Got bored...found more bad fanfic...
"You DARE lie to me, Ranger?" She demanded. "I know this is not your real name. You go by many names, but the one given you at your birth was… Aragorn." Aragorn stumbled over his words a moment. (and fell flat on his face for another moment)
"No, you must be mistaken, I am not him whom you seek, I am a captain in the Riddermark, not a ranger." A smile played (a violin) at Vanya's lips.
***
She gave Aragorn just enough time to realize what was happening (because the future king of Gondor needed a moment for his body to send the message to his brain), unsheathe his sword, and get a good defensive posture set up (Which took days. Feng shui and all). She charged at him and swung low, aiming for his legs. Aragorn jumped back and took aim at her neck. Vanya ducked jabbed (new fight move!) her sword at his chest. Aragorn parried the blow then sent his sword towards her side. She side stepped and twirled (like a princess). Bringing her sword across, aiming for his shoulder. He stepped back and parried the blow. Aragorn jabbed (for the 98th time) at her chest (because he couldn't be bothered to aim for her head) but she bent back to avoid it. She let her legs slip from underneath her (my legs! I've let them slip!) and she fell to her back. Using her legs, she swung out and kicked Aragorn in the shins, causing him to fall (because he had forgotten to wear his shin pads again). She back rolled and stood up. Aragorn swung his sword at her legs (as he scooted across the ground). She jumped up, and landed on the sword as she came back down (gravity's a bitch, ain't it, Aragorn?). Aragorn rolled away and she picked the sword up with her foot (awkward), and tossed it back to its owner.
****
"Yes, that is mostly the truth, but your mother and I got married without Lord Elrond's consent. Of Corse we then had you (because Arwen was already preggers). Elrond found out about us after that and was not pleased. A few years after you were born your mother fell ill and died. I was not able to be there when she died due to a (super secret)mission I was on. But I came back a few months later. Elrond was not happy with me (we know), but I went to him anyway and I asked him to forgive me for my actions. And he did. (And I was relieved. And he wasn't mad. And I was happy.) Soon after I went to Lothlorien and I saw your mother's twin sister (how convenient), Arwen. She was like her in a lot of ways. Arwen has not replaced your mother, but I know I love Arwen now (because she totally replaced your mother)."
***
They started up the pass. They made good progress for a while, but when they had reached the (bodacious) hips of the mountain, they found to their dismay, the pass was blocked (by the mountain's slimming cocktail dress).
***
Galadriel nodded knowingly. She turned and started walking away; Vanya knew she was to follow. Galadriel took her to an open area; it was not like the place Haldir had taken her earlier (in his rickety white van).
***
She did not know why nor what she felt when she saw his life slip away. Then the realization hit her like a ton of bricks and stole her breath (and her purse).
I know now what these feelings inside of me are. She thought. I love him! (RUN, HALDIR! RUN!)
***
"This is joyous news, Mt Lady." Haldir said, smiling at her happiness (at being called a mountain). "Although, you should go and rest now, it would do no good for you to be asleep on your feet whence he arrives."
"I am not tired!" Vanya said stubbornly. Then as though her body wanted to spite her words, she yawned. She scowled. Perhaps slightly weary, but not tired." Haldir laughed (at her epic synonym fail), and Vanya smiled at this.
"Go and sleep now, Vanya." He said, using her right name for the first time.
"You called me by my name." She said. (he also called you a mountain)
***
"Forgive me, Vanya." He said, seeing that she had just woken. "Have I woken you?" (Captain Obvious strikes again).
***
"Greetings Haldir, I am Aragorn." Aragorn replied. "How fares my daughter, do you know?" Haldir nodded.
"Yes, I know." He replied. "She came here with severe wounds, but the healers have treated her, and she is fine now. Well, mostly." ("Except a bit of brain damage,") He added.
***
"Very well, Aragorn." He said. "Then you shall." He turned towards the bushes where Vanya sat waiting. "Now, you can see him." He said. A figure appeared from the bushes, ran towards Aragorn, and hugged him fiercely (FIERCE HUG!). Aragorn returned the hug equally so (EQUALLY FIERCE HUG!).
"I am fine, father." She said, then looked him over. "But much less tiered than you are." (Tiered? What are they, wedding cakes?)