I haven't seen him smile in a little while..
I'm feeling really awful. This feeling has been mounting up inside me since i got back and some of my 'friends' got back from uni. I've been sitting around lonely as hell, ive just left behind my boyfriend who i'm missing loads and i just wanna escape from this house too. I know some of it is my fault for getting a job or whatever but still. I feel so crushed and disappointed and most of all i feel lonely and unwanted. I feel like a doll who used to be special but has now been put at the back of the shelf and forgotten. I have tried explaining to Matt but to everyone else this seems so dumb. Just a minute ago i lay in my bed fully clothes and the tears just fell out. It seems to have crept up on me, and i, maybe i expected too much when coming back, expected everyone to jump up and start parties to keep me entertained. I have sat in this house and at work festering away. Fair enough my friends must be doing similar or whatever, but Di has mark and what not and Miriam has Jamie..do they not feel the same as what i've been feeling? No one wants to seem to go out, it seems like i end up calling people and arranging things and throughout the whole week i have nothing to look forward to apart from today. I was gonna go into town in the day with Mim and have lunch and then go for a drink and maybe even Rock City with Jaz. They both cancelled on me. I was feeling shitty before all this and this has just crushed me..i feel as though everyone is having a good time behind my back and all i have to come home to these days is a salad sandwich. I'm on such a downer. I have been trying to convince myself that something will happen soon, and Shelley and Jess are both back today so maybe that will get me out and whatever but something must happen because i can't keep just curlign up and feeling lonely. To top everything off i have a bunged up hayfevery nose and my eyes itch and i have period pains. I arranged to go out for a drink tonight with Diana but i'm sure that she will cancel but i'm beginning to numb to this whole situation and my throat is hurting for it. It's a really pathetic thing to cry/worry over but when your used to being surrounded by people..yknow what my problem is? I care too much about things and also i always show people that i care more about them then they do about me..i'm setting myself up for a fall really? Im pleased Matt is comign to visit next weekend although in a way im dreading it and im not sure why. But he can hold me tight, but i dont think he understands this. I try to conceal that im down because who wants a whiny girlfriend all the time and because he doesnt understand, because hes in exactly the same place, same friends, hes going out and having fun (even if he says it's not really fun..better than feeling lonely and outcast..) and i feel like i've been left behind my everyone. A stale friend.
I just feel let down, disappointed and unwanted. Maybe it's all confused with boredom.
On a up-note, if this is one, i got contacts today. I was able o put them in and take them out..now i can soon get rid of glasses, another bane of my life.
I have been so worried about Becky all week and her situation with Steve. It's weird when people you meet on the internet come through for you, and this situation has really affected me and i have genuinely felt bad for her and wanted to help her, that's why i bought her nice birthday presents to cheer her up, and at the same time, i don't think she realises how much of a comfort she's been to me all week. Just my texting me, whether bad or good has made me feel wanted and i feel alot more closer to her than i ever have. It's strange but very nice when the people you least expect really bring you up and make you feel special. I hope i helped her feel slightly better, and i'm really glad she's at Steves now tryign to sort things out because..*sighs*..i dont know, i just hope she gets happy some time soon. She's been disappointed too so we are on a similar (except her's is slightly more serious) par at the moment.
Thankyou bEE <3
I'm fed up of sneezing.
I just feel let down, disappointed and unwanted. Maybe it's all confused with boredom.
On a up-note, if this is one, i got contacts today. I was able o put them in and take them out..now i can soon get rid of glasses, another bane of my life.
I have been so worried about Becky all week and her situation with Steve. It's weird when people you meet on the internet come through for you, and this situation has really affected me and i have genuinely felt bad for her and wanted to help her, that's why i bought her nice birthday presents to cheer her up, and at the same time, i don't think she realises how much of a comfort she's been to me all week. Just my texting me, whether bad or good has made me feel wanted and i feel alot more closer to her than i ever have. It's strange but very nice when the people you least expect really bring you up and make you feel special. I hope i helped her feel slightly better, and i'm really glad she's at Steves now tryign to sort things out because..*sighs*..i dont know, i just hope she gets happy some time soon. She's been disappointed too so we are on a similar (except her's is slightly more serious) par at the moment.
Thankyou bEE <3
I'm fed up of sneezing.