Wrong Number - Original Prompt
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:09:31 UTC
Sherlock and John don't meet the way they do in canon. Instead, they meet because Sherlock accidentally sends one of his deduction-texts, meant for Lestrade, to the the wrong number. John's number. Original prompt is here.
A/N: If you see any SPAG mistakes or if something needs to be brit-picked, feel free to let me know. If I made a time mistake, if I forgot a 'SH', or if I screwed up my formatting, please let me know. Also, I always enjoy concrit and I welcome your honest opinion. I tried to follow the canon timeline, even when it made no sense. If you recognise a case, it's most likely from John's blog, Sherlock's website, or ACD's stories.
This story is currently rated PG-13 for some bad language. It could go higher in the future; I'll let you know if it does.
Wrong Number - 1a
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:19:07 UTC
January 29th (19:35) If brother has green ladder arrest brother. SH
(19:48) WHAT? WHO’S THIS?
(19:49) Seriously Lestrade, if you think this immature trick will work more than once, you are greatly mistaken. I don’t have time for this. SH
(19:53) SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME?
(19:53) I despise you. SH
(20:32) UNSUBSCRIBE!!!
January 30th (20:02) Spoke to Jane. Keith still hasn’t been arrested. Do you need Jaws of Life to extract your head from your arse? SH
(20:52) ARE YOU ACTUALLY A REAL PERSON, OR ARE YOU JUST SOME VERY RUDE KIND OF SPAM?
(21:17) Apparently I had the wrong number. This would have been much less tedious if you had said so from the start. SH
(21:20) YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT? WHICH PART OF ‘WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME’ MADE YOU BELIEVE YOU COULD POSSIBILY HAVE THE RIGHT NUMBER?
(20:21) A simple ‘you have the wrong number’ would have sufficed. SH
(20:24) YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW THIS! YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY A POLICE OFFICER AND I DON’T WANT TO BE ARRESTED FOR LEADING YOU ON OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HAVE A NICE EVENING.
(20:26) A police officer? Hardly. What led you
( ... )
Wrong Number - 1b
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:29:40 UTC
February 2nd (18:07) I NEED TO ASK: DID YOUR MURDER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE SERIAL SUICIDE THING I SAW ON THE TELLY?
(18:09) Your deduction skills are improving. SH
(18:11) DID HE REALLY GIVE HIS VICTIMS TWO PILLS? THAT’S DREADFUL!
(18:12) He’s in prison now. I doubt he’ll be in any position to give anyone any form of medication anytime soon. SH
(18:14) WAS IT YOU WHO ARRESTED HIM?
(18:16) If you watched the news, and I know you currently are watching the news, you are aware that DI Lestrade was the one to arrest him. SH
(18:18) HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M WATCHING THE NEWS?
(18:21) I haven’t heard from you in two days, but you texted me just as that story came up on BBC News. You were reminded of our last exchange and were curious. Simple. SH
(18:22) ALRIGHT, I CONFESS. SO, DID YOU ARREST HIM?
(18:24) We already established I’m not a police officer. I don’t have the power to arrest people. SH
(18:26) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. DID YOU SOLVE THE CASE?
(18:26) What makes you think I could have? SH
(18:31) IT WASN’T HIS FIRST MURDER, WAS IT? THERE WAS A PRESS CONFERENCE A FEW DAYS AGO WHERE THEY
( ... )
Wrong Number - 1d
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:42:49 UTC
February 8th (14:51) Did I cross a line the other night when I asked what your name is?
(14:57) If I did, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.
(21:07) Alright, I get the message. It was nice talking to you.
March 25th (21:43) How long would it take for a heel tattoo to start fading? SH
(21:52) Hello again.
(21:54) I have absolutely no idea. Is it for a case or are you interested in getting a tattoo?
(21:54) Case. SH
(21:56) Interesting one?
(21:58) I’d say 7/10 for now. Can’t say more until it’s solved. SH
(22:01) Have fun then. You can text me again if you need more medical advice.
(22:02) Or if you want to chat.
March 27th (22:14) I solved it. SH
(22:18) Cheers! Who did it, was it the butler?
(22:19) Where did you hear that? There was no butler involved in the case. SH
(22:22) It was a joke. You know, 'the butler did it'?
