Lost to the Ocean - Melanie Schertz (A Gif review Part 1)
Okay so this review will have to be in parts because dude....Katharine needs her $4 worth....and well lets just say it was cray cray then it got boring and then it got cray cray again. And I need to share.
This review is brought to you by this picture of Athos with his head in a bucket. I feel it summarizes accurately my general feeling.
As does this face which I believe was the face Athos made BEFORE putting his head in this bucket.
So far on page one the only interesting fact (it was a recitation of things I already knew) is that Old Mr Darcy's first name was Gerald. The second page a man (presumably Wickham it's only recounted in a really really long express letter) pulled a gun and wounded Colonel Fitzwilliam. The bullet struck his chest! very near his heart! and Miss Darcy and her friend were forced from the house at GUN POINT! LOL Darcy can't remember Georgiana's friends name Hes like "I'm sure she is a good sort of woman, Colonel Fitzwilliam liked her, Georgiana has known her for three years, whatshername. Good old whatshername" (Clearly it's Elizabeth btw in case you didn't get that)
Heeee so Darcy is all like "I'm not going to pay Miss Bennet ransom! I don't know the girl!"
"Mr Marlow, I am Fitzwilliam Darcy, brother of Georgiana Darcy, and cousin to Colonel Fitzwilliam."
I hope he introduces himself like that for the WHOLE BOOK.
Of course ship sinks ! Whoops Mrs. Younge overboard there goes Wickham too!! Easy out for them!
A French lady called Hilda!! No wait she is from England but needs spectacles because keeps saying France dangerous place for Englishmen either that or Lizzy and Georgie are really manly looking.
Ooh her French husband's name is d'arcy maybe they are related! Everyone in France is English!
Why is Darcy writing a letter on board to post in Lisbon now? Like he is going to have to add to that letter but no he seals it. God this is so stupid.
All Jane is doing at the news that Lizzy was kidnapped is crying and clutching a handkerchief. She is her mothers daughter then.
Why the ever loving fuck did Wickham even take then to Lisbon? It's such a stupid plan.
Mr Bennet wants to interrogate people about his missing daughter the minute he arrives in Ramsgate but Jane is like now is not the time. No actually Jane I think this is the time.
Oh god it's more "my heart tells my Georgie is alive" Why are all the Mr Darcy's psychic?
Mrs younge! She is not dead? Oh and half of Darcys men are French born is they can search France easily.
D'Artagnan is judging you and your fake English French Whatever you are people Darcy. I don't blame him.
Also Darcy is a fairy apparently! WTF GOLD DUST? WTF?
Bingley is courting Jane such a romantic time to make your move Charles
Everyone must flee France immediately except for Mrs Younge who is left to die at the hand of vengeful Frenchmen.
Darcy pissed he does not have an adequate library.
Darcy buys a ship which has a dining/meeting room . This is literally how it is described. So many dining/meeting rooms in Regency England. So many.
It's Darcy bot he has nothing of the original in him! He saw Lizzy in a tea shop and it was lurve at first slurp
And Lizzy blurts out how her sisters and mother are not proper But Darcy thinks her mother's matchmaking worries sound sensible
Oh wow mrs Bennet is vowing Mr. Collins will never marry one of her daughters personality transplants all round!!
Wow bingley moves fast. He and Jane are already engaged. Oh and FYI Richard is fine. He's up and about two weeks after being SHOT IN THE HEART. (Near the heart but well)
"You are a wise girl,my dear girl." Least mrs Bennet line ever?! (and it's directed at Lizzy!)
Seriously who is this? Who has inhabited Mrs B's body?
Charlotte just yoo hoo-ed I cannot. Though I keep thinking of woo hoo in the sims.
Dowager Countess Violet just cannot.
Caroline would be thrown from the house's of fashionable people if they knew Jane Bennet was from the gasp country.
Now Bingley is threatening to throw people from the house.
Danny just cannot. ... (I felt as this point you needed some abs)
"My choice in brides" Wow Bingley the bigamist
Mari would love this cardboard plotting brash Caroline. She's grotsy Margaret without the logic or sense or Rupert's beard. What's the bet her plan to disgrace the whole Bennet family backfires? No takers?
Oh and she wears orange! And it makes her look hideous of course it does! And she's flat chested the horror. Seriously telling Caro half the story then forbidding her to speak is a great plan as is hers to get Charles to compromise Georgie. Are these ppl idiots?
It's best you don't answer Thomas.
It's not a JA book lately unless we are talking about menstrual cycles with Mr Darcy
Now Caro is literally listening at keyholes She has a secret chest with secret contents? Poison?!? I hope it's poison. She is going to eliminate miss Darcy! It's poison!
Darcy wants to court her 34% into the book Urgh kill me now
Caroline "knew how to make a sleeping man rise to the occasion before he knew what was happening" FYI her secret method: it's a hand job.
I totally agree Athos. Well said.
Which she employs on her brother because Charles and Gilbert (HAAAA. Mr Hurst is called Gilbert) are there instead of Darcy because Caroline and Louise plotted in front of him and he told Charles and Darcy. Oh and hurst is misunderstood and noble and not at all a drunken moron because...well suffice to say it's all Caroline's fault.
Caroline just killed a maid wtf . And she just stabbed Darcy with a piece of broken glass in the chest.
