Re: CRITIQUE ME: Quid Pro Quo (Mycroft/Sherlock), incomplete
anonymous
June 20 2012, 04:57:24 UTC
Mycroft sucked two fingers into his mouth and wet them liberally before reaching back down to where he was pressed inside Sherlock. He rubbed lightly around the rim as Sherlock rocked back and forth, working himself loose. He let a groan of pleasure escape his lips, delighting in the way Sherlock flushed at his praise. Sherlock kept shifting, his muscles squeezing Mycroft deliciously as he tried to get comfortable on his prick.
Sherlock rubbed his face into Mycroft's shoulder, mumbling, "Why haven't you come yet?"
"Don't tell me you're bored, little brother."
Sherlock sat back on him with a scowl. "You're just lying there."
"I don't recall complaining when you were too frightened to even shift your knees apart for me," Mycroft responded mildly. He stroked along Sherlock's belly, sticky under his fingers. "Need I remind you that this was your idea? Are you so horrified by the thought of having to work for what you want?" Without waiting for an answer, he cupped Sherlock's cock in his hand. Sherlock's hips twitched forward. "Quid pro quo, brother. Do your part and I'll do mine."
For the longest time, Sherlock only stared, gaze calculating. At the last, he gave a minor rock of his hips atop Mycroft, as if testing the waters. Mycroft rubbed his prick encouragingly. He was firming up again, quickly. Typical, for a boy his age. Mycroft wouldn't begrudge him a second climax or even a third, if he behaved. He liked the sound of that---Sherlock gasping, bucking into his fist, oversensitized and half-raw from rubbing his little cock against the wood grain of Mycroft's desk and still unable to help himself from rutting against him.
Sherlock's palms dug into Mycroft's shoulders as he raised himself a few inches before sinking back down, brow furrowed. His knees rubbed sharply against Mycroft's sides, his nails bitten and uneven, his movements ungainly and unpracticed. Perfect. Mycroft drank in the sight of him with his flushed skin and his slim cock bobbing against his belly every time he loosened his fist.
[AND THEN THE PART WHERE SHERLOCK CAME BASICALLY AGAINST HIS WILL HAPPENED AND MYCROFT CAME INSIDE HIM AND SHERLOCK THOUGHT IT WAS GROSS AND MYCROFT WAS PRETTY GROSS ABOUT IT AND THEN MYCROFT WAS LIKE LOL YOU’RE A SLUT BUT I LOVE YOU AND SHERLOCK HATED HIM SOME MORE AND THEN THERE WAS A SNAPPY ONE-LINER TO TIE IT ALL TOGETHER. QUID PRO FUCKING QUO, BITCHES. ]
Re: CRITIQUE ME: Quid Pro Quo (Mycroft/Sherlock), incomplete
anonymous
June 20 2012, 05:25:42 UTC
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP JUST WRITE SOME LITTLE BIT THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND GO FROM THERE! BECAUSE IT ALL MAKES *ME* HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
Or just leave us with this lovely wank fodder, and move on to the next bit. :-)
I'll give it a closer read tomorrow, if I have some time. I am having the same problems with my own WIP, including boredom and trying to reach for something a little bigger than porn. All the sympathy.
Re: CRITIQUE ME: Quid Pro Quo (Mycroft/Sherlock), incomplete
anonymous
June 20 2012, 05:35:46 UTC
Oh, wait, you already know what porn that is. Pah. I'm slow on the uptake. Yeah, OK, still sleepy, but interested. Will shake it around a bit when eyes stay open.
I kind of like the way you already ended it, TBQH. :D
Re: CRITIQUE ME: Quid Pro Quo (Mycroft/Sherlock), incompletegoseawardJune 20 2012, 06:57:43 UTC
I really like this so far!
When I'm having trouble with a scene like this I try to come up with a through-line. Like you said: I was hoping to say something with this, I guess, about Mycroft's character or their relationship or SOMETHING and I... haven't. So...figure out what that thing is (whether it's how manipulative they are with each other, or how they show love through manipulation because that's all they know, or how they're the two smartest people around so they've only got each other to entertain them, or how they find social rules so silly they'll break them just for fun, or whatever else you had in mind--whatever it is you feel fits your version of the characters). Then I throw in just a couple of references to that throughout the scene. A little goes a long way. Then, when I get stuck, I use it as a handle to pull me to the next part of the scene: so if it's about love, then Mycroft might want to see what Sherlock looks like when he comes, or to make him feel good; if it's manipulation, then maybe he wants Sherlock to know he can manipulate his body too; whatever. Having set up the next beat of the action, then I can just write it without reference to that overall theme. The theme just serves as a transition point when I need it.
