SGA fic, kind of.
I mentioned a while ago that lobelia321 and I were doing writing exercises based on Raymond Queneau's Exercises in Style. Lobelia, of course, is way ahead of me, experimenting all over the place, but hey - I've finished the first one now! I started posting them in comments, but I got fed up and decided to post the whole thing here. I cheated a bit on some of them, and they sort of get more involved as they go along. It's not exactly real fic, but it is the first fic-type thing I've really posted for months and months, so I'm pleased. :)
Writing task (invented by Lobelia): Person X enters an unknown location and is nervous. (Stargate: Atlantis)
In which Rodney McKay goes to Kate Heightmeyer’s office for a therapy session.
In the style of a 19th-century novel
It was an unusually balmy autumn afternoon in the ancient city of Atlantis that found Doctor Rodney McKay wending his unhappy way to the office of one Doctor Katherine Heightmeyer. It was not, he reasoned, that he had, thus far, found her to be incompetent -- why, no! No one could never have accused him of ever having had such a thought cross his (unusually brilliant) mind! She was, after all, one of the best in her field. Ah. And therein lay the rub. For Doctor Heightmeyer’s field was not one in which Doctor McKay -- yes, it must be admitted -- had any confidence whatsoever. He had, on one memorable occasion, been heard to describe it as, “A pile of steaming horseshit about as closely allied to science as, oh, I don’t know, say maypole dancing!” It should be noted, however, that Doctor McKay had partaken of a not insignificant quantity of semi-legal alcohol when he made this statement, so perhaps we should be kind, and not think too badly of him.
At this precise moment, however, Doctor McKay was not feeling very much in the mood for grand pronouncements, which was really quite out of the ordinary for this notoriously verbose (some might even say garrulous) gentleman. On the contrary, his mouth was firmly shut and set in a grim line as he marched resolutely down the long hallway. His shoulders were squared, his back straight. His fate, it seemed, was inarguable: the appointment had been made, and must now be kept. When he reached Doctor Heightmeyer’s door, he stopped, and took a moment to compose himself. He rearranged and smoothed his clothing, lifted his chin, and, reassuring himself with a little “Hm,” uttered just under his breath, he raised his hand and knocked.
Exclamation
Oh, for God's sake! Morons! I mean, what do they think -- they think I haven't got work to do -- very important work, I might add! No, no, this is all down to Elizabeth! What was she -- not that, you know, Kate's not -- I mean, she's, uh ... very conscientious, very hard-working, I'm sure -- no, of course I've never called her incompetent, I would never say that! That rumour was completely fabricated! As we have established, I think of her as a very ... nice person, very good person, certainly a very hot, uh ... person! All I am suggesting is that maybe, just maybe -- Oh, good God, people, the woman practices hypnotherapy, for Christ's sake! Oh, God! Oh, this is ridiculous! Oh! Oh, hey! We're here!
No secondary clauses, present tense, no incomplete sentences
It seems a long walk. Rodney's not sure why. It's not really a long way. Sometimes he thinks Atlantis doesn't like him. It doesn't like him the way it likes John. He finds it difficult to refer to the city as a 'she'. The word sticks in his throat. Cities should be things. It's not that he doesn't love the things it does. It's wonderful. It's truly wonderful. But it's technology. It's not magic. It's not a person. He shakes his head. All this thinking is distraction. It's procrastination. It's exactly the sort of thing Kate's going to want to talk about. Rodney doesn't really want to talk to Kate. He doesn't see why he should. It's a waste of his valuable time. His time is extremely valuable. Elizabeth ought to have taken that into account. He's entitled to his privacy. It's not as though there's anything wrong with him. He sets his jaw. He's here.
