Say My Name 2c/?ever_insaneAugust 22 2011, 14:00:23 UTC
The crush that he had buried, the sense of physical attraction, had made itself a chrysalis, grown and developed into something else, beautiful and impossible and above all horrendously distracting. He was in love with John Watson.
It was a nightmare, awful, amazing, and took his breath away. It was so obvious now, and how had John not seen, John who looked for love and affection, human regard and relationships, everywhere he looked. How had he not realised? How had he not pushed his hand, shown Sherlock what it was that he would feel if he just tried?
Ludicrous.
Sherlock remained silent after the first date, looking for clues as to how it had gone and hoping it would be a disaster. It was, unfortunately, a decided success, although John was clearly not the type to sleep with a sort-of colleague on the first date. For that reprieve at least Sherlock was grateful. The second date came in due course, though, and left him pacing the floor at home, wondering if John would return home or throw caution to the wind and himself at the detective.
When the sound of the front door closing signalled John's return, alone, Sherlock's body overtook his brain for the first time in many years. John was only just inside the flat, half out of his jacket, when Sherlock grabbed him and kissed him hard, walking him back into the closed door before he could object. And he didn't object, he reciprocated for a good twenty seconds before pushing Sherlock away, not angry or upset, but with a look of confusion in his eyes.
"I need..."
Sherlock stepped back, offering space now that he had made his position clear, and John slipped past him and up the stairs. He retreated to the sofa, tucked his knees up to his chest and sat still, waiting for the verdict.
Something in his mind, even then, was pointing out to him what he was not feeling. He wanted John, more than he'd ever wanted anyone, but there hadn't been that tingle running under his skin, that sense of magnetism drawing him unavoidably towards the other that he had known before. He felt love, and maybe passion, but not wild abandon and not the physical reactions that came with it. He had kissed hard because John needed to know it, not because he needed to feel it.
He had told himself that it would come in time.
Somewhere along the line he had dozed off and when he awoke, he found himself curled on the sofa, his head in John's lap. John glanced down when he moved.
"Married to your work?" he had said. His voice carried in it laughter, not irritation.
"Well," Sherlock had begun, but no more words came. John had smiled, and that was that.
Now he lay, safe and cocooned, wishing he'd taken it slower and been honest, so that he didn't have to guard his words now. He knew John would not be so easily distracted again and the issue of the name, if not curbed, would become a jibe between them, a tease, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stand that. At the same time, though, he loved that he could give John what he needed, what no-one else was allowed to give, and this was the way to fulfil that, to be the person John needed him to be.
He just had to be more careful from now on.
John's arms tightened around him as he woke and Sherlock smiled, allowing them both that moment of comfort before twisting in his embrace to claim a kiss.
Re: Say My Name 2c/?ever_insaneAugust 26 2011, 17:07:36 UTC
OP is hoping you're still working on this. I know it probably takes you time to write, but I'll say again this is excellent and I'm looking forward to more.
Re: Say My Name 2c/?ever_insaneAugust 26 2011, 21:07:26 UTC
Hi OP
Yeah, I'm still working on this one - it's been a pretty hectic week but I'm hoping to have the next part finished up for you tomorrow. Thanks for the nudge!
Re: Say My Name 2c/?vash137August 30 2011, 06:15:37 UTC
This is wonderful!!! I'm so waiting to find out when/if/how John is going to discover what happened and what happens next. Very emotionally resonant and well written on all sides!
Re: Say My Name 2c/?ever_insaneSeptember 2 2011, 03:23:49 UTC
Yes, enjoying it very much, looking forward to more. And therapy like this is invaluable. Been there myself, you're not pathetic, anon, you're surviving. Hugs.
Re: Say My Name 2c/?ever_insaneSeptember 2 2011, 20:20:25 UTC
OP here. You may have a different opinion, but to me coming on to a kink meme and saying "I can't have sex with my boyfriend even though I love him more than life itself. Please write fic for me about this." is kind of pathetic.
The crush that he had buried, the sense of physical attraction, had made itself a chrysalis, grown and developed into something else, beautiful and impossible and above all horrendously distracting. He was in love with John Watson.
It was a nightmare, awful, amazing, and took his breath away. It was so obvious now, and how had John not seen, John who looked for love and affection, human regard and relationships, everywhere he looked. How had he not realised? How had he not pushed his hand, shown Sherlock what it was that he would feel if he just tried?
Ludicrous.
Sherlock remained silent after the first date, looking for clues as to how it had gone and hoping it would be a disaster. It was, unfortunately, a decided success, although John was clearly not the type to sleep with a sort-of colleague on the first date. For that reprieve at least Sherlock was grateful. The second date came in due course, though, and left him pacing the floor at home, wondering if John would return home or throw caution to the wind and himself at the detective.
When the sound of the front door closing signalled John's return, alone, Sherlock's body overtook his brain for the first time in many years. John was only just inside the flat, half out of his jacket, when Sherlock grabbed him and kissed him hard, walking him back into the closed door before he could object. And he didn't object, he reciprocated for a good twenty seconds before pushing Sherlock away, not angry or upset, but with a look of confusion in his eyes.
"I need..."
Sherlock stepped back, offering space now that he had made his position clear, and John slipped past him and up the stairs. He retreated to the sofa, tucked his knees up to his chest and sat still, waiting for the verdict.
Something in his mind, even then, was pointing out to him what he was not feeling. He wanted John, more than he'd ever wanted anyone, but there hadn't been that tingle running under his skin, that sense of magnetism drawing him unavoidably towards the other that he had known before. He felt love, and maybe passion, but not wild abandon and not the physical reactions that came with it. He had kissed hard because John needed to know it, not because he needed to feel it.
He had told himself that it would come in time.
Somewhere along the line he had dozed off and when he awoke, he found himself curled on the sofa, his head in John's lap. John glanced down when he moved.
"Married to your work?" he had said. His voice carried in it laughter, not irritation.
"Well," Sherlock had begun, but no more words came. John had smiled, and that was that.
Now he lay, safe and cocooned, wishing he'd taken it slower and been honest, so that he didn't have to guard his words now. He knew John would not be so easily distracted again and the issue of the name, if not curbed, would become a jibe between them, a tease, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stand that. At the same time, though, he loved that he could give John what he needed, what no-one else was allowed to give, and this was the way to fulfil that, to be the person John needed him to be.
He just had to be more careful from now on.
John's arms tightened around him as he woke and Sherlock smiled, allowing them both that moment of comfort before twisting in his embrace to claim a kiss.
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Yeah, I'm still working on this one - it's been a pretty hectic week but I'm hoping to have the next part finished up for you tomorrow. Thanks for the nudge!
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Mycroft tells me to use tzedaine, which I can't imagine would help.
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I'm glad at least other people are enjoying my requested therapy fic. It makes me feel less pathetic.
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