(no subject)
I want out. I want to quit. Some times, my job or soccer make me want to cry. Today, I didn't know which I wanted to quit more...soccer or the Heidel House. But I can't.
I'm just so terrible at soccer. And I'm a captain! Aren't captains supposed to be good? Decent, at least? I couldn't control the midfield at all today; I was just wiped. Granted, we had a game yesterday, and then I went and waitressed all night. That was poor timing. And now, when I have to do it again? And we still lost our game against IC? Fucking a. I almost cried. Almost.
It's simply depressing. To keep losing, to come so close, to be unable to push yourself to run just five more minutes, when the game's on the line. I couldn't do it. I don't know if I ever can. I'm irritated, burnt out, and tired. We don't get days off, schoolwork keeps pouring out of the classrooms, and I don't make enough money for the work I do.
When Star doesn't schedule enough servers to work a Saturday 4-11 shift, I get screwed. It doesn't mean I get more tables, it means more tables get poor service and I don't get tipped. It means more people actually get up and walk out when their food isn't ready on time. Or drinks brought to them. Or cocktails made correctly. Or if a table of seven sits down and all want separate checks with separate coupons and I have four more tables to wait on. I refuse to do this for my entire life. My parents were right: it doesn't come down to the money. I hate going into work for 8 hours every day during the weekend (the shortest shift) and getting pushed around, complained to, and lectured. This is nuts.
Mom's coming up on Tuesday. I hope she has a good time.
I'm just so terrible at soccer. And I'm a captain! Aren't captains supposed to be good? Decent, at least? I couldn't control the midfield at all today; I was just wiped. Granted, we had a game yesterday, and then I went and waitressed all night. That was poor timing. And now, when I have to do it again? And we still lost our game against IC? Fucking a. I almost cried. Almost.
It's simply depressing. To keep losing, to come so close, to be unable to push yourself to run just five more minutes, when the game's on the line. I couldn't do it. I don't know if I ever can. I'm irritated, burnt out, and tired. We don't get days off, schoolwork keeps pouring out of the classrooms, and I don't make enough money for the work I do.
When Star doesn't schedule enough servers to work a Saturday 4-11 shift, I get screwed. It doesn't mean I get more tables, it means more tables get poor service and I don't get tipped. It means more people actually get up and walk out when their food isn't ready on time. Or drinks brought to them. Or cocktails made correctly. Or if a table of seven sits down and all want separate checks with separate coupons and I have four more tables to wait on. I refuse to do this for my entire life. My parents were right: it doesn't come down to the money. I hate going into work for 8 hours every day during the weekend (the shortest shift) and getting pushed around, complained to, and lectured. This is nuts.
Mom's coming up on Tuesday. I hope she has a good time.