A Letter to Bridezilla, a FIC
Topic: A Letter to Bridezilla
Author: happy_overdose
Summary: Sheldon writes Penny a letter, outlining her behaviour.
Spoilers: None. Set a year from now.
Rating: R for la lengua. Penny's really upset.
A/N: This is all just me writing and avoiding class again. I won't be able to watch tonight's episode. *cries*
Penny took up the piece of paper that flew in underneath her door. It read:
Dear Penny:
Though this in no way the proper format of a letter, I have a time constraint and therefore opt to write this using bullets, as they make it easier to relay information and referencing.
-I resent you saying that I do not know you. You have lived here in the apartment across from mine for four years and are in my apartment daily. It is impossible not to collect information on a person who is a constant in your life for such a long time. I do know a lot of things about you. You have bright green eyes and blonde hair. You work at the Cheesecake Factory on a schedule which is fairly consistent. You are an actress and you once mentioned you wrote a screenplay based loosely on your life. You are from Omaha, Nebraska. You have appalling homemaking skills and equally appalling taste in mates. Your brother is a drug dealer, or one could safely assume so. You have a birthmark on your shoulder. There are many more things that I know about you, so your assumption is unfounded.
-Our fight has now entered its 117th hour, which is almost five days. I am confused as to why you would be angry this long over a very accurate comment. I do believe, and have said so on many occasions, that your track record with the opposite sex is consistent. You tend to date men who can be classified as jerks. Your efforts with Leonard were an attempt to deviate from this pattern. However, since your relationship with Leonard was doomed to fail based on the fact that you are very incompatible, as you both seemed to want something different from your relationship, I could predict the relationship’s end. All this is to say that you marrying Peter is an ill-advised move. Leonard surmises that I should not have told you that in front of Peter himself, but if this were the case, I believe Peter would be angrier than you are.
-Please refrain from vandalizing my spot whenever you are angry at me. My afternoon was spent removing jelly from the cushion, and Leonard, Raj and Howard all denied knowledge of how it got there.
-The use of expletives when you are greeting someone is very rude. I assure you ‘Fuck you, Sheldon’ is universally unacceptable as a response to ‘Good morning Penny’.
-You were not this upset when I mentioned that the hairstyle you chose for your wedding day resembles a robin’s nest.
-Please in the future never and I mean NEVER come into the bathroom while I’m having my shower to throw insults at me.
-Calling my mother is under these circumstances unacceptable, especially since I am not the one who is wrong. May I remind you that you are the one who started this, and therefore are the one who should apologize.
-Contrary to what you believe, and to what you told Leonard last night, I do not hate you, I do not want to sabotage your wedding and I will still be there, even if I refused to be in the wedding party. Though I do not agree with your decision, I am still your friend, and I will be present through your triumphant moments, as well as those which I believe are your worst. I would never be that petty.
Your friend, Sheldon.
Penny read the paper over and over. No apology. No kind words (as if he even possessed the ability to say something kind). And she didn’t do anything to his precious spot! Penny’s red eyes narrowed in anger. He had the audacity to slip this piece of junk under her door? Had he any idea how many times she had cried over him in the last five days? How many things in her apartment had been smashed to smithereens because she was so angry at him? She wanted to slap him across the face, punch him in the stomach and kick him when he went down. She felt more tears well in her eyes. How dare he take the passive route when she needed an excuse to drive her fist into something?
Her wedding was in a week. She was in shambles. Peter was way too excited for some reason. He kept saying that he couldn’t believe he was getting married. That was one of the things that he said the night when she and he went to Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment to watch the newest end of the world flick on DVD. That was the first time Sheldon had ever been so mean to her. From then on, she had been riding an emotional roller coaster, crying and throwing stuff and barging into the boys’ bathroom to tell Sheldon that he sucked, almost blinding Raj when she swung her purse at him. She didn’t know what was throwing her hormones out of whack, but they were making her even angrier at Sheldon than normal.
Why was he so insistent that she had terrible taste in men? She did not! Peter was great! He always considered her feelings, and he made her laugh. He was a fireman, for heaven’s sake! He was excellent in the pleasing her department. What more could she want?
Feeling the green monster rise once again, she grabbed the door and yanked it open, hearing it crash on the inside wall as she stomped barefooted over to 4A.
“You coward open this fucking door!” she yelled, banging on the door. He opened the door.
“WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS?”