(22:24) I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I can assure you that the butler hardly ever does it. In all my cases, it only happened twice. SH
(22:27) Never mind. So, tell me, were you brilliant again?
(22:29) A smuggling ring was trading in Chinese antiquities. It was
( ... )
Wrong Number - 2b
anonymous
May 9 2012, 23:53:41 UTC
April 1st (21:03) I know I don't know you, so it's weird that I'm worried, but can you please confirm that you're still alive?
April 2nd (02:21) Still alive. The last few days were eventful to say the least. SH
(02:23) What happened?
(02:24) I can't get into details, but it was the most fascinating case I ever had to solve. I think I've found my match! SH
(02:25) Your match?
(02:27) Yes, John! The perfect opponent! Someone intelligent enough to offer a real challenge! You have no idea how refreshing it was, how thrilling! SH
(02:29) Well, I'm glad you had fun. Did you manage to catch the evil genius?
(02:31) I didn't, but he left with the promise that we will meet again, so it's a matter of time. Hopefully sooner than later. Now that it's over I can feel boredom creeping in again. I need a new case. SH
(02:33) Has anyone you know been murdered recently? Or kidnapped? Kidnapping is interesting too. SH
(02:34) No, sorry to disappoint. It's late, why are you still up?
(02:34) Just came home. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. SH
Wrong Number - 2c
anonymous
May 9 2012, 23:59:02 UTC
April 5th (10:41) Bored. Entertain me. SH
(10:45) Good morning to you too! I take it you didn't find a new case?
(10:46) You should see what I was offered, John. An insult to my intelligence. SH
(11:06) Isn’t a stupid case better than no case?
(11:09) How dare you make me think you were available for a discussion by replying right away the first time? You’re at work! SH
(11:26) Hahaha! Yeah, I was on my break when you first texted me.
(11:28) What were you offered? I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Perhaps I can help you choose.
(11:30) A missing cat, John. A MISSING CAT! That's the second time in a month! Don't they know who I am? SH
(11:47) Wow, that's one gigantic ego you have there.
(11:48) A missing cat, a missing brooch, a missing fiancé, a missing government document, and a missing iPhone. Can't anyone hold on to anything? SH
(11:50) The missing fiancé sounds fun!
(11:52) No. The fiancé never existed in the first place; the girl’s stepfather was pretending to be her fiancé so she wouldn't leave (with her enormous bank account). SH
(12:07) And I thought my family was dysfunctional...
( ... )
Re: Wrong Number - 2c
anonymous
May 11 2012, 14:09:06 UTC
The capslock was season 2's fault. However, I couldn't stand the thought of having John write in all caps for the whole story, so I had Sherlock put a stop to it.
I'm happy you're enjoying it so far, thanks for letting me know!
Instead, they meet because Sherlock accidentally sends one of his deduction-texts, meant for Lestrade, to the the wrong number. John's number.
Original prompt is here.
A/N: If you see any SPAG mistakes or if something needs to be brit-picked, feel free to let me know. If I made a time mistake, if I forgot a 'SH', or if I screwed up my formatting, please let me know. Also, I always enjoy concrit and I welcome your honest opinion. I tried to follow the canon timeline, even when it made no sense. If you recognise a case, it's most likely from John's blog, Sherlock's website, or ACD's stories.
This story is currently rated PG-13 for some bad language. It could go higher in the future; I'll let you know if it does.
***
Reply
(19:35)
If brother has green ladder
arrest brother.
SH
(19:48)
WHAT? WHO’S THIS?
(19:49)
Seriously Lestrade, if you think
this immature trick will work
more than once, you are greatly
mistaken. I don’t have time for
this.
SH
(19:53)
SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE YOU
AND WHY ARE YOU TEXTING
ME?
(19:53)
I despise you.
SH
(20:32)
UNSUBSCRIBE!!!
January 30th
(20:02)
Spoke to Jane. Keith still hasn’t
been arrested. Do you need Jaws
of Life to extract your head from
your arse?
SH
(20:52)
ARE YOU ACTUALLY A REAL
PERSON, OR ARE YOU JUST
SOME VERY RUDE KIND OF
SPAM?
