Think About the Future!
It is when you are at your lowest point that you learn who will stick by you and who won't. It's when you find out the levels of loyalty of people around you. When you see their true colors, and the content of their character.
Why do you think that during a wedding ceremony, the priest will ask if you take each other "for rich or for poor?" It is because you will be making a vow in front of family, friends, and God that you will be faithful and loyal at all times, no matter what happens in the future. It is easy to be loyal and happy when things are going great. If the work is full-time, if the money flows in, if the weekends are sunny and full of adventure, if the house is nice and the power is on, then yes, it is very easy to keep your loyalty. There's no real challenge, no need to worry about the future. Just let the good times roll.
But when the chips are down? When things get hard? That's when you show your true colors. It's also when the true colors of those close to you are shown. That's when you see who really wants to make it work. That's when you see if someone is in it for the long-term, or if they expose themselves as just another Johnny-come-lately.
"These are the times that try men's souls." ~Thomas Paine.
Which comes to me.
The work isn't full-time, and in fact it doesn't exist. The only thing that is real is the stack of rejection letters that keep piling up. The money isn't exactly flowing in (GI Bill benefits will be finished with soon). Weekends are a haze. The house is nice and the power is on, but it isn't mine. I haven't been able to really break out on my own yet. Good times aren't really rolling. The chips are down. I told my story to CNN about a year ago, which they published on their iReport page. I made the point that things may be tough, but I'm going to keep trying, and the last thing I need is for somebody to give me a guilt trip about my current situation on top of everything.
Which comes to Sam.
I hope she's reading this.
We had it out a few weeks back. Didn't speak for a while. Then, for some odd reason, she emailed me at two in the morning (?!?) asking me to call her (I didn't, I was asleep). At first she gave me some heartless "disregard" response. Then about a week ago she called me out of the blue to watch the Giants/Cowboys game. Me being me, I jumped at the chance. Things were fine, except for a couple things. First, New York won, and fuck them. Second, she left without saying goodbye. Odd....
Tried to ask her to come out for Halloween. Sent a picture of me all done up before I hit the bars, as a hint to let her know that there are some fun times to be had (I was the Joker). You know the Rolling Stone song "19th Nervous Breakdown?" That pretty much sums up what happened next. She freaks out so often that I'm used to it by now. This one was one of the worst though.
She showed me her true colors. The sweetheart from my first half marathon that went out of her way to find me? That was an act, nothing more. Right now the chips are down for me, but instead of loyalty, her real character was exposed. Her character trait, above all, is abandonment. She abandoned me again. And I know why.
I was right all along when I said her father would be ashamed of her. If he was alive to see how horribly she treats people, there is no chance he would be pleased or impressed in any possible way. I naively tried to apologize, but now I know there was never any need to. I was honest, and she knew it. And you know, there's a catch to this. The Vietnam veteran that she keeps calling her father....isn't her real father at all. Her real family in Europe gave her up for adoption decades ago. They didn't want her.
It explains why she finds reasons to abandon people. It also explains why she keeps looking for ways out of New England; she knows she doesn't belong here. The thing is, she has nobody to really take it all out on, so she takes it out on me. I'm not about to cry victimhood, since I don't feel like I'm a victim. The better term would be scapegoat. Her problems and her issues don't have much to do with me, but I make for an easy target. And like most women, she'll do anything she can to twist it so I'm the bad guy. (See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.)
So Sam tells me her past is not her future. Samantha, honey, baby.... you don't have a future. Keep pushing people away, keep lashing out at those that want to be with you, keep abandoning people at every turn when they have a run of bad luck, and trust me, nobody is going to stick around for somebody that isn't loyal in return. Sorry for the bad news, but someone has to tell you.
So Sam tries to lecture me about my spending habits. Baby, the reason I spend so much, is because I have so much. And why do I have so much? Because I save so much. She's always been jealous of me and my finances. Well, I'm sitting on a golden ticket, and she's *really* going to be jealous when I cash it in.
So Sam says I'm a "man." In quotes. Tough talk hiding behind a phone, right? You weren't putting it like that in bed, were you, Sam? Odd she would say that to a combat veteran one second, and would claim to honor soldiers a minute later. I hate hypocrites like that. My record on whether I'm a man or not speaks for itself.
And the final disgrace is a death threat. "You come here and I'll kill you." No, Sam, you won't. And don't pretend that you will. Bluffs like that don't frighten me. Hardcore members of the Taliban used rocket launchers to try and take me out. Some chick with a bad attitude and a bad outlook on life doesn't make me intimidated. I got a lot worse from the boot camp drill sergeants.
I guess it all makes sense that she showed her true moral code when I was decked out as the Joker. It all makes for a sick joke. "You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."
It's easy to be loyal when things are going well. But her character and morals were exposed. And me? Dropped at the first sign of trouble. Not the first time that has happened, either, but that's a different story.