“Your letter. Though more accurately, it is a summary of the main points of the lecture I would have wanted to give you, had you been in a more receiving mood,” said Sheldon, “Penny your vocabulary has receded in the last few weeks, as you have started to punctuate your sentences with swearwords.”
“What’s that gotta fucking do with anything?” she huffed, then pushed the letter into his chest “This is a pile of shit! All this is so your fault! And my hair did not look like a bird’s nest! And Peter and I are great together! And I do not have bad taste in men! AND I DIDN’T PUT ANY JELLY ON YOUR DAMN SPOT!”
“Who else could it have been?” Sheldon queried.
“They’re lying to you, you dimwad! How can you do this? I am getting married, Sheldon! I’m gonna be someone’s wife! Do you know how important that is?”
“Yes,” he admitted, “and this is why I will be there, however I feel about your marriage.”
“You had better not move a muscle when they ask if anyone object!” she grabbed the front of his Batman t shirt and dragged him forward.
“Are you suggesting that I lie?” he asked her.
“Through your teeth,” she snarled.
“I will not, Penny. I refuse to lie, even to save our friendship. I believe that I would rather not be friends with you than to see you make the mistake of marrying someone you neither love or who doesn’t love you.”
“Why do you care?! It’s not like you love me! If you loved me all of this wouldn’t be happening!” she screamed right in his face.
Time stopped while she realized what she just said.
“Penny,” Sheldon said after a while, “I do not want to misinterpret you words, so please explain…”
She kissed him. Hard.
He protested for a little. But then she felt him soften against her, and suddenly, his arms were around her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tipped up so she could press herself to him. When they finally parted, his eyes were brighter than she had ever seen them.
“I think…” she started, “I think you may have a point about this making a mistake thing.”
“My mother taught my sister a very simple but effective method of acknowledging your true feelings. I’ve never had to use it, but it works for Missy,” said Sheldon, “Are you able to tell him you love him without feeling self conscious or doubt?”
“I… don’t think so” she said. Though she was sure the answer was no.
“Then you’re not ready to get married.” He told her.
“Sheldon?”
“Yes Penny?”
“I love you.”
A/N: I know. You’re confused. I’m sorry. It’s a “top of my mind” fic.
Also, if you're reading A Step Through the Blue Light, I'm almost done writing the latest chapter. :)
Author: happy_overdose
Summary: Sheldon writes Penny a letter, outlining her behaviour.
Spoilers: None. Set a year from now.
Rating: R for la lengua. Penny's really upset.
A/N: This is all just me writing and avoiding class again. I won't be able to watch tonight's episode. *cries*
Penny took up the piece of paper that flew in underneath her door. It read:
Dear Penny:
Though this in no way the proper format of a letter, I have a time constraint and therefore opt to write this using bullets, as they make it easier to relay information and referencing.
-I resent you saying that I do not know you. You have lived here in the apartment across from mine for four years and are in my apartment daily. It is impossible not to collect information on a person who is a constant in your life for such a long time. I do know a lot of things about you. You have bright green eyes and blonde hair. You work at the Cheesecake Factory on a schedule which is fairly consistent. You are an actress and you once mentioned you wrote a screenplay based loosely on your life. You are from Omaha, Nebraska. You have appalling homemaking skills and equally appalling taste in mates. Your brother is a drug dealer, or one could safely assume so. You have a birthmark on your shoulder. There are many more things that I know about you, so your assumption is unfounded.
-Our fight has now entered its 117th hour, which is almost five days. I am confused as to why you would be angry this long over a very accurate comment. I do believe, and have said so on many occasions, that your track record with the opposite sex is consistent. You tend to date men who can be classified as jerks. Your efforts with Leonard were an attempt to deviate from this pattern. However, since your relationship with Leonard was doomed to fail based on the fact that you are very incompatible, as you both seemed to want something different from your relationship, I could predict the relationship’s end. All this is to say that you marrying Peter is an ill-advised move. Leonard surmises that I should not have told you that in front of Peter himself, but if this were the case, I believe Peter would be angrier than you are.
-Please refrain from vandalizing my spot whenever you are angry at me. My afternoon was spent removing jelly from the cushion, and Leonard, Raj and Howard all denied knowledge of how it got there.
-The use of expletives when you are greeting someone is very rude. I assure you ‘Fuck you, Sheldon’ is universally unacceptable as a response to ‘Good morning Penny’.
-You were not this upset when I mentioned that the hairstyle you chose for your wedding day resembles a robin’s nest.