(21:17)
Apparently I had the wrong
number. This would have
been much less tedious if
you had said so from the start.
SH
(21:20)
YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?
WHICH PART OF ‘WHO ARE YOU
AND WHY ARE YOU TEXTING
ME’ MADE YOU BELIEVE YOU
COULD POSSIBILY HAVE THE
RIGHT NUMBER?
(20:21)
A simple ‘you have the wrong
number’ would have sufficed.
SH
(20:24)
YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW THIS!
YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY A POLICE
OFFICER AND I DON’T WANT TO
BE ARRESTED FOR LEADING
YOU ON OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
HAVE A NICE EVENING.
(20:26)
A police officer? Hardly. What
led you ( ... )
Reply
(18:07)
I NEED TO ASK: DID YOUR MURDER
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE
SERIAL SUICIDE THING I SAW ON
THE TELLY?
(18:09)
Your deduction skills are
improving.
SH
(18:11)
DID HE REALLY GIVE HIS VICTIMS
TWO PILLS? THAT’S DREADFUL!
(18:12)
He’s in prison now. I doubt he’ll be
in any position to give anyone any
form of medication anytime soon.
SH
(18:14)
WAS IT YOU WHO ARRESTED HIM?
(18:16)
If you watched the news, and
I know you currently are watching
the news, you are aware that DI
Lestrade was the one to arrest him.
SH
(18:18)
HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M WATCHING
THE NEWS?
(18:21)
I haven’t heard from you in two
days, but you texted me just as that
story came up on BBC News. You
were reminded of our last exchange
and were curious. Simple.
SH
(18:22)
ALRIGHT, I CONFESS. SO, DID YOU
ARREST HIM?
(18:24)
We already established I’m not a
police officer. I don’t have the
power to arrest people.
SH
(18:26)
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. DID YOU
SOLVE THE CASE?
(18:26)
What makes you think I could have?
SH
(18:31)
IT WASN’T HIS FIRST MURDER,
WAS IT? THERE WAS A PRESS
CONFERENCE A FEW DAYS AGO
WHERE THEY ( ... )
Reply
(11:28)
So, what do you do?
(11:32)
At last, he vanquishes technology
and figures out how his phone
works.
SH
(11:34)
I could be a woman, you know.
(11:34)
Please. Don’t insult me. If you were
a woman, I would know.
SH
(11:36)
I repeat: what do you do?
(11:37)
I’m a consulting detective. The only
one in the world.
SH
(11:38)
What’s a consulting detective?
(11:40)
When people have problems to
solve, they consult me. Scotland
Yard has a lot of problems to solve,
so they consult me a lot.
SH
(11:42)
That sounds amazing and ridiculous
at the same time. I’m not sure I
believe you.
(11:44)
Will this convince you?
SH
(Attachment: pinkladylegs.jpg)
(11:47)
Is that a corpse?!?!
(11:48)
Obviously not. It’s part of a corpse.
Legs, to be exact.
SH
(11:51)
How will a picture of a corpse
convince me that you’re solving
murders and not committing them?!
(11:53)
If I were the murderer, I would be
in prison without my mobile. Did
you notice anything special on the
picture?
SH
(11:54)
Yes. There was a dead body on it.
(11:54)
Don’t be an idiot.
SH
(12:01)
Alright, I’ll play along. It looks like
( ... )
Reply
(14:51)
Did I cross a line the other night
when I asked what your name is?
(14:57)
If I did, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.
(21:07)
Alright, I get the message. It was
nice talking to you.
March 25th
(21:43)
How long would it take for a heel
tattoo to start fading?
SH
(21:52)
Hello again.
(21:54)
I have absolutely no idea. Is it for a
case or are you interested in getting
a tattoo?
(21:54)
Case.
SH
(21:56)
Interesting one?
(21:58)
I’d say 7/10 for now. Can’t say
more until it’s solved.
SH
(22:01)
Have fun then. You can text me
again if you need more medical
advice.
(22:02)
Or if you want to chat.
March 27th
(22:14)
I solved it.
SH
(22:18)
Cheers! Who did it, was it the butler?
(22:19)
Where did you hear that? There
was no butler involved in the case.
SH
(22:22)
It was a joke. You know, 'the
butler did it'?
