The Caper Continuum [4/5]
Penny was staring. She wasn’t shocked or taken off guard, and she wasn’t exactly in any sort of awe with the person in front of her. In fact, the stare was very premeditated. She was acting, though simply widening her eyes and pretending like she was recognising someone for the first time didn’t really flex her abilities beyond the every-day waitressing act. Most days Penny didn’t care if her customers had a good day or not, but if her tips were any indication, they usually fell for the lie.
If she could fool them, she could certainly fool this guy.
“You’re Wesley Crusher,” she said in a breathy voice as if she was in awe of the man in front of her. The coffee she was pouring into his cup sloshed over the side of the rim in a calculated move that appeared accidental. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I was just thinkin’ you looked familiar and then it kind of all hit me at once and I forgot where I was for a second.” She pretended she was embarrassed. That wasn’t as difficult as pretending she was impressed by Wil Wheaton’s presence. She hadn’t even met the guy for real, and he was already on her top-hated list. She wasn’t sure if it was sweet or a little pathetic that she was adopting Sheldon’s animosity and hatred towards the guy simply because she loved him.
The image of a young Sheldon travelling by bus, alone, to see his hero only to be disappointed was an image she couldn’t get out of her head. What was worse was the underscore of pain she detected in the tale, and Penny was sure that wasn’t the end of the story. Chances were, he had gotten in trouble for taking the trip, or had gotten into trouble while on the trip. Penny wasn’t sure which was worse, but she felt her empty hand curl into a hostile fist at the thought, hidden behind her skirt.
She smiled at Wil Wheaton, extra bright. “I’ll clean this right up and get you another cup.”
Once she returned, her emotions were back in order and her resolve to follow through with this opportunity was reinforced with steel. If she could just find a way to get into Wil’s house, Sheldon might even forgive her for acting without a detailed plan she ran by him first. Really, though, he should expect impulsive recklessness from her on occasion, right?
So she batted her eyelashes through Wil inviting her to join him for a piece of cheesecake and explained to him that it was against Cheesecake Factory policy. She giggled when Wil invited her out for coffee after her shift, played hard-to-get, and eventually agreed.
There was a possibility Sheldon would misunderstand everything and see this as a huge betrayal against him, but Penny was fully intending to have Wil Wheaton eating out of the palm of her hand before she crushed him down like the insect he was. Sheldon’s war had become her own, and she was much more suited towards understanding how to really obliterate all the hopes and dreams of a man.
x.x.x.x.x.
“Oh my gosh, I’ve been totally gettin’ into Star Trek since the movie came out. I almost had a role as a extra on one of them space ships, and I started watchin’ the show as research for the role, only no one told me there was like, more than one show. So there I was, auditionin’ and all I had watched was Next Generation. I’m pretty sure they were all laughin’ behind my back when I asked if Patrick Stewart was going to be the Captain. I mean, the man has barely aged! He could so totally do it.” If there was one thing Penny did spectacularly, it was act like all she was was a dumb blond. Before she had met Sheldon and Leonard, being the blond was all she aspired to. Now, the idea of messing up TOS and TNG made her feel vaguely ill, but unsurprisingly, the role of being Penny the idiot was easy to slip into. What was surprising was the fact that she had to slip into it at all. If anyone had asked, she would have claimed it was who she was, but that wasn’t the truth any more. The idea actually made her feel better about herself, as though she was actually getting somewhere even if her life sometimes felt like it was in a standstill.
“It’s an easy mistake to make if you don’t know any differently. Believe me, I’ve learned not to expect normal people to know anything about Trek, even though sometimes I feel like my whole life has been as a Trekkie. I was surprised that such a beautiful woman recognised me at all.”
Penny giggled vacuously. “Wesley Crusher is such a cutie. I remember thinking crusher was such a fitting name since I totally have a crush on him. I’m sorry, I know he was just a role you played but I’m havin’ a complete blond moment and this is totally embarrassing, but what’s your name again?” She leaned forward, showing him her cleavage as an attempt to soften the blow.