First person point-of-view, subjective, homodiegetic narrator
So I'm in the lab, and -- no, no, I swear this is true -- I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough, I mean really major -- there's no point trying to explain, I doubt you'd be able to follow anyway. So, yes, so obviously I'm concentrating fairly hard, and I hear this voice, this somehow very soft yet extremely grating voice, saying over and over again, "Doctor McKay. Doctor McKay. Excuse me, Doctor McKay," as though somehow this person hasn't noticed that I'm in the middle of something, and I mean really, where do they find these people? I suspect they're being genetically engineered to be as irritating as possible. But anyway, so I turn around, because my concentration is completely broken by this point anyway, and the whole thing's probably set me back at least a week and a half, not that that would matter to some people, apparently, and I say "What? Do you mind. What?" Which I have to say I think is fairly polite of me, considering the circumstances. And it's this -- this kid I've never seen before in my life. Seriously, it looked about twelve. So immediately I know it's one of Elizabeth's flunkies. Well, I don't know, they just have a look about them. And then it says, "Oh, Doctor McKay, Doctor Weir asked me to remind you about your therapist's appointment today." No attempt at discretion, nothing. You see what I mean about these people? Well, I won't describe the ensuing scene in the lab, suffice it to say that Doctor Zelenka is not currently in my good books.
So, uh, anyway, that's why I'm walking down this corridor right now. On my way to my therapist's appointment, which is going to be a complete waste of time, thank you very much. Not that Kate isn't ... well, she's very lovely, in fact, if not perhaps quite my type. Just, you know, cities to save, etcetera etcetera. Nothing important, obviously. And why the hell am I telling you all this, anyway? You are a worthless piece of Ancient junk, you have not so far responded to anything at all that we have done to you in the last week -- why I thought talking to you might work, I do not know! Now I'm going to have to give you to John, and you're just going to light up like a Christmas tree for him, aren't you? Oh yes, because we all love John!
Hmph.
Oh, well. Here we are. May as well go in and face the music, I suppose.
Txt
wll be l8 got 2 go 2 stpd thrpy y i dont no. blame liz.
One sentence
Atlantis is still a mystery: he doesn't know this city, not really -- he knows how things work, he knows how to get where he's going, but he doesn't know it the way John does, or says he does, and that makes Rodney feel strange, it really does, strange and a little bitter, and a little sick, and he's feeling sick now, walking down this corridor, and it's a long, long way from the transporter to Kate's office, and it's one foot after another, and he's swallowing down the saliva that collects in his throat, and he's wondering why he feels sick when there's really nothing to worry about, not really, not really -- and he's here.
Another sentence
So I hear Elizabeth's making Rodney go see Kate today -- word is, he's scared stiff, but don't tell him I said that, right?
Second-person point of view, homodiegetic narrator, pov of Atlantis
I am myself, and everything is up to me. What I say goes. What I do, is done. I allow them to live within me, feed from me. I feed from them. I feel them. There are so few, now... This one: he was not here at first. I think he came later. Even now, sometimes, I do not think he is completely here. He walks blind inside me, and makes me blind to him in return. I am great and have great power. And this is how things are. I feel them. I feel the things they call fear, and love, and sadness, and pain. These things make me live, and make me strong. I think that he could make me very strong, if he wanted to. He does not want to. I do not know why. At this moment he is crawling within me, taking care to touch me as little as possible. I do not know his purpose. I feel his fear as a faint and muffled thing. I try to touch him, but he will not be touched. I am beautiful. I am myself. This is how it is.
Precision
Doctor Rodney McKay stands in the doorway of the transporter for 30 seconds. He does not need to do this. He has already arrived at his destination. Strictly speaking, there is another transporter closer to Kate Heightmeyer's office than this one. Had Rodney chosen this second transporter (given the fact that, during the course of his journey so far, he has been walking at a slightly slower speed than he usually prefers), his travel time would have been shortened by approximately four minutes. Why, then, did Rodney not choose the obvious transporter? This is an interesting question. We know (mainly from the many remarks he makes on the subject) that Rodney believes his time to be extremely valuable. He would not, therefore, be likely to waste this time without an extremely good reason. Did Rodney, perhaps, fail to realise that this transporter was not the most convenient one for journey? This is possible, but seems unlikely, given his customary fine attention to detail.
