,” he lied. “My master needed something.”
“I see,” he didn’t seem convinced but he didn’t question Alex further.
He managed to catch a quick nap before they arrived at the town. By that time, the sun had just barely risen above the horizon and the streets were silent. He thanked the man and he drove away.
Now what to do? He needed somewhere to stay, and then he needed to find a job. He wandered through the streets. The town itself was filled with wooden stores and homes, and the streets were paved with cobblestones.
Finally, he came to a building that had a worn wooden sign that read “Inn.”
“Maybe I should get some rest,” he said to himself. He went inside.
Then interior was lit with an oil lamp. A woman sat behind a counter, using the light to read a book. She looked up as Alex entered, and she looked very interested with him.
“Hello, sir. Would you like a room?” She asked in a polite voice. She set her book down and battered her eyelashes at him. She was around Alex’s age, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was very beautiful, and if Alex was straight he would have fallen in love instantly. It was obvious that she was trying to flirt with him.
But he wasn’t straight and his heart was miles away with someone else. “Yes,” he answered, breaking eye contact to search his bag. “How much?”
“Ten shillings,” she smiled at him. “I’m Lisa, by the way. What’s your name?”
“A-Alex,” he stammered.
He tentatively gave her the money. She took it from him, letting her hand linger on his. “Have a good rest, Alex,” Lisa winked at him and gave him a key. “Second to last door on your left.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled, taking the key and hurrying away. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his life.
Unlocking the door and pushing it open, he stepped inside. It was a simple room, with a small bed and a dresser next to it. He carelessly tossed his bag aside and collapsed on the bed. It was cold and rough; he missed his own bed already, with Jack in it. “No,” he thought to himself. “You’re just going to have to get over it,” he scolded himself. He was mad at himself for wishing to be back at Thornfield. “You’re such a selfish ass. You’re doing this for him, not yourself. Get some sleep,” he thought.
And with the thought of Jack’s arms wrapped protectively around him, he drifted off into a troubled sleep.
Jack didn’t sleep well that night. He drifted in and out of a shallow sleep. He felt guilty, really guilty. He wanted to apologize, knowing Alex’s tendency to beat himself up every time they had a fight. At dawn, he heaved himself out of bed and made his way to his boyfriend’s room. He quietly pushed the door open; because he was afraid he would wake him. Maybe he’s just crawl into bed with him and they would sleep together. Jack knew he’d be able to sleep with Alex safely in his arms and that Alex was usually not grumpy in the mornings. He smiled to himself. Damn, he really did love him.
He was confused by the room being empty. “Maybe he just went out for a walk,” he thought to himself. Then he spotted a piece of paper sitting on his bed. Curiosity got the better of him and he reached for it. He unfolded the note and read it silently to himself, dread filling him.
No.
No!
He couldn’t believe it. Was this some joke that his boyfriend had set up for him, as punishment for their fight the previous day? If so, it wasn’t funny at all.
Was Alex really gone?
He read it over and over again, memorizing the words that he had written to him. This couldn’t be true. Alex would come in any moment, cheeks pink, and he would laugh at the stupid expression on his face. And then he would tell him that his prank worked, and that he should see the look on his face. Then Jack would pout and hit him playfully. After that they would kiss and cuddle and make up for their fight. Yeah, that’s exactly what the boy would be doing. He couldn’t have run away, could he?
Hours of waiting told him otherwise.
“Alex, what are you-” Cassadee called. Then she spotted Jack sitting there. “Oh, Mr. Barakat, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here. Do you know where Alex is?”
Wordlessly, he tore off part of Alex’s farewell letter and handed the other half to her. Confused, she took it and read it. She looked up at him, horror in her eyes. “No; is he serious?”
Jack swallowed thickly and nodded. “I-I think so.”
“B-but…why?”
He shook his head. “I-I don’t know.”
“W-we have to do something! We can’t just let him go!” Cassadee cried. “Mr. Barakat, don’t you love him? Chase after him!”
“I do love him, more than he’ll ever know, but he wasn’t happy here. If we find him and drag him back, he’ll be miserable. It’s best for him if we let him go, as much as it pains me.” He saw the disbelief in her face. “It’s going to be difficult here, without him, but we have to do it,” he added. “Go tell the others that he’s gone, but be gentle on Wendy; she’s too young to understand.”
She looked like she wanted to say more but she just nodded and exited.
Jack sighed, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. His heart felt like it was ripped out and stomped on, and yet, he still loved the man who did it. God dammit, Alex; he really did have him strung along.
It broke his heart to know that Alex blamed himself for their relationship struggles, when it was Jack’s fault entirely. He had difficulties controlling his anger, and most often took it out on people he loved. It was a stupid fault in him, and now it cost him the love of his life. It wasn’t Alex’s fault at all, but rather Jack’s. Dammit, he hated himself right now.
