Hopeless?
I'm not sure if I have written about this before, and if I have, I guess this is Round 2. I woke up wondering if I count as a hopeless romantic. I thought it over for a little, then I realized I wasn't really sure what a hopeless romantic was. So, I fired up the Google machine (actually, I used Bing), and looked into it. First thing that popped up was Urban Dictionary. The third definition seemed to make sense...
"Hopeless Romantics are NOT Hopeless per-say, but very true, caring, and loving people. They are "NOT MADE FOR TODAYS STANDARDS", sadly. They believe in passion, chivalry, and true love. They have loved sincerely at one point in their life, discovered what love feels like, and can't understand why it was not returned in the same form. Hopeless Romantics are usually dreamers, idealists, and sincere, however what they expect in any relationship is a full return for their effort and caring, to be loved as much as they loved. What makes them "Hopeless" is the fact that they are few and far between in todays daily life, and usually get let down in the long run, even though they gave all they had to give, money, love, time, housing, belongings. Hopeless Romantics give 100% ALL the time, and hope for the same in return."
Let's break it down, bit by bit.
1. "NOT Hopeless per-say." Well, I would pray this is true. I like to think I have a lot of potential in life, considering everything I have already accomplished. I'm usually optimistic, but years of being mistreated have made me pretty cynical.
2. "very true, caring, and loving people." Yup. Makes me think of my friend Lisa. She and I have absolutely nothing in common, and when I asked her why she likes hanging out with me, she always says "because you're REAL." She's right.
3. "They are "NOT MADE FOR TODAYS STANDARDS," sadly." Correct. I'm too old school, too classic (for lack of a better word), and to be honest, I'm not sure what today's standards are anymore. I don't do online dating, I don't have a Tinder account, and I'm not all that interested in a casual, friends-with-benefits, "we're just hanging out" type of relationship anymore. I am hoping for something a lot more serious, and I guess that isn't today's standard.
4. "They believe in passion, chivalry, and true love." Yes. Chivalry especially. Again, that's the classic side of me. There's nothing wrong with a little politeness, paying for the date, holding the door open, saying "please" and "thank you," being respectful, and showing kindness. Thing is, asking some of the misandrist feminists out there, they'll tell you this is outdated misogyny, unconscious sexism, patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and all those other stupid buzzwords. The ideology doesn't make sense. Find a guy that tries to treat women well, and it is a form of sexism. Find a jerk that treats women badly, and you get the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Be a nice guy, the line is always "You're a nice guy, we should be just friends." Then, when I try to change (for the worse), and be the "bad boy" that women claim to want, the line is always "What happened? You used to be such a nice guy!" The game is set up as a lose-lose situation, unfortunately.
5. "They have loved sincerely at one point in their life, discovered what love feels like, and can't understand why it was not returned in the same form." YES! Unreciprocated affection is one of the most emotionally painful feelings someone could ever have to deal with. Over and over, it's one example of rejection after another. It's hard to stay positive in the face of it all when it is so consistent.
6. "Hopeless Romantics are usually dreamers, idealists, and sincere, however what they expect in any relationship is a full return for their effort and caring, to be loved as much as they loved." Well, I definitely dream a lot. I'm always dreaming of scenarios that could be done in a relationship, and I guess these all exist in dreams is because I can't do them in real life. I mean, I already know where I want to propose. Is that bad? I don't think it is. But there really is a lot of ideas I've thought about and dreamed up that I would love to do with someone instead of just by myself. Road trips, dates, holidays, concerts, road races, you name it. Heck, something simple like cuddling during the July 4th fireworks is still something I can only dream about, since it is still something I haven't had the chance to experience. Even earlier today, I thought to myself "you know what would be nice? If I go to a girl's house, give her two long stem roses, and hang up mistletoe when she's not looking, so I can surprise her." I guess this might be because Christmas decorations and commercials are already here (BOO!), but it might be the idealist in me. I'm not sure. Of course, I once sent a long stem rose to a lady friend for Valentine's Day, and she chewed me out for it the very next day. Leave it to me to screw up Valentine's, right? And I've definitely poured a lot of effort into a failing and toxic relationship in the past, and it was clear the feelings were not matched. I made it very clear that I was the one trying to make the relationship work, and she was taking it all for granted. She was in total denial about it, and probably still is. (Thank God that one is over.) A bit of advice: don't tell someone "I tried" when it is very clear that you haven't. At least be honest about the lack of effort.
