Wrong Number - 1b
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:29:40 UTC
February 2nd (18:07) I NEED TO ASK: DID YOUR MURDER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE SERIAL SUICIDE THING I SAW ON THE TELLY?
(18:09) Your deduction skills are improving. SH
(18:11) DID HE REALLY GIVE HIS VICTIMS TWO PILLS? THAT’S DREADFUL!
(18:12) He’s in prison now. I doubt he’ll be in any position to give anyone any form of medication anytime soon. SH
(18:14) WAS IT YOU WHO ARRESTED HIM?
(18:16) If you watched the news, and I know you currently are watching the news, you are aware that DI Lestrade was the one to arrest him. SH
(18:18) HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M WATCHING THE NEWS?
(18:21) I haven’t heard from you in two days, but you texted me just as that story came up on BBC News. You were reminded of our last exchange and were curious. Simple. SH
(18:22) ALRIGHT, I CONFESS. SO, DID YOU ARREST HIM?
(18:24) We already established I’m not a police officer. I don’t have the power to arrest people. SH
(18:26) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. DID YOU SOLVE THE CASE?
(18:26) What makes you think I could have? SH
(18:31) IT WASN’T HIS FIRST MURDER, WAS IT? THERE WAS A PRESS CONFERENCE A FEW DAYS AGO WHERE THEY MENTIONED SUSPICIOUS SUICIDES. THEN, YOU WERE ‘FINALLY CALLED’ ABOUT A MURDER. SEVERAL HOURS LATER, THE MURDERER IS BEHIND BARS. COINCIDENCE?
(18:32) A little simplistic, but impressive nonetheless. SH
(18:34) I’LL TAKE THAT AS A YES. NOW WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU DO?
(18:35) I will, under one condition. SH
(18:36) WHAT?
(18:36) STOP YELLING AT ME! SH
(18:39) I’M NOT YELLING. I DON’T KNOW HOW NOT TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS.
(18:40) Figure it out, otherwise I’m not answering. SH
(18:46) DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY PHONE?
(18:52) COME ON, TELL ME IF YOU KNOW! IT’S A NEW PHONE AND I DON’T KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
Wrong Number - 1c
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:36:54 UTC
February 6th (11:28) So, what do you do?
(11:32) At last, he vanquishes technology and figures out how his phone works. SH
(11:34) I could be a woman, you know.
(11:34) Please. Don’t insult me. If you were a woman, I would know. SH
(11:36) I repeat: what do you do?
(11:37) I’m a consulting detective. The only one in the world. SH
(11:38) What’s a consulting detective?
(11:40) When people have problems to solve, they consult me. Scotland Yard has a lot of problems to solve, so they consult me a lot. SH
(11:42) That sounds amazing and ridiculous at the same time. I’m not sure I believe you.
(11:44) Will this convince you? SH (Attachment: pinkladylegs.jpg)
(11:47) Is that a corpse?!?!
(11:48) Obviously not. It’s part of a corpse. Legs, to be exact. SH
(11:51) How will a picture of a corpse convince me that you’re solving murders and not committing them?!
(11:53) If I were the murderer, I would be in prison without my mobile. Did you notice anything special on the picture? SH
(11:54) Yes. There was a dead body on it.
(11:54) Don’t be an idiot. SH
(12:01) Alright, I’ll play along. It looks like she has oedema in one of her legs, so maybe she had a medical condition?
(12:04) Not something painful like gout or arthritis, her heels are too high for that. Maybe Varicose veins?
(12:05) Am I even close?
(12:06) You’re a doctor. SH
(12:07) Maybe. Was I right?
(12:09) Perhaps, but it wasn’t relevant to the case. I was talking about the splashes on her right heel and calf. It’s how I solved the case. SH
(12:11) How?
(12:13) It was proof that she had a suitcase. Said suitcase was missing. Looked for it, found it, solved it. Simple. SH
(12:15) Nope, I still don’t get it.
(12:18) I found her email address on her case’s tag. I already had her password, so I logged on to her me.com account and tracked her missing phone with the GPS. SH
(12:20) All because you knew she had a suitcase? That’s fantastic!
(12:20) It’s what I do. SH
(12:24) Is it weird that we’re speaking?
(12:24) Is it? SH
(12:26) Maybe. A bit.
(12:29) It wouldn’t be as weird if I knew your name. SH, are those your initials or are you shushing me in every single one of your messages?
(12:59) Hello? Have you been called to another crime scene? Did someone flash the consulting detective signal?
Wrong Number - 1d
anonymous
May 9 2012, 22:42:49 UTC
February 8th (14:51) Did I cross a line the other night when I asked what your name is?