It worked. He was so consumed by staring down her shirt that he didn’t even notice any insult with her not knowing his real name. “Wil Wheaton.”
“Of course!” Penny exclaimed, hitting her head with the palm of her hand. “Are you still workin’ in the Industry, Wil?”
“Actually, I prefer Wil Wheaton, all one name. Like Madonna, Cher, Sarah Jessica Parker.”
Penny was pretty sure Sarah Jessica Parker didn’t go by all three names to people who knew her as someone besides the star of Sex and the City. Otherwise, how prima donna of Wil-Wheaton. She wasn’t even going to feel bad about what she was about to do.
As she was thinking about this, Wil Wheaton continued to name drop, bragging to her about how involved in Hollywood he was. According to him, Joss Whedon and JJ Abrams were his homeboys, and he had a finger in multiple pies at the moment. He finished this with, “oh hey, I’m having a party next Friday. You should come. I’m sure there will be some VIP people there.”
“Really?” Penny asked, pursing her lips thoughtfully, but really to draw attention to her mouth. She doubted the man was having any kind of party, but he saw this as a chance to impress the pretty, but incredibly shallow and stupid blond in front of him. A party was the perfect opportunity to break into his house without getting arrested, and there was a possibility Sheldon could get in and out unnoticed. Of course... “I don’t know, I hear there’s an epic masquerade party going on somewhere in Hollywood. One of those secret deals, and I was hoping to figure out where it was.” She twirled her hair. “I just love masquerades, they’re so romantic and you never know who you’re going home with.”
And, like a typical man, all the pieces tumbled into place in his mind and he fell into her trap, not even recognising it for what it was. He was overconfident in his own intelligence and the image she had presented him of the slutty blond waitress. It was almost insulting, really, except that it was also empowering.
“Oh yeah!” he exclaimed. “That’s at my place!”
x.x.x.x.
“Dude, I might have to move! Stop worrying about your piddly clown problems for a minute here and be reasonable. My life is further in the shitter than yours.”
“You have ladybugs! That’s the most unthreatening infestation I’ve ever heard of. At least you’re sleeping with a lot of ladies. Do you know what I’m sleeping with? A panic button to call my mother in case I have any more night terrors.”
“Why don’t you just crawl into bed with her and get it over with!” Raj yelled. “We all know that’s where this is heading. You’re going to get so scared that in the middle of the night you’ll run screaming to your mommy, sobbing about the murderous clown in your window.”
“Who says I haven’t!” Howard yelled back hotly. “You think the fact I need therapy is insignificant? I’m telling you, my problems are so much worse than yours. I’m being stalked by a clown that no one else can see!”
“There were ladybugs in my underwear when I put them on this morning! That’s more action than I’ve gotten in months, and I was so freaked out I ran out into the hallway trying to strip off my pants in front of the elderly woman across the hall. I couldn’t even apologize after she yelled at me for public indecency because she’s a woman.”
Sheldon turned to Raj. “Did you know there are over 5,000 species of Coccinellids; they are generally used in farm green initiatives to feed on aphids, so perhaps the noble ladybug was in your underwear to control an infestation of other insects.”
“I hadn’t considered that,” Raj answered in a high, worried tone.
Sheldon inclined his head as if to say ‘you’re welcome.’ He was half-way finished a slice of Giacamo’s sausage and mushroom (light olives) when Penny burst through the door. “Sheldon!” she exclaimed, panting from running up all three flights of stairs. “Penny Blossoms!” she gestured towards her apartment with her head.
Sheldon frowned at her, looking pointedly at his pizza.
Penny raised her eyebrows and gestured towards her apartment. Then she gave him a slow smile.
A light seemed to go on in Sheldon’s head, and he got to his feet hastily. “It’ll be worth it, I promise,” she assured him as they exited apartment 4A, completely missing the stunned looks passed around.
x.x.x.x.
