Fic: Like Broken Glass (tag for Spoils of War)
Title: Like Broken Glass
Author: Merlin7/clarkangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: Spoils of War
Rating: T
Archive: Anywhere
Summary: Sheppard angst with some whump dumped in (because that's what I do). What happened in the aftermath of Spoils of War.
LIKE BROKEN GLASS
When they returned from the Hive ship, intact, John was relieved. He was all the more relieved when he found Teyla and she told him that Keller had cleared her. She and the baby were fine. It shook him a bit, however, when Teyla informed him that she had come close to losing her child. It made him feel a bit sick inside when she fought tears and it hit home that had he hesitated, just a second, in killing the Wraith Queen, then Teyla's child would be gone and maybe even Teyla with him. And there was another hit to the gut. She was having a boy.
A part of John wished he could turn back time and start over. Teyla now realized she couldn't stay on his team in the same capacity, and that would give John some measure of relief. One less thing to worry about in that regard. But at the same time he would miss her. With Teyla gone his team would be fragmented. Everyone on the team was a piece that fit together to make a whole. Now a piece would be missing and John knew, even after Teyla's baby was born, that the team would still be fragmented. The baby would be her first priority in everyway, which was as it should be, but it meant everything would change. He wasn't sure he was ready to deal with that right now.
So he let it go, compartimentalizing it into the back of his mind. All he wanted to deal with at the moment was a hot shower, a change of clothes and maybe something to eat. Not in that order though. Sliding into first place on his *to do* list, was hit his stash of Tyelenol and swallow a double dose. He had the headache from hell throbbing in his temples.
"Going the wrong way, Sheppard!"
John faltered in his step, then turned to see Ronon fast approaching. "Hey, big guy. And, for the record, my quarters are this way." He pointed in the direction he had been heading.
Ronon grinned. "Yeah, but the infirmary is that way." He pointed back the way he'd just come. "Keller is looking for you."
"What for?" John felt himself tense, which didn't help his headache. Maybe Teyla hadn't told him the truth. Maybe she wasn't okay after all.
"She wants to do a post check on you," Ronon replied.
John frowned. "What for? We get stunned all the time."
Ronon didn't argue that point. "True. But McKay went for a check and he babbled on and on about how he almost got fed on and he made sure to mention how the Wraith Queen got inside your head and how painful it looked."
"Sonofabitch!" John hissed, cursing himself as much as Rodney. His own voice echoed too loudly in his head, making the pain spike. Which made him catch his breath and grab for the wall when the world around him tilted to the left for a moment. He felt strong hands grab him and support him and it took longer than John would have liked to get his feet back under him. "I'm...okay," he whispered after he was sure he could support his own weight.
"I'll walk you to the infirmary," Ronon said, with quiet certainty.
John thought about arguing. Thought about pointing out that he was in charge, but he knew those arguments would fall flat with Ronon. Knew, from past experience, that the way the Satedan ended those arguments was by simply picking John up and carrying him to the infirmary. He did not want a repeat performance of that happening any time soon. So he let Ronon take his arm and lead him to the nearest transporter.
By the time they crossed the threshold into the infirmary, John's head felt like it was splitting open. He was walking without support, but he could feel Ronon hovering at his left shoulder, ready to catch him. He wanted to make this a quick check and himself heading back to his room with a handful of pain pills, but John knew it wasn't going to be that easy.
Keller spotted them and rushed over, even as she pointed Ronon to the bed in the corner. John felt a hand on his arm and he didn't protest being manhandled, since gray spots were now dancing before his eyes and his knees felt like rubber. He was pretty sure he zoned out because after feeling a pin prick in his shoulder, the next thing he knew the pain had eased, he was lying on something soft and relatively comfortable and he felt warm and almost content. Until he opened his eyes and realized he was in the infirmary, dressed in scrubs and attached to an IV.
Moving his head sent little throbs of pain dancing in his temples, but it was doable. His throat fell dry and he really wasn't happy about the IV, but then he spotted Keller coming his way and the moment she reached him he asked, "How long was I out of it?"
"About six hours, Colonel." Keller was checking his vitals. "How do you feel?"