(14:57) If I did, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.
(21:07) Alright, I get the message. It was nice talking to you.
March 25th (21:43) How long would it take for a heel tattoo to start fading? SH
(21:52) Hello again.
(21:54) I have absolutely no idea. Is it for a case or are you interested in getting a tattoo?
(21:54) Case. SH
(21:56) Interesting one?
(21:58) I’d say 7/10 for now. Can’t say more until it’s solved. SH
(22:01) Have fun then. You can text me again if you need more medical advice.
(22:02) Or if you want to chat.
March 27th (22:14) I solved it. SH
(22:18) Cheers! Who did it, was it the butler?
(22:19) Where did you hear that? There was no butler involved in the case. SH
(22:22) It was a joke. You know, 'the butler did it'?
(22:24) I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I can assure you that the butler hardly ever does it. In all my cases, it only happened twice. SH
(22:27) Never mind. So, tell me, were you brilliant again?
(22:29) A smuggling ring was trading in Chinese antiquities. It was pretty straightforward once I cracked the code they were using to communicate. SH
(22:31) Your life sounds like a spy movie. Do you have a gorgeous P.A. with short skirts, stilettos and a perfect aim?
(22:31) No. SH
(22:31) My brother does. SH
(22:32) What does your brother do?
(22:34) He rules the world. At least, that’s what he makes it sound like when he talks about it. SH
(22:37) Hahaha! People who say siblings get less annoying with time are idiots.
(22:39) Hey, listen, I’m sorry I asked for your name the other day.
(22:39) It’s fine. SH
(22:42) I’ve never done this before, so it felt a little strange, but I don’t need to know your name, just as you don’t need to know mine. We can be two complete strangers texting from time to time.
(22:44) Or we could be nothing at all.
(22:46) God, that must be a rambling record, I’m sorry.
(22:50) You’re doing fine. SH
(22:54) Yeah, I bet I am. It’s getting late, so I’ll head to bed. I started a new job a few days ago and it would look horribly unprofessional if I fell asleep.
(18:07)
I NEED TO ASK: DID YOUR MURDER
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE
SERIAL SUICIDE THING I SAW ON
THE TELLY?
(18:09)
Your deduction skills are
improving.
SH
(18:11)
DID HE REALLY GIVE HIS VICTIMS
TWO PILLS? THAT’S DREADFUL!
(18:12)
He’s in prison now. I doubt he’ll be
in any position to give anyone any
form of medication anytime soon.
SH
(18:14)
WAS IT YOU WHO ARRESTED HIM?
(18:16)
If you watched the news, and
I know you currently are watching
the news, you are aware that DI
Lestrade was the one to arrest him.
SH
(18:18)
HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M WATCHING
THE NEWS?
(18:21)
I haven’t heard from you in two
days, but you texted me just as that
story came up on BBC News. You
were reminded of our last exchange
and were curious. Simple.
SH
(18:22)
ALRIGHT, I CONFESS. SO, DID YOU
ARREST HIM?
(18:24)
We already established I’m not a
police officer. I don’t have the
power to arrest people.
SH
(18:26)
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. DID YOU
SOLVE THE CASE?
(18:26)
What makes you think I could have?
SH
(18:31)
IT WASN’T HIS FIRST MURDER,
WAS IT? THERE WAS A PRESS
CONFERENCE A FEW DAYS AGO
WHERE THEY MENTIONED
SUSPICIOUS SUICIDES. THEN, YOU
WERE ‘FINALLY CALLED’ ABOUT A
MURDER. SEVERAL HOURS LATER,
THE MURDERER IS BEHIND BARS.
COINCIDENCE?
(18:32)
A little simplistic, but impressive
nonetheless.
SH
(18:34)
I’LL TAKE THAT AS A YES. NOW
WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU DO?
(18:35)
I will, under one condition.
SH
(18:36)
WHAT?
(18:36)
STOP YELLING AT ME!
SH
(18:39)
I’M NOT YELLING. I DON’T KNOW
HOW NOT TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS.
(18:40)
Figure it out, otherwise I’m not
answering.
SH
(18:46)
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX MY
PHONE?
(18:52)
COME ON, TELL ME IF YOU KNOW!
IT’S A NEW PHONE AND I DON’T
KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
(19:03)
SCREW YOU!
Reply
(11:28)
So, what do you do?
(11:32)
At last, he vanquishes technology
and figures out how his phone
works.
SH
(11:34)
I could be a woman, you know.
(11:34)
Please. Don’t insult me. If you were
a woman, I would know.
SH
(11:36)
I repeat: what do you do?
