Re: FILL: The New Hire - Rated T - Part 8/8
anonymous
November 11 2010, 23:32:11 UTC
Gareth crossed his arms and glared up at the ceiling in David’s office.
“You haven’t a clue who did this, then?” he asked.
“No,” said Sherlock. “Terribly sorry.”
The empty porcelain bottom of Gareth’s police officer cookie jar stared desolately back down at the room. David cleared his throat.
“There aren’t any security cameras that caught that, then?” asked David.
“No,” said Sherlock. “In fact, you specifically requested that you didn’t want the cameras so much as pointing into your office.”
“Sherlock,” said David, rubbing his temples, “I know you’re new. Yeah? And I know you’re trying to make a good impression. But... there are some things you shouldn’t take too seriously. For example...” David chuckled and pointed at himself. “Half of the things that come out of this ugly gob should be disregarded right-out.”
“You said that you were serious. Muttered it, anyway, as you walked away.”
“But... mate, I’ve also said that the moon was made out of blue cheese!” insisted David. “Doesn’t mean that it is, does it?”
“Wouldn’t know,” said Sherlock flippantly. “Wouldn’t care to know.”
David chuckled again. “See? Loosening up. That’s a good one. Knew you’d come around.”
Sherlock blinked. “Right.”
Slowly, David dropped his hands to his desk in disbelief. “You were serious?”
Sherlock regarded him lazily as he adjusted his scarf. “I’ve prevented two hackers from accessing your accounting system and found the culprit who’d been stealing from the petty cash fund.” He pushed himself up. “I’m good at precisely the things that I need to be good at, and nothing more.”
As he stalked from the room, David cut in with, “Wait, somebody’s been stealing from the petty cash fund?” He turned to Gareth. “Did you know that?”
“I didn’t know that.” Gareth shook his head.
Sherlock popped his head back into the room and regarded David carefully. “Yes. Put it back by the end of the day, and Ms. Clarke won’t hear of it.”
-=-=-
DAWN TINSLEY: I was a little bit skeptical about Sherlock at first. He was a bit domineering, after all... still is, really. Rather an intimidating fellow. But it could be worse. We could have another Gareth. (laughs)
But at the end of it all, I think he’s a decent match for the office. He keeps everything in line when it needs it, but seems not to want to interfere with a harmless bit of fun. Which is good. Keeps everything in line without it being too oppressive.
I rather like him. I hope he’ll stick around.
-=-=-
SHERLOCK HOLMES: Do I plan to stay? ... Oh, God, no. I know people like me, but I don’t care. I’ve found a good deal on a flat, I’ve been introduced to somebody interested in a flatshare, there’s an epidemic of curious suicides in London, and the police are likely to call me in to help investigate. It’s actually getting interesting in this bloody country. With all that going on, do you honestly think I’m going to stay in Slough to analyze hours of security tape to figure out who glued whose hand to his face?
Re: FILL: The New Hire - Rated T - Part 8/8chainsaw_poet97November 12 2010, 02:10:00 UTC
This is so perfect. So perfect. The thought of Sherlock in Slough (Slough!) is hilarious enough on its own. But you got the tone of the dialogue spot on - I read the whole thing with the biggest smile on my face. I especially loved the "to camera" bits. I can tell that you must have worked really hard on this for ages, and it really paid off.
Thanks so much for posting this. It absolutely made my night.
Re: FILL: The New Hire - Rated T - Part 8/8grassleNovember 19 2010, 10:29:44 UTC
This is hilarious! The characterisations are spot on and the dialogue achingly accurate. I'm still laughing at “If you’re in the trenches, and one of your mates is ferreting through your things, you’d want to find out who it is, and why. He might be a spy, trying to find sensitive information. He might just be having a wank on that picture of your wife..." Have you written anything else? (Hopeful face)
“You haven’t a clue who did this, then?” he asked.
“No,” said Sherlock. “Terribly sorry.”
The empty porcelain bottom of Gareth’s police officer cookie jar stared desolately back down at the room. David cleared his throat.
“There aren’t any security cameras that caught that, then?” asked David.
“No,” said Sherlock. “In fact, you specifically requested that you didn’t want the cameras so much as pointing into your office.”
“Sherlock,” said David, rubbing his temples, “I know you’re new. Yeah? And I know you’re trying to make a good impression. But... there are some things you shouldn’t take too seriously. For example...” David chuckled and pointed at himself. “Half of the things that come out of this ugly gob should be disregarded right-out.”
“You said that you were serious. Muttered it, anyway, as you walked away.”
“But... mate, I’ve also said that the moon was made out of blue cheese!” insisted David. “Doesn’t mean that it is, does it?”
“Wouldn’t know,” said Sherlock flippantly. “Wouldn’t care to know.”
David chuckled again. “See? Loosening up. That’s a good one. Knew you’d come around.”
Sherlock blinked. “Right.”
Slowly, David dropped his hands to his desk in disbelief. “You were serious?”
Sherlock regarded him lazily as he adjusted his scarf. “I’ve prevented two hackers from accessing your accounting system and found the culprit who’d been stealing from the petty cash fund.” He pushed himself up. “I’m good at precisely the things that I need to be good at, and nothing more.”
As he stalked from the room, David cut in with, “Wait, somebody’s been stealing from the petty cash fund?” He turned to Gareth. “Did you know that?”
“I didn’t know that.” Gareth shook his head.
Sherlock popped his head back into the room and regarded David carefully. “Yes. Put it back by the end of the day, and Ms. Clarke won’t hear of it.”
-=-=-
DAWN TINSLEY: I was a little bit skeptical about Sherlock at first. He was a bit domineering, after all... still is, really. Rather an intimidating fellow. But it could be worse. We could have another Gareth. (laughs)
But at the end of it all, I think he’s a decent match for the office. He keeps everything in line when it needs it, but seems not to want to interfere with a harmless bit of fun. Which is good. Keeps everything in line without it being too oppressive.
I rather like him. I hope he’ll stick around.
-=-=-
SHERLOCK HOLMES: Do I plan to stay? ... Oh, God, no. I know people like me, but I don’t care. I’ve found a good deal on a flat, I’ve been introduced to somebody interested in a flatshare, there’s an epidemic of curious suicides in London, and the police are likely to call me in to help investigate. It’s actually getting interesting in this bloody country. With all that going on, do you honestly think I’m going to stay in Slough to analyze hours of security tape to figure out who glued whose hand to his face?
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This Sherlock guy could call me a wanker and sleep with me mum for all I care. But I wouldn’t. Because he’s getting the job done.
And that last line. BRB DYING ALL OVER AGAIN
But seriously. /capslock You are GENIUS.
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Thanks so much for posting this. It absolutely made my night.
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“If you’re in the trenches, and one of your mates is ferreting through your things, you’d want to find out who it is, and why. He might be a spy, trying to find sensitive information. He might just be having a wank on that picture of your wife..."
Have you written anything else? (Hopeful face)
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I loved this, thank you so much
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