"Better." Truthfully, he felt like crap but she didn't need to know that. She didn't need to know that he felt a bit like he had been broken apart and put back together without all the pieces. So much shit had happened to him and Atlantis in the past few weeks, and John felt like he didn't have time enough to even catch his breath before something else hit them. Hit...him. He was usually pretty good about bouncing back from any type of hit - emotional or physical - but right now he felt worn out. The kind of bone weary exhaustion that was hard to come back from. Only he had no choice but to get right back up and keep going.
Keller was watching him closely, as if she were trying to get inside his head and read his mind. Thank god she couldn't do that. "You're exhausted, Colonel, and I'm betting your head still aches."
He figured he should offer as much truth as possible. "Aches a little, but it's much better. Thanks."
"It's better because I've got you on the good stuff." She held up a hand to hold off whatever he might have said, then continued on. "For the record, you're not leaving here today. Probably not tomorrow either."
"I have work to do!" John protested. "And I'm not sick! I don't have to be here!" He felt tension coiling his muscles and anger burning up from his gut.
But keller was ready for him. "I've spoken to Col. Carter and she's in full agreement with me that you need some down time and a chance to rest and regenerate...so to speak. You've pushed yourself past your limits, Colonel and now you're going to take the time to refuel. And as CMA, we both know my word is law."
John did know, which was the only reason why he clamped his mouth shut and made himself lean back into the pillows. "What do I have to do to get out of here, ASAP?"
"Sleep and eat and relax for the next few days," Keller replied.
"I can do that in my room," John pointed out.
A smile almost cracked Keller's *tough Doc* persona. "But I can't keep an eye on you if you're in your room. Face facts, Colonel. You're only human and you need to rest. Think of this as some down time for your team. They can use the rest too."
John clenched the sheets in his hands, wanting to just fling them off and stalk out of the room, but a part of him knew if he got up he'd simply fall on his face. He could face facts and in doing that he could feel every ache and pain in his body. He knew Keller was right, but he didn't have to like it. "How long am I stuck here?" He needed a number so he could plan his strategy. Whatever she gave him he planned to cut in half.
"I'm thinking at least 5 days," Keller replied, seeing John's stunned reaction. So she went on to explain. "I ran a scan on you and compared it to other times you've had your brain probed by a Wraith Queen. Let's just say I can understand why you came in here with the headache from hell. The only reason you're not in agony right now is because I've got you on the good stuff, like I said. It's going to be a few days before it gets better on it's own."
"Just give me a bottle of Tylenol and I'll be good," John countered, knowing the reaction he would get.
She didn't disappoint him. Shaking her head, Keller pinned him with a glare. "Let's not bullshit each other, Colonel Sheppard. We both know that you're feeling like crap and that you wouldn't get two steps if you got out of this bed right now." She paused, visibly making the attempt to calm down. She mastered herself and sighed softly before she continued. "You're job is to take care of Atlantis. My job is to take care of you. You've done your job, Colonel...now let me do mine."
John rubbed at his forehead, feeling the dull throb escalate to a sharp ache. "My job is 24/7, Doc. You know that."
"I also know that if you don't take the time to get back to one hundred percent, you're going to regret it," she countered firmly.
"I'll give you two days," John shot back, closing his eyes and pressing his head into the pillow, hoping to ease the ache.
Keller moved around to his other side and the next thing John felt was a coolness seeping into his veins. "Rest, Colonel," she said softly. "We'll talk the next time you wake up."
John was glad to feel the ache in his head lifting, but he fought against the heaviness that seeped into his limbs. He didn't want to be out of the loop. He didn't want to fragment his team further.
Suddenly cool fingers smoothed over his forehead and Teyla's soft voice whispered, "Rest now, John. We will be here when you wake up."
He forced his eyes open and wasn't all that surprised to see Teyla smiling at him. Ronon was looming beside, growing fuzzier by the minute, and John could hear familiar clacking sounds, which he recognized as someone typing on a keyboard.
Right on cue Rodney piped up. "Don't waste the good drugs, Sheppard. Go to sleep already. You need to be up in time for supper. We're having Lasagna. The good stuff. I've got dibs on your piece if you sleep through chow."
"...sic R'n on you..." John slurred, feeling the darkness pulling at him. He heard Rodney grunt, felt Ronon's heavy hand on his knee and Teyla's soft "hush.." as he let himself drift into sleep.
His team might be shattered a bit, but he would always see - and they would always be - a reflection of the whole.