Let us look at the problem from a different angle. Why is Rodney making this journey? What is his purpose in visiting Doctor Heightmeyer's office? In just over an hour's time, Rodney will find himself attempting to explain his presence there to Teyla Emmagen of the Athosians. While Teyla will not ask Rodney directly what he has been doing in Doctor Heightmeyer's office, he will nevertheless feel himself obligated to explain the situation, and will state quite explicitly that he and Doctor Heightmeyer are involved in a romantic relationship. Teyla Emmagen will not believe this statement.
Will Rodney be, in fact, telling the truth about his relationship with Kate Heightmeyer? No. This will be a lie, although he will temper it with a true statement about his feeling towards people with blonde (or possibly blond -- the gender of the individuals in question is not made explicit) hair. Rodney is not romantically involved with Doctor Heightmeyer. While he finds her to be an intelligent, charming and attractive person, he nevertheless believes her to be 'not quite his type'. He is bemused and slightly annoyed by this reaction, as he does not normally think of himself as a particularly fussy person. Doctor Heightmeyer herself is, in fact, attracted to Rodney, but has not yet come to terms with this fact. She tells herself that he is annoying, overbearing and arrogant, and therefore unattractive. Kate, in fact, will never quite bring herself to admit her attraction to Rodney, either to herself or to anyone else. In three months' time they will both attend a festival in the village of the Athosians, where they will drink more wine than they had really intended to, and have a long and intense conversation about their respective fields of expertise. There will come a point during this conversation at which, if Kate were to move slightly closer to Rodney on the bench outside the Athosian community centre, and if Rodney were to step off his intellectual high horse for just long enough to notice the way Kate's lips show up dark and flushed against her pale skin, and the fact that the angle at which she is seated means that he can see down her shirt, they would kiss. This kiss would lead to an awkward sexual relationship lasting two months and 21 days, after which Kate would break it off, stating her lack of free time and their professional and personal differences. Rodney would be secretly relieved.
As it is, however, Kate will not lean forward, and Rodney will go on to make a lazy remark about Freud, after which the conversation will turn into an argument, the argument into a slanging match, and the slanging match, almost, into a drunken brawl. Two Athosian elders (whose names, incidentally, are Hiran and Calona) will intervene, and both doctors will be sent back to Atlantis in disgrace. The next morning, both will awake hung-over and sheepish. Kate will drink a cup of instant lemon tea, and throw herself into her morning's appointments with ferocious zeal. Rodney will have a furious argument with Doctor Zelenka, which will leave them both in very high spirits. He will eat a large lunch.
So, we have established that Rodney is not making his way to Kate Heightmeyer's office in order to conduct a romantic affair of any kind. What, then, is the real reason? To answer this question, we must go back into the recent past, to a meeting which took place at 11.30 am the previous Tuesday, between Doctor Elizabeth Weir and one Doctor Kavanagh.
The meeting was requested by Doctor Kavanagh. Elizabeth Weir experienced an instant feeling of profound weariness when Doctor Kavanagh made his request. During the meeting, she experienced a second feeling of weariness, which was very similar to the first feeling, although greatly intensified. Doctor Kavanagh, it appeared, had a complaint to make. Elizabeth found herself unsurprised by this. Kavanagh stated that he was worried about the effects of some more unusually stressful working conditions (he cited in particular the constant likelihood of imminent death via life-extracting Wraith hand) that his colleagues were forced to tolerate, on their collective mental health. He felt, he explained, that as scientists and academics, they could not be expected to have the resilience of those trained for military-type situations. He singled out Doctor McKay, head of the science team, for special mention.
Elizabeth assured Doctor Kavanagh that, as a civilian herself, she was very aware of the difficulties faced by himself and his colleagues, and felt that they had risen to the challenge with enormous courage and resourcefulness. Kavanagh used the word 'complacent'. Elizabeth pointed out that they had all of them stepped through the Stargate aware of the risk they faced. Kavanagh used the word 'incompetent'. Elizabeth, at this point, experienced an intensely vivid visualisation of Kavanagh's pony tail flying majestically in the breeze as he plummeted from her office window into the ocean surrounding the Ancient city of Atlantis. Kavanagh mentioned the SGC. When Kavanagh left Elizabeth's office ten minutes later, it was through the door.
