Fear
Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.
The guy that wrote those Chicken Soup for the Soul books might be on to something.
"What are you afraid of?"
I've asked that to former flames, and I feel it is a valid question. It is also valid if I ask it to myself from time to time.
Everything I want can be summed up in one word: love. But, some of the times the thing that keeps me from attaining it is fear. I can't speak to what past women were afraid of, but as for me, I'm afraid of being rejected again. You'd think that I wouldn't be, considering how many times I've been rejected over the last few years. In a way, I'm used to it. Hey, what's just one more time, right? But the effort for getting everything I want in life is going to lead to more heartache.
Sometimes, I do try though. And this brings me to (who else?) Samantha. Since the start of the new year, I've already run two road races, and on the way to and from the events, I had to drive by where she lives. I can't tell you how many times I bring up her number in my phone, and just look at it. Usually I just look at the picture of her I set up as her photo ID and not actually call her. I don't call, because I'm afraid. As much as I want to talk to her, well.... I just know that she'd just chew me out and reject me again. Then there are times when I actually do call, and she just sends it to voicemail and she doesn't call back. I don't leave messages, and that's not against her, I just don't do that in general. I don't really know why. Back to the races. The first time, I just drove by and saw she was there but kept going. As much as I wanted to see her, I was too afraid to stop. Today, I did. She either wasn't home (even though her car was there) or she simply didn't answer the door on purpose. Her dog either smelled/sensed/saw me coming and freaked out and barked the whole time I was there (probably 90 seconds at most). I don't blame him, he's never met me, so he's being protective. It's what dogs are supposed to do. In a way, I'm not surprised nothing came of it. But the fact that I finally had the guts to at least stop and try is, well, something.
It's really true. Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.
And yes, I just wrote all this out when going with "I still have a crush on Sam, I went to her apartment, knocked on the door, and she wasn't there" could have gotten the job done. This is what happens when you spend a few years as a graduate student in a Communications program.
The guy that wrote those Chicken Soup for the Soul books might be on to something.
"What are you afraid of?"
I've asked that to former flames, and I feel it is a valid question. It is also valid if I ask it to myself from time to time.
Everything I want can be summed up in one word: love. But, some of the times the thing that keeps me from attaining it is fear. I can't speak to what past women were afraid of, but as for me, I'm afraid of being rejected again. You'd think that I wouldn't be, considering how many times I've been rejected over the last few years. In a way, I'm used to it. Hey, what's just one more time, right? But the effort for getting everything I want in life is going to lead to more heartache.
Sometimes, I do try though. And this brings me to (who else?) Samantha. Since the start of the new year, I've already run two road races, and on the way to and from the events, I had to drive by where she lives. I can't tell you how many times I bring up her number in my phone, and just look at it. Usually I just look at the picture of her I set up as her photo ID and not actually call her. I don't call, because I'm afraid. As much as I want to talk to her, well.... I just know that she'd just chew me out and reject me again. Then there are times when I actually do call, and she just sends it to voicemail and she doesn't call back. I don't leave messages, and that's not against her, I just don't do that in general. I don't really know why. Back to the races. The first time, I just drove by and saw she was there but kept going. As much as I wanted to see her, I was too afraid to stop. Today, I did. She either wasn't home (even though her car was there) or she simply didn't answer the door on purpose. Her dog either smelled/sensed/saw me coming and freaked out and barked the whole time I was there (probably 90 seconds at most). I don't blame him, he's never met me, so he's being protective. It's what dogs are supposed to do. In a way, I'm not surprised nothing came of it. But the fact that I finally had the guts to at least stop and try is, well, something.
It's really true. Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.
And yes, I just wrote all this out when going with "I still have a crush on Sam, I went to her apartment, knocked on the door, and she wasn't there" could have gotten the job done. This is what happens when you spend a few years as a graduate student in a Communications program.