Alex was gone.
And it was his fault.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch the walls. Despite what he said, he wanted to tear apart the world for one last glance at the man he loved. He wanted Alex back, simple as that.
Is this what it took to realize his feelings for Alex? He knew he loved him, but only now did he realize he needed him. Without him, he was nothing; an empty shell of a man.
It scared him that he had never felt this way about anybody before. Alex had a chokehold on his emotions, and he controlled him like a puppet. He was angry at himself for allowing someone else to become so close to him, even though it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Lesson: don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose.
And he had just lost the one person who meant the world to him. No, more than that. Alex took with him a piece of Jack: his heart.
He didn’t even know what he was feeling right now. He was angry; at Alex for leaving and himself for making him go. It felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks as the realization set in that Alex was really gone. He was in pain, but this was internal. His heart was broken.
A little later, he found himself in his own room, with no recollection of how he got there. He sat down heavily on his own bed and lay down, curling himself into a ball. He felt numb, closing his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to relax with his love out alone in the world, so he lay there for a while, trying to regulate his breathing. But he couldn’t, breaths coming in short gasps. He was crying for the first time in a long time. Exhausted, he fell asleep with an aching heart and tears falling onto the pillow.
A/N: Hey guys! Long wait for a short update, and I apologize for that. These past few weeks have been really rough on me, and I did post a really personal thing on LJ recently, so if anyone cares enough about my life to read it, by all means, go ahead. I’m not going to bore you with the details of my depressing life.
“I wonder if killing yourself if the only thing you can control in your entire life, and that’s why it’s a sin. Because you’re beating God at his own game.” -Unknown
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE BROKE UP GUYS I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON BECAUSE I’M ACTUALLY CRYING. I’ve been listening to MCR for years and this is a heartbreaker. So Fall Out Boy comes back and we lose My Chemical Romance. Life is unfair.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I know, I know, slow updates suck.
Author: sherrycookies
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/ Jack Barakat
Rating: R
Summary: Alex is the new tutor at a new job in a new place far from home in Victorian England. What happens when he starts to get unwanted feelings toward his new master?
Disclaimer: I don't own All Time Low, blah blah blah.
Alex walked on until he heard the sound of wheels behind him. He turned around to see a carriage, and he signaled with his hand for it to come closer.
“Where to?” He called to the driver.
“Millcote,” he replied.
“Can I tag along?”
The man nodded and Alex hopped inside. Then the carriage lurched forward.
He rested his head against the window. Everything seemed like a dream, like all this wasn’t really happening. Was he really running away? Was he really leaving the one person who had captured his heart? Everything was uncertain, and now he was going to a town that he had never been in before. Was he really going to start a new life?
“Sir?” The man asked.
“Hm?” Startled, he answered. “Yes?”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing out this late?”
“Oh, uh,” he searched for an answer. “I was sent to get something from town,” he lied. “My master needed something.”
“I see,” he didn’t seem convinced but he didn’t question Alex further.
He managed to catch a quick nap before they arrived at the town. By that time, the sun had just barely risen above the horizon and the streets were silent. He thanked the man and he drove away.
Now what to do? He needed somewhere to stay, and then he needed to find a job. He wandered through the streets. The town itself was filled with wooden stores and homes, and the streets were paved with cobblestones.
Finally, he came to a building that had a worn wooden sign that read “Inn.”
“Maybe I should get some rest,” he said to himself. He went inside.
Then interior was lit with an oil lamp. A woman sat behind a counter, using the light to read a book. She looked up as Alex entered, and she looked very interested with him.
“Hello, sir. Would you like a room?” She asked in a polite voice. She set her book down and battered her eyelashes at him. She was around Alex’s age, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was very beautiful, and if Alex was straight he would have fallen in love instantly. It was obvious that she was trying to flirt with him.
But he wasn’t straight and his heart was miles away with someone else. “Yes,” he answered, breaking eye contact to search his bag. “How much?”
“Ten shillings,” she smiled at him. “I’m Lisa, by the way. What’s your name?”
“A-Alex,” he stammered.
He tentatively gave her the money. She took it from him, letting her hand linger on his. “Have a good rest, Alex,” Lisa winked at him and gave him a key. “Second to last door on your left.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled, taking the key and hurrying away. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his life.
Unlocking the door and pushing it open, he stepped inside. It was a simple room, with a small bed and a dresser next to it. He carelessly tossed his bag aside and collapsed on the bed. It was cold and rough; he missed his own bed already, with Jack in it. “No,” he thought to himself. “You’re just going to have to get over it,” he scolded himself. He was mad at himself for wishing to be back at Thornfield. “You’re such a selfish ass. You’re doing this for him, not yourself. Get some sleep,” he thought.