Several people who interacted with him later that day were heard to remark that he seemed somehow even more insufferable than usual. The following Wednesday, however, the same people were heard to express surprise at the apparent sudden collapse of Kavanagh's 'smug self-satisfaction'. One of these people (a Doctor Everett, originally from the town of Milton Keynes, England) voiced a certain amount of curiosity as to "what wiped the grin off that tosser's face." The actual cause of this sudden change was later discovered to be a compulsory session with Kate Heightmeyer, instigated by Elizabeth Weir.
Faced with this evidence, we can only come to one conclusion: Rodney McKay has been pressured, by Elizabeth Weir, into visiting Kate Heightmeyer in a professional capacity. For a number of reasons (both professional and personal), this is not something he is comfortable with, hence the uncharacteristic hesitation we observe in his recent behaviour. Rodney McKay does not, in fact, want to go.
Let us now observe his reaction to this set of circumstances. We have explored, in past studies, how Rodney McKay typically responds to a challenge. Stage number one is flat refusal. In this case, Stage One took place last week in a private meeting attended by Rodney McKay and Elizabeth Weir. Those individuals who have had much experience working with Doctor McKay are aware that the proper reaction to Stage One is perseverance. Some people, namely Major (later Lieutenant Colonel) John Sheppard, like to supplement the perseverance with an unusual mixture of backhanded flattery and insulting remarks. But perseverance is the only really crucial ingredient. In this case, Elizabeth Weir followed a course of undiluted perseverance, and Stage One was swiftly dealt with.
Stage Two is characterised by persistent complaining and vocalising, often with liberal use of sarcasm. This stage continues on a fairly constant level right up until the beginning of Stage Three, in which Rodney McKay does one of three things. In each of these cases, he will cease talking quite abruptly. In the first scenario (known as the 'Oh, hey!' scenario) this will be due to a sudden realisation that he can, in fact, solve a given problem. In the second (the 'Oh.' scenario), he will have just noticed a major flaw in his plan, and be silently panicking whilst simultaneously attempting to repair his mistake without letting anyone know that he actually made one. In the third case (and this is the scenario that relates to our particular study) Rodney McKay will simply have hit what some luminaries have called the Brick Wall of Shutting Up and Getting On With It. In other words, he has accepted his fate, and resolved to face it with courage and grace. Of course, given the nature and personality of Rodney McKay, he does not always quite succeed in this. He does, however, succeed more often than many of his peers tend to notice.
Rodney McKay is currently standing alone in the doorway of the transporter nearest-but-one to the office of Doctor Kate Heightmeyer, and we cannot, therefore, call on the observations of any of his colleagues or friends to aid us here. But we can see for ourselves how Stage Three now begins to take effect. Firstly, he takes a deep breath. His chest expands slightly, and a keen observer will notice how this serves to stretch the fabric of the regulation blue science team shirt over Rodney's pectoral muscles, and the attendant accentuation of the nipples. His lungs now filled, Rodney McKay straightens his spine perceptibly, and brushes at his clothing with his hands, as though to remove dirt. This done, he steps out into the corridor and begins to walk in the direction of Doctor Heightmeyer's office. His walking speed, we note, has increased. Very like the roads built by the Romans in Ancient Britain,* the corridors of Atlantis are invariably long and straight. If, therefore, we were to remain standing in the doorway to the transporter, facing in the direction of Kate Heightmeyer's office, it would almost certainly be some significant time before Rodney McKay vanished completely from our sight.
*The many parallels between the two civilizations are, some scholars believe, too significant to ignore. Please see my earlier essay, Justified and Ancient: The White Cliffs of Atlantis? for an in-depth exploration of this fascinating subject.
Nouns
Rodney. Scientist. Time. Value. Leadership? Leadership. Corridor: Kate (office). Nausea. Nonsense! Rodney. Team-leader. Confidence. Poise. Grace.
Nausea.
