Prompting Part XXX
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IMPORTANT! Spoilers for aired episodes are now being
allowed on this area of the meme, without warning. If you do not want to encounter spoilers, please prompt at our Spoiler-Free Prompt Post.
( Read more... )
We Happy Few
by Laura
First, there’s a change in the way John looks at him. What was clinical and concerned, friendly, becomes something else. It’s followed by a change in the way he touches him, other than what occurs after a gun fight. A casual brush of fingers becomes deliberate contact.
It’s John, he knows it’s John, who means a great deal to him, but Sherlock doesn’t like any of it. Alone is what he has. Alone protects him. Caring is not an advantage.
Then yet another murder is solved, and they’re giggling, high on adrenaline. As soon as Lestrade lets them go, they return to Baker Street. When they’re though the front door, Sherlock sees the flicker of something else in John’s eyes. The look is followed by a glance at his lips, and Sherlock is once again hoping John doesn’t follow through.
“No,” he says, voice flat, “Married to my work.” Sherlock walks away, heads up the stairs and opens the door to their flat.
“Sherlock?” John calls after him, concern in his tone. He follows Sherlock, and closes the door behind him.
Still wearing his coat, Sherlock flops onto the sofa, sprawling over the whole length of it. Emotional entanglements are nothing but trouble. He has no desire whatsoever to be intimate with someone else. He never has done.
“Right, what was that all about, then?” John asks, sitting in his armchair.
“You had the clear intention of kissing me,” Sherlock practically spits.
“And you headed me off at the pass with one word.”
No denial, then. “Yes.” He’s silent for a few minutes, fingers steepled by his lips.
“Sherlock?”
It’s John, but he still doesn’t like any of it. “John,” he eventually says, somewhat hesitantly, “I assume you are familiar with asexuality?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t something I was taught; read about it in some of my medical journals. And I assume someone you knew before you met me had never heard of it.”
Sherlock nods in reply to John’s last statement. “I realise that you are somehow attracted to me, John, but I have no wish to pursue a relationship with you beyond that which we currently share.”
“All right,” John says, nodding. “And if we did pursue a relationship beyond that which we currently share…?”
That isn’t what he was meant to say. Did he not listen? He did, of course he did. “I’d end it immediately, as I’d have decided I would much rather be alone,” Sherlock replies.
John breathes a sigh, and rises from his chair. A decision has been made, then. “Sherlock, I think you’ve had quite enough, in your life, of being alone. Come on, sit up, and let me join you.”
Sherlock wriggles up, and John sits beside him on the sofa. They look at each other briefly, before Sherlock turns away. John, as he has done so many times before, wordlessly slips an arm around Sherlock’s back. But this is clearly different, nothing like when they carry each other up the stairs after yet another run-in with criminals. Sherlock relents, lets himself be pulled close. It’s John. He shuts his eyes, just breathes. He even allows the kiss planted on his temple.
Kisses. A caressing hand on his shoulder.
Finally, John says, “If this is all you can cope with, this is all we’ll do.”
And there it is: understanding, a level of affection and intimacy offered to him which he thinks he might find acceptable. Once upon a time, Sherlock remembers, he and Mycroft were similarly close. That’s long since passed, though, and now he has John. His doctor, his soldier, his friend. His brother in arms.
Henry V Act IV Scene iii:
…For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother…
Sherlock opens his eyes, reaches for John’s free hand with his. He’s met half way. Fingers intertwine, and hold on tight.
-end-
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Aw, that was lovely! I was worried for a second there that it was gonna end on a very bad note, but it didn't. Thank you so much for writing that. I'll be looking out for more of your fic :]
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When John asked this - “And if we did pursue a relationship beyond that which we currently share…?”, Sherlock said, "I’d end it immediately, as I’d have decided I would much rather be alone." That's pretty unequivocal. And that might lead to John deciding to end their relationship himself at some point in the not so distant future because if he's in love with Sherlock and feels sexual and romantic attraction towards him, that's probably not going to go away. It will likely build up, becoming more and more of an issue, until it reaches a breaking point. Then new negotiations will have to be made. John loves Sherlock but Sherlock is asexual so John can't have the full relationship he'd like to have with Sherlock - the kind of relationship John is wired for. Will that cause unhappiness and resentment and eventually bitterness? Most likely, yes. Should John get the sex and romance outside his relationship with Sherlock? Would Sherlock be fine with that?
There are no easy answers for asexuals who are in a relationship with people who are sexual. Compromises might be reached but the sexual person will always feel like he or she is missing a huge part of his/her self and not having his/her emotional needs met (because it's not just sex for a sexual person; it's the emotional intimacy that grows from expressing love in a physical way), while the asexual person gets exactly what he/she wants. The sexual person will either learn to accept that and live with it or he/she will eventually start looking for someone else, who he/she is more compatible with.
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I'm asexual, but my partner isn't, and we're doing just fine. She lives in another country, but we see each other at least once every three months and maintain constant contact through Direct Messaging on our phones. She is several years older than I, and we associate strongly with Sherlock and John, who's personalities match our own. She found a post I'd made on AVEN (Asexual Visualisation and Education Network) and asked me about my orientation, and we've worked around it and found that we actually work better for it, since it takes away the stress of needing to perform, or that ugly layer of tension whenever there is bodily contact. Luckily she's not too keen on sexual attraction anyway, so just the closeness is suiting both of us perfectly and she feels no need to make any moves towards me, going so far as to ask if I'm okay when putting a hand on my skin. She's incredibly caring and supportive.
My previous relationship was the opposite, as your post suggests. The other person simply couldn't sate their own needs and I realised it was for the best that we separate and go our own ways, but we're still firm friends.
So I guess the moral of this tale is that while it isn't easy for asexual people to have a strong relationship, but it isn't completely useless and impossible to try. As long it's a known subject at the beginning of the relationship, and if that person really loves you for who you are, not what you like, then it should be okay.
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