And with the thought of Jack’s arms wrapped protectively around him, he drifted off into a troubled sleep.
Jack didn’t sleep well that night. He drifted in and out of a shallow sleep. He felt guilty, really guilty. He wanted to apologize, knowing Alex’s tendency to beat himself up every time they had a fight. At dawn, he heaved himself out of bed and made his way to his boyfriend’s room. He quietly pushed the door open; because he was afraid he would wake him. Maybe he’s just crawl into bed with him and they would sleep together. Jack knew he’d be able to sleep with Alex safely in his arms and that Alex was usually not grumpy in the mornings. He smiled to himself. Damn, he really did love him.
He was confused by the room being empty. “Maybe he just went out for a walk,” he thought to himself. Then he spotted a piece of paper sitting on his bed. Curiosity got the better of him and he reached for it. He unfolded the note and read it silently to himself, dread filling him.
No.
No!
He couldn’t believe it. Was this some joke that his boyfriend had set up for him, as punishment for their fight the previous day? If so, it wasn’t funny at all.
Was Alex really gone?
He read it over and over again, memorizing the words that he had written to him. This couldn’t be true. Alex would come in any moment, cheeks pink, and he would laugh at the stupid expression on his face. And then he would tell him that his prank worked, and that he should see the look on his face. Then Jack would pout and hit him playfully. After that they would kiss and cuddle and make up for their fight. Yeah, that’s exactly what the boy would be doing. He couldn’t have run away, could he?
Hours of waiting told him otherwise.
“Alex, what are you-” Cassadee called. Then she spotted Jack sitting there. “Oh, Mr. Barakat, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here. Do you know where Alex is?”
Wordlessly, he tore off part of Alex’s farewell letter and handed the other half to her. Confused, she took it and read it. She looked up at him, horror in her eyes. “No; is he serious?”
Jack swallowed thickly and nodded. “I-I think so.”
“B-but…why?”
He shook his head. “I-I don’t know.”
“W-we have to do something! We can’t just let him go!” Cassadee cried. “Mr. Barakat, don’t you love him? Chase after him!”
“I do love him, more than he’ll ever know, but he wasn’t happy here. If we find him and drag him back, he’ll be miserable. It’s best for him if we let him go, as much as it pains me.” He saw the disbelief in her face. “It’s going to be difficult here, without him, but we have to do it,” he added. “Go tell the others that he’s gone, but be gentle on Wendy; she’s too young to understand.”
She looked like she wanted to say more but she just nodded and exited.
Jack sighed, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. His heart felt like it was ripped out and stomped on, and yet, he still loved the man who did it. God dammit, Alex; he really did have him strung along.
It broke his heart to know that Alex blamed himself for their relationship struggles, when it was Jack’s fault entirely. He had difficulties controlling his anger, and most often took it out on people he loved. It was a stupid fault in him, and now it cost him the love of his life. It wasn’t Alex’s fault at all, but rather Jack’s. Dammit, he hated himself right now.
Alex was gone.
And it was his fault.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch the walls. Despite what he said, he wanted to tear apart the world for one last glance at the man he loved. He wanted Alex back, simple as that.
Is this what it took to realize his feelings for Alex? He knew he loved him, but only now did he realize he needed him. Without him, he was nothing; an empty shell of a man.
It scared him that he had never felt this way about anybody before. Alex had a chokehold on his emotions, and he controlled him like a puppet. He was angry at himself for allowing someone else to become so close to him, even though it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Lesson: don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose.
And he had just lost the one person who meant the world to him. No, more than that. Alex took with him a piece of Jack: his heart.
He didn’t even know what he was feeling right now. He was angry; at Alex for leaving and himself for making him go. It felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks as the realization set in that Alex was really gone. He was in pain, but this was internal. His heart was broken.
A little later, he found himself in his own room, with no recollection of how he got there. He sat down heavily on his own bed and lay down, curling himself into a ball. He felt numb, closing his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to relax with his love out alone in the world, so he lay there for a while, trying to regulate his breathing. But he couldn’t, breaths coming in short gasps. He was crying for the first time in a long time. Exhausted, he fell asleep with an aching heart and tears falling onto the pillow.
A/N: Hey guys! Long wait for a short update, and I apologize for that. These past few weeks have been really rough on me, and I did post a really personal thing on LJ recently, so if anyone cares enough about my life to read it, by all means, go ahead. I’m not going to bore you with the details of my depressing life.
“I wonder if killing yourself if the only thing you can control in your entire life, and that’s why it’s a sin. Because you’re beating God at his own game.” -Unknown
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE BROKE UP GUYS I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON BECAUSE I’M ACTUALLY CRYING. I’ve been listening to MCR for years and this is a heartbreaker. So Fall Out Boy comes back and we lose My Chemical Romance. Life is unfair.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I know, I know, slow updates suck.