Fear? Annoyance! Elizabeth? Confusion... Suspicion! Kavanagh. Face. Punch.
Fear? Fear. Feelings. Feelings! Personal. Private. Therapy? Morons!
Door. Resignation. Inhalation. Pause...
Entrance.
Writing task (invented by Lobelia): Person X enters an unknown location and is nervous. (Stargate: Atlantis)
In which Rodney McKay goes to Kate Heightmeyer’s office for a therapy session.
In the style of a 19th-century novel
It was an unusually balmy autumn afternoon in the ancient city of Atlantis that found Doctor Rodney McKay wending his unhappy way to the office of one Doctor Katherine Heightmeyer. It was not, he reasoned, that he had, thus far, found her to be incompetent -- why, no! No one could never have accused him of ever having had such a thought cross his (unusually brilliant) mind! She was, after all, one of the best in her field. Ah. And therein lay the rub. For Doctor Heightmeyer’s field was not one in which Doctor McKay -- yes, it must be admitted -- had any confidence whatsoever. He had, on one memorable occasion, been heard to describe it as, “A pile of steaming horseshit about as closely allied to science as, oh, I don’t know, say maypole dancing!” It should be noted, however, that Doctor McKay had partaken of a not insignificant quantity of semi-legal alcohol when he made this statement, so perhaps we should be kind, and not think too badly of him.
At this precise moment, however, Doctor McKay was not feeling very much in the mood for grand pronouncements, which was really quite out of the ordinary for this notoriously verbose (some might even say garrulous) gentleman. On the contrary, his mouth was firmly shut and set in a grim line as he marched resolutely down the long hallway. His shoulders were squared, his back straight. His fate, it seemed, was inarguable: the appointment had been made, and must now be kept. When he reached Doctor Heightmeyer’s door, he stopped, and took a moment to compose himself. He rearranged and smoothed his clothing, lifted his chin, and, reassuring himself with a little “Hm,” uttered just under his breath, he raised his hand and knocked.
Exclamation
Oh, for God's sake! Morons! I mean, what do they think -- they think I haven't got work to do -- very important work, I might add! No, no, this is all down to Elizabeth! What was she -- not that, you know, Kate's not -- I mean, she's, uh ... very conscientious, very hard-working, I'm sure -- no, of course I've never called her incompetent, I would never say that! That rumour was completely fabricated! As we have established, I think of her as a very ... nice person, very good person, certainly a very hot, uh ... person! All I am suggesting is that maybe, just maybe -- Oh, good God, people, the woman practices hypnotherapy, for Christ's sake! Oh, God! Oh, this is ridiculous! Oh! Oh, hey! We're here!
No secondary clauses, present tense, no incomplete sentences
It seems a long walk. Rodney's not sure why. It's not really a long way. Sometimes he thinks Atlantis doesn't like him. It doesn't like him the way it likes John. He finds it difficult to refer to the city as a 'she'. The word sticks in his throat. Cities should be things. It's not that he doesn't love the things it does. It's wonderful. It's truly wonderful. But it's technology. It's not magic. It's not a person. He shakes his head. All this thinking is distraction. It's procrastination. It's exactly the sort of thing Kate's going to want to talk about. Rodney doesn't really want to talk to Kate. He doesn't see why he should. It's a waste of his valuable time. His time is extremely valuable. Elizabeth ought to have taken that into account. He's entitled to his privacy. It's not as though there's anything wrong with him. He sets his jaw. He's here.
