May 9, 2001
I called it. I pegged it. I expected it. But I am still let down.
...This is totally the end of an era that will forever be engraved in my mind as one of the best times in my life. I will never go back to Courant hoping to see W. I will never study with D again. I will never come home with something great to tell M and have her be asleep.
I don't think I will ever feel so happy and comfortable in my life, and in my skin, as I do now. And this depresses the hell out of me.
What a great year I had. What a fun, decent, scholarly, slacker year I had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think I have grown a lot - as a person, a student, and a woman. Thank you Lord, for my life.
It will be 5 years from tomorrow when I wrote this, at such a different time in my life. The smell of my journal is one I can pick out of a lineup. I would sit and my desk and smoke and write, and tell my journal things that I couldn't tell anyone else because they had heard it all so many times before.
So today, almost half a decade past, and I find myself in the same place.
I remember now why I put up walls. I remember why I have hardened my heart, and I remember why I love Joel so very much.
Because it works. And I never question it. And because at the end of the day, it doesn't hurt.
And that's a hell of a lot better than this.
...This is totally the end of an era that will forever be engraved in my mind as one of the best times in my life. I will never go back to Courant hoping to see W. I will never study with D again. I will never come home with something great to tell M and have her be asleep.
I don't think I will ever feel so happy and comfortable in my life, and in my skin, as I do now. And this depresses the hell out of me.
What a great year I had. What a fun, decent, scholarly, slacker year I had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think I have grown a lot - as a person, a student, and a woman. Thank you Lord, for my life.
It will be 5 years from tomorrow when I wrote this, at such a different time in my life. The smell of my journal is one I can pick out of a lineup. I would sit and my desk and smoke and write, and tell my journal things that I couldn't tell anyone else because they had heard it all so many times before.
So today, almost half a decade past, and I find myself in the same place.
I remember now why I put up walls. I remember why I have hardened my heart, and I remember why I love Joel so very much.
Because it works. And I never question it. And because at the end of the day, it doesn't hurt.
And that's a hell of a lot better than this.