Awsomness is all around...
anonymous
February 11 2011, 11:15:41 UTC
I just had a strangest day of my life, Anons.
Two weeks ago I hired a young, polish girl as a help for my disabled grandmother - to cook, tidy up, clean the house, and do the shopping. Ania turned out to be the worst worker EVER, babbling in this strange language of hers, speaking broken english ("I no do it, i not can"), and doing dozens of irritating things. But today... Two armed robbers walked into my house, telling me they will shoot us if we don't give them all our money, things turned nasty... And then out of a kitchen came Ania, with a friggin' pan in one hand and a rolling pin in the other, said in friggin' perfect BBC accent 'You are Russians, folks, aren't you?' and when they agreed...
SHE FRIGGIN' BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM. WITH A PAN. SHE FRIGGIN' FOUGHT WITH TWO THUGS WITH GUNS... AND WON.
Her explanation to the police and us was (still in perfect BBC accent) 'Poles and Russians do not LIKE each other very much, not really. And I wasn't paid enough to reveal my multilingual skills, now was I?' .
I want something similiar happening to any BBC Sherlock character. Mrs Hudson hires sercretly BAMF helper? Mycroft's windowcleaner happends to be kung-fu master? Nice girl next door catches Moriarty's snipers, just because 'she doesn't like them very much'? Awsomness is all around, time to show it!
Re: Awsomness is all around... milwaukeemegFebruary 11 2011, 12:28:26 UTC
As a Polish I must say... She's right, we don't like Russians very much, and the Russians don't like us (I'm taking nation-wide). It might have something to do with the fact that Poland was the only country EVER to conquer Moscow and stay there for quite a some time (TAKE THAT, NAPOLEON!)... In turn several centuries later Russians (with Prussia and Austro-Hungarian Monarchy) removed Poland from the map. Independence of Poland was restored after 123 years in 1918. But then, in 1920 - 1921 we fought with bolshewics, and won (2:1 for Poland). To even out the score ZSRR accepted deal with its sworn enemy, III Reich, and in 1939... removed Poland from the map again . It wouldn't be so bad, if in Yalta it wasn't decided that Poland should belong with ZSRR, what really meant almost total depenace on our ZSRR ... friends. And then in 1989 we 'destroyed comunism', just out of spite, of course. :P And ... "Poland - first to fight!", pans included! :P Sorry. I'm just a history freak.
Re: Awsomness is all around... milwaukeemegFebruary 11 2011, 16:45:19 UTC
I'm deleting from my hard drive the whole Smoleńsk Affair. It's just... Heh, those theories about Russians withholding evidence are just an inch from the pictures with "In 1940 Stalin orders NKWD to plant trees in Smoleńsk. In 2009... The plan came together!".
Gosh, I'm talking about RUSSIA-POLAND AFFAIRS on the kinkmeme. That is really PERVERTED. o.O
Re: Awsomness is all around... milwaukeemegFebruary 11 2011, 17:53:21 UTC
"I.V. Stalin and L.P.Beria are choosing a place to plant a tree. Airport near Smolensk, April 10, 1940." That's the photo, for those who didn't see it... And it's brilliant theory, but I like better the one with Putin shooting everyone on board and jumping out of a plane with a parachute. Or maybe the cosmits got him before he crashed into the earth (see Life Of Brian). Hard to tell.
Aw, shucks, it's KINKmeme after all.
Oh God. Sherlock INVESTIGATING SMOLENSK AFFAIR. That would be epic. That just blew my mind. Damn propmt freeze. :D
Re: Awsomness is all around... 2jamieFebruary 11 2011, 17:53:55 UTC
That last part... Oh, God... I can't stop laughing :D Oh, dear, that would be epic. And here I thought the best that could happen would be Jimmy Carr presenting all the news about this affair :)
Re: Awsomness is all around... Sherlock investigates in POLANDmilwaukeemegFebruary 11 2011, 19:38:21 UTC
Sherlock & John in Poland... Auch.