First person point-of-view, subjective, homodiegetic narrator
So I'm in the lab, and -- no, no, I swear this is true -- I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough, I mean really major -- there's no point trying to explain, I doubt you'd be able to follow anyway. So, yes, so obviously I'm concentrating fairly hard, and I hear this voice, this somehow very soft yet extremely grating voice, saying over and over again, "Doctor McKay. Doctor McKay. Excuse me, Doctor McKay," as though somehow this person hasn't noticed that I'm in the middle of something, and I mean really, where do they find these people? I suspect they're being genetically engineered to be as irritating as possible. But anyway, so I turn around, because my concentration is completely broken by this point anyway, and the whole thing's probably set me back at least a week and a half, not that that would matter to some people, apparently, and I say "What? Do you mind. What?" Which I have to say I think is fairly polite of me, considering the circumstances. And it's this -- this kid I've never seen before in my life. Seriously, it looked about twelve. So immediately I know it's one of Elizabeth's flunkies. Well, I don't know, they just have a look about them. And then it says, "Oh, Doctor McKay, Doctor Weir asked me to remind you about your therapist's appointment today." No attempt at discretion, nothing. You see what I mean about these people? Well, I won't describe the ensuing scene in the lab, suffice it to say that Doctor Zelenka is not currently in my good books.
So, uh, anyway, that's why I'm walking down this corridor right now. On my way to my therapist's appointment, which is going to be a complete waste of time, thank you very much. Not that Kate isn't ... well, she's very lovely, in fact, if not perhaps quite my type. Just, you know, cities to save, etcetera etcetera. Nothing important, obviously. And why the hell am I telling you all this, anyway? You are a worthless piece of Ancient junk, you have not so far responded to anything at all that we have done to you in the last week -- why I thought talking to you might work, I do not know! Now I'm going to have to give you to John, and you're just going to light up like a Christmas tree for him, aren't you? Oh yes, because we all love John!
Hmph.
Oh, well. Here we are. May as well go in and face the music, I suppose.
Txt
wll be l8 got 2 go 2 stpd thrpy y i dont no. blame liz.
One sentence
Atlantis is still a mystery: he doesn't know this city, not really -- he knows how things work, he knows how to get where he's going, but he doesn't know it the way John does, or says he does, and that makes Rodney feel strange, it really does, strange and a little bitter, and a little sick, and he's feeling sick now, walking down this corridor, and it's a long, long way from the transporter to Kate's office, and it's one foot after another, and he's swallowing down the saliva that collects in his throat, and he's wondering why he feels sick when there's really nothing to worry about, not really, not really -- and he's here.
Another sentence
So I hear Elizabeth's making Rodney go see Kate today -- word is, he's scared stiff, but don't tell him I said that, right?
Second-person point of view, homodiegetic narrator, pov of Atlantis
I am myself, and everything is up to me. What I say goes. What I do, is done. I allow them to live within me, feed from me. I feed from them. I feel them. There are so few, now... This one: he was not here at first. I think he came later. Even now, sometimes, I do not think he is completely here. He walks blind inside me, and makes me blind to him in return. I am great and have great power. And this is how things are. I feel them. I feel the things they call fear, and love, and sadness, and pain. These things make me live, and make me strong. I think that he could make me very strong, if he wanted to. He does not want to. I do not know why. At this moment he is crawling within me, taking care to touch me as little as possible. I do not know his purpose. I feel his fear as a faint and muffled thing. I try to touch him, but he will not be touched. I am beautiful. I am myself. This is how it is.
Precision
Doctor Rodney McKay stands in the doorway of the transporter for 30 seconds. He does not need to do this. He has already arrived at his destination. Strictly speaking, there is another transporter closer to Kate Heightmeyer's office than this one. Had Rodney chosen this second transporter (given the fact that, during the course of his journey so far, he has been walking at a slightly slower speed than he usually prefers), his travel time would have been shortened by approximately four minutes. Why, then, did Rodney not choose the obvious transporter? This is an interesting question. We know (mainly from the many remarks he makes on the subject) that Rodney believes his time to be extremely valuable. He would not, therefore, be likely to waste this time without an extremely good reason. Did Rodney, perhaps, fail to realise that this transporter was not the most convenient one for journey? This is possible, but seems unlikely, given his customary fine attention to detail.
Let us look at the problem from a different angle. Why is Rodney making this journey? What is his purpose in visiting Doctor Heightmeyer's office? In just over an hour's time, Rodney will find himself attempting to explain his presence there to Teyla Emmagen of the Athosians. While Teyla will not ask Rodney directly what he has been doing in Doctor Heightmeyer's office, he will nevertheless feel himself obligated to explain the situation, and will state quite explicitly that he and Doctor Heightmeyer are involved in a romantic relationship. Teyla Emmagen will not believe this statement.