Sheldon Cooper was torturing her on purpose, Penny was sure. Ever since they had the conversation about how hot his hands made her, his movements had become more languid, his body shifted so she could see the fluid motions he was making, and even worse, so she’d have a front-seat view every time he did that obscene flick of his wrist that had her swallowing the need to jump him.
She tried to get him back by wearing low cut shirts, but he seemed obvious to the fact she was showing skin, let alone showing skin on purpose. She’d tried draping her legs over his lap, but he’d jumped up and dislodged them immediately, giving her a dissuasive glare.
So she just sat back and enjoyed the view, now that she knew she didn’t have to hide it from him. The heat curling around her was entirely one sided, but she kind of enjoyed her ability to stare at him as much as she wanted, maybe breathe heavily every once and a while, and not have to worry about him noticing.
“Penny, are you even paying attention?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said cheerfully, silently repeating the last thirty seconds of hand movements and jabs.
“How about what I was saying?” he questioned, emphasizing the last bit.
Yeah, she actually knew since she could totally multitask now that she didn’t have to pretend nothing was going on with her. She knew he was showing her the layout of Wil Wheaton’s house as he’d been able to discover from the internet, and kept pointing at a certain point, which happened to be the award room.
She shifted over so that she was seated right next to him, her thigh pressed against his. “Show me,” she said, her voice unintentionally breathy in anticipation. She wondered if he could tell the difference between when she did it on purpose to tease him and when it was true. He might, but then he might not, depending on how closely he paid attention and how he categorized the other details, like the slight flush of her cheeks and the way she hooded her eyelids as she stared at him.
Whatever he saw, he brought his hand up to the air. “His award room is here. This is where we’re aiming.”
Penny slid her hand down his, resting her fingers lightly on top of his, and curling her hand to accommodate the way he was pointing. “You want to come in through the side door here,” she said, moving his hand down to the exact spot he had indicated minutes ago. “But I think we should arrive here,” she told him, moving his hand across the air.
“Do you mean to indicate the front door?” he asked.
“It’s a masquerade,” she told him. “It would look more suspicious if we went in a side door than it would entering from the front. No one will recognise us.”
She had been slightly surprised when Sheldon took her flirtation with Wil Wheaton in stride, focusing more on developing a plan than the fact she had gone out for coffee with his mortal enemy. She didn’t think he’d get jealous, not really, but she thought he’d be angry at the fact she hadn’t run it by him first. Sheldon seemed to take it in the spirit it had been meant, easily seeing how it was an opportunity he might not have otherwise gotten.
She actually hadn’t expected him to let it go so easily.
“We’d move through the living room,” she told him, not telling him there would probably be people dancing and milling in the area. He’d still bulk at that, and she had a half-assed plan to force him into dancing with her. As she spoke, she dragged his hand through the air. “And then up the stairs.”
“That would work,” he told her. Both of them were leaning forward and he had to turn his head to speak to her.
“Yes,” she said, flicking his hand through the air to change pages. Today his imaginary whiteboard was more like an imaginary touch screen computer. She counted in her head as she changed the pages, flipping through the dossier he had not-so-helpfully imagined for her. “I think we should do something with this one,” she told him, hoping she had counted correctly.
“The Type II Phaser?”
“No,” Penny shook her head and bit her lip, disappointed she had gotten it wrong. “I was looking for the acting award.”
“Ah,” he said, flipping back two pages.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“It’s understandable,” he told her, hand twitching from beneath hers. “You didn’t create the file and can’t visualize it like I can.”
Penny turned to look at him, and he was still so close, his face just over her shoulder. His eyes were watching her intently. She took his words into account. He rarely made concessions for mistakes other people made.