7. "What makes them "Hopeless" is the fact that they are few and far between in todays daily life, and usually get let down in the long run, even though they gave all they had to give, money, love, time, housing, belongings." Maybe I'm not as hopeless as I think I am. I do get down a lot. I do give a lot of myself. I do put a lot of time, effort, and love into it when it happens. Money? Well.... Let's just say I fully plan on getting a pre-nup before I get married. When I was working at the bank a few years back, I saw a client get completely ruined by his ex-wife (you know, the one that loved him with all her heart). It was all in one swoop: she showed up at 9 am and cleaned out all his accounts, served the divorce papers at 12, and booked a flight to leave the country by 5 pm. His entire life's savings were GONE. And make no mistake, I am NOT going to let that happen to me under any circumstances. There is no way I'm letting a spiteful woman take half my money, half my property, half of my investment portfolio, and half my assets all at once, then pay her half my paycheck for the rest of eternity for her to spend time with other men. NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. My heart may be for love, but my brain is for business, and my finances are strictly business. So, again, maybe I'm not as hopeless as I think I am. Still, on the other hand, keeping secrets is one way to kill off a relationship. That said, I don't think it is unfair to be totally open about what you have, what you make, what you are investing in, and what your goals are. You have to know what is coming in, and what is going out. Writing up a budget is important, and that needs to be done with both people in the relationship, not just by one. I just don't think it is a good idea to put my finances at risk without providing some kind of security net for myself.
8. "Hopeless Romantics give 100% ALL the time, and hope for the same in return." Yes. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. And maybe in this case, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Finding someone you are attracted to, have a lot in common with, want to spend time with, and also feel the same way for me that I feel about them? That's really all you can hope for. Since I don't have that now, dreaming and hoping is all I have.
We'll see.
"Hopeless Romantics are NOT Hopeless per-say, but very true, caring, and loving people. They are "NOT MADE FOR TODAYS STANDARDS", sadly. They believe in passion, chivalry, and true love. They have loved sincerely at one point in their life, discovered what love feels like, and can't understand why it was not returned in the same form. Hopeless Romantics are usually dreamers, idealists, and sincere, however what they expect in any relationship is a full return for their effort and caring, to be loved as much as they loved. What makes them "Hopeless" is the fact that they are few and far between in todays daily life, and usually get let down in the long run, even though they gave all they had to give, money, love, time, housing, belongings. Hopeless Romantics give 100% ALL the time, and hope for the same in return."
Let's break it down, bit by bit.
1. "NOT Hopeless per-say." Well, I would pray this is true. I like to think I have a lot of potential in life, considering everything I have already accomplished. I'm usually optimistic, but years of being mistreated have made me pretty cynical.
2. "very true, caring, and loving people." Yup. Makes me think of my friend Lisa. She and I have absolutely nothing in common, and when I asked her why she likes hanging out with me, she always says "because you're REAL." She's right.
3. "They are "NOT MADE FOR TODAYS STANDARDS," sadly." Correct. I'm too old school, too classic (for lack of a better word), and to be honest, I'm not sure what today's standards are anymore. I don't do online dating, I don't have a Tinder account, and I'm not all that interested in a casual, friends-with-benefits, "we're just hanging out" type of relationship anymore. I am hoping for something a lot more serious, and I guess that isn't today's standard.
