No Super Powers for Kurt
So. I went to the doctor. Three weeks of hobbling around on a cane finally drove me back to the purveyors of modern medicine.
Turns out there are THREE things wrong with my foot this time.
1)I sprained it when I twisted it a week and a half ago. Then I kept walking on it for, well, a week and a half. Not recommended, I'm told.
2.) Gout. Surprise! Whenever I injure my feet, I seem to get at least mild gout flare ups almost immediately at the site of the injury. (they suspect these gout problems are due to chronic kidney and circulation problems more than diet or anything else. ouchies.)
3.) I've gotten my Achilles Tendon inflammed from trying to walk on the side of my foot too much. (to minimize pain from 1 & 2 above.)
I'm on Vioxx (samples--bless you Dr. Jenkins!). I have to wear an ankle brace for a week or so. AND, I'm supposed to "lose weight".
suuuuure.
No painkillers.
What do you have to do these days to get decent painkillers? Show them a bloody stump? aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!
Highlights of the visit:
IN THE X-RAY ROOM:
Kurt: So. Is this the part where I get zapped with the radiation while the spider is on my foot and then I get to climb around on walls and shoot webs?
Technician(blonde): No.
Kurt: Okay! Is this where the centipede crawls on my leg just as...ZAP! and then I grow lots of arms and legs and...
Technician (annoyed): No.
Kurt: Maybe you can toss a cricket on the table and then after the ZAP! I can jump like mad and make music by rubbing my legs together?
Technician (trying not to laugh, but sighing): No. Mr. McCoy, there are NO INSECTS in my nice clean X-Ray room. None.
Kurt: Bummer.
Later...
Technician comes in, looking at x-ray plates to be used.
Kurt: I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure it's okay!
Technician (stares distrustfully): What do you mean?
Kurt: I've read the signs on the wall.
Technician (looks around, winces at the inevitable to come)
Kurt: I'm pretty sure I'm NOT pregnant!
Technician: Really?
Kurt: Pretty darn sure. ... Not POSITIVE, mind y'ah, but pretty darn sure.
Technician (sighs): You are ready to LEAVE now, Mr. McCoy!
Kurt: Okay dokey!
AT THE SHOP AND SAVE, BUYING CATFOOD AND TYLENOL ARTHRITIS FORMULA:
Three guys in Shop and Save uniform apron thingies are talking down the aisle.
Tony: Hey, Bill, isn't that your brother? (points at gimpy limping Kurt)
Bill: Nah.
Tony: Well, he sure does LOOK like your brother!
Bill: Don't you think I'd recognize my own brother?
Tony: Well. He looks an awful lot like SOMEONE'S brother!
Kurt: (nonchalantly limping up to trio). Hey Bill! What's up, can't even say hullo to your own brother?
Bill stares in open mouthed shock.
Kurt: Hey, how's it going...um, Tony, wasn't it? (slyly reading name tag during fake I'm trying to remember pause).
Tony: Yeah! How's it going?
Kurt: Been better.
Bill: That's NOT MY BROTHER!
Kurt: (rolls eyes) Whatever, WILLIAM. Hey, give Mom a call, okay? Mother's Day's coming up and she wants to hear from you. (shuffles off, humming)
Bill: THAT...IS...NOT...MY...BROTHER!!
Tony: Geez, Bill, why you being such a dick?
hee hee heee. Now I know why Dad does these sorts of things. It's FUN to share the Weirdness!
Turns out there are THREE things wrong with my foot this time.
1)I sprained it when I twisted it a week and a half ago. Then I kept walking on it for, well, a week and a half. Not recommended, I'm told.
2.) Gout. Surprise! Whenever I injure my feet, I seem to get at least mild gout flare ups almost immediately at the site of the injury. (they suspect these gout problems are due to chronic kidney and circulation problems more than diet or anything else. ouchies.)
3.) I've gotten my Achilles Tendon inflammed from trying to walk on the side of my foot too much. (to minimize pain from 1 & 2 above.)
I'm on Vioxx (samples--bless you Dr. Jenkins!). I have to wear an ankle brace for a week or so. AND, I'm supposed to "lose weight".
suuuuure.
No painkillers.
What do you have to do these days to get decent painkillers? Show them a bloody stump? aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!
Highlights of the visit:
IN THE X-RAY ROOM:
Kurt: So. Is this the part where I get zapped with the radiation while the spider is on my foot and then I get to climb around on walls and shoot webs?
Technician(blonde): No.
Kurt: Okay! Is this where the centipede crawls on my leg just as...ZAP! and then I grow lots of arms and legs and...
Technician (annoyed): No.
Kurt: Maybe you can toss a cricket on the table and then after the ZAP! I can jump like mad and make music by rubbing my legs together?
Technician (trying not to laugh, but sighing): No. Mr. McCoy, there are NO INSECTS in my nice clean X-Ray room. None.
Kurt: Bummer.
Later...
Technician comes in, looking at x-ray plates to be used.
Kurt: I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure it's okay!
Technician (stares distrustfully): What do you mean?
Kurt: I've read the signs on the wall.
Technician (looks around, winces at the inevitable to come)
Kurt: I'm pretty sure I'm NOT pregnant!
Technician: Really?
Kurt: Pretty darn sure. ... Not POSITIVE, mind y'ah, but pretty darn sure.
Technician (sighs): You are ready to LEAVE now, Mr. McCoy!
Kurt: Okay dokey!
AT THE SHOP AND SAVE, BUYING CATFOOD AND TYLENOL ARTHRITIS FORMULA:
Three guys in Shop and Save uniform apron thingies are talking down the aisle.
Tony: Hey, Bill, isn't that your brother? (points at gimpy limping Kurt)
Bill: Nah.
Tony: Well, he sure does LOOK like your brother!
Bill: Don't you think I'd recognize my own brother?
Tony: Well. He looks an awful lot like SOMEONE'S brother!
Kurt: (nonchalantly limping up to trio). Hey Bill! What's up, can't even say hullo to your own brother?
Bill stares in open mouthed shock.
Kurt: Hey, how's it going...um, Tony, wasn't it? (slyly reading name tag during fake I'm trying to remember pause).
Tony: Yeah! How's it going?
Kurt: Been better.
Bill: That's NOT MY BROTHER!
Kurt: (rolls eyes) Whatever, WILLIAM. Hey, give Mom a call, okay? Mother's Day's coming up and she wants to hear from you. (shuffles off, humming)
Bill: THAT...IS...NOT...MY...BROTHER!!
Tony: Geez, Bill, why you being such a dick?
hee hee heee. Now I know why Dad does these sorts of things. It's FUN to share the Weirdness!