Will Rodney be, in fact, telling the truth about his relationship with Kate Heightmeyer? No. This will be a lie, although he will temper it with a true statement about his feeling towards people with blonde (or possibly blond -- the gender of the individuals in question is not made explicit) hair. Rodney is not romantically involved with Doctor Heightmeyer. While he finds her to be an intelligent, charming and attractive person, he nevertheless believes her to be 'not quite his type'. He is bemused and slightly annoyed by this reaction, as he does not normally think of himself as a particularly fussy person. Doctor Heightmeyer herself is, in fact, attracted to Rodney, but has not yet come to terms with this fact. She tells herself that he is annoying, overbearing and arrogant, and therefore unattractive. Kate, in fact, will never quite bring herself to admit her attraction to Rodney, either to herself or to anyone else. In three months' time they will both attend a festival in the village of the Athosians, where they will drink more wine than they had really intended to, and have a long and intense conversation about their respective fields of expertise. There will come a point during this conversation at which, if Kate were to move slightly closer to Rodney on the bench outside the Athosian community centre, and if Rodney were to step off his intellectual high horse for just long enough to notice the way Kate's lips show up dark and flushed against her pale skin, and the fact that the angle at which she is seated means that he can see down her shirt, they would kiss. This kiss would lead to an awkward sexual relationship lasting two months and 21 days, after which Kate would break it off, stating her lack of free time and their professional and personal differences. Rodney would be secretly relieved.
As it is, however, Kate will not lean forward, and Rodney will go on to make a lazy remark about Freud, after which the conversation will turn into an argument, the argument into a slanging match, and the slanging match, almost, into a drunken brawl. Two Athosian elders (whose names, incidentally, are Hiran and Calona) will intervene, and both doctors will be sent back to Atlantis in disgrace. The next morning, both will awake hung-over and sheepish. Kate will drink a cup of instant lemon tea, and throw herself into her morning's appointments with ferocious zeal. Rodney will have a furious argument with Doctor Zelenka, which will leave them both in very high spirits. He will eat a large lunch.
So, we have established that Rodney is not making his way to Kate Heightmeyer's office in order to conduct a romantic affair of any kind. What, then, is the real reason? To answer this question, we must go back into the recent past, to a meeting which took place at 11.30 am the previous Tuesday, between Doctor Elizabeth Weir and one Doctor Kavanagh.
The meeting was requested by Doctor Kavanagh. Elizabeth Weir experienced an instant feeling of profound weariness when Doctor Kavanagh made his request. During the meeting, she experienced a second feeling of weariness, which was very similar to the first feeling, although greatly intensified. Doctor Kavanagh, it appeared, had a complaint to make. Elizabeth found herself unsurprised by this. Kavanagh stated that he was worried about the effects of some more unusually stressful working conditions (he cited in particular the constant likelihood of imminent death via life-extracting Wraith hand) that his colleagues were forced to tolerate, on their collective mental health. He felt, he explained, that as scientists and academics, they could not be expected to have the resilience of those trained for military-type situations. He singled out Doctor McKay, head of the science team, for special mention.
Elizabeth assured Doctor Kavanagh that, as a civilian herself, she was very aware of the difficulties faced by himself and his colleagues, and felt that they had risen to the challenge with enormous courage and resourcefulness. Kavanagh used the word 'complacent'. Elizabeth pointed out that they had all of them stepped through the Stargate aware of the risk they faced. Kavanagh used the word 'incompetent'. Elizabeth, at this point, experienced an intensely vivid visualisation of Kavanagh's pony tail flying majestically in the breeze as he plummeted from her office window into the ocean surrounding the Ancient city of Atlantis. Kavanagh mentioned the SGC. When Kavanagh left Elizabeth's office ten minutes later, it was through the door.