THE END
Author: Merlin7/clarkangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: Spoils of War
Rating: T
Archive: Anywhere
Summary: Sheppard angst with some whump dumped in (because that's what I do). What happened in the aftermath of Spoils of War.
LIKE BROKEN GLASS
When they returned from the Hive ship, intact, John was relieved. He was all the more relieved when he found Teyla and she told him that Keller had cleared her. She and the baby were fine. It shook him a bit, however, when Teyla informed him that she had come close to losing her child. It made him feel a bit sick inside when she fought tears and it hit home that had he hesitated, just a second, in killing the Wraith Queen, then Teyla's child would be gone and maybe even Teyla with him. And there was another hit to the gut. She was having a boy.
A part of John wished he could turn back time and start over. Teyla now realized she couldn't stay on his team in the same capacity, and that would give John some measure of relief. One less thing to worry about in that regard. But at the same time he would miss her. With Teyla gone his team would be fragmented. Everyone on the team was a piece that fit together to make a whole. Now a piece would be missing and John knew, even after Teyla's baby was born, that the team would still be fragmented. The baby would be her first priority in everyway, which was as it should be, but it meant everything would change. He wasn't sure he was ready to deal with that right now.
So he let it go, compartimentalizing it into the back of his mind. All he wanted to deal with at the moment was a hot shower, a change of clothes and maybe something to eat. Not in that order though. Sliding into first place on his *to do* list, was hit his stash of Tyelenol and swallow a double dose. He had the headache from hell throbbing in his temples.
"Going the wrong way, Sheppard!"
John faltered in his step, then turned to see Ronon fast approaching. "Hey, big guy. And, for the record, my quarters are this way." He pointed in the direction he had been heading.
Ronon grinned. "Yeah, but the infirmary is that way." He pointed back the way he'd just come. "Keller is looking for you."
"What for?" John felt himself tense, which didn't help his headache. Maybe Teyla hadn't told him the truth. Maybe she wasn't okay after all.
"She wants to do a post check on you," Ronon replied.
John frowned. "What for? We get stunned all the time."
Ronon didn't argue that point. "True. But McKay went for a check and he babbled on and on about how he almost got fed on and he made sure to mention how the Wraith Queen got inside your head and how painful it looked."
"Sonofabitch!" John hissed, cursing himself as much as Rodney. His own voice echoed too loudly in his head, making the pain spike. Which made him catch his breath and grab for the wall when the world around him tilted to the left for a moment. He felt strong hands grab him and support him and it took longer than John would have liked to get his feet back under him. "I'm...okay," he whispered after he was sure he could support his own weight.
"I'll walk you to the infirmary," Ronon said, with quiet certainty.
John thought about arguing. Thought about pointing out that he was in charge, but he knew those arguments would fall flat with Ronon. Knew, from past experience, that the way the Satedan ended those arguments was by simply picking John up and carrying him to the infirmary. He did not want a repeat performance of that happening any time soon. So he let Ronon take his arm and lead him to the nearest transporter.
By the time they crossed the threshold into the infirmary, John's head felt like it was splitting open. He was walking without support, but he could feel Ronon hovering at his left shoulder, ready to catch him. He wanted to make this a quick check and himself heading back to his room with a handful of pain pills, but John knew it wasn't going to be that easy.
Keller spotted them and rushed over, even as she pointed Ronon to the bed in the corner. John felt a hand on his arm and he didn't protest being manhandled, since gray spots were now dancing before his eyes and his knees felt like rubber. He was pretty sure he zoned out because after feeling a pin prick in his shoulder, the next thing he knew the pain had eased, he was lying on something soft and relatively comfortable and he felt warm and almost content. Until he opened his eyes and realized he was in the infirmary, dressed in scrubs and attached to an IV.
Moving his head sent little throbs of pain dancing in his temples, but it was doable. His throat fell dry and he really wasn't happy about the IV, but then he spotted Keller coming his way and the moment she reached him he asked, "How long was I out of it?"
"About six hours, Colonel." Keller was checking his vitals. "How do you feel?"
