Clean House
I love Niecy Nash. Seriously, I wish I was a sassy black lady with a big ridiculous flower in my hair telling people what to do with their lives. My friend Sousa and I play Clean House at work sometimes, Sousa telling me I need to cut out the clutter and get rid of all the foolishness and mayhem in my life as she stands in the doorway with a flower made out of a napkin left over from lunch. And, like with everything, to get something you have to be willing to give up something. Often it's things that are really important to the people but useless like a broken juke box that once belonged to the person's dead father. It doesn't work now though and Miss Niecy has to bargan with them to let it go.
"Now," she'll say to them, hand on her hip, finger tracing her point in the air, "Why you going to keep something that doesn't even work? Yes, you mean to get it repaired but have you ever? Huh? Huhhh? Ok then it's time to let it go."
But... But... Miss Niecy, they say, it's sentimental and I couldn't possibly let it go. It was so important.
"But it doesn't have anything to do with your life, does it? And it's not even working. Here's what I'm going to do... If you will give up that juke box, here's what I'ma do... I will GIFT to you... a new living room set to match the rest of your furniture."
Eventually Miss Niecy's charm wins them over and they rid themselves of the clutter and end up with something practical and beautiful even if the jukebox didn't sell in the yardsale and it's given away to charity. I love Clean House. I watched episodes of it psyching myself up to get my place in order and though I'm sure my neighbor has been on the verge of calling the police on me for playing La Vie En Rose on repeat endlessly while I clean.
I got an e-mail from my first great love Simon about a month ago and it really shook me up. He went from being someone I had resigned to being a souless jerk from my past to someone I once again was thinking about. And more than just being someone I once cared for he held a door open so that I could once again see the person I was almost 5 years ago, someone obsessed with getting skinny and making art. Someone so carelessly in love that he'd do anything, go anywhere, for one person even to the detriment of his personal safety. That person had a lot of drive and for a while now I've been fighting back and forth feeling like I haven't done anything with my life and thinking about how important that relationship was to me.
I read recently that an ex-boyfriend asking you to become friends is like having your childhood dog die and your mother saying, "Well, you can still keep it." Yet I without thought sent him a friend request and said sure, catch me up. I have yet to hear back from him and his current profile mood is "selective."
I asked an intuitive friend of mine what she thought that whole situation was about and she said that scorpios like to play games and try to manipulate but reminded me these were traits for just some scorpios as she has a daughter who's one and doesn't share these. She said I was coming to a point in my life where I'd need to make some hard choices about being an adult and that sometimes meant making sacrifices because it was the right thing to do.
My friend Katie also enjoys Clean House although not as much as my boyfriend Chris and I do. Katie's been off this month because she's a school counselor which is possibly the most adult job ever and yet we still constantly talk about bowel movements and penises and laugh hysterically. She called me at work tonight and we talked about how we both make up random songs constantly which causes people to look at us oddly and whisper amongst themselves.
"It's usually about cock or Jesus," she said thoughtfully, "or doo doo."
Sometimes I tell random stories about odd things like the woman in the front lobby at work who looked like a white trash Dame Edna with crooked glasses and crookeder teeth or the glass carrot Simon gave me once during a friend's wedding we were attending.
"I've been using it," he said, "for when we finally have sex."
"Using it how?"
"You know... to make it easier on me."
At the time I took this as an encouraging sign that we finally were going to have sex since I was ready but he'd decided he wanted to wait until we got married. The fact that to this day I have a drawer full of his things says something about his charisma and that I kept a glass carrot that my ex boyfriend once shoved up his ass on more than one occasion trying to stretch himself out certainly says something about me. It was a token of hope, that not only were we going to be together but that we were going to have some seriously earth-shattering sex as well.
I told Katie this story tonight and her response was,
"I will GIFT to you... "
"Now," she'll say to them, hand on her hip, finger tracing her point in the air, "Why you going to keep something that doesn't even work? Yes, you mean to get it repaired but have you ever? Huh? Huhhh? Ok then it's time to let it go."
But... But... Miss Niecy, they say, it's sentimental and I couldn't possibly let it go. It was so important.
"But it doesn't have anything to do with your life, does it? And it's not even working. Here's what I'm going to do... If you will give up that juke box, here's what I'ma do... I will GIFT to you... a new living room set to match the rest of your furniture."
Eventually Miss Niecy's charm wins them over and they rid themselves of the clutter and end up with something practical and beautiful even if the jukebox didn't sell in the yardsale and it's given away to charity. I love Clean House. I watched episodes of it psyching myself up to get my place in order and though I'm sure my neighbor has been on the verge of calling the police on me for playing La Vie En Rose on repeat endlessly while I clean.
I got an e-mail from my first great love Simon about a month ago and it really shook me up. He went from being someone I had resigned to being a souless jerk from my past to someone I once again was thinking about. And more than just being someone I once cared for he held a door open so that I could once again see the person I was almost 5 years ago, someone obsessed with getting skinny and making art. Someone so carelessly in love that he'd do anything, go anywhere, for one person even to the detriment of his personal safety. That person had a lot of drive and for a while now I've been fighting back and forth feeling like I haven't done anything with my life and thinking about how important that relationship was to me.
I read recently that an ex-boyfriend asking you to become friends is like having your childhood dog die and your mother saying, "Well, you can still keep it." Yet I without thought sent him a friend request and said sure, catch me up. I have yet to hear back from him and his current profile mood is "selective."
I asked an intuitive friend of mine what she thought that whole situation was about and she said that scorpios like to play games and try to manipulate but reminded me these were traits for just some scorpios as she has a daughter who's one and doesn't share these. She said I was coming to a point in my life where I'd need to make some hard choices about being an adult and that sometimes meant making sacrifices because it was the right thing to do.
My friend Katie also enjoys Clean House although not as much as my boyfriend Chris and I do. Katie's been off this month because she's a school counselor which is possibly the most adult job ever and yet we still constantly talk about bowel movements and penises and laugh hysterically. She called me at work tonight and we talked about how we both make up random songs constantly which causes people to look at us oddly and whisper amongst themselves.
"It's usually about cock or Jesus," she said thoughtfully, "or doo doo."
Sometimes I tell random stories about odd things like the woman in the front lobby at work who looked like a white trash Dame Edna with crooked glasses and crookeder teeth or the glass carrot Simon gave me once during a friend's wedding we were attending.
"I've been using it," he said, "for when we finally have sex."
"Using it how?"
"You know... to make it easier on me."
At the time I took this as an encouraging sign that we finally were going to have sex since I was ready but he'd decided he wanted to wait until we got married. The fact that to this day I have a drawer full of his things says something about his charisma and that I kept a glass carrot that my ex boyfriend once shoved up his ass on more than one occasion trying to stretch himself out certainly says something about me. It was a token of hope, that not only were we going to be together but that we were going to have some seriously earth-shattering sex as well.
I told Katie this story tonight and her response was,
"I will GIFT to you... "