-Please in the future never and I mean NEVER come into the bathroom while I’m having my shower to throw insults at me.
-Calling my mother is under these circumstances unacceptable, especially since I am not the one who is wrong. May I remind you that you are the one who started this, and therefore are the one who should apologize.
-Contrary to what you believe, and to what you told Leonard last night, I do not hate you, I do not want to sabotage your wedding and I will still be there, even if I refused to be in the wedding party. Though I do not agree with your decision, I am still your friend, and I will be present through your triumphant moments, as well as those which I believe are your worst. I would never be that petty.
Your friend, Sheldon.
Penny read the paper over and over. No apology. No kind words (as if he even possessed the ability to say something kind). And she didn’t do anything to his precious spot! Penny’s red eyes narrowed in anger. He had the audacity to slip this piece of junk under her door? Had he any idea how many times she had cried over him in the last five days? How many things in her apartment had been smashed to smithereens because she was so angry at him? She wanted to slap him across the face, punch him in the stomach and kick him when he went down. She felt more tears well in her eyes. How dare he take the passive route when she needed an excuse to drive her fist into something?
Her wedding was in a week. She was in shambles. Peter was way too excited for some reason. He kept saying that he couldn’t believe he was getting married. That was one of the things that he said the night when she and he went to Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment to watch the newest end of the world flick on DVD. That was the first time Sheldon had ever been so mean to her. From then on, she had been riding an emotional roller coaster, crying and throwing stuff and barging into the boys’ bathroom to tell Sheldon that he sucked, almost blinding Raj when she swung her purse at him. She didn’t know what was throwing her hormones out of whack, but they were making her even angrier at Sheldon than normal.
Why was he so insistent that she had terrible taste in men? She did not! Peter was great! He always considered her feelings, and he made her laugh. He was a fireman, for heaven’s sake! He was excellent in the pleasing her department. What more could she want?
Feeling the green monster rise once again, she grabbed the door and yanked it open, hearing it crash on the inside wall as she stomped barefooted over to 4A.
“You coward open this fucking door!” she yelled, banging on the door. He opened the door.
“WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS?”
“Your letter. Though more accurately, it is a summary of the main points of the lecture I would have wanted to give you, had you been in a more receiving mood,” said Sheldon, “Penny your vocabulary has receded in the last few weeks, as you have started to punctuate your sentences with swearwords.”
“What’s that gotta fucking do with anything?” she huffed, then pushed the letter into his chest “This is a pile of shit! All this is so your fault! And my hair did not look like a bird’s nest! And Peter and I are great together! And I do not have bad taste in men! AND I DIDN’T PUT ANY JELLY ON YOUR DAMN SPOT!”
“Who else could it have been?” Sheldon queried.
“They’re lying to you, you dimwad! How can you do this? I am getting married, Sheldon! I’m gonna be someone’s wife! Do you know how important that is?”
“Yes,” he admitted, “and this is why I will be there, however I feel about your marriage.”
“You had better not move a muscle when they ask if anyone object!” she grabbed the front of his Batman t shirt and dragged him forward.
“Are you suggesting that I lie?” he asked her.
“Through your teeth,” she snarled.
“I will not, Penny. I refuse to lie, even to save our friendship. I believe that I would rather not be friends with you than to see you make the mistake of marrying someone you neither love or who doesn’t love you.”
“Why do you care?! It’s not like you love me! If you loved me all of this wouldn’t be happening!” she screamed right in his face.
Time stopped while she realized what she just said.
“Penny,” Sheldon said after a while, “I do not want to misinterpret you words, so please explain…”
She kissed him. Hard.
He protested for a little. But then she felt him soften against her, and suddenly, his arms were around her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tipped up so she could press herself to him. When they finally parted, his eyes were brighter than she had ever seen them.
“I think…” she started, “I think you may have a point about this making a mistake thing.”
“My mother taught my sister a very simple but effective method of acknowledging your true feelings. I’ve never had to use it, but it works for Missy,” said Sheldon, “Are you able to tell him you love him without feeling self conscious or doubt?”
“I… don’t think so” she said. Though she was sure the answer was no.
“Then you’re not ready to get married.” He told her.
“Sheldon?”
“Yes Penny?”
“I love you.”
A/N: I know. You’re confused. I’m sorry. It’s a “top of my mind” fic.
Also, if you're reading A Step Through the Blue Light, I'm almost done writing the latest chapter. :)