WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 2/?
anonymous
August 20 2012, 11:48:59 UTC
"You always pout and moan. 'John I can't go to the Tesco.' 'John, it's so tedious' and John do. Every. Fucking. Thing. For. Me! John, I can be a heartless bastard because I don't understand!" John wavered and fell to the ground.
Sherlock moved with ease and kneeled into the sand. He reached his hand out.
"I said get off me!" John pushed Sherlock's hand away, making Sherlock lose the balance he had and fall back slightly.
John fumbled in his pyjama bottoms and pulled out an amber bottle. He twisted the cap off, raised the bottle to his lips and took a deep drag of the syrupy liquid. "Do you know how easy you have it? Really? Do you know how much of a lie you are? A lie." John pressed the bottle to his lips again
"John, st--"
"No! I could do it now."
Sherlock trembled. He wanted to reach out and grab the bottle, pull John towards him, hold onto something. He sunk his hand into the sand.
"I could swallow it all. So easy. So painless. Just 'slip away'" John studied the bottle "because that's what you want. You want me in your arms. In our bed. You want to encircle this witherd, wasted, worthless body in your arms. You want to whisper; 'goodbye' and 'I love you' and 'I'll never forget you John' as I stare in your eyes." John replaced the cap and shoved the bottle back in his pocket. "Right? For all your scoffing at romance and tenderness and storybook endings. That's what you want."
Sherlock dug his fingers in the sand, feeling each grain as they embeded themselves beneath his nails.
"From the moment I came to our flat, and replied to your first goddamn text to hand you your own bloody mobile. It's always been what you want. You've always been able to act exactly as you want."
Sherlock breathed deeply "and people hate me for it."
John rolled his eyes. "No. They hate you because you manipulate them. Because you insult and degrade them. Because you frighten them. Because you experiment with them even though you know how dangerous it is. Because you invent stories about them. Because you mock them." John rubbed at the flannel of his pajama bottoms "and because you enjoy it. Because it's all for your benefit. Because it's all pretend."
Sherlock lifted his fist from the sand, tried to count the grains as they tumbled and fell. He examined the dusting left upon his skin. "At least I don't dishonor the memory of-" He'd never been slapped. No, that isn't the truth. He'd been slapped before. However, the slaps he'd received had been from shock or disgust. From incensed clients and suspects. From Sally Donovan(though he always admired her for that). Never had a slap had such crippling power.
Sherlock didn't raise his hand to touch his cheek. He raised his eyes to John. For the first time, for the very first time he felt ashamed. For Johns face had distorted into one of such shame and anger and hurt. Sherlock never knew such emotions could be brought forth so tangibly in someone.
John tried to stand. He fixed his knees beneath him, curled his fists, straightened his arms and pushed. But he'd been sitting to long. The drug had smoothed had veins, his body was just too weak.
"It felt like it though. It was, then. I couldn't understand."
John laughed "Couldn't understand?" John bent his elbows and laid, stomach down. "I fell in love, Sherlock." Despite all the story-tales, despite the romantic notion; it can happen more than once." John turned his head, his eyes moved from Sherlocks hand up to his face "It happened to me. I loved her. When you degrade her, you degrade me."
Sherlock stiffened "I would neve--"
John folded his hands together and placed his chin on them "Do you remember the kid with the two different coloured eyes?"
"Heterochromia iridum"
John frowned "That was his name?"
"No, idiot, the different coloured eyes. That's the name."
John snorted.
"What?"
"I'm trying to have a serious conversation and you correct my grammar."
"I didn't correct your grammar, I provided the name of the disorder..."
WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 3/?
anonymous
August 20 2012, 11:53:24 UTC
"When he was being interviewed, he called me" John licked his lips. "Jeez, um...ugly and stupid?"
"He said you had the face of a dried apple and couldn't diagnose a cold if it sneezed at you. He also said that a mind like mine deserved better."
