(no subject)
Strangely it wasn't snowing that night but that doesn't mean that the frozen winter air didn't bite at your skin whenever you opened your front door. Not many people say they enjoy the sting of of an icy breeze on their face but when most of your life is spent on ice, you learn to embrace it. It's somewhat of a comfort.
And maybe that's why he showed up on my doorstep late that night with all of his, I wanted to tell you myself and I didn't want you to hear it from them. He probably thought it would hurt less. Secretly, I had already known and it had been swirling in my thoughts and keeping me awake. Theo was leaving for Colorado although not immediately and as he shook, I didn't know if he was shivering or scared. I wrapped him up like I had almost every day before this one, pulling him into my lap like the child he was... the child he is. We never slept.
I knew the rest of the season would be different without him and it was. This whole year has been a blur. He'd always been a wall to me filled with tiny cracks that I could tap lightly at, trying to find holes to fit inside of. And the more I tapped, the easier he would open up. It had taken 5 years for me to break him down. Brick by brick, each piece would cover another until he was inside out. And every time he'd say Shelly, I'm so sorry I'd bite back the words I wanted to say and the emotions that I'd held back. Because I'd watched him leave a million times before this one and I had played this scene out a dozen more than that. I haven't seen him since and I've learned to sit in the dark like he used to and drink my weight in liquor like we used to.
It was always tearful goodbyes with Jose and moments that made my skin tingle until he would find a way to kill all the nerve endings. Happy birthday Jose. Nothing with you ever dies and maybe I enjoy the pain.
And maybe that's why he showed up on my doorstep late that night with all of his, I wanted to tell you myself and I didn't want you to hear it from them. He probably thought it would hurt less. Secretly, I had already known and it had been swirling in my thoughts and keeping me awake. Theo was leaving for Colorado although not immediately and as he shook, I didn't know if he was shivering or scared. I wrapped him up like I had almost every day before this one, pulling him into my lap like the child he was... the child he is. We never slept.
I knew the rest of the season would be different without him and it was. This whole year has been a blur. He'd always been a wall to me filled with tiny cracks that I could tap lightly at, trying to find holes to fit inside of. And the more I tapped, the easier he would open up. It had taken 5 years for me to break him down. Brick by brick, each piece would cover another until he was inside out. And every time he'd say Shelly, I'm so sorry I'd bite back the words I wanted to say and the emotions that I'd held back. Because I'd watched him leave a million times before this one and I had played this scene out a dozen more than that. I haven't seen him since and I've learned to sit in the dark like he used to and drink my weight in liquor like we used to.
It was always tearful goodbyes with Jose and moments that made my skin tingle until he would find a way to kill all the nerve endings. Happy birthday Jose. Nothing with you ever dies and maybe I enjoy the pain.