“Sheldon, you never get distracted when working on your invisible whiteboard. Even when Leonard comes in and interrupts us.” She said this as she turned closer to him. He sat back in his seat, his eyes still intent on hers. She didn’t know for sure, but she thought her actions had the intended effect. She’d finally managed to get his interest on her specifically. She could now feel the energy simmering between them, and it made her breath quicken.
“I have an eidetic memory. I always know exactly where I left off.”
“But you got distracted that time I interrupted you. You know, when Alicia first moved in,” she reminded him, sliding onto his lap. Sheldon only looked momentarily concerned as she slid her arms over his shoulder, so Penny put that down as proof she had successfully ensnared him. She’d never straddled him before, and Sheldon wouldn’t even let her put her legs over his an hour ago when they’d been sitting. This was a concession he wouldn’t be making unless he wanted her on his lap.
“I was working on a very complex equation,” he informed her primly.
“Really?” she asked bumping her nose against his. His hands were wandering up her thighs, fingers rubbing slightly at the skin beneath the edge of her shorts before venturing higher, spread against her Hello Kitty clad rear.
It was exactly where he left off the last time she kissed him, in Raj’s closet. Penny didn’t miss that attention to detail.
“No, it was no more complex than normal,” he responded as her lips descended onto his neck. As she leaned in, his finger moved higher, over her back to support her. She wanted nothing more than to tell him she loved him again, but didn’t think he was ready to hear it. Penny’s mouth moved against his skin, less frantically than last time. She enjoyed the ability to leisurely kiss him, unworried about anyone interrupting them or Sheldon stopping her. She was sure if he wanted to, he would have already.
“Why do you persist in finding ways to attach your mouth to mine?” he asked, hand braced across her back and fingers splayed. She could feel the span of his touch across the nape of her neck and shivered delicately at the sensation. Penny moved slowly across his jaw, teasing the corner of his mouth with the slightest curl at the corner of her lips.
“It’s addicting,” she told him, mouth rasping against the slight sensation of a five o’clock shadow. A moment later her mouth was pressed against his and his hand was in her hair, cupping the back of her head.
“I promised my mother I wouldn’t do drugs,” he muttered against her mouth, but made no move to stop the kiss or back away. Instead, he pressed her closer to him, his other hand flexing at her hip before sliding across her butt. Penny made that sound of approval in her throat. It seemed to be his spot, and she was starting to realize that it just might be his weakness.
“You’re not doing drugs,” she promised. “You are the drug.”
“I think it more likely that sensations you are experiencing are caused by dopamine, testosterone, and a number peptides, including oxytocin, all creating a heady sense of arousal. Technically still drugs, but caused by natural hormonal and neural reactions within your own body.”
“It’s you,” she promised, drawing his hand up and pressing his open palm against her breast. “Believe me, I couldn’t do this all by myself.”
He shuddered delicately below her as his fingers flexed, growing bold as his curiosity was aroused.
“Oooh,” she sighed. Yes, this had definitely been the best plan ever.
x.x.x.x.x.
“So I’ve got this friend,” she told him, an indeterminable amount of time later, trying to surreptitiously readjust her bra as she rummaged through her fridge for something to eat. They had only stopped making out when Penny’s stomach had growled audibly, or at least loud enough that even she could hear it, and he insisted she eat because it was distracting him.
“I don’t see what your friend has to do with me or the task at hand,” he responded, hands making quick work of the requisite two Penny Blossoms he needed to maintain the lie with Leonard.
“Yeah, I’m getting to that. She works in this second hand store downtown-“
“Oh no,” Sheldon interrupted.
“Just hear me out, ok. She’s constantly getting in shipments of old stock of unsold merchandise from stores. You know, the unusual sizes that don’t fly off the shelves and stores have trouble selling. It’s usually weird-ish stuff too, like strangely colored pants or whatever. I was wondering if you’d wear something like that to the masquerade so long as it was new with tags and she put it aside before it mingled with the other things in her store? It would save us a lot of money and a shopping trip.”
