Fic: The Alice Cooper Avouchment
Title: The Alice Cooper Avouchment 3/?
Author: obfuscus
Spoilers: Season three through ‘The Precious Fragmentation.’
Rating: PG-13, for some naughty words
Word Count: 3054
Summary: Meemaw comes to town, and sweet Jesus- who knew she carried a Supreme Dictator and Life Meddler card in her hand-quilted purse?
Disclaimers: I don’t own TBBT, or any other shows mentioned, and am only borrowing them for what I hope is an entertaining diversion. No copyright infringement is intended.
Part Two: http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/1039894.html
There was much crisscrossing of paths and hallways, suitcases and toothbrushes and, in Penny’s case, an armful of clothing and random items, like a large-barreled curling iron, a foundation-smeared makeup case and, inexplicably, a half eaten granola bar. Finally, Meemaw was settled in Sheldon’s room, Penny’s stuff was dumped in the middle of Leonard’s bed, and Sheldon stood in Penny’s doorway, a neatly folded stack of clothes under one arm and a toiletry kit in the other hand. He gaped. “Sweet Jesus, Penny- it never gets any better over here. In fact, I’m fairly certain that pile of shoes by the table has mated and reproduced,” he mused in horror.
“Don’t be so melodramatic,” she grumbled, prodding him in the back to move and let her in her own apartment. “C’mon, let’s get those sheets changed so you don’t have an anxiety attack at two in the morning.” She paused thoughtfully, eyeing the pile of sandals in question. “Though it would be kind of awesome if shoes just randomly multiplied.”
He frowned over his shoulder at her as she jostled past him, kicking clothes out of the way as she went. “While it’s not out of the realm of the plausible, the odds of shoes appearing spontaneously are fairly small. At least in this universe.”
She made a face. Whack-a-doodle. Why was she letting him stay here again? Oh yeah- because she was a giant softie. But this- well, this was just freaking insane, and bound to end in disaster. She waved a hand as she walked towards her bedroom. “Come on, Einstein.”
After a brief argument over whether she used hot water and fabric softener on her bed linens -she didn’t- and if she had any sheets that were more conducive to a restful sleep cycle -hot pink with green flowers or Powerpuff girls were it for options- they made up the bed and headed back to the hallway, Sheldon to have warm milk with Meemaw and Penny to make sure he left before she went back to empty the bathroom trashcan (because Sheldon would probably die if he saw an empty tampon cylinder).
“Aren’t you coming?” Sheldon asked, stopping midway between apartments. “I’m sure Meemaw wouldn’t mind letting you have some warm milk with us. After all, she hasn’t threatened to go home to get Papaw's shotgun or quoted scripture at you, which means she likes you.”
“Uh, yeah. I’ll be over in a few,” she replied, leaning back against the wall next to her door.
His face softened. “Penny? Thank you for letting me sleep in your apartment.” And then he bit that full lower lip. “Though I would feel better about this whole arrangement if you allowed me to institute the organizational paradigm I’ve been attempting to get you to employ for years now.”
Penny dragged a hand over her face. “Look, Sheldon, I think I’m being pretty reasonable letting you stay at my place alone for seven whole nights without any adult supervision. Don’t push it.”
He gave her a confused look, his blue eyes dark in the fluorescent light of the hallway. “Penny, I am twenty-nine years old. I am an adult by any Western standard meaning of the word. Though there are several Pacific island cultures that require their males to pass an initiation ritual before they may be called-”
Her eyes narrowed as she cut him off. They’d be here all night, otherwise. She held up a single finger. “Yeah. Ground rules: One, there will be no over-the-top cleaning. You can clear a path through clothes piles if, and only if, they’re in your direct way from the couch to the bed to the toilet. That’s it.” A second finger flicked up. “Two, if my soup cans end up alphabetized again, I’m going to hurl them at your head in a completely non-alphabetical order. Three, if your weird OCD shit somehow overrides these ground rules and you do clean, know that I will do something totally random and equally invasive in your place, only I won’t tell you what, so you can obsess and freak over it. Four, there is a shoe box under my bed.” Her cheeks pinked just slightly. “Think of it like your puzzle box thingy. Leave it the hell alone, or I will murder you.” Penny paused, a grin forming on her glossed lips. “And I will know, without a doubt, if you opened that box, so just save yourself another broken nose and stay out.”
He nodded warily, touching a finger to his still lightly bruised nose. “Those seem to be both acceptable and specific ground rules. I accept.”
