I think it's time
Well, I have some news. Monday, June 27th was my first day of non-smoking. I still have three cigarettes left in my last pack, and I'm not going to smoke them. Everything I have read about quitting has told me to get rid of leftover cigarettes... "get rid of your stash." I don't believe in that. I didn't get rid of my cigarettes, I got rid of my lighters. I have many habits when it comes to smoking. One of them is smoking while driving around. That is my hardest time to not smoke. So one of my three remaining cigarettes is in the car. And no, the car cigarette lighter does not work, hasn't for years. When I'm driving around I hold my cigarette, I act like I'm inhaling and I even flick it outside of the window. The smell of it *to me* is wonderful, and just the action works for me. I'm using the patch... I've tried it before and lost the battle, but living with my sister, who adamently HATES smoking, and not having any friends around me that smoke, I think I have a better chance than before.
My sister is my support person of course, she's my support person for so many other things as well. But part of the program I am doing requires that I write a letter "Saying Goodbye to Cigarettes," so I thought that before I write it in here, people might want to hear WHY I am doing so!
Dear Cigarettes,
I don't know how to say goodbye. You started out being my rebellion from my parents my sophomore year of high school. I remember being shocked when I found out my brother Mark smoked, but then shortly after I started. I never thought that you had a hold of me. I would quit randomly. But then once I got to college I didn't stop. I don't know exactly why I started, it could have been to be cool, it could have been to relate to my brothers or my dad. I think being able to relate to my brothers was a big part of it. Once I smoked I could stay up all night with them talking and smoking away, I would get sucked into conversation. Mark would come outside as I was finishing up my "last one" and then I would start up the next "last one" with him. We would stay outside for hours talking, and once our packs were empty, it was time for bed. I always knew that if I had a full supply of cigarettes, I could have endless conversations outside by the pool. After a while I learned to make sure at the end of the night I had one left... or at least I would make sure someone had extra, that way in the morning I would have one to smoke before going to the store to get more or while driving to the store. I guess cigarettes were the only things that remained constant in my life. In Tallahassee I made friends and lost friends, roommates changed after a certain period of months. When I moved back to Tampa, the relationship I had with cigarettes was the longest I ever had (still is). Through different boyfriends, I always had my cigarettes. It sounds silly, but at the end of the night, when I was going home cigarettes were there to comfort me. I didn't have to talk about my feelings, no matter what, if I was angry, upset, sad, happy, stressed out, or bored, cigarettes were there, and I didn't have to explain why I was crying or anything! You were always there when I wanted to get away from someone, I could get out of the house by just saying "I need a cigarette!" Cigarettes were better than any best friend, no questions asked. So those feelings of consolation that I received from cigarettes I will miss.
But there are also many things that I will not miss. Mainly the physical problems that I have had because of smoking. You caused my asthma. I never had asthma, no one in my family had asthma, but I have a "slight case" of it as the doctors put it. The feeling of waking up in the middle of the night because I cannot breath, because my lungs ache so much due to that last cigarette I HAD to have before I went to bed. Having to go to sleep every night with a bottle of water for when I wake up coughing and my throat so dry that I feel like I've been breathing in sand. I blame you for my blood pressure. While I would get stressed out and you would make me feel better, I did not enjoy when the doctors told me that if I didn't calm down that I could have a heart attack at age 19. I didn't want to blame you then, I wanted to blame my stress, but if you weren't in the picture it probably wouldn't have been so bad. I also won't miss the headaches that I would get after having to chain smoke when I was stressed out or sad. And how much money I have spent on you through the years. At least near the end I got smart and decided to smoke the cheapest I could find. I hate the fact that now that I'm quitting it is more than likely that I will gain weight. You know I've struggled over this issue for so long and am finally on a plan that is working. But now quitting you and leaving you behind will make it even harder to progress. I know you will try to sneak back in on me, but this time I refuse to let you do it. I've tried to quit you many times before for many reasons, but this time, it's different, it's for me. I'm not quitting for someone else, I'm not quitting because someone told me to. I am quitting because I decided on a random day that it was time. Time to quit for myself and to know for sure that I am a stronger person than I ever have been.
So this is it cigarettes, I'm saying goodbye, tomorrow I'm actually going to face the ashtray outside and clean it out without smoking a cigarette. I don't need you anymore, when I visit Florida, if I want to stay outside and talk to my brothers all night, I don't need you to keep me in the conversation. I won't have to worry anymore about getting somewhere extra early so I can have a cigarette before going inside. I won't have to worry about standing out in the freezing cold just to have that cigarette I would need so badly. Or how I would stay outside in the worst humidity just to get a few more drags of my cigarette in. I can't believe how many situations I got stuck in because I stood outside during the night shift of my job just because I wanted a cigarette. Having to talk to all kinds of people that I could relate to just because I had smoking in common with them. Some of the worst nights in my life started because I was outside smoking a cigarette. When I stood outside of my hotel room on New Years one year smoking a cigarette and was approached by some guy, I should have gone directly inside, but I stayed and kept smoking, got into situations that I had to wait for someone to "bail me out" Sometimes they did, other times they didn't. I know I should have been smarter, I can't blame everything on you, but if I wouldn't have been a smoker, I wouldn't have been there. Those times that I wouldn't want to go home yet so I would sit at the bar with my friends and smoke another cigarette, which turned into more drinks and more cigarettes, which would in turn have me driving home in a state that I should have never been behind the wheel. These are things that I will not miss. I'm moving on with so many different parts of my life, and unfortunately for you, you are not a part of my future.
Goodbye,
Michelle
Within 20 minutes of my last cigarette my blood pressure dropped to a level close to that of before I smoked my last cigarette.