'I know that it might be hard for your overexposed to alcoholic fumes brains that...' 'Sherlock, we talked about stereotypes...' 'Humph. So, what do you think Mr Bsh... Brrrz... Bjen...Brzentschy...B(mumble, mumble, mumble)' 'The name is Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz, Mr Holmes' 'That's what I said, B(mumble, mumble, mumble)'
Or
'They have ROADS here?' 'John, we talked about stereotypes... as you point out every ten minutes' 'Yeah, But ...roads' 'Oh, the name 'roads' might be a little bit... overused in this case, Mr Holmes' 'Why, Mr B(mumble, mumble)ewitsch?' 'You (car hits the hole) will (car hits the hole) see (car hits the hole) in (caR hits a hole) minute (CAR hits a hole). 'Oh, I see (car hits a hole) now.' 'Naw, (car hits a hole)that is(car hits a hole) normal road (car hits a hole), we will (car hits a hole) be on (car hits a hole) damaged (car hits a hole) road in a minute.' 'WHAT?'
OR
'Oh look, autopsy report, at least SOMETHING!' 'But... The russians wrote it!' 'Your point being, Mr B(mumble, mumble)ewitsch?' 'You can't believe russians!' 'Why?' 'Well... They are from Russia!' 'So that means they are incapable of making a decent autopsy report?' 'NO! You just don't believe in horoscopes, you don't believe things your grandpa says about war and you don't believe RUSSIANS! Promise me, promise me on everything that's sacred to you that you will not believe them!' '...' 'Still not convinced? Gosia! Gosia! That's my niece, 10 years old, Mr Holmes' 'Yes, uncle?' 'Do you believe in what Russians say?' 'NO! NEVER!' 'See!'
OR
'I read this report about the state of Tupolew plane...' 'Throw it away, Mr Holmes, this is polish report' '... They are incapable of making a decent report?' 'YES. They are completely useless. They probably threw in something about it being our russian invention, what caused only problems, something about God and honour and calvary, don't forget calvary. And their guerilla in II world war, they looove this, stupid polish pricks. And it was russia where the Vodka was invented, you can tell them when you see them' 'I didn't find there anything about the calvary, God or honour...' 'THIS IS A TRAP! IT WILL EXPLODE, DO NOT TOUCH IT! There must be something wrong, wrong with it! LEAVE US, POLISH SATAN!'
OR
'Hello, how are you' 'Oh, absolutely horrible, my back hurts, my neck is stiff, my left knee is tingling (probably there will be a storm tomorrow), I don't have enough money to buy myself a new car, or even used one, and my sister is going out with some stupid hooligan who never says 'good morning' and my kitten is coughing all the time, and I think my hamster has tuberculosis and when I was young everything was better. Even nostalgia isn't what it used to be... ' 'You're twenty...' 'Still. And y'know what I hate the most? Those stupid people who are always complaining about everything. Oh, and how are you?' '... fine, thanks'
Re: Awsomness is all around... Sherlock investigates in POLAND2jamieFebruary 11 2011, 19:46:17 UTC
Oh, this just made my evening! This is awesome. True, but awesome :) You know what's the only thing that's missing? Waiting for a train. Preferably in some small town. :)
Re: Awsomness is all around... Sherlock investigates in POLANDmilwaukeemegFebruary 11 2011, 19:56:13 UTC
Hmmm... 'We're going by ... TRAIN, Mr Watson, Mr Holmes' 'Good, after that crazy cabbie I will never get into a car again. What is 'curva' anyway?' 'Er, that's polish ... euphemism. Yes, let's call it like that' 'oh. When the train should arrive?' 'It's scheduled ... 10 minutes from now.' 'Oh, good! At least we won't wait long in this boring, BORING small city!' 'Er...' 4 HOURS LATER 'I think I know why you Poles use 'curva' so much...' 'I CAN'T TAKE IT, JOHN, THE BOREDOM! THE BOREDOM! THERE ARE NO WALLS TO SHOOT!'
