Re: WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 20 2012, 19:03:49 UTC
Alright, I'll bite (lol *rimshot*. Ahem.)
I won't be able to give a super-good critique or anything because I... wasn't able to read this whole thing because of the subject matter. Het and vagina dentata together, not my thing.
The one thing I really noticed is that, in the beginning, you go into detail about what Irene was doing during the day and that's... really not needed, at all. It kind of weighs down the story in a not-so-pleasant way and I started skipping bits.
Another point would be maybe to explain the whole vagina dentata thing? I personally don't know anything about it, and I don't know if this is a fill for a prompt, or a story you're writing, but as someone who has no clue what it is I'm still a bit in the dark. Is it a creature that lives in her, or...? So perhaps a bit of an explanation about that, even from her point of view might help clear up the confusion.
Grammar and sentence structure is good from what I read. Someone who is more into this kind of story might be better at detailing that than I am. I hope whoever you're writing this for (assuming this is for a prompt anyway) enjoys it!
Re: WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 20 2012, 19:20:38 UTC
Thank you :D
It was a horror faerie prompt (though I'm not the horror faerie) and to be frank I'm not entirely sure what vagina dentata is either :I I sort of made it up. Definitely better research next time then.
And I see what you mean about boring non essential detail. I'm too used to writing long fic, bleh. Thank you again!
Re: WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 20 2012, 20:50:25 UTC
ayrt
Aha! I know it's in a movie, that's about all I know. Well, brave move then taking it on. I couldn't do it!
And I'm a long-fic writer as well so I understand the frustration. Otherwise it's fine though, just refine that little bit and you're all good, I think. :)
I won't be able to give a super-good critique or anything because I... wasn't able to read this whole thing because of the subject matter. Het and vagina dentata together, not my thing.
The one thing I really noticed is that, in the beginning, you go into detail about what Irene was doing during the day and that's... really not needed, at all. It kind of weighs down the story in a not-so-pleasant way and I started skipping bits.
Another point would be maybe to explain the whole vagina dentata thing? I personally don't know anything about it, and I don't know if this is a fill for a prompt, or a story you're writing, but as someone who has no clue what it is I'm still a bit in the dark. Is it a creature that lives in her, or...? So perhaps a bit of an explanation about that, even from her point of view might help clear up the confusion.
Grammar and sentence structure is good from what I read. Someone who is more into this kind of story might be better at detailing that than I am. I hope whoever you're writing this for (assuming this is for a prompt anyway) enjoys it!
Reply
It was a horror faerie prompt (though I'm not the horror faerie) and to be frank I'm not entirely sure what vagina dentata is either :I I sort of made it up. Definitely better research next time then.
And I see what you mean about boring non essential detail. I'm too used to writing long fic, bleh. Thank you again!
Reply
Aha! I know it's in a movie, that's about all I know. Well, brave move then taking it on. I couldn't do it!
And I'm a long-fic writer as well so I understand the frustration. Otherwise it's fine though, just refine that little bit and you're all good, I think. :)
Reply
This anon actually liked all the little details of Irene's day. I felt that they made the story richer.
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