A "Great" Morning
Firstly...i have no time to procrastinate bot all the details.
But something i READ this morning really double confirms today is a bad day for me. Read kav's blog and really feel disappointed...unpleased...all at once.
I blow my top? Since when? I never even raise my voice at him, nv mention bot him being late. But sorry, my black face is something which i cant control. U cant really force me to carry a smile when im feeling sucky yeah? His frens joined us soon. I forced myself to smile and interact with his frens while he say with the attitude and mood i had, he actually prefer me to leave. OKie...all my effort has gone down to drain seeing these words. But to be honest, he has been pampered by all his frens and exs, SO DO I!!! If its for any other normal guy, i would have told him don have to mit liaoz and i will go straight home. I wont even loitter in orchard for an hr alone like an idiot...now see this...its SAT!! Other ppl may feel nothin...but i feel like a freak walking around ALONE on a SAT!!! I wasnt enthu or my chatty self, and yeah showing attitude by being silent..but think bot it..who's at fault? Im trying to be cordial and trying my utmost effort liaoz. And this has nothin to do with whether he like me ornot.
After i met him, i joined my frens. Im thinking...somehow we're on the wrong track. It finally force me to face my feelings. I don love him. I have a fondness for him..i donno whether this will develop into love...but its definately not love at the moment. Being overwhelmed by all his words(maybe they're more passionate than wat he really feel)...im abit struck dumb and senile. Im insensitive by nature and "slow" where feelings are concerned, but i really tried to love him before. Hence, msged him that we're better to remain as frens. Was feeling so frustrated bot this whole thing. Coz i donno God is being nice or me or wat. I knw he's a nice guy..but i juz have to reject which is not i really wanted. Its juz..fate~ The main thing is i was feeling very very bad coz im afraid he feels bad. Console is that his msg seems cheerful enuff that he's totally okie with being frens. Still, i worried for him. Feel bad. No matter wat..i juz feel shitty with myself. I know my attitude and rejection is causing bad feelings. Saw him on msn yest nite and trying to inject casual friendliness into the conversation...keeping everything light..and apologised for that day for my show my attitude/silence. Oh and in a nonchalent tone, he told me something like this.."..i think u're thinking im taking this heavier than i really took..don worry" Oh so he's totally alright lah? So i worried for nothin lah? Feeling so embarrassed and vexed at myself for making a mountain out of a molehill all becoz im a stoopid, sentimental ger like wat rain has commented. And wat i read in his blog tis morning...its really indescribable..accused me of blowing my top..and saying all his good intentions as a nice bf is all for nothin. And saying he will never be a nice bf and treat a ger nicely ever again coz ME has rejected all his deep feelings with sucking attitude and temper.
First U jeer me by hinting im overreacting with my deepfelt concern and remorseful consolation. And then u slapped me in the face in ur blog for not appreciating all ur deep feelings and treated u less than fair~
How nice of u~
But something i READ this morning really double confirms today is a bad day for me. Read kav's blog and really feel disappointed...unpleased...all at once.
I blow my top? Since when? I never even raise my voice at him, nv mention bot him being late. But sorry, my black face is something which i cant control. U cant really force me to carry a smile when im feeling sucky yeah? His frens joined us soon. I forced myself to smile and interact with his frens while he say with the attitude and mood i had, he actually prefer me to leave. OKie...all my effort has gone down to drain seeing these words. But to be honest, he has been pampered by all his frens and exs, SO DO I!!! If its for any other normal guy, i would have told him don have to mit liaoz and i will go straight home. I wont even loitter in orchard for an hr alone like an idiot...now see this...its SAT!! Other ppl may feel nothin...but i feel like a freak walking around ALONE on a SAT!!! I wasnt enthu or my chatty self, and yeah showing attitude by being silent..but think bot it..who's at fault? Im trying to be cordial and trying my utmost effort liaoz. And this has nothin to do with whether he like me ornot.
After i met him, i joined my frens. Im thinking...somehow we're on the wrong track. It finally force me to face my feelings. I don love him. I have a fondness for him..i donno whether this will develop into love...but its definately not love at the moment. Being overwhelmed by all his words(maybe they're more passionate than wat he really feel)...im abit struck dumb and senile. Im insensitive by nature and "slow" where feelings are concerned, but i really tried to love him before. Hence, msged him that we're better to remain as frens. Was feeling so frustrated bot this whole thing. Coz i donno God is being nice or me or wat. I knw he's a nice guy..but i juz have to reject which is not i really wanted. Its juz..fate~ The main thing is i was feeling very very bad coz im afraid he feels bad. Console is that his msg seems cheerful enuff that he's totally okie with being frens. Still, i worried for him. Feel bad. No matter wat..i juz feel shitty with myself. I know my attitude and rejection is causing bad feelings. Saw him on msn yest nite and trying to inject casual friendliness into the conversation...keeping everything light..and apologised for that day for my show my attitude/silence. Oh and in a nonchalent tone, he told me something like this.."..i think u're thinking im taking this heavier than i really took..don worry" Oh so he's totally alright lah? So i worried for nothin lah? Feeling so embarrassed and vexed at myself for making a mountain out of a molehill all becoz im a stoopid, sentimental ger like wat rain has commented. And wat i read in his blog tis morning...its really indescribable..accused me of blowing my top..and saying all his good intentions as a nice bf is all for nothin. And saying he will never be a nice bf and treat a ger nicely ever again coz ME has rejected all his deep feelings with sucking attitude and temper.
First U jeer me by hinting im overreacting with my deepfelt concern and remorseful consolation. And then u slapped me in the face in ur blog for not appreciating all ur deep feelings and treated u less than fair~
How nice of u~