(22:24)
I have no idea what you’re talking
about, and I can assure you that the
butler hardly ever does it. In all my
cases, it only happened twice.
SH
(22:27)
Never mind. So, tell me, were you
brilliant again?
(22:29)
A smuggling ring was trading in
Chinese antiquities. It was ( ... )
Reply
Reply
SH
I loled so much at that.
Reply
(08:26)
That’s quite an unusual name (if it’s
your real name). Mine’s much more
ordinary: John.
(08:28)
I assure you it’s my real name, and
not the strangest one in the family.
SH
(08:35)
Airports are dreadful places.
SH
(08:36)
Aeroplanes are even worse.
SH
(08:47)
Where are you going?
(08:47)
Minsk.
SH
(08:49)
Why are you going there? You’ll
freeze your arse off.
(08:50)
A case, John, why else?
SH
(09:06)
I don’t know. You could be a hockey
player, or a rare stamp collector, or
a history enthusiast.
(09:07)
Wrong, wrong, and wrong.
SH
(09:09)
They were wild guesses, there’s not
much I can tell from a few texts.
(09:10)
I can tell a lot.
SH
(09:27)
Like what?
(09:28)
I already knew you were a doctor,
but this morning I learned that
you’re most likely a GP.
SH
(9:43)
How could you tell?
(9:44)
Your texting pattern. Fifteen
minutes of silence followed by a
few minutes of replies. Fifteen
more minutes of silence, etc.
SH
(9:46)
Yeah, alright, you got me. I started
as a GP very recently and I’m a slave
to the schedule.
(9:47)
You imply that you were doing
something different before.
( ... )
Reply
April 1st
(21:03)
I know I don't know you, so it's weird
that I'm worried, but can you please
confirm that you're still alive?
April 2nd
(02:21)
Still alive. The last few days were
eventful to say the least.
SH
(02:23)
What happened?
(02:24)
I can't get into details, but it was the
most fascinating case I ever had to
solve. I think I've found my match!
SH
(02:25)
Your match?
(02:27)
Yes, John! The perfect opponent!
Someone intelligent enough to offer
a real challenge! You have no idea
how refreshing it was, how
thrilling!
SH
(02:29)
Well, I'm glad you had fun. Did you
manage to catch the evil genius?
(02:31)
I didn't, but he left with the promise
that we will meet again, so it's a
matter of time. Hopefully sooner
than later. Now that it's over I can
feel boredom creeping in again. I
need a new case.
SH
(02:33)
Has anyone you know been
murdered recently? Or kidnapped?
Kidnapping is interesting too.
SH
(02:34)
No, sorry to disappoint. It's late, why
are you still up?
(02:34)
Just came home. I don't think I'll be
able to sleep tonight.
SH
(02:36)
Adrenalin rush?
(02:36)
Yes.
SH
(02:37)
( ... )
Reply
(10:41)
Bored. Entertain me.
SH
(10:45)
Good morning to you too! I take it
you didn't find a new case?
(10:46)
You should see what I was offered,
John. An insult to my intelligence.
SH
(11:06)
Isn’t a stupid case better than no
case?
(11:09)
How dare you make me think you
were available for a discussion by
replying right away the first time?
You’re at work!
SH
(11:26)
Hahaha! Yeah, I was on my break
when you first texted me.
(11:28)
What were you offered? I'm sure it
wasn't that bad. Perhaps I can help
you choose.
(11:30)
A missing cat, John. A MISSING CAT!
That's the second time in a month!
Don't they know who I am?
SH
(11:47)
Wow, that's one gigantic ego you
have there.
(11:48)
A missing cat, a missing brooch, a
missing fiancé, a missing
government document, and a
missing iPhone. Can't anyone hold
on to anything?
SH
(11:50)
The missing fiancé sounds fun!
(11:52)
No. The fiancé never existed in the
first place; the girl’s stepfather was
pretending to be her fiancé so she
wouldn't leave (with her enormous
bank account).
SH
(12:07)
And I thought my family was
dysfunctional... ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
More will come hopefully soon; I'm working on the next part at the moment.
Reply
This is wonderful!
Reply
I'm happy you're enjoying it so far, thanks for letting me know!
Reply
Leave a comment