“Never worn?” he verified, at least giving her the benefit of thinking about it rather than immediately rejecting her plan.
“New with tags, so there’s proof it’s never been worn. We can wash anything I find, and that means we won’t have to go to the mall and go to multiple stores until we find something that would work.”
“Are you sure I can’t wear one of the multiple costumes in my closet? The Flash has a mask.”
“No.”
“Batman?”
Penny grinned. “No.”
“How about The Green Lantern?”
“No DC verse!” Penny snapped. Whoa. Why did she know that? Her hotness quota was either rising or at an all time low. “No science fiction characters, no heroes. Would you go to ComicCon wearing street clothes? Well you can’t go to this party without an appropriate costume, and none of those costumes are appropriate!”
“I don’t see the purpose,” he sulked.
“I’ll get you a cape,” she bribed with raised eyebrows. Oh yeah, that was happening now that the idea entered her mind. Sheldon would probably agree with it because it would be kind of superhero-y or Sheldor-y.
Penny wanted it because it would probably be super hot.
“I guess that will have to do,” he agreed.
“Fantastic!” Penny said, trying to moderate her tone so she didn’t seem too excited.
Now that talking him down from the ledge of crazy was finished, for the next minute at least, Penny was able to turn her attention back to finding something to eat. Her fridge was rather sparse, containing a jar of olives, a bottle of wine, limp celery, and a Tupperware container that she couldn’t ever remember placing there, but it had been in her fridge for ages. Maybe it was there when she moved in? Anyway, she wasn’t touching it in the interim as she had the distinct impression whatever was in it might have eaten away at the plastic and if she moved it the entire structure would collapse on itself.
It probably helped contribute directly to all those airborne mould thingamabobs. Speaking of... week old Thai food. Yum! That was still good, right? It certainly didn’t smell bad and there visibly wasn’t anything growing on it.
She grabbed the container and a fork, settling next to him on the couch.
“When did you have Thai?” he asked, probably feeling betrayed at the idea she had Thai a night other than his scheduled Thai night.
“Oh, you know,” Penny responded noncommittally, taking a bite. Mmm. Tangy. “Thai night.”
Sheldon’s eyes bugged out of his head and he recoiled from her, a look of utter revulsion on his face.
Yeah, she’d expected that reaction months ago. It was a little too late now for him to be flinching from the things she did with her mouth. Where was it the first time she kissed him? The second? The third? Oh geez, the fourth? That’s right, no where! Apparently it took her eating week-old Thai food to draw it out of him.
“Thai night!” he echoed, voice all high pitched and stressed. “Do you know how quickly food becomes a breeding ground for bacterium? I shudder to think of the microscopic entities you are currently consuming.” To back this claim up, he shuddered dramatically. “You’ll make yourself sick.”
Penny patted her stomach. “It’s iron-clad, baby, I can eat anything.”
“Don’t come crying to me when blood spews from your digestive tract,” he told her, getting up in a huff and stalking out the door.
Penny snickered to herself. That was the Sheldon Cooper she remembered, the one it was difficult to imagine getting his hand beneath her bra.
Which he totally did, not even fifteen minutes ago.
x.x.x.x.x.
He was having a fantastic week, first Penny dragged Sheldon away for sex right in front of everyone, and then he got to crow to a stunned Howard and Raj about how he told them it was happening. Howard had been rendered speechless for like half an hour. Raj, though, had regrouped quickly and gleefully ate Sheldon’s pizza. Leonard had wanted more drama, but he’d take what he could get. Penny and Sheldon were spending even more time together, giving him nice hour-long stretches of time when he was alone in the apartment. It was wonderful!
Leonard shoved Thai in his mouth, excited that Howard and Raj weren’t there because that meant he wouldn’t need to share his spring rolls. His mouth was so consumed with oral bliss, that he barely noticed Penny enter, stare at the food on the table and then rush to the bathroom.