Re: Awsomness is all around... Sherlock investigates in POLANDmilwaukeemegFebruary 11 2011, 20:05:09 UTC
It's kinda hard to explain why are we saying 'prostitute' every other word. Because that's basicly what 70% of polish population are doing.
"Prostitute! What prostitute is this prostitute doing, prostitute! Have you prostitute seen this prostituting prostitute!" It just takes the meaning out of it, if you know what I mean. :D
Re: Awsomness is all around... Sherlock investigates in POLANDmilwaukeemegFebruary 13 2011, 20:03:51 UTC
Weeeell, it does. But 'prostitute' is nicer word, I think, and I wanted to keep it as nice, as possible :P But of course you're right!
And the closest translation (of the function) would be 'fuck'. And the word 'fuck' is understandable as it is a VERB. But using a noun as verb, noun, adjective, coma, dot, dash, slash and the whole set... It's linguisticly (is that a word?) wierd. REALLY wierd. At least for me, and my friends from Australia, Germany and USA...
Re: Awsomness is all around... Sherlock investigates in POLANDnarcoleptic_llFebruary 13 2011, 00:39:43 UTC
'Oh, I see (car hits a hole) now.' 'Naw, (car hits a hole)that is(car hits a hole) normal road (car hits a hole), we will (car hits a hole) be on (car hits a hole) damaged (car hits a hole) road in a minute.' 'WHAT?'
Two weeks ago I hired a young, polish girl as a help for my disabled grandmother - to cook, tidy up, clean the house, and do the shopping. Ania turned out to be the worst worker EVER, babbling in this strange language of hers, speaking broken english ("I no do it, i not can"), and doing dozens of irritating things. But today... Two armed robbers walked into my house, telling me they will shoot us if we don't give them all our money, things turned nasty... And then out of a kitchen came Ania, with a friggin' pan in one hand and a rolling pin in the other, said in friggin' perfect BBC accent 'You are Russians, folks, aren't you?' and when they agreed...
SHE FRIGGIN' BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM. WITH A PAN. SHE FRIGGIN' FOUGHT WITH TWO THUGS WITH GUNS... AND WON.
Her explanation to the police and us was (still in perfect BBC accent) 'Poles and Russians do not LIKE each other very much, not really. And I wasn't paid enough to reveal my multilingual skills, now was I?' .
I want something similiar happening to any BBC Sherlock character. Mrs Hudson hires sercretly BAMF helper? Mycroft's windowcleaner happends to be kung-fu master? Nice girl next door catches Moriarty's snipers, just because 'she doesn't like them very much'? Awsomness is all around, time to show it!
Reply
Sorry. I'm just a history freak.
I mean... Seconded. Seconded sooo hard!
Reply
I mean, of course, thirded! :)
Reply
Gosh, I'm talking about RUSSIA-POLAND AFFAIRS on the kinkmeme. That is really PERVERTED. o.O
:P
Reply
Yeah, it's not one of the things you usually discuss on the kinkmeme, is it? ;)
Reply
"I.V. Stalin and L.P.Beria are choosing a place to plant a tree. Airport near Smolensk, April 10, 1940."
That's the photo, for those who didn't see it... And it's brilliant theory, but I like better the one with Putin shooting everyone on board and jumping out of a plane with a parachute. Or maybe the cosmits got him before he crashed into the earth (see Life Of Brian). Hard to tell.
Aw, shucks, it's KINKmeme after all.
Oh God. Sherlock INVESTIGATING SMOLENSK AFFAIR. That would be epic. That just blew my mind. Damn propmt freeze. :D
Reply
Reply
'I know that it might be hard for your overexposed to alcoholic fumes brains that...'
'Sherlock, we talked about stereotypes...'
'Humph. So, what do you think Mr Bsh... Brrrz... Bjen...Brzentschy...B(mumble, mumble, mumble)'
'The name is Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz, Mr Holmes'
'That's what I said, B(mumble, mumble, mumble)'
Or
'They have ROADS here?'
