WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 19 2012, 23:20:29 UTC
She grips his hips with her legs, holds on to his arms so that he doesn’t hit her in his flailing. There is a bloom of intensity deep in her, a beautiful sensation of fullness and of slaking a thirst, of standing still and letting the sun warm exposed skin, hot and powerful.
Irene takes advantage of a momentary lull in struggling to flip them over; the man’s face is pale shocked and tense, lined in pain. She cants her hips and drives him deeper. He tries to pull away, fingers weak, but he can’t now that he’s in. She can feel the small tugs he makes inside of her attempting escape, as well as the clinging strength that renders them futile.
Eventually he falls still apart from the occasional twitch; Irene wonders whether it’s some sort of hypnotism, perhaps a secreted drug. She rocks, breasts rubbing against his chest, riding through the little groans and pained gasps. The sated feeling is creeping up, comfortably full. Irene taps the man on his cheek and he blinks at her as if waking. He whimpers.
Irene shushes him and leans back. That earns another pained, cracked groan and he jerks forward to stay close. Blood starts to ooze out over their legs, staining the cheap duvet.
“Almost over, love, almost over,” Irene whispers into the man’s ear. He’s clinging to her as she sits in his lap. “You just need to pull out now.”
“I can’t, I can’t,” he says, desperate. “God, please, I can’t, oh god.”
“Hush, of course you can. Just try a little harder.” The muscles in her clench then, just for a second: perhaps on purpose, perhaps by change, but he sobs out a messy breath and pulls.
He is, evidently, the sort of person to tear a plaster off quickly and in one go. Irene stumbles as she’s pushed off his lap, slipping off of the bed and into a crouch which she rises from quickly. In morbid curiosity she hasn’t yet managed to resist she turns to look at the man closely, taking a step closer to his curled form around the edge of the bed.
His flaccid cock is coated in slick red, blood pulsing from the furrows running down its length. The wounds themselves are ragged: small pieces of flesh are half torn off, skin peeling back around them to uncover more raw and glistening surface. There are two long cuts, one on each side and in some places half an inch deep. She can’t see much more - his arm is in the way - and she turns, taking a tissue out of her handbag to wipe herself with it. Then she dresses.
The feeling in her body is full and warm; previously it had been achingly hungry. Irene can’t help but wonder what it was that satisfied it - she hopes distantly that it isn’t blood. It is definitely not come. This man will not be doing that for a long time yet, if ever.
Perhaps it is something less material. Irene takes one last look back before she walks out, smiling.
Re: WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 20 2012, 19:03:49 UTC
Alright, I'll bite (lol *rimshot*. Ahem.)
I won't be able to give a super-good critique or anything because I... wasn't able to read this whole thing because of the subject matter. Het and vagina dentata together, not my thing.
The one thing I really noticed is that, in the beginning, you go into detail about what Irene was doing during the day and that's... really not needed, at all. It kind of weighs down the story in a not-so-pleasant way and I started skipping bits.
Another point would be maybe to explain the whole vagina dentata thing? I personally don't know anything about it, and I don't know if this is a fill for a prompt, or a story you're writing, but as someone who has no clue what it is I'm still a bit in the dark. Is it a creature that lives in her, or...? So perhaps a bit of an explanation about that, even from her point of view might help clear up the confusion.
Grammar and sentence structure is good from what I read. Someone who is more into this kind of story might be better at detailing that than I am. I hope whoever you're writing this for (assuming this is for a prompt anyway) enjoys it!
Re: WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 20 2012, 19:20:38 UTC
Thank you :D
It was a horror faerie prompt (though I'm not the horror faerie) and to be frank I'm not entirely sure what vagina dentata is either :I I sort of made it up. Definitely better research next time then.
And I see what you mean about boring non essential detail. I'm too used to writing long fic, bleh. Thank you again!