John raised his eyebrows at Sherlock. "Right. So, why did it take two PCs to hold you back?"
"I'm stronger than I look."
"Sherlock." John shook his head in exasperation.
"Because he insulted you."
"You insult people all the time."
"I tell people the truth, John."
John lowered his head and pressed his forehead into the sand. John then turned his face towards Sherlock.
"Why did it matter to you what he said?"
"Because you don't have the face of a dried apple, are an excellent doctor and my mind would not function without you." Sherlock's voice had softened to a whisper.
"I loved her Sherlock. When someone you love, someone that doesn't abuse or betray you, when that person is..." John sighed.
"I betrayed you."
"No. You saved my life. And Mrs. Hudson's and Greg's and I can't even fathom how many others in the end."
"How can you be so" Sherlock looked up to the sky "tolerant?"
"I love you. And I loved her."
Sherlock lowered his head, turned onto his knees and crawled to John "You've no idea what it's going to be like John."
"I do though. I thought I'd lost you. I did lose her." John rubbed his eyes.
"But you didn't lose you"
John laughed.
"What?"
"You been sneaking some of Mrs. Hudson's Harlequin novels?"
WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 4/?
anonymous
August 20 2012, 11:56:42 UTC
Sherlock's voice was steady, yet his eyes kept blinking rapidly. "You know, when he said your name that was it. If he'd said Mrs. Hudson or just Lestrade I never would have jumped?"
"It was your name. I knew when I went up there that I might have to jump. I didn't know why, but I knew I might. And yes, I did trust her. And the thing is, I don't know why. I don't know why I trusted her with the most important act, the most important secret-"
"Not a sociopath." John muttered.
"-Secret of all. And no." Sherlock moved his legs so he was sitting cross-legged. "I didn't know. I never knew. All those months and I never knew. I never guessed. Why would I?" Sherlock paused to gaze at John. "I may have jumped but he pushed me. And he also saved me."
Sherlock lowered himself next to John. He pressed his head against John's back.
"I never would have been able to survive the fall if Molly hadn't agreed to help." Sherlock raised his arm and wrapped it around John's waist. "I still wonder if that was her real name."
"Is that all you wonder about her?"
"Gods no. I think--" Sherlock cleared his throat and rubbed his chin "I think she was the most clever of all of us."
"Why'd he do it?" John lifted his head.
"Killed himself? Or made it possible for me to live?"
"Live."
"Because it was one final game. It didn't matter to him. "'The Web'" he built was already failing. I didn't need to destroy it. I could have waited until I found your snipers. Or sent Mycroft after them. Everything else was just...decoration." Sherlock sighed "So yes. He won. He won by sending me on a pointless chase. He won by saving me. And none of it would have been possible without Molly Hooper. And I never knew she worked for him. Mycroft had over a dozen people working on her backround."
"And?"
"And he could find nothing. Her records were flawless. Even had people that remembered her from University and Primary school."
John smirked.
"What?"
"It's something for you to solve. The real mystery 'Who was Molly Hooper.'" John laughed quietly.
"Is this really what you wanted to talk about?"
John frowned "Yes."
"Is this how--" Sherlock rubbed his eyes and let out a soft curse as he realised he'd rubbed them with his sand-coated fist "is this how your final night will end?"
John narrowed his gaze at Sherlock "it is my final night."
WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 5/5
anonymous
August 20 2012, 11:59:52 UTC
Sherlock sat up and stared at John. "No. It's ours." He stood, almost proud that he accomplished it with his own form of grace. "Ours." Sherlock bent and offered his hand to John, he helped John to stand.
Sherlock grabbed John's shoulders and pulled him harshly towards himself. Johns arms hung lax against his body. He didn't raise them until Sherlock's grasp turned from a simple hold to one that resembled a man clutching onto something in desperation to stay alive.
"Is the sun really rising?"
"Another thing you 'deleted'?" John smiled.