I guess I think of that as narrowing the focus: there are lots of things a sex scene (or any scene) can do, telling me lots of things about the characters and the setting and what have you, and now I'm drilling down and picking one thing to concentrate on, so it gets easier to choose what I'm highlighting next.
Sherlock rubbed his face into Mycroft's shoulder, mumbling, "Why haven't you come yet?"
"Don't tell me you're bored, little brother."
Sherlock sat back on him with a scowl. "You're just lying there."
"I don't recall complaining when you were too frightened to even shift your knees apart for me," Mycroft responded mildly. He stroked along Sherlock's belly, sticky under his fingers. "Need I remind you that this was your idea? Are you so horrified by the thought of having to work for what you want?" Without waiting for an answer, he cupped Sherlock's cock in his hand. Sherlock's hips twitched forward. "Quid pro quo, brother. Do your part and I'll do mine."
For the longest time, Sherlock only stared, gaze calculating. At the last, he gave a minor rock of his hips atop Mycroft, as if testing the waters. Mycroft rubbed his prick encouragingly. He was firming up again, quickly. Typical, for a boy his age. Mycroft wouldn't begrudge him a second climax or even a third, if he behaved. He liked the sound of that---Sherlock gasping, bucking into his fist, oversensitized and half-raw from rubbing his little cock against the wood grain of Mycroft's desk and still unable to help himself from rutting against him.
Sherlock's palms dug into Mycroft's shoulders as he raised himself a few inches before sinking back down, brow furrowed. His knees rubbed sharply against Mycroft's sides, his nails bitten and uneven, his movements ungainly and unpracticed. Perfect. Mycroft drank in the sight of him with his flushed skin and his slim cock bobbing against his belly every time he loosened his fist.
[AND THEN THE PART WHERE SHERLOCK CAME BASICALLY AGAINST HIS WILL HAPPENED AND MYCROFT CAME INSIDE HIM AND SHERLOCK THOUGHT IT WAS GROSS AND MYCROFT WAS PRETTY GROSS ABOUT IT AND THEN MYCROFT WAS LIKE LOL YOU’RE A SLUT BUT I LOVE YOU AND SHERLOCK HATED HIM SOME MORE AND THEN THERE WAS A SNAPPY ONE-LINER TO TIE IT ALL TOGETHER. QUID PRO FUCKING QUO, BITCHES. ]
...I tend to give up rather dramatically. :(
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Or just leave us with this lovely wank fodder, and move on to the next bit. :-)
I'll give it a closer read tomorrow, if I have some time. I am having the same problems with my own WIP, including boredom and trying to reach for something a little bigger than porn. All the sympathy.
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I kind of like the way you already ended it, TBQH. :D
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When I'm having trouble with a scene like this I try to come up with a through-line. Like you said: I was hoping to say something with this, I guess, about Mycroft's character or their relationship or SOMETHING and I... haven't. So...figure out what that thing is (whether it's how manipulative they are with each other, or how they show love through manipulation because that's all they know, or how they're the two smartest people around so they've only got each other to entertain them, or how they find social rules so silly they'll break them just for fun, or whatever else you had in mind--whatever it is you feel fits your version of the characters). Then I throw in just a couple of references to that throughout the scene. A little goes a long way. Then, when I get stuck, I use it as a handle to pull me to the next part of the scene: so if it's about love, then Mycroft might want to see what Sherlock looks like when he comes, or to make him feel good; if it's manipulation, then maybe he wants Sherlock to know he can manipulate his body too; whatever. Having set up the next beat of the action, then I can just write it without reference to that overall theme. The theme just serves as a transition point when I need it.
I guess I think of that as narrowing the focus: there are lots of things a sex scene (or any scene) can do, telling me lots of things about the characters and the setting and what have you, and now I'm drilling down and picking one thing to concentrate on, so it gets easier to choose what I'm highlighting next.
Good luck!
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