Several people who interacted with him later that day were heard to remark that he seemed somehow even more insufferable than usual. The following Wednesday, however, the same people were heard to express surprise at the apparent sudden collapse of Kavanagh's 'smug self-satisfaction'. One of these people (a Doctor Everett, originally from the town of Milton Keynes, England) voiced a certain amount of curiosity as to "what wiped the grin off that tosser's face." The actual cause of this sudden change was later discovered to be a compulsory session with Kate Heightmeyer, instigated by Elizabeth Weir.
Faced with this evidence, we can only come to one conclusion: Rodney McKay has been pressured, by Elizabeth Weir, into visiting Kate Heightmeyer in a professional capacity. For a number of reasons (both professional and personal), this is not something he is comfortable with, hence the uncharacteristic hesitation we observe in his recent behaviour. Rodney McKay does not, in fact, want to go.
Let us now observe his reaction to this set of circumstances. We have explored, in past studies, how Rodney McKay typically responds to a challenge. Stage number one is flat refusal. In this case, Stage One took place last week in a private meeting attended by Rodney McKay and Elizabeth Weir. Those individuals who have had much experience working with Doctor McKay are aware that the proper reaction to Stage One is perseverance. Some people, namely Major (later Lieutenant Colonel) John Sheppard, like to supplement the perseverance with an unusual mixture of backhanded flattery and insulting remarks. But perseverance is the only really crucial ingredient. In this case, Elizabeth Weir followed a course of undiluted perseverance, and Stage One was swiftly dealt with.
Stage Two is characterised by persistent complaining and vocalising, often with liberal use of sarcasm. This stage continues on a fairly constant level right up until the beginning of Stage Three, in which Rodney McKay does one of three things. In each of these cases, he will cease talking quite abruptly. In the first scenario (known as the 'Oh, hey!' scenario) this will be due to a sudden realisation that he can, in fact, solve a given problem. In the second (the 'Oh.' scenario), he will have just noticed a major flaw in his plan, and be silently panicking whilst simultaneously attempting to repair his mistake without letting anyone know that he actually made one. In the third case (and this is the scenario that relates to our particular study) Rodney McKay will simply have hit what some luminaries have called the Brick Wall of Shutting Up and Getting On With It. In other words, he has accepted his fate, and resolved to face it with courage and grace. Of course, given the nature and personality of Rodney McKay, he does not always quite succeed in this. He does, however, succeed more often than many of his peers tend to notice.
Rodney McKay is currently standing alone in the doorway of the transporter nearest-but-one to the office of Doctor Kate Heightmeyer, and we cannot, therefore, call on the observations of any of his colleagues or friends to aid us here. But we can see for ourselves how Stage Three now begins to take effect. Firstly, he takes a deep breath. His chest expands slightly, and a keen observer will notice how this serves to stretch the fabric of the regulation blue science team shirt over Rodney's pectoral muscles, and the attendant accentuation of the nipples. His lungs now filled, Rodney McKay straightens his spine perceptibly, and brushes at his clothing with his hands, as though to remove dirt. This done, he steps out into the corridor and begins to walk in the direction of Doctor Heightmeyer's office. His walking speed, we note, has increased. Very like the roads built by the Romans in Ancient Britain,* the corridors of Atlantis are invariably long and straight. If, therefore, we were to remain standing in the doorway to the transporter, facing in the direction of Kate Heightmeyer's office, it would almost certainly be some significant time before Rodney McKay vanished completely from our sight.
*The many parallels between the two civilizations are, some scholars believe, too significant to ignore. Please see my earlier essay, Justified and Ancient: The White Cliffs of Atlantis? for an in-depth exploration of this fascinating subject.
Nouns
Rodney. Scientist. Time. Value. Leadership? Leadership. Corridor: Kate (office). Nausea. Nonsense! Rodney. Team-leader. Confidence. Poise. Grace.
Nausea.
Fear? Annoyance! Elizabeth? Confusion... Suspicion! Kavanagh. Face. Punch.
Fear? Fear. Feelings. Feelings! Personal. Private. Therapy? Morons!
Door. Resignation. Inhalation. Pause...
Entrance.