Prompting Part XXXIV
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Sherlock made new rules governing his interactions with others. He restructured his mind; stripping away anything he deemed unnecessary or superfluous and reorganising what was left. There was no more room for emotions and feelings - they had never caused him anything but trouble. Casual dialogue, small talk and information on social interactions were all scrubbed from his hard drive. They were redundant.
After all, if he had been ostracised as much as he was simply for his intelligence then imagine how he would be treated if people knew the truth. There was no longer any requirement for him to try to partake in social niceties. No one would want anything to do with him should they ever find out.
And Sherlock was damned if he was ever going to let anyone close enough to uncover his secret.
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Sherlock was in a relatively good place when he finally met John Hamish Watson. He was sober, he had a purpose and he was back in control of his own life. Most days he even managed to drive back the darkness that threatened to overwhelm him, the voices that reminded him he was completely alone and always would be.
It was the work of one embittered slip of the tongue, an error when his guard was down, that had Mike Stamford bring him John. And John was wonderful.
He wasn’t scared off by Sherlock's deductions, by his mannerisms, by his excitement for cases. He wasn’t put off by blood or body fluids or dead bodies. No, he was capable and skilled and helpful. He stood up to Mycroft and defended Sherlock (momentarily at least) to Lestrade. He was unperturbed by the experiments and the skull and Sherlock's “sociopathic” qualities. He was a conductor of light and knowledge. He looked after Sherlock and worried about him and would always come when he was needed - whatever he happened to be doing.
And that first night he had killed for Sherlock. John, a man of ethics and conscience, had killed to protect him. John had thought him worth protecting.
That John Watson quickly became the most important thing in Sherlock's life was not a surprise to him. It was the intensity of the pain, pain borne of the knowledge that John could never know about his feelings, which surprised him. But Sherlock would much rather endure that pain than the agony of rejection should John ever find out how truly damaged he really was.
He didn’t think he would ever live through it if John chose to leave him. So Sherlock made new rules. John Watson need never know, Sherlock would ensure his safety.
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And it was fine, it really was.
Sherlock knew the facts and figures, he knew all about transmission rates and risk factors. John was a competent medical professional and Sherlock had a history of intravenous drug use - the result of which was that John always wore gloves when he treated Sherlock’s wounds, when he stitched abrasions, when he bandaged contusions. John was always so cautious about maintaining a sterile environment to protect Sherlock that he in turn protected himself.
And on the rare occasion where Sherlock knew that the risks were that bit higher - when the doctor had untreated lacerations of his own, where the protective barrier of his skin was open and vulnerable… well Sherlock knew all about how to affect enough irritation and anger to get the doctor to back down, knew all about how to use the doctors ethics against him to lead him to believe he would be forcing the detective into unwanted physical contact.
Sherlock knew enough about how to change his own reactions to keep John safe.
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