He did, however, notice when the sound of her retching filled the apartment. Sheldon sighed, his fork clattering on his plate as he dropped it and pushed the food away.
“Well, that’s ruined,” he said with a grimace.
Leonard kept chewing. He was eating those spring rolls! It was his right. If Penny had an upset stomach, that meant there was a good chance she wouldn’t bully him into splitting them. He’d never had the entire order before. This was the best week ever!
She emerged from the bathroom a few moments later, Sheldon hovering in a concerned manner in front of his spot, as if he wasn’t sure whether to move towards her or not. Leonard thought it was sweet until he opened his mouth.
“I told you so.”
“Shut it, Sheldon!” Penny snapped, giving the food a wistful look of regret before heading to the door. “I’m not in the mood right now.”
“Penny, if these symptoms persist over the next twelve hours, I insist you make a visit to the emergency room.”
MMMM. Spring Rolls. Rolled little pieces of Spring.
Penny waved him off. “I’ll be fine, Sheldon. We both know what’s causing this,” she told him, hand rubbing her lower stomach.
Holy Shit, Leonard realized as everything suddenly came together in his mind. He sat bolt up in his chair at the same time the door slammed behind Penny, his spring rolls rolling off his plate without him noticing.
Good God.
Holy Crap.
No, that didn’t even cover it. HolyFrackingHellShitMotherFuckingNoWayJesusAdamaChrist.
Penny was pregnant.
Oh wow, Penny was pregnant.
PENNY WAS PREGNANT!
It took him about thirty seconds for his brain to even process that. Then he realized what it would mean. Penny and Sheldon would be together forever. Sheldon would have to propose, as he was nothing if not a gentleman. And admittedly an ass, but in this instance Sheldon was a gentleman, and would definitely propose to Penny and do the right thing. It was so bittersweet. It answered everything Leonard had been hoping for, but it made his stomach feel surprisingly hollow. The idea of Sheldon and Penny getting married because of a baby, because it was necessary, made the side of him who had the complete collection of Johanna Lindsey beneath his bed revolt. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Sheldon probably didn’t even realize he was in love yet!
“Oh Sheldon,” Leonard said sympathetically, his voice breaking. He swallowed, told himself not to cry and tried again. “Sheldon, I just wanted to say that no matter what’s going on, you have my support. My blessing, as far as that has any meaning to you. If you need any advice on anything you can’t ask Penny, I’m here for you, like a brother,” Leonard said over-sentimentally. “Or like a best friend should be. So if you’re looking for rings, or need someone to consult with as to whether you should ask her father, or whether you need to get down on one knee, I’m your man.”
Sheldon stared at him quizzically. “Fascinating,” he said, lip pulling back into a slight smile. “Why would I propose to Penny?”
“Because she’s pregnant, you dolt!” Leonard yelled at him automatically. God, his hormones were fluctuating or something.
“Penny’s not pregnant,” Sheldon said with certainty.
Then, with horror, he realized he was probably right all along, Sheldon probably didn’t even realize Penny getting pregnant was a possibility. He probably didn’t even know they were having sex, Penny had probably tricked him into it by saying it was... meditation. Yeah, physical meditation.
Ok, that was possibly the stupidest thing he’d ever come up with, including the time he thought he could prove issues with muon decay using milk. In his defence, that had been a particularly realistic dream, but it had taken him far too long after waking up, showering, and driving to work to realize it was impossible. This, though, well... yeah. No defence.
“Sheldon,” Leonard said definitively. “You and Penny are having sex. Penny has thrown up for the past two days. Ergo, Penny is pregnant, and the child is yours.” Leonard’s eyes welled up. “A baby, that’s beautiful.”
Sheldon, that bastard, just started to laugh. What kind of father would he be if he laughed like a crazy person? Leonard realized in horror. His child would fear him.
