Victim Today.
So today, I feel like absolute shit. Man, people are seriously going to think I'm mental.
I was watching a show last night that made me think. And, I woke up feeling okayish. Went to work, which was fine. Got home and my whole okayness plumeted. Is Okayness even a word ?
To think that I was soooo wrong. Like I knew I was a bit off the mark, but I've pretty much seen the line and kept running.
I remembered the plans I had made for our three month. And now I feel like a complete and utter douche.
Of course I'm not going to tell him. How the fuck would I tell him anyway ? How the hell does that come up in conversation ?
It just doesn't.
Part of me wants to tell him, just to make him feel bad. Part of me doesn't want to see him get hurt cause I know what it's like and I don't think I'm that low. And part of me doesn't even know what to think anymore.
Like it even amazes me how much I've been hurt over this.
And I just want to see him break down over what's happened. But I know it won't happen. God I hate being the loser in all of this.
I even know that I'm repeating myself, too much. But I can't help it. I just feel like writing and writing. Even though no one that this really matters to will read it.
I've even turned to the sad songs. It's so depressing. I seriously never though I'd be a Bridget Jones.
And then I have the weird thoughts. In the grand scheme of things, my life, the goingons in my life and the odd way I am, are so unimportant when it comes to the whole universe. So maybe things aren't so bad ?
I HATE THAT MY GOAL IS RUINED AND THAT I'VE WASTED MY NUMBER.
And I just laughed at the fact that nobody else will get that so I sound like a complete Looney.
And like the two of us are friends, there are just some things I haven't told him yet. And I don't think I ever will :]
And I'm gald that we are getting close as friends. We will most probably turn out as best friend with time, hopefully, I'm just caining at the moment.
LAME.
I was watching a show last night that made me think. And, I woke up feeling okayish. Went to work, which was fine. Got home and my whole okayness plumeted. Is Okayness even a word ?
To think that I was soooo wrong. Like I knew I was a bit off the mark, but I've pretty much seen the line and kept running.
I remembered the plans I had made for our three month. And now I feel like a complete and utter douche.
Of course I'm not going to tell him. How the fuck would I tell him anyway ? How the hell does that come up in conversation ?
It just doesn't.
Part of me wants to tell him, just to make him feel bad. Part of me doesn't want to see him get hurt cause I know what it's like and I don't think I'm that low. And part of me doesn't even know what to think anymore.
Like it even amazes me how much I've been hurt over this.
And I just want to see him break down over what's happened. But I know it won't happen. God I hate being the loser in all of this.
I even know that I'm repeating myself, too much. But I can't help it. I just feel like writing and writing. Even though no one that this really matters to will read it.
I've even turned to the sad songs. It's so depressing. I seriously never though I'd be a Bridget Jones.
And then I have the weird thoughts. In the grand scheme of things, my life, the goingons in my life and the odd way I am, are so unimportant when it comes to the whole universe. So maybe things aren't so bad ?
I HATE THAT MY GOAL IS RUINED AND THAT I'VE WASTED MY NUMBER.
And I just laughed at the fact that nobody else will get that so I sound like a complete Looney.
And like the two of us are friends, there are just some things I haven't told him yet. And I don't think I ever will :]
And I'm gald that we are getting close as friends. We will most probably turn out as best friend with time, hopefully, I'm just caining at the moment.
LAME.