"I'm going to miss this."
"Miss standing in the sand at a beach you've never been to on the day your assistant has decided to kill himself?"
Sherlock moved with a speed that John had always marveled at. He grabbed John's face in his hands. John tried to struggle, let out a grunt of protest, but he was stopped when Sherlock pressed his lips against Johns. Sherlock's left hand moved up John's cheek and then through his hair, down his neck and finally settled on John's lower back.
//
The water was bracingly cold. John almost didn't make it beyond the point where his feet could touch the sand. It had hurt. Just as he had wanted it to. It had been exhilerating. Just as he wanted it to be. It had been a struggle.
Sherlock had held him down. He watched. He watched as John's eyes turned from excited, to confused, to gone.
Sherlock would remember every single second. Every last breath. Every kick of John's legs. John's hands fisting into his shirt, and John relaxing. John leaving.
He remembered it all. But what stayed with him every day. What helped as he woke in the night smelling the salt air, feeling the pressure of holding John down, was the fact that not once did John ever express fear.
Re: WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 5/5
anonymous
August 21 2012, 09:00:14 UTC
1) Typo - missing an apostrophe in 'Sherlock pressed his lips against Johns'.
2) I don't like the sentences fragments in the last line, especially 'But what stayed with him every day'.
Possible re-wording: He remembered it all, but what stayed with him every day - what helped as he woke in the night smelling the salt air, feeling the pressure of holding John down - was the fact that not once did John ever express fear.
Re: WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 4/?
anonymous
August 21 2012, 08:53:00 UTC
Two tiny nitpicks:
1) typo on 'backround'
2) There's just something off to me about saying 'University and primary school' - I think it draws attention to the gap in between. I'd just say primary school as that's more impressive.
Re: WARNING: Don't read if participating in Sherlockbbc fic swap 2/?
anonymous
August 21 2012, 08:46:43 UTC
me again...
1) Dialogue as above. Sentences within dialogue still need closing punctuation marks, e.g.
"Go on."
2) I think you need apostrophes around 'John do. Every. Fucking. Thing. For. Me!' and 'John, I can be a heartless bastard because I don't understand!' (as well as the quotation marks).
3) The eyes dialogue is hilarious :).
4) Another dialogue one:
Sherlock breathed deeply "and people hate me for it."
should be
Sherlock breathed deeply. "And people hate me for it."
5) You've italicised quite a few words for emphasis and might want to think about removing the italics on some (my personal taste, but I'd keep 'worthless', 'you', 'you' and ditch 'pushed', 'understand' and 'loved').
Sherlock moved with ease and kneeled into the sand. He reached his hand out.
"I said get off me!" John pushed Sherlock's hand away, making Sherlock lose the balance he had and fall back slightly.
John fumbled in his pyjama bottoms and pulled out an amber bottle. He twisted the cap off, raised the bottle to his lips and took a deep drag of the syrupy liquid. "Do you know how easy you have it? Really? Do you know how much of a lie you are? A lie." John pressed the bottle to his lips again
"John, st--"
"No! I could do it now."
Sherlock trembled. He wanted to reach out and grab the bottle, pull John towards him, hold onto something. He sunk his hand into the sand.
"I could swallow it all. So easy. So painless. Just 'slip away'" John studied the bottle "because that's what you want. You want me in your arms. In our bed. You want to encircle this witherd, wasted, worthless body in your arms. You want to whisper; 'goodbye' and 'I love you' and 'I'll never forget you John' as I stare in your eyes." John replaced the cap and shoved the bottle back in his pocket. "Right? For all your scoffing at romance and tenderness and storybook endings. That's what you want."
Sherlock dug his fingers in the sand, feeling each grain as they embeded themselves beneath his nails.
"From the moment I came to our flat, and replied to your first goddamn text to hand you your own bloody mobile. It's always been what you want. You've always been able to act exactly as you want."