"Better." Truthfully, he felt like crap but she didn't need to know that. She didn't need to know that he felt a bit like he had been broken apart and put back together without all the pieces. So much shit had happened to him and Atlantis in the past few weeks, and John felt like he didn't have time enough to even catch his breath before something else hit them. Hit...him. He was usually pretty good about bouncing back from any type of hit - emotional or physical - but right now he felt worn out. The kind of bone weary exhaustion that was hard to come back from. Only he had no choice but to get right back up and keep going.
Keller was watching him closely, as if she were trying to get inside his head and read his mind. Thank god she couldn't do that. "You're exhausted, Colonel, and I'm betting your head still aches."
He figured he should offer as much truth as possible. "Aches a little, but it's much better. Thanks."
"It's better because I've got you on the good stuff." She held up a hand to hold off whatever he might have said, then continued on. "For the record, you're not leaving here today. Probably not tomorrow either."
"I have work to do!" John protested. "And I'm not sick! I don't have to be here!" He felt tension coiling his muscles and anger burning up from his gut.
But keller was ready for him. "I've spoken to Col. Carter and she's in full agreement with me that you need some down time and a chance to rest and regenerate...so to speak. You've pushed yourself past your limits, Colonel and now you're going to take the time to refuel. And as CMA, we both know my word is law."
John did know, which was the only reason why he clamped his mouth shut and made himself lean back into the pillows. "What do I have to do to get out of here, ASAP?"
"Sleep and eat and relax for the next few days," Keller replied.
"I can do that in my room," John pointed out.
A smile almost cracked Keller's *tough Doc* persona. "But I can't keep an eye on you if you're in your room. Face facts, Colonel. You're only human and you need to rest. Think of this as some down time for your team. They can use the rest too."
John clenched the sheets in his hands, wanting to just fling them off and stalk out of the room, but a part of him knew if he got up he'd simply fall on his face. He could face facts and in doing that he could feel every ache and pain in his body. He knew Keller was right, but he didn't have to like it. "How long am I stuck here?" He needed a number so he could plan his strategy. Whatever she gave him he planned to cut in half.
"I'm thinking at least 5 days," Keller replied, seeing John's stunned reaction. So she went on to explain. "I ran a scan on you and compared it to other times you've had your brain probed by a Wraith Queen. Let's just say I can understand why you came in here with the headache from hell. The only reason you're not in agony right now is because I've got you on the good stuff, like I said. It's going to be a few days before it gets better on it's own."
"Just give me a bottle of Tylenol and I'll be good," John countered, knowing the reaction he would get.
She didn't disappoint him. Shaking her head, Keller pinned him with a glare. "Let's not bullshit each other, Colonel Sheppard. We both know that you're feeling like crap and that you wouldn't get two steps if you got out of this bed right now." She paused, visibly making the attempt to calm down. She mastered herself and sighed softly before she continued. "You're job is to take care of Atlantis. My job is to take care of you. You've done your job, Colonel...now let me do mine."
John rubbed at his forehead, feeling the dull throb escalate to a sharp ache. "My job is 24/7, Doc. You know that."
"I also know that if you don't take the time to get back to one hundred percent, you're going to regret it," she countered firmly.
"I'll give you two days," John shot back, closing his eyes and pressing his head into the pillow, hoping to ease the ache.
Keller moved around to his other side and the next thing John felt was a coolness seeping into his veins. "Rest, Colonel," she said softly. "We'll talk the next time you wake up."
John was glad to feel the ache in his head lifting, but he fought against the heaviness that seeped into his limbs. He didn't want to be out of the loop. He didn't want to fragment his team further.
Suddenly cool fingers smoothed over his forehead and Teyla's soft voice whispered, "Rest now, John. We will be here when you wake up."
He forced his eyes open and wasn't all that surprised to see Teyla smiling at him. Ronon was looming beside, growing fuzzier by the minute, and John could hear familiar clacking sounds, which he recognized as someone typing on a keyboard.
Right on cue Rodney piped up. "Don't waste the good drugs, Sheppard. Go to sleep already. You need to be up in time for supper. We're having Lasagna. The good stuff. I've got dibs on your piece if you sleep through chow."
"...sic R'n on you..." John slurred, feeling the darkness pulling at him. He heard Rodney grunt, felt Ronon's heavy hand on his knee and Teyla's soft "hush.." as he let himself drift into sleep.
His team might be shattered a bit, but he would always see - and they would always be - a reflection of the whole.
THE END