My reaction to this happening:
Don't worry Hiddles dancing will distract you/cleanse your mind:
Alright who is ready for round two?
This review is brought to you by this picture of Athos with his head in a bucket. I feel it summarizes accurately my general feeling.
As does this face which I believe was the face Athos made BEFORE putting his head in this bucket.
So far on page one the only interesting fact (it was a recitation of things I already knew) is that Old Mr Darcy's first name was Gerald. The second page a man (presumably Wickham it's only recounted in a really really long express letter) pulled a gun and wounded Colonel Fitzwilliam. The bullet struck his chest! very near his heart! and Miss Darcy and her friend were forced from the house at GUN POINT! LOL Darcy can't remember Georgiana's friends name Hes like "I'm sure she is a good sort of woman, Colonel Fitzwilliam liked her, Georgiana has known her for three years, whatshername. Good old whatshername" (Clearly it's Elizabeth btw in case you didn't get that)
Heeee so Darcy is all like "I'm not going to pay Miss Bennet ransom! I don't know the girl!"
"Mr Marlow, I am Fitzwilliam Darcy, brother of Georgiana Darcy, and cousin to Colonel Fitzwilliam."
I hope he introduces himself like that for the WHOLE BOOK.
Of course ship sinks ! Whoops Mrs. Younge overboard there goes Wickham too!! Easy out for them!
A French lady called Hilda!! No wait she is from England but needs spectacles because keeps saying France dangerous place for Englishmen either that or Lizzy and Georgie are really manly looking.
Ooh her French husband's name is d'arcy maybe they are related! Everyone in France is English!
Why is Darcy writing a letter on board to post in Lisbon now? Like he is going to have to add to that letter but no he seals it. God this is so stupid.
All Jane is doing at the news that Lizzy was kidnapped is crying and clutching a handkerchief. She is her mothers daughter then.
Why the ever loving fuck did Wickham even take then to Lisbon? It's such a stupid plan.
Mr Bennet wants to interrogate people about his missing daughter the minute he arrives in Ramsgate but Jane is like now is not the time. No actually Jane I think this is the time.
Oh god it's more "my heart tells my Georgie is alive" Why are all the Mr Darcy's psychic?
Mrs younge! She is not dead? Oh and half of Darcys men are French born is they can search France easily.
D'Artagnan is judging you and your fake English French Whatever you are people Darcy. I don't blame him.
Also Darcy is a fairy apparently! WTF GOLD DUST? WTF?
Bingley is courting Jane such a romantic time to make your move Charles
Everyone must flee France immediately except for Mrs Younge who is left to die at the hand of vengeful Frenchmen.
Darcy pissed he does not have an adequate library.
Darcy buys a ship which has a dining/meeting room . This is literally how it is described. So many dining/meeting rooms in Regency England. So many.
It's Darcy bot he has nothing of the original in him! He saw Lizzy in a tea shop and it was lurve at first slurp
And Lizzy blurts out how her sisters and mother are not proper But Darcy thinks her mother's matchmaking worries sound sensible
Oh wow mrs Bennet is vowing Mr. Collins will never marry one of her daughters personality transplants all round!!
Wow bingley moves fast. He and Jane are already engaged. Oh and FYI Richard is fine. He's up and about two weeks after being SHOT IN THE HEART. (Near the heart but well)
"You are a wise girl,my dear girl." Least mrs Bennet line ever?! (and it's directed at Lizzy!)
Seriously who is this? Who has inhabited Mrs B's body?
Charlotte just yoo hoo-ed I cannot. Though I keep thinking of woo hoo in the sims.
Dowager Countess Violet just cannot.
Caroline would be thrown from the house's of fashionable people if they knew Jane Bennet was from the gasp country.
Now Bingley is threatening to throw people from the house.
Danny just cannot. ... (I felt as this point you needed some abs)
"My choice in brides" Wow Bingley the bigamist
Mari would love this cardboard plotting brash Caroline. She's grotsy Margaret without the logic or sense or Rupert's beard. What's the bet her plan to disgrace the whole Bennet family backfires? No takers?
Oh and she wears orange! And it makes her look hideous of course it does! And she's flat chested the horror. Seriously telling Caro half the story then forbidding her to speak is a great plan as is hers to get Charles to compromise Georgie. Are these ppl idiots?
It's best you don't answer Thomas.
It's not a JA book lately unless we are talking about menstrual cycles with Mr Darcy
Now Caro is literally listening at keyholes She has a secret chest with secret contents? Poison?!? I hope it's poison. She is going to eliminate miss Darcy! It's poison!
Darcy wants to court her 34% into the book Urgh kill me now
Caroline "knew how to make a sleeping man rise to the occasion before he knew what was happening" FYI her secret method: it's a hand job.
I totally agree Athos. Well said.
Which she employs on her brother because Charles and Gilbert (HAAAA. Mr Hurst is called Gilbert) are there instead of Darcy because Caroline and Louise plotted in front of him and he told Charles and Darcy. Oh and hurst is misunderstood and noble and not at all a drunken moron because...well suffice to say it's all Caroline's fault.
Caroline just killed a maid wtf . And she just stabbed Darcy with a piece of broken glass in the chest.
My reaction to this happening:
Don't worry Hiddles dancing will distract you/cleanse your mind:
Alright who is ready for round two?