Within eight hours after my last cigarette the carbon monoxide levels in my blood dropped to normal.
After 1 day of my last cigarette, the chance of having a heart attack decreased.
Between the next 2 weeks and 3 months my circulation will improve and my lung function will increase by as much as 30 percent.
I'm satisfied with my decision and I can't wait for the feeling of running up the stairs without losing my breath!!
My sister is my support person of course, she's my support person for so many other things as well. But part of the program I am doing requires that I write a letter "Saying Goodbye to Cigarettes," so I thought that before I write it in here, people might want to hear WHY I am doing so!
Dear Cigarettes,
I don't know how to say goodbye. You started out being my rebellion from my parents my sophomore year of high school. I remember being shocked when I found out my brother Mark smoked, but then shortly after I started. I never thought that you had a hold of me. I would quit randomly. But then once I got to college I didn't stop. I don't know exactly why I started, it could have been to be cool, it could have been to relate to my brothers or my dad. I think being able to relate to my brothers was a big part of it. Once I smoked I could stay up all night with them talking and smoking away, I would get sucked into conversation. Mark would come outside as I was finishing up my "last one" and then I would start up the next "last one" with him. We would stay outside for hours talking, and once our packs were empty, it was time for bed. I always knew that if I had a full supply of cigarettes, I could have endless conversations outside by the pool. After a while I learned to make sure at the end of the night I had one left... or at least I would make sure someone had extra, that way in the morning I would have one to smoke before going to the store to get more or while driving to the store. I guess cigarettes were the only things that remained constant in my life. In Tallahassee I made friends and lost friends, roommates changed after a certain period of months. When I moved back to Tampa, the relationship I had with cigarettes was the longest I ever had (still is). Through different boyfriends, I always had my cigarettes. It sounds silly, but at the end of the night, when I was going home cigarettes were there to comfort me. I didn't have to talk about my feelings, no matter what, if I was angry, upset, sad, happy, stressed out, or bored, cigarettes were there, and I didn't have to explain why I was crying or anything! You were always there when I wanted to get away from someone, I could get out of the house by just saying "I need a cigarette!" Cigarettes were better than any best friend, no questions asked. So those feelings of consolation that I received from cigarettes I will miss.
But there are also many things that I will not miss. Mainly the physical problems that I have had because of smoking. You caused my asthma. I never had asthma, no one in my family had asthma, but I have a "slight case" of it as the doctors put it. The feeling of waking up in the middle of the night because I cannot breath, because my lungs ache so much due to that last cigarette I HAD to have before I went to bed. Having to go to sleep every night with a bottle of water for when I wake up coughing and my throat so dry that I feel like I've been breathing in sand. I blame you for my blood pressure. While I would get stressed out and you would make me feel better, I did not enjoy when the doctors told me that if I didn't calm down that I could have a heart attack at age 19. I didn't want to blame you then, I wanted to blame my stress, but if you weren't in the picture it probably wouldn't have been so bad. I also won't miss the headaches that I would get after having to chain smoke when I was stressed out or sad. And how much money I have spent on you through the years. At least near the end I got smart and decided to smoke the cheapest I could find. I hate the fact that now that I'm quitting it is more than likely that I will gain weight. You know I've struggled over this issue for so long and am finally on a plan that is working. But now quitting you and leaving you behind will make it even harder to progress. I know you will try to sneak back in on me, but this time I refuse to let you do it. I've tried to quit you many times before for many reasons, but this time, it's different, it's for me. I'm not quitting for someone else, I'm not quitting because someone told me to. I am quitting because I decided on a random day that it was time. Time to quit for myself and to know for sure that I am a stronger person than I ever have been.
So this is it cigarettes, I'm saying goodbye, tomorrow I'm actually going to face the ashtray outside and clean it out without smoking a cigarette. I don't need you anymore, when I visit Florida, if I want to stay outside and talk to my brothers all night, I don't need you to keep me in the conversation. I won't have to worry anymore about getting somewhere extra early so I can have a cigarette before going inside. I won't have to worry about standing out in the freezing cold just to have that cigarette I would need so badly. Or how I would stay outside in the worst humidity just to get a few more drags of my cigarette in. I can't believe how many situations I got stuck in because I stood outside during the night shift of my job just because I wanted a cigarette. Having to talk to all kinds of people that I could relate to just because I had smoking in common with them. Some of the worst nights in my life started because I was outside smoking a cigarette. When I stood outside of my hotel room on New Years one year smoking a cigarette and was approached by some guy, I should have gone directly inside, but I stayed and kept smoking, got into situations that I had to wait for someone to "bail me out" Sometimes they did, other times they didn't. I know I should have been smarter, I can't blame everything on you, but if I wouldn't have been a smoker, I wouldn't have been there. Those times that I wouldn't want to go home yet so I would sit at the bar with my friends and smoke another cigarette, which turned into more drinks and more cigarettes, which would in turn have me driving home in a state that I should have never been behind the wheel. These are things that I will not miss. I'm moving on with so many different parts of my life, and unfortunately for you, you are not a part of my future.
Goodbye,
Michelle
Within 20 minutes of my last cigarette my blood pressure dropped to a level close to that of before I smoked my last cigarette.
Within eight hours after my last cigarette the carbon monoxide levels in my blood dropped to normal.
After 1 day of my last cigarette, the chance of having a heart attack decreased.
Between the next 2 weeks and 3 months my circulation will improve and my lung function will increase by as much as 30 percent.
I'm satisfied with my decision and I can't wait for the feeling of running up the stairs without losing my breath!!