Seek help, Samantha. I don't hate you, I just feel bad for you. Your real problem isn't with me. It's with yourself.
Why do you think that during a wedding ceremony, the priest will ask if you take each other "for rich or for poor?" It is because you will be making a vow in front of family, friends, and God that you will be faithful and loyal at all times, no matter what happens in the future. It is easy to be loyal and happy when things are going great. If the work is full-time, if the money flows in, if the weekends are sunny and full of adventure, if the house is nice and the power is on, then yes, it is very easy to keep your loyalty. There's no real challenge, no need to worry about the future. Just let the good times roll.
But when the chips are down? When things get hard? That's when you show your true colors. It's also when the true colors of those close to you are shown. That's when you see who really wants to make it work. That's when you see if someone is in it for the long-term, or if they expose themselves as just another Johnny-come-lately.
"These are the times that try men's souls." ~Thomas Paine.
Which comes to me.
The work isn't full-time, and in fact it doesn't exist. The only thing that is real is the stack of rejection letters that keep piling up. The money isn't exactly flowing in (GI Bill benefits will be finished with soon). Weekends are a haze. The house is nice and the power is on, but it isn't mine. I haven't been able to really break out on my own yet. Good times aren't really rolling. The chips are down. I told my story to CNN about a year ago, which they published on their iReport page. I made the point that things may be tough, but I'm going to keep trying, and the last thing I need is for somebody to give me a guilt trip about my current situation on top of everything.
Which comes to Sam.
I hope she's reading this.
We had it out a few weeks back. Didn't speak for a while. Then, for some odd reason, she emailed me at two in the morning (?!?) asking me to call her (I didn't, I was asleep). At first she gave me some heartless "disregard" response. Then about a week ago she called me out of the blue to watch the Giants/Cowboys game. Me being me, I jumped at the chance. Things were fine, except for a couple things. First, New York won, and fuck them. Second, she left without saying goodbye. Odd....
Tried to ask her to come out for Halloween. Sent a picture of me all done up before I hit the bars, as a hint to let her know that there are some fun times to be had (I was the Joker). You know the Rolling Stone song "19th Nervous Breakdown?" That pretty much sums up what happened next. She freaks out so often that I'm used to it by now. This one was one of the worst though.
She showed me her true colors. The sweetheart from my first half marathon that went out of her way to find me? That was an act, nothing more. Right now the chips are down for me, but instead of loyalty, her real character was exposed. Her character trait, above all, is abandonment. She abandoned me again. And I know why.
I was right all along when I said her father would be ashamed of her. If he was alive to see how horribly she treats people, there is no chance he would be pleased or impressed in any possible way. I naively tried to apologize, but now I know there was never any need to. I was honest, and she knew it. And you know, there's a catch to this. The Vietnam veteran that she keeps calling her father....isn't her real father at all. Her real family in Europe gave her up for adoption decades ago. They didn't want her.
It explains why she finds reasons to abandon people. It also explains why she keeps looking for ways out of New England; she knows she doesn't belong here. The thing is, she has nobody to really take it all out on, so she takes it out on me. I'm not about to cry victimhood, since I don't feel like I'm a victim. The better term would be scapegoat. Her problems and her issues don't have much to do with me, but I make for an easy target. And like most women, she'll do anything she can to twist it so I'm the bad guy. (See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.)
So Sam tells me her past is not her future. Samantha, honey, baby.... you don't have a future. Keep pushing people away, keep lashing out at those that want to be with you, keep abandoning people at every turn when they have a run of bad luck, and trust me, nobody is going to stick around for somebody that isn't loyal in return. Sorry for the bad news, but someone has to tell you.
So Sam tries to lecture me about my spending habits. Baby, the reason I spend so much, is because I have so much. And why do I have so much? Because I save so much. She's always been jealous of me and my finances. Well, I'm sitting on a golden ticket, and she's *really* going to be jealous when I cash it in.
So Sam says I'm a "man." In quotes. Tough talk hiding behind a phone, right? You weren't putting it like that in bed, were you, Sam? Odd she would say that to a combat veteran one second, and would claim to honor soldiers a minute later. I hate hypocrites like that. My record on whether I'm a man or not speaks for itself.
And the final disgrace is a death threat. "You come here and I'll kill you." No, Sam, you won't. And don't pretend that you will. Bluffs like that don't frighten me. Hardcore members of the Taliban used rocket launchers to try and take me out. Some chick with a bad attitude and a bad outlook on life doesn't make me intimidated. I got a lot worse from the boot camp drill sergeants.
I guess it all makes sense that she showed her true moral code when I was decked out as the Joker. It all makes for a sick joke. "You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."
It's easy to be loyal when things are going well. But her character and morals were exposed. And me? Dropped at the first sign of trouble. Not the first time that has happened, either, but that's a different story.
Seek help, Samantha. I don't hate you, I just feel bad for you. Your real problem isn't with me. It's with yourself.