Two Cracky Merlin and Doctor Who Fics Written for Badfic!Challenge at BBCLand
So once again my usual disinclination to write fic was broken by a challenge comm challenge, this time a "bad!fic" challenge at bbcland that provided several "bad fic" prompts to include (Mary Sues, random unpopular character deaths, etc) for a certain amount of points each. I took the opportunity to write a satiric Merlin fic (given the direction of the show's writing lately) and my first Doctor/Rose fic (also a tad cracky). ;) Thanks blue_emotion for the beta on both!
Title: Keeping it in the Family
Fandom: Merlin
Characters/Pairings: Uther, Arthur, Gwen, Arthur/Gwen (sort of?), Merlin, Arthur/Merlin…
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 963
Note: Cracky AU written for a “badfic” challenge at bbcland to the prompts of “a character’s parentage is suddenly altered” (funny how this badfic prompt is found in the actual show writing, ahem *rolleyes*), “a Mary Sue or a Gary Stu,” and “an unpopular character is killed off and none of the other characters care (even if they would)”. I do like Gwen to be clear, more or less, but as far as fandom she’s often a less popular character, hence that choice.
Summary: Uther gives Arthur some unwelcome news about Gwen and Merlin’s respective true parentages, putting a kink in Arthur’s attempts to find love until an unexpected, very convenient solution arrives at Camelot….(aka nothing that couldn’t be on the show itself, lol-kind of mocking the absurd writing of late on Merlin with this one! ;)).
Uther cleared his throat, dreading what he had to say next to his son.
“Arthur, I know you think that my objections to your having a relationship with that servant girl are purely based on classism and prejudice, but that’s not true. I mean, yes, obviously it’s unfitting for a prince of Camelot to marry a servant girl, but….there’s something else.”
Arthur raised his eyebrows, wondering where this was going.
Uther looked out the window, unable to meet his son in the eyes. “The truth is, Morgana’s mother is not the only married woman I have had an affair with in the past. I also once had a night with the wife of Tom the Blacksmith while he was away on business…Guinevere is in fact my bastard child, and your half-sister.”
Arthur just stared open-mouthed at his father, unable to speak. “Are you KIDDING ME?! What the HELL is wrong with you?!” First Morgana, now Gwen…was there any potential love interest he could find who wouldn’t turn out to be related to him?
A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Wait a minute, how do you even know she’s your child if you only spent one night with her? Same with Morgana actually, I mean it’s not like every time people have sex the woman gets pregnant, what are the chances that Morgana and Gwen are really yours?”
Uther scoffed. “Because I know, alright? It’s irrelevant, the point is that you can’t marry Gwen because it’s incest. Oh and I have seen you with that servant boy of yours as well, and just in case you get any ideas, Balinor, his father whom I banished, was actually Ygraine’s elder brother, so technically you and this boy are first cousins. As you know, marrying or carrying on with your first cousin is strictly forbidden in Camelot, as is sodomy, come to think of it.”
Arthur gaped even more. “How do you even know about Balinor? I didn’t even know that was Merlin’s father…really? And wait, what are you implying about me and Merlin?!”
Uther just looked cross again in response. “The explanation is irrelevant, I just know!”
Arthur turned and stormed away, slamming the door behind him, and resigning himself to a lifetime of solitude or incest.
* * *
Gwen had to sit down from the shock, utterly aghast when Arthur told her the news. “I….I don’t understand, how could this be true? My mother loved my father, she would never have betrayed him like that!”
Arthur couldn’t look at her, staring at a crack in the wall. “I know, none of it makes sense. But I guess….I guess we really can’t see each other anymore.”
He heard Gwen give a little gasp, and sighed. “I know, I know, I can hardly bear it either. But maybe we can still be friends?” There was no response. “Gwen?”
He turned towards her, only to suddenly see her lying completely still, slumped against the window sill where she had been seated. She was dead.
