Defying Gravity Femslash Fanfic - "But I didn't feel like "just a friend"
Title: But I didn't feel like "just a friend"
Author: shemp_o2stk
Pairing: Zen
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or the show but if I had the right to show them on my imaginary network, gosh darn it I would!
I made my way to the ward as fast as I could, inconspicuously I hoped as I knew rumours would start flying around if anyone saw me the way I expected my face to look right now. Someone must have seen Zoe being carried in, and I guess mouths would be flapping by now. I was suddenly there, unaware of anyone around me as I stopped at the doorway.
My breath escaped me for a few seconds, having to steady myself as I looked into the room, Zoe's bed encased by the hospital curtains. Zoe was lying in there in... in what condition? And as far as I was concerned this was all Donner's fault, or mine.
Faced with the most real relationship in my life, the strongest emotions, and what did I do? Nothing. Distracting myself with Ted? Maybe it really was my fault, I stood by and let Zoe's life spiral into this mess. I couldn't interfere with her love life because of how I felt about her. Maybe if I had just been looking out for her as a friend then-? But I didn't feel like "just a friend", I didn't want to be. But it was still totally his fault, I kept telling myself.
The nurse slipped out the bottom end of the curtains, clocked me standing there like a popcorn vendor, probably with matching glazed eyes wondering what I was doing there.
"Jen?" She questioned, I nodded unable to speak, my jaw clenched. She gave me a little wave to come over, and as I walked over to her, I felt my hands getting hot. "Good, she's been asking after you."
The nurse pulled back the curtain to Zoe's bed. I told myself to be calm, but my hands tightened at my sides. One last clench of my jaw, don't say anything Jen, don't tell Zoe how you feel about her, what you think of how Donner treat her. Nothing. I tried to breath steadily and speak.
"Hey." That was weak for what Zoe had been through, but if my mouth was open any longer I would have spoken my mind.
Zoe smiled wryly up at me. Our gaze held a little too long, I broke it, sat down at her side.
The nurse made her excuses and went, sensing the awkwardness between Zoe and I.
"Do you think I made the wrong descision?" She asked me in her light voice, almost a whisper.
"...from the start" It just came out, saying it more to myself.
"What?" Her voice strained at me, I closed my eyes and exhaled. "Jen do you think I-"
"-No" I cut her off. Opening my eyes I looked across into her azure eyes. I forgot what I was saying, lost in the, "I-um, Zoe, I didn't mean... I meant the whole Maddox thing was bad from the start." Zoe's eyes cut through me, I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I was on the verge of spilling my one clear thought. "Zoe..." I'm in love with you.
"But I did the right thing? ... Jen?"
"Yes, Yes you did, if this is what you really want."
"I do," Zoe sighed and let herself give a small smile, rolling her eyes. "I became one of those women didn't I?"
I returned her smile, since we met we said we wouldn't let "drama" take over our lives, we had our futures in mind and didn't want anything to get in the way.
"Seems we still can't have everything." I wanted her.
Author: shemp_o2stk
Pairing: Zen
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or the show but if I had the right to show them on my imaginary network, gosh darn it I would!
I made my way to the ward as fast as I could, inconspicuously I hoped as I knew rumours would start flying around if anyone saw me the way I expected my face to look right now. Someone must have seen Zoe being carried in, and I guess mouths would be flapping by now. I was suddenly there, unaware of anyone around me as I stopped at the doorway.
My breath escaped me for a few seconds, having to steady myself as I looked into the room, Zoe's bed encased by the hospital curtains. Zoe was lying in there in... in what condition? And as far as I was concerned this was all Donner's fault, or mine.
Faced with the most real relationship in my life, the strongest emotions, and what did I do? Nothing. Distracting myself with Ted? Maybe it really was my fault, I stood by and let Zoe's life spiral into this mess. I couldn't interfere with her love life because of how I felt about her. Maybe if I had just been looking out for her as a friend then-? But I didn't feel like "just a friend", I didn't want to be. But it was still totally his fault, I kept telling myself.
The nurse slipped out the bottom end of the curtains, clocked me standing there like a popcorn vendor, probably with matching glazed eyes wondering what I was doing there.
"Jen?" She questioned, I nodded unable to speak, my jaw clenched. She gave me a little wave to come over, and as I walked over to her, I felt my hands getting hot. "Good, she's been asking after you."
The nurse pulled back the curtain to Zoe's bed. I told myself to be calm, but my hands tightened at my sides. One last clench of my jaw, don't say anything Jen, don't tell Zoe how you feel about her, what you think of how Donner treat her. Nothing. I tried to breath steadily and speak.
"Hey." That was weak for what Zoe had been through, but if my mouth was open any longer I would have spoken my mind.
Zoe smiled wryly up at me. Our gaze held a little too long, I broke it, sat down at her side.
The nurse made her excuses and went, sensing the awkwardness between Zoe and I.
"Do you think I made the wrong descision?" She asked me in her light voice, almost a whisper.
"...from the start" It just came out, saying it more to myself.
"What?" Her voice strained at me, I closed my eyes and exhaled. "Jen do you think I-"
"-No" I cut her off. Opening my eyes I looked across into her azure eyes. I forgot what I was saying, lost in the, "I-um, Zoe, I didn't mean... I meant the whole Maddox thing was bad from the start." Zoe's eyes cut through me, I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I was on the verge of spilling my one clear thought. "Zoe..." I'm in love with you.
"But I did the right thing? ... Jen?"
"Yes, Yes you did, if this is what you really want."
"I do," Zoe sighed and let herself give a small smile, rolling her eyes. "I became one of those women didn't I?"
I returned her smile, since we met we said we wouldn't let "drama" take over our lives, we had our futures in mind and didn't want anything to get in the way.
"Seems we still can't have everything." I wanted her.