Sherlock breathed deeply "and people hate me for it."
John rolled his eyes. "No. They hate you because you manipulate them. Because you insult and degrade them. Because you frighten them. Because you experiment with them even though you know how dangerous it is. Because you invent stories about them. Because you mock them." John rubbed at the flannel of his pajama bottoms "and because you enjoy it. Because it's all for your benefit. Because it's all pretend."
Sherlock lifted his fist from the sand, tried to count the grains as they tumbled and fell. He examined the dusting left upon his skin. "At least I don't dishonor the memory of-" He'd never been slapped. No, that isn't the truth. He'd been slapped before. However, the slaps he'd received had been from shock or disgust. From incensed clients and suspects. From Sally Donovan(though he always admired her for that). Never had a slap had such crippling power.
Sherlock didn't raise his hand to touch his cheek. He raised his eyes to John. For the first time, for the very first time he felt ashamed. For Johns face had distorted into one of such shame and anger and hurt. Sherlock never knew such emotions could be brought forth so tangibly in someone.
John tried to stand. He fixed his knees beneath him, curled his fists, straightened his arms and pushed. But he'd been sitting to long. The drug had smoothed had veins, his body was just too weak.
"It felt like it though. It was, then. I couldn't understand."
John laughed "Couldn't understand?" John bent his elbows and laid, stomach down. "I fell in love, Sherlock." Despite all the story-tales, despite the romantic notion; it can happen more than once." John turned his head, his eyes moved from Sherlocks hand up to his face "It happened to me. I loved her. When you degrade her, you degrade me."
Sherlock stiffened "I would neve--"
John folded his hands together and placed his chin on them "Do you remember the kid with the two different coloured eyes?"
"Heterochromia iridum"
John frowned "That was his name?"
"No, idiot, the different coloured eyes. That's the name."
John snorted.
"What?"
"I'm trying to have a serious conversation and you correct my grammar."
"I didn't correct your grammar, I provided the name of the disorder..."
John shot a hard, frustrated look at Sherlock.
"Go on"
"So, Heterochromia iridum"
Sherlock smiled.
Reply
"He said you had the face of a dried apple and couldn't diagnose a cold if it sneezed at you. He also said that a mind like mine deserved better."
John raised his eyebrows at Sherlock. "Right. So, why did it take two PCs to hold you back?"
"I'm stronger than I look."
"Sherlock." John shook his head in exasperation.
"Because he insulted you."
"You insult people all the time."
"I tell people the truth, John."
John lowered his head and pressed his forehead into the sand. John then turned his face towards Sherlock.
"Why did it matter to you what he said?"
"Because you don't have the face of a dried apple, are an excellent doctor and my mind would not function without you." Sherlock's voice had softened to a whisper.
"I loved her Sherlock. When someone you love, someone that doesn't abuse or betray you, when that person is..." John sighed.
"I betrayed you."
"No. You saved my life. And Mrs. Hudson's and Greg's and I can't even fathom how many others in the end."
"How can you be so" Sherlock looked up to the sky "tolerant?"
"I love you. And I loved her."
Sherlock lowered his head, turned onto his knees and crawled to John "You've no idea what it's going to be like John."
"I do though. I thought I'd lost you. I did lose her." John rubbed his eyes.
"But you didn't lose you"
John laughed.
"What?"
"You been sneaking some of Mrs. Hudson's Harlequin novels?"
"Shut up."
Reply
"It was your name. I knew when I went up there that I might have to jump. I didn't know why, but I knew I might. And yes, I did trust her. And the thing is, I don't know why. I don't know why I trusted her with the most important act, the most important secret-"
"Not a sociopath." John muttered.
"-Secret of all. And no." Sherlock moved his legs so he was sitting cross-legged. "I didn't know. I never knew. All those months and I never knew. I never guessed. Why would I?" Sherlock paused to gaze at John. "I may have jumped but he pushed me. And he also saved me."