Arthur shrugged. So much for that then. As he walked out into the corridor, calling for a servant to deal with the corpse, he thought he heard a strange distant voice from above hissing, “Wrong Gwen!”
* * *
Arthur was in his chambers moodily passing the time throwing knives into the door when there was an urgent knock. He sighed and went over to answer the door.
A servant bowed before him. “Please sire, your father wants to see you again in the Great Hall. There’s a visitor.”
Arthur grimaced at the mention of his father. “I’m not interested.”
“Are you sure? The visitor is a young noble woman from a neighboring kingdom, and I must say sire that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered in my life, as well as the most graceful and charming and intelligent.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Are we sure she isn’t just another by-blow of my father though, off-limits to marry?”
The servant furrowed his brow in confusion. “Pardon, Sire?”
“Never mind! Okay I’ll come, just to be polite…”
When he entered the Great Hall however he realized that everything the servant had said was true. There before him was indeed the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and as she turned and smiled at him, he felt his knees weaken. He managed to come forward and give her a polite bow and kiss on the hand, however, noting as he did so that her skin was the softest he had ever touched.
Uther stepped forward, grinning, to make the introductions. “Arthur, this is Lady Moira of Randomcelticnamia. She has been traveling and is stopping here for the evening. My lady, this is my son Prince Arthur of Camelot.”
The fair lady, who had shimmering curly brown hair and enchanting hazel eyes, smiled again at Arthur. “Pleased to meet you, sire. I have heard so much about you…”
Arthur gulped, mesmerized, but not by any magical arts. “The pleasure is all mine…” Out of his peripheral vision he saw that everyone else in the hallway was as entranced as he was, including Merlin, who seemed to be encouraging Arthur on. He realized that he had finally found the perfect woman, and knew that all of Camelot would be as happy as he was with her for as their queen. There was only one possible impediment to his happiness…
“Father, she isn’t…that is to say, her parents…?” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the question.
Uther’s smile only widened in response, and he shook his head. “I have never met either of her parents, do not fret.”
Arthur then turned back, relieved and bursting with happiness. All of his romantic woes had come to a convenient end, he could hardly believed how well it had worked out.
Title: The Real Bad Wolf
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Ten, Rose, Ten/Rose
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Word Count: 358
Note: Sort of cracky AU, written for a “badfic” challenge at bbcland, to the prompt of “a character becomes a vampire or werewolf”…
Summary: Rose gets scratched by the infected and unamused Victoria during “Tooth and Claw,” and becomes a werewolf…bad puns ensue!
Rose nursed her arm as she and the Doctor walked back to the TARDIS. “I can’t believe Queen Victoria actually bit me!” she complained in her most outraged voice. “I guess she really wasn’t amused…”
The Doctor couldn’t help snorting a little at that, despite the seriousness of the situation.
Rose glared at him. “It’s not funny, Doctor! I could very well become a werewolf, couldn’t I, since she was scratched herself?”
The Doctor hesitated and then nodded. “Well we’ll see I guess when the next full moon comes round…assuming we’re on earth, since when we’re in the TARDIS I don’t think we’re affected by that sort of thing.” He paused, and found himself unable to resist another pun. “I guess you’d really be ‘the Bad Wolf’ then!”
Rose punched him in the arm in response.
* * *
They got the answer to Rose’s question a few weeks later, when they happened to be visiting Ancient Babylonia and realized too late that it was a full moon there. Luckily the Doctor was able to get Rose back into the TARDIS and in a contained place in time before she did any damage in her new state.
The moment that they left that time period and place, however, she changed back and was herself again. The Doctor held her as she shook with fear and horror in the aftermath of the transformation.
“Doctor, what are we going to do? What if it happens again? What if I…” Rose swallowed, having trouble getting the next words out. “What if I kill, or hurt someone?”
The Doctor responded with a reassuring squeeze, and tried to speak in the most soothing tone he could manage, given the situation. “We’ll just make sure to avoid places when it’s the full moon there, that’s all. I’ll make sure to take some readings before we step out of the TARDIS in the future. It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Besides…” he suddenly grinned mischievously down at her. “I already knew you were a timorous beastie, didn’t I?”