(11:37)
I’m a consulting detective. The only
one in the world.
SH
(11:38)
What’s a consulting detective?
(11:40)
When people have problems to
solve, they consult me. Scotland
Yard has a lot of problems to solve,
so they consult me a lot.
SH
(11:42)
That sounds amazing and ridiculous
at the same time. I’m not sure I
believe you.
(11:44)
Will this convince you?
SH
(Attachment: pinkladylegs.jpg)
(11:47)
Is that a corpse?!?!
(11:48)
Obviously not. It’s part of a corpse.
Legs, to be exact.
SH
(11:51)
How will a picture of a corpse
convince me that you’re solving
murders and not committing them?!
(11:53)
If I were the murderer, I would be
in prison without my mobile. Did
you notice anything special on the
picture?
SH
(11:54)
Yes. There was a dead body on it.
(11:54)
Don’t be an idiot.
SH
(12:01)
Alright, I’ll play along. It looks like
she has oedema in one of her legs, so
maybe she had a medical condition?
(12:04)
Not something painful like gout or
arthritis, her heels are too high for
that. Maybe Varicose veins?
(12:05)
Am I even close?
(12:06)
You’re a doctor.
SH
(12:07)
Maybe. Was I right?
(12:09)
Perhaps, but it wasn’t relevant to
the case. I was talking about the
splashes on her right heel and calf.
It’s how I solved the case.
SH
(12:11)
How?
(12:13)
It was proof that she had a suitcase.
Said suitcase was missing. Looked
for it, found it, solved it.
Simple.
SH
(12:15)
Nope, I still don’t get it.
(12:18)
I found her email address on her
case’s tag. I already had her
password, so I logged on to her
me.com account and tracked her
missing phone with the GPS.
SH
(12:20)
All because you knew she had a
suitcase? That’s fantastic!
(12:20)
It’s what I do.
SH
(12:24)
Is it weird that we’re speaking?
(12:24)
Is it?
SH
(12:26)
Maybe. A bit.
(12:29)
It wouldn’t be as weird if I knew
your name. SH, are those your
initials or are you shushing me in
every single one of your messages?
(12:59)
Hello? Have you been called to
another crime scene? Did someone
flash the consulting detective signal?
Reply
(14:51)
Did I cross a line the other night
when I asked what your name is?
(14:57)
If I did, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.
(21:07)
Alright, I get the message. It was
nice talking to you.
March 25th
(21:43)
How long would it take for a heel
tattoo to start fading?
SH
(21:52)
Hello again.
(21:54)
I have absolutely no idea. Is it for a
case or are you interested in getting
a tattoo?
(21:54)
Case.
SH
(21:56)
Interesting one?
(21:58)
I’d say 7/10 for now. Can’t say
more until it’s solved.
SH
(22:01)
Have fun then. You can text me
again if you need more medical
advice.
(22:02)
Or if you want to chat.
March 27th
(22:14)
I solved it.
SH
(22:18)
Cheers! Who did it, was it the butler?
(22:19)
Where did you hear that? There
was no butler involved in the case.
SH
(22:22)
It was a joke. You know, 'the
butler did it'?
(22:24)
I have no idea what you’re talking
about, and I can assure you that the
butler hardly ever does it. In all my
cases, it only happened twice.
SH
(22:27)
Never mind. So, tell me, were you
brilliant again?
(22:29)
A smuggling ring was trading in
Chinese antiquities. It was pretty
straightforward once I cracked the
code they were using to
communicate.
SH
(22:31)
Your life sounds like a spy movie. Do
you have a gorgeous P.A. with short
skirts, stilettos and a perfect aim?
(22:31)
No.
SH
(22:31)
My brother does.
SH
(22:32)
What does your brother do?
(22:34)
He rules the world. At least, that’s
what he makes it sound like when
he talks about it.
SH
(22:37)
Hahaha! People who say siblings get
less annoying with time are idiots.
(22:39)
Hey, listen, I’m sorry I asked for your
name the other day.
(22:39)
It’s fine.
SH
(22:42)
I’ve never done this before, so it felt a
little strange, but I don’t need to
know your name, just as you don’t need
to know mine. We can be two complete
strangers texting from time to time.
(22:44)
Or we could be nothing at all.
(22:46)
God, that must be a rambling record,
I’m sorry.
(22:50)
You’re doing fine.
SH
(22:54)
Yeah, I bet I am. It’s getting late, so
I’ll head to bed. I started a new job a
few days ago and it would look
horribly unprofessional if I fell asleep.
(22:56)
Good night!
(23:57)
My name is Sherlock.
SH
Reply
Reply
SH
I loled so much at that.
Reply
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