Re: WARNING vagina dentata 2/2
anonymous
June 20 2012, 20:50:25 UTC
ayrt
Aha! I know it's in a movie, that's about all I know. Well, brave move then taking it on. I couldn't do it!
And I'm a long-fic writer as well so I understand the frustration. Otherwise it's fine though, just refine that little bit and you're all good, I think. :)
Irene takes advantage of a momentary lull in struggling to flip them over; the man’s face is pale shocked and tense, lined in pain. She cants her hips and drives him deeper. He tries to pull away, fingers weak, but he can’t now that he’s in. She can feel the small tugs he makes inside of her attempting escape, as well as the clinging strength that renders them futile.
Eventually he falls still apart from the occasional twitch; Irene wonders whether it’s some sort of hypnotism, perhaps a secreted drug. She rocks, breasts rubbing against his chest, riding through the little groans and pained gasps. The sated feeling is creeping up, comfortably full. Irene taps the man on his cheek and he blinks at her as if waking. He whimpers.
Irene shushes him and leans back. That earns another pained, cracked groan and he jerks forward to stay close. Blood starts to ooze out over their legs, staining the cheap duvet.
“Almost over, love, almost over,” Irene whispers into the man’s ear. He’s clinging to her as she sits in his lap. “You just need to pull out now.”
“I can’t, I can’t,” he says, desperate. “God, please, I can’t, oh god.”
“Hush, of course you can. Just try a little harder.” The muscles in her clench then, just for a second: perhaps on purpose, perhaps by change, but he sobs out a messy breath and pulls.
He is, evidently, the sort of person to tear a plaster off quickly and in one go. Irene stumbles as she’s pushed off his lap, slipping off of the bed and into a crouch which she rises from quickly. In morbid curiosity she hasn’t yet managed to resist she turns to look at the man closely, taking a step closer to his curled form around the edge of the bed.
His flaccid cock is coated in slick red, blood pulsing from the furrows running down its length. The wounds themselves are ragged: small pieces of flesh are half torn off, skin peeling back around them to uncover more raw and glistening surface. There are two long cuts, one on each side and in some places half an inch deep. She can’t see much more - his arm is in the way - and she turns, taking a tissue out of her handbag to wipe herself with it. Then she dresses.
The feeling in her body is full and warm; previously it had been achingly hungry. Irene can’t help but wonder what it was that satisfied it - she hopes distantly that it isn’t blood. It is definitely not come. This man will not be doing that for a long time yet, if ever.
Perhaps it is something less material. Irene takes one last look back before she walks out, smiling.
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I won't be able to give a super-good critique or anything because I... wasn't able to read this whole thing because of the subject matter. Het and vagina dentata together, not my thing.
The one thing I really noticed is that, in the beginning, you go into detail about what Irene was doing during the day and that's... really not needed, at all. It kind of weighs down the story in a not-so-pleasant way and I started skipping bits.
Another point would be maybe to explain the whole vagina dentata thing? I personally don't know anything about it, and I don't know if this is a fill for a prompt, or a story you're writing, but as someone who has no clue what it is I'm still a bit in the dark. Is it a creature that lives in her, or...? So perhaps a bit of an explanation about that, even from her point of view might help clear up the confusion.
Grammar and sentence structure is good from what I read. Someone who is more into this kind of story might be better at detailing that than I am. I hope whoever you're writing this for (assuming this is for a prompt anyway) enjoys it!
Reply
It was a horror faerie prompt (though I'm not the horror faerie) and to be frank I'm not entirely sure what vagina dentata is either :I I sort of made it up. Definitely better research next time then.
And I see what you mean about boring non essential detail. I'm too used to writing long fic, bleh. Thank you again!
Reply
Aha! I know it's in a movie, that's about all I know. Well, brave move then taking it on. I couldn't do it!
And I'm a long-fic writer as well so I understand the frustration. Otherwise it's fine though, just refine that little bit and you're all good, I think. :)
Reply
This anon actually liked all the little details of Irene's day. I felt that they made the story richer.
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