Rose rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm again, but couldn’t help a little grin in spite of herself.
Feedback appreciated, even if these are technically "bad!fics," lol...:)
Title: Keeping it in the Family
Fandom: Merlin
Characters/Pairings: Uther, Arthur, Gwen, Arthur/Gwen (sort of?), Merlin, Arthur/Merlin…
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 963
Note: Cracky AU written for a “badfic” challenge at bbcland to the prompts of “a character’s parentage is suddenly altered” (funny how this badfic prompt is found in the actual show writing, ahem *rolleyes*), “a Mary Sue or a Gary Stu,” and “an unpopular character is killed off and none of the other characters care (even if they would)”. I do like Gwen to be clear, more or less, but as far as fandom she’s often a less popular character, hence that choice.
Summary: Uther gives Arthur some unwelcome news about Gwen and Merlin’s respective true parentages, putting a kink in Arthur’s attempts to find love until an unexpected, very convenient solution arrives at Camelot….(aka nothing that couldn’t be on the show itself, lol-kind of mocking the absurd writing of late on Merlin with this one! ;)).
Uther cleared his throat, dreading what he had to say next to his son.
“Arthur, I know you think that my objections to your having a relationship with that servant girl are purely based on classism and prejudice, but that’s not true. I mean, yes, obviously it’s unfitting for a prince of Camelot to marry a servant girl, but….there’s something else.”
Arthur raised his eyebrows, wondering where this was going.
Uther looked out the window, unable to meet his son in the eyes. “The truth is, Morgana’s mother is not the only married woman I have had an affair with in the past. I also once had a night with the wife of Tom the Blacksmith while he was away on business…Guinevere is in fact my bastard child, and your half-sister.”
Arthur just stared open-mouthed at his father, unable to speak. “Are you KIDDING ME?! What the HELL is wrong with you?!” First Morgana, now Gwen…was there any potential love interest he could find who wouldn’t turn out to be related to him?
A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Wait a minute, how do you even know she’s your child if you only spent one night with her? Same with Morgana actually, I mean it’s not like every time people have sex the woman gets pregnant, what are the chances that Morgana and Gwen are really yours?”
Uther scoffed. “Because I know, alright? It’s irrelevant, the point is that you can’t marry Gwen because it’s incest. Oh and I have seen you with that servant boy of yours as well, and just in case you get any ideas, Balinor, his father whom I banished, was actually Ygraine’s elder brother, so technically you and this boy are first cousins. As you know, marrying or carrying on with your first cousin is strictly forbidden in Camelot, as is sodomy, come to think of it.”
Arthur gaped even more. “How do you even know about Balinor? I didn’t even know that was Merlin’s father…really? And wait, what are you implying about me and Merlin?!”
Uther just looked cross again in response. “The explanation is irrelevant, I just know!”
Arthur turned and stormed away, slamming the door behind him, and resigning himself to a lifetime of solitude or incest.
* * *
Gwen had to sit down from the shock, utterly aghast when Arthur told her the news. “I….I don’t understand, how could this be true? My mother loved my father, she would never have betrayed him like that!”
Arthur couldn’t look at her, staring at a crack in the wall. “I know, none of it makes sense. But I guess….I guess we really can’t see each other anymore.”
He heard Gwen give a little gasp, and sighed. “I know, I know, I can hardly bear it either. But maybe we can still be friends?” There was no response. “Gwen?”
He turned towards her, only to suddenly see her lying completely still, slumped against the window sill where she had been seated. She was dead.
Arthur shrugged. So much for that then. As he walked out into the corridor, calling for a servant to deal with the corpse, he thought he heard a strange distant voice from above hissing, “Wrong Gwen!”
* * *
Arthur was in his chambers moodily passing the time throwing knives into the door when there was an urgent knock. He sighed and went over to answer the door.