“First of all Leonard, Penny and I are not, nor have we ever, engaged in coitus. Second of all, Penny ate week-old Thai last night. I warned her it would cause digestive distress if not foodborne illness, but she waved off my counsel with platitudes about her iron stomach and is now paying the price.” Sheldon shivered. “I don’t understand why she would ignore the very real probability of spoilage bacterium infesting her food.”
That was a relief, Leonard realized. Penny wasn’t pregnant. He was jumping to conclusions. Wait, what? “What do you mean you and Penny aren’t having sex?”
Sheldon got that odd smile on his face, the one he got right before he insulted someone on purpose or played one if his practical jokes. It made Leonard feel uneasy, like he might need to make a bathroom run of his own soon. “Unbeknownst to anyone Penny and I have resumed playing classic pranks, this time in tandem, which accounts for the time we spend together. I realized very early on that you seemed to believe the two of us were engaging in some sort of relationship, so I devised a set of steps to encourage you to believe so. However, you seemed to get over the denial phase more quickly than I projected and I had to escalate the plan multiple times.”
Leonard gaped at him. “You’re joking.”
“That’s the general idea behind a prank, Leonard, but I believe you’re referring to what I just told you, correct?” When Leonard didn’t answer, Sheldon continued with a nod. “I’m telling the truth. You know I cannot lie. Penny and I aren’t in a relationship. We are not engaged in coitus. It was all an elaborate rouse. I can give you a detailed list if you wish.” He said all this without a single facial tic.
Leonard couldn’t help but nod, though he didn’t want a detailed list at all. He was still somewhere back with ‘you know I cannot lie.’ How could Sheldon fool him if he couldn’t lie? It didn’t make sense, dammit! Sheldon and Penny were sooo in a relationship. They couldn’t fool him with all those soft looks they had between them, could they? “How about you just hit the high points,” Leonard croaked, suddenly not wanting to hear that every time Sheldon had smiled at Penny had been calculated so that Leonard would believe they were in a relationship.
“I led you to believe Penny and I were engaged in more than making Penny Blossoms. I started mentioning her in conversation more, and then I stopped altogether. At the same time, I left a receipt for prophylactics in the household account and removed eight from the box. I made sure you only heard pertinent parts of conversation when Penny and I were speaking, so you would draw conclusions. I’m surprised you were so willing to fall for such simple incitation on my part.”
Yeah, Leonard sulked. He was surprised he fell for it too. Why had he been so eager to see Sheldon and Penny having sex? “Please tell me you’re joking. Bazinga right?”
“Leonard, by now you should be familiar with my Bazingas. I know experimental physicists aren’t familiar with the process of thinking for themselves, but please, this is no time for a Bazinga. I wasn’t even able to implement the second phase of my plan before you almost started to wail like an overly sentimental child, forcing me into coming clean. This is failure on both sides.” He glared.
“Second phase?” Leonard squeaked.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I know your inferior mind needs time to adjust to the new information you just received. I’ll go check to make sure Penny is not vomiting blood.”
x.x.x.x.x.
A/N: As promised, I do have a few announcements. The next chapter is the last one, and I’ve got some bonus material. Expect it on Jan 26th or 27th!
1. As you know, the scary-talented misskoum really helped me figure out the Wil Wheaton prank beyond the vague idea I had for the scene. Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t get it out of her mind afterwards, so as I was writing the scene, she drew a fantastic, amazing, awe-inspiring image. She kindly sat on it for over a month so it would be released at the same time as Chapter 5. She eternally has my <3 for this (and once you see it next week, she’ll have yours too).
2. I’ve been working on a bonus sex scene that I hope to release at the same time as Chapter 5. If I finish it on time. It’s been making me hit my head against the wall, but I hope you’ll enjoy it.
3. In early February, I’ll be posting the first chapter of my new story Apocalypse Week. I feel like I’m learning more about the characters and this wonderful fandom with every chapter I post and each review/message I receive. So thank you for being awesome. You guys haven’t seen the last of me XD