4. "They believe in passion, chivalry, and true love." Yes. Chivalry especially. Again, that's the classic side of me. There's nothing wrong with a little politeness, paying for the date, holding the door open, saying "please" and "thank you," being respectful, and showing kindness. Thing is, asking some of the misandrist feminists out there, they'll tell you this is outdated misogyny, unconscious sexism, patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and all those other stupid buzzwords. The ideology doesn't make sense. Find a guy that tries to treat women well, and it is a form of sexism. Find a jerk that treats women badly, and you get the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Be a nice guy, the line is always "You're a nice guy, we should be just friends." Then, when I try to change (for the worse), and be the "bad boy" that women claim to want, the line is always "What happened? You used to be such a nice guy!" The game is set up as a lose-lose situation, unfortunately.
5. "They have loved sincerely at one point in their life, discovered what love feels like, and can't understand why it was not returned in the same form." YES! Unreciprocated affection is one of the most emotionally painful feelings someone could ever have to deal with. Over and over, it's one example of rejection after another. It's hard to stay positive in the face of it all when it is so consistent.
6. "Hopeless Romantics are usually dreamers, idealists, and sincere, however what they expect in any relationship is a full return for their effort and caring, to be loved as much as they loved." Well, I definitely dream a lot. I'm always dreaming of scenarios that could be done in a relationship, and I guess these all exist in dreams is because I can't do them in real life. I mean, I already know where I want to propose. Is that bad? I don't think it is. But there really is a lot of ideas I've thought about and dreamed up that I would love to do with someone instead of just by myself. Road trips, dates, holidays, concerts, road races, you name it. Heck, something simple like cuddling during the July 4th fireworks is still something I can only dream about, since it is still something I haven't had the chance to experience. Even earlier today, I thought to myself "you know what would be nice? If I go to a girl's house, give her two long stem roses, and hang up mistletoe when she's not looking, so I can surprise her." I guess this might be because Christmas decorations and commercials are already here (BOO!), but it might be the idealist in me. I'm not sure. Of course, I once sent a long stem rose to a lady friend for Valentine's Day, and she chewed me out for it the very next day. Leave it to me to screw up Valentine's, right? And I've definitely poured a lot of effort into a failing and toxic relationship in the past, and it was clear the feelings were not matched. I made it very clear that I was the one trying to make the relationship work, and she was taking it all for granted. She was in total denial about it, and probably still is. (Thank God that one is over.) A bit of advice: don't tell someone "I tried" when it is very clear that you haven't. At least be honest about the lack of effort.
7. "What makes them "Hopeless" is the fact that they are few and far between in todays daily life, and usually get let down in the long run, even though they gave all they had to give, money, love, time, housing, belongings." Maybe I'm not as hopeless as I think I am. I do get down a lot. I do give a lot of myself. I do put a lot of time, effort, and love into it when it happens. Money? Well.... Let's just say I fully plan on getting a pre-nup before I get married. When I was working at the bank a few years back, I saw a client get completely ruined by his ex-wife (you know, the one that loved him with all her heart). It was all in one swoop: she showed up at 9 am and cleaned out all his accounts, served the divorce papers at 12, and booked a flight to leave the country by 5 pm. His entire life's savings were GONE. And make no mistake, I am NOT going to let that happen to me under any circumstances. There is no way I'm letting a spiteful woman take half my money, half my property, half of my investment portfolio, and half my assets all at once, then pay her half my paycheck for the rest of eternity for her to spend time with other men. NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. My heart may be for love, but my brain is for business, and my finances are strictly business. So, again, maybe I'm not as hopeless as I think I am. Still, on the other hand, keeping secrets is one way to kill off a relationship. That said, I don't think it is unfair to be totally open about what you have, what you make, what you are investing in, and what your goals are. You have to know what is coming in, and what is going out. Writing up a budget is important, and that needs to be done with both people in the relationship, not just by one. I just don't think it is a good idea to put my finances at risk without providing some kind of security net for myself.
8. "Hopeless Romantics give 100% ALL the time, and hope for the same in return." Yes. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. And maybe in this case, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Finding someone you are attracted to, have a lot in common with, want to spend time with, and also feel the same way for me that I feel about them? That's really all you can hope for. Since I don't have that now, dreaming and hoping is all I have.
We'll see.