day in the Sun
I'm not sure what to make of my sun coming back around at this time. I don't feel much like celebrating. That doesn't mean I don't want to. I'd actually love to be with friends in the midwest, doing simple things like running on dirt roads with my dog, playing guitar hero and going out and embracing escapism. I guess it's not my day yet, for those life gifts I've had stored somewhere in my mind... to have fabulous uplifting company in Los Angeles (or anywhere on the map), where escapism doesn't cross your mind because you're with soul mates. I've got a clear picture of it and I'm waiting, maybe next year, maybe I'll feel whole then. I came here at 22. I didn't think of how many years it could take from 22. Not to be whole, as that's not something I think most people reach, but to be settled, to be going forward in time while painting that picture into reality. You won't hear me complain about my age, 25 is young enough, even 30s or 40s seem quite young to me. It's just that when the sun makes another round and you can hardly catch up with where it's been, it makes you feel like you've fallen behind. Until you see the sun, you don't know if where you've been is a kind of black hole.