'John, we talked about stereotypes... as you point out every ten minutes'
'Yeah, But ...roads'
'Oh, the name 'roads' might be a little bit... overused in this case, Mr Holmes'
'Why, Mr B(mumble, mumble)ewitsch?'
'You (car hits the hole) will (car hits the hole) see (car hits the hole) in (caR hits a hole) minute (CAR hits a hole).
'Oh, I see (car hits a hole) now.'
'Naw, (car hits a hole)that is(car hits a hole) normal road (car hits a hole), we will (car hits a hole) be on (car hits a hole) damaged (car hits a hole) road in a minute.'
'WHAT?'
OR
'Oh look, autopsy report, at least SOMETHING!'
'But... The russians wrote it!'
'Your point being, Mr B(mumble, mumble)ewitsch?'
'You can't believe russians!'
'Why?'
'Well... They are from Russia!'
'So that means they are incapable of making a decent autopsy report?'
'NO! You just don't believe in horoscopes, you don't believe things your grandpa says about war and you don't believe RUSSIANS! Promise me, promise me on everything that's sacred to you that you will not believe them!'
'...'
'Still not convinced? Gosia! Gosia! That's my niece, 10 years old, Mr Holmes'
'Yes, uncle?'
'Do you believe in what Russians say?'
'NO! NEVER!'
'See!'
OR
'I read this report about the state of Tupolew plane...'
'Throw it away, Mr Holmes, this is polish report'
'... They are incapable of making a decent report?'
'YES. They are completely useless. They probably threw in something about it being our russian invention, what caused only problems, something about God and honour and calvary, don't forget calvary. And their guerilla in II world war, they looove this, stupid polish pricks. And it was russia where the Vodka was invented, you can tell them when you see them'
'I didn't find there anything about the calvary, God or honour...'
'THIS IS A TRAP! IT WILL EXPLODE, DO NOT TOUCH IT! There must be something wrong, wrong with it! LEAVE US, POLISH SATAN!'
OR
'Hello, how are you'
'Oh, absolutely horrible, my back hurts, my neck is stiff, my left knee is tingling (probably there will be a storm tomorrow), I don't have enough money to buy myself a new car, or even used one, and my sister is going out with some stupid hooligan who never says 'good morning' and my kitten is coughing all the time, and I think my hamster has tuberculosis and when I was young everything was better. Even nostalgia isn't what it used to be... '
'You're twenty...'
'Still. And y'know what I hate the most? Those stupid people who are always complaining about everything. Oh, and how are you?'
'... fine, thanks'
Reply
Reply
'We're going by ... TRAIN, Mr Watson, Mr Holmes'
'Good, after that crazy cabbie I will never get into a car again. What is 'curva' anyway?'
'Er, that's polish ... euphemism. Yes, let's call it like that'
'oh. When the train should arrive?'
'It's scheduled ... 10 minutes from now.'
'Oh, good! At least we won't wait long in this boring, BORING small city!'
'Er...'
4 HOURS LATER
'I think I know why you Poles use 'curva' so much...'
'I CAN'T TAKE IT, JOHN, THE BOREDOM! THE BOREDOM! THERE ARE NO WALLS TO SHOOT!'
Reply
Reply
"Prostitute! What prostitute is this prostitute doing, prostitute! Have you prostitute seen this prostituting prostitute!" It just takes the meaning out of it, if you know what I mean. :D
Thanks for support! :P
Reply
Reply
I'd say 'kurwa' means 'whore'. Or even 'bitchy bag of whoredom' XD
Reply
And the closest translation (of the function) would be 'fuck'. And the word 'fuck' is understandable as it is a VERB. But using a noun as verb, noun, adjective, coma, dot, dash, slash and the whole set... It's linguisticly (is that a word?) wierd. REALLY wierd. At least for me, and my friends from Australia, Germany and USA...
Reply
'Naw, (car hits a hole)that is(car hits a hole) normal road (car hits a hole), we will (car hits a hole) be on (car hits a hole) damaged (car hits a hole) road in a minute.'
'WHAT?'
I died laughing with this one!
Reply
Leave a comment