Sherlock lowered himself next to John. He pressed his head against John's back.
"I never would have been able to survive the fall if Molly hadn't agreed to help." Sherlock raised his arm and wrapped it around John's waist. "I still wonder if that was her real name."
"Is that all you wonder about her?"
"Gods no. I think--" Sherlock cleared his throat and rubbed his chin "I think she was the most clever of all of us."
"Why'd he do it?" John lifted his head.
"Killed himself? Or made it possible for me to live?"
"Live."
"Because it was one final game. It didn't matter to him. "'The Web'" he built was already failing. I didn't need to destroy it. I could have waited until I found your snipers. Or sent Mycroft after them. Everything else was just...decoration." Sherlock sighed "So yes. He won. He won by sending me on a pointless chase. He won by saving me. And none of it would have been possible without Molly Hooper. And I never knew she worked for him. Mycroft had over a dozen people working on her backround."
"And?"
"And he could find nothing. Her records were flawless. Even had people that remembered her from University and Primary school."
John smirked.
"What?"
"It's something for you to solve. The real mystery 'Who was Molly Hooper.'" John laughed quietly.
"Is this really what you wanted to talk about?"
John frowned "Yes."
"Is this how--" Sherlock rubbed his eyes and let out a soft curse as he realised he'd rubbed them with his sand-coated fist "is this how your final night will end?"
John narrowed his gaze at Sherlock "it is my final night."
Reply
Sherlock grabbed John's shoulders and pulled him harshly towards himself. Johns arms hung lax against his body. He didn't raise them until Sherlock's grasp turned from a simple hold to one that resembled a man clutching onto something in desperation to stay alive.
"Is the sun really rising?"
"Another thing you 'deleted'?" John smiled.
"I'm going to miss this."
"Miss standing in the sand at a beach you've never been to on the day your assistant has decided to kill himself?"
Sherlock moved with a speed that John had always marveled at. He grabbed John's face in his hands. John tried to struggle, let out a grunt of protest, but he was stopped when Sherlock pressed his lips against Johns. Sherlock's left hand moved up John's cheek and then through his hair, down his neck and finally settled on John's lower back.
//
The water was bracingly cold. John almost didn't make it beyond the point where his feet could touch the sand. It had hurt. Just as he had wanted it to. It had been exhilerating. Just as he wanted it to be. It had been a struggle.
Sherlock had held him down. He watched. He watched as John's eyes turned from excited, to confused, to gone.
Sherlock would remember every single second. Every last breath. Every kick of John's legs. John's hands fisting into his shirt, and John relaxing. John leaving.
He remembered it all. But what stayed with him every day. What helped as he woke in the night smelling the salt air, feeling the pressure of holding John down, was the fact that not once did John ever express fear.
Reply
2) I don't like the sentences fragments in the last line, especially 'But what stayed with him every day'.
Possible re-wording: He remembered it all, but what stayed with him every day - what helped as he woke in the night smelling the salt air, feeling the pressure of holding John down - was the fact that not once did John ever express fear.
Reply
1) typo on 'backround'
2) There's just something off to me about saying 'University and primary school' - I think it draws attention to the gap in between. I'd just say primary school as that's more impressive.
Reply
Reply
1) Dialogue as above. Sentences within dialogue still need closing punctuation marks, e.g.
"Go on."
2) I think you need apostrophes around 'John do. Every. Fucking. Thing. For. Me!' and 'John, I can be a heartless bastard because I don't understand!' (as well as the quotation marks).
3) The eyes dialogue is hilarious :).
4) Another dialogue one:
Sherlock breathed deeply "and people hate me for it."
should be
Sherlock breathed deeply. "And people hate me for it."
5) You've italicised quite a few words for emphasis and might want to think about removing the italics on some (my personal taste, but I'd keep 'worthless', 'you', 'you' and ditch 'pushed', 'understand' and 'loved').
Reply
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