A servant bowed before him. “Please sire, your father wants to see you again in the Great Hall. There’s a visitor.”
Arthur grimaced at the mention of his father. “I’m not interested.”
“Are you sure? The visitor is a young noble woman from a neighboring kingdom, and I must say sire that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered in my life, as well as the most graceful and charming and intelligent.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Are we sure she isn’t just another by-blow of my father though, off-limits to marry?”
The servant furrowed his brow in confusion. “Pardon, Sire?”
“Never mind! Okay I’ll come, just to be polite…”
When he entered the Great Hall however he realized that everything the servant had said was true. There before him was indeed the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and as she turned and smiled at him, he felt his knees weaken. He managed to come forward and give her a polite bow and kiss on the hand, however, noting as he did so that her skin was the softest he had ever touched.
Uther stepped forward, grinning, to make the introductions. “Arthur, this is Lady Moira of Randomcelticnamia. She has been traveling and is stopping here for the evening. My lady, this is my son Prince Arthur of Camelot.”
The fair lady, who had shimmering curly brown hair and enchanting hazel eyes, smiled again at Arthur. “Pleased to meet you, sire. I have heard so much about you…”
Arthur gulped, mesmerized, but not by any magical arts. “The pleasure is all mine…” Out of his peripheral vision he saw that everyone else in the hallway was as entranced as he was, including Merlin, who seemed to be encouraging Arthur on. He realized that he had finally found the perfect woman, and knew that all of Camelot would be as happy as he was with her for as their queen. There was only one possible impediment to his happiness…
“Father, she isn’t…that is to say, her parents…?” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the question.
Uther’s smile only widened in response, and he shook his head. “I have never met either of her parents, do not fret.”
Arthur then turned back, relieved and bursting with happiness. All of his romantic woes had come to a convenient end, he could hardly believed how well it had worked out.
Title: The Real Bad Wolf
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairings: Ten, Rose, Ten/Rose
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Word Count: 358
Note: Sort of cracky AU, written for a “badfic” challenge at bbcland, to the prompt of “a character becomes a vampire or werewolf”…
Summary: Rose gets scratched by the infected and unamused Victoria during “Tooth and Claw,” and becomes a werewolf…bad puns ensue!
Rose nursed her arm as she and the Doctor walked back to the TARDIS. “I can’t believe Queen Victoria actually bit me!” she complained in her most outraged voice. “I guess she really wasn’t amused…”
The Doctor couldn’t help snorting a little at that, despite the seriousness of the situation.
Rose glared at him. “It’s not funny, Doctor! I could very well become a werewolf, couldn’t I, since she was scratched herself?”
The Doctor hesitated and then nodded. “Well we’ll see I guess when the next full moon comes round…assuming we’re on earth, since when we’re in the TARDIS I don’t think we’re affected by that sort of thing.” He paused, and found himself unable to resist another pun. “I guess you’d really be ‘the Bad Wolf’ then!”
Rose punched him in the arm in response.
* * *
They got the answer to Rose’s question a few weeks later, when they happened to be visiting Ancient Babylonia and realized too late that it was a full moon there. Luckily the Doctor was able to get Rose back into the TARDIS and in a contained place in time before she did any damage in her new state.
The moment that they left that time period and place, however, she changed back and was herself again. The Doctor held her as she shook with fear and horror in the aftermath of the transformation.
“Doctor, what are we going to do? What if it happens again? What if I…” Rose swallowed, having trouble getting the next words out. “What if I kill, or hurt someone?”
The Doctor responded with a reassuring squeeze, and tried to speak in the most soothing tone he could manage, given the situation. “We’ll just make sure to avoid places when it’s the full moon there, that’s all. I’ll make sure to take some readings before we step out of the TARDIS in the future. It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Besides…” he suddenly grinned mischievously down at her. “I already knew you were a timorous beastie, didn’t I?”
Rose rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm again, but couldn’t help a little grin in spite of herself.
Feedback appreciated, even if these are technically "bad!fics," lol...:)