She nodded back. “Good.” Sheldon was headed back towards his apartment as a terrible urge tickled her brain. “The box is for my vibrator. It’s sparkly.”
He slammed into the door face first, hand still out to turn the knob.
Penny laughed and went back into her apartment, turning once to see Sheldon still splattered against his door. She laughed again. Oh, it was so nice to get a little of her own back on that smug bastard every now and then. Organizational paradigm, her ass. Take that, Sheldon Cooper.
~~~
The click of a drawer closing woke Penny. Leonard was standing by the dresser in a pair of Spiderman boxers and a white t-shirt, holding a pair of socks.
“Sorry,” he murmured with a small smile. “I was trying to be quiet. Do you maybe want to get up and have breakfast with me?”
Her eyes slid to the clock. 7:03. “No,” she said decisively, rolling over and pulling the pillow over her head.
“Oh, okay.”
After a few minutes, the mattress dipped next to her as he sat down. “So I was thinking- it’s your day off, right? Maybe you want to come to the university and have lunch with me? You can bring Meemaw to keep Sheldon occupied and out of our hair.”
A hand settled on her stomach and slid up under her shirt. Penny bit back a curse. They’d been dating how long now? And he still didn’t know that she always worked the afternoon-evening rush shift on Tuesdays. Which he should, given that Tuesday was hamburger day and he’d been coming to The Cheesecake Factory with the guys every freaking Tuesday for, like, years. Her lips twisted in a grimace. And if he didn’t move his hand right now, he’d be nursing a few broken fingers. She sat up with a huff. “I have to be at work for one o’clock, Leonard. There’s no way I can get to CalTech, have lunch with you, get back here to drop off Alice and get ready and be at work on time. So- no.”
“Oh.” He gave her a bashful look and rubbed a light circle on her stomach. “Then maybe we could… you know, since you’re already up.” Leonard’s eyes took on a hopeful light.
Seriously? Penny thought. How much more obvious did she have to be? “No, Leonard, I do not want to have a morning quickie.” She rolled towards the center of the bed, away from him, and sighed into her pillow. “Plus, Meemaw’s on the other side of the wall. I’m not doing that to Sheldon’s grandma just because you’re horny.”
He got up in a huff. “Fine. Whatever.” Picking up his canvas jacket, Leonard let his eyes sweep over the barely dressed bottom poking out of the covers. “See you tonight.”
She waggled a few fingers over her shoulder. “See ya. Have a good day and stuff.”
The click of the door let her know he’d finally taken the billboard-sized hint and left. Penny sat up, sighed heavily, and rearranged the blankets so she could burrow under them again.
knock knock knock
“Penny?”
knock knock knock
“Penny?”
knock knock knock
“Penny?”
Jesus Christ. “What?” she snapped, glaring over her shoulder at the long figure that poked its head through the doorway.
“Hello.” Sheldon eyed her nervously, one hand hovering around his collarbone.
She grinned darkly. At least somebody had taken her 11 a.m. warning seriously. “Yes, sweetie?”
Sheldon swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. “I know you have to be at work this afternoon, but I was hoping you could possibly set aside your normal shunning of morning conversation to keep Meemaw company.” He slid a little more of his body through the door, creeping towards the bed. “She likes to eat her breakfast late, and I thought it might coincide with your late-rising tendencies.” His eyes flickered towards her, then away. “She gets lonely. I don’t want her to be lonely.” He paused. “Also, you might want to put on a few more articles of clothing, Penny. Your gluteus maximus is largely exposed in those undergarments.”
A hand swept down to pat her butt- huh. It was hanging out. Boy shorts apparently weren’t designed to hold in girls’ parts. She rolled over, looking up at him. “Sure, Sheldon- I’ll eat breakfast with your meemaw. I’ll even be nice.”
He nodded once, opened and closed his mouth a few times, and whirled for the door.
“Sheldon?” she called after him. When he stopped, she sat up, pulling the blanket up with her. Hopefully nothing else was hanging out in the open where it wasn’t supposed to be. “Sweetie, is there something you want to tell me? You’ve been doing that weird open-closed mouth thing a lot lately.”
Turning, Sheldon gave her a long look, his eyes dark and shuttered. “I- no, Penny. I’ve been told several times this weekend that expressing my opinion on your relationship is a violation of your friendship.”
“By who?” she demanded, letting the covers pool around her, possibly exposed bits be damned. She rolled her eyes- like she had to ask. “Leonard?”
His nod was sharp. “Yes. And Wolowitz, as well. They consider my concern for both your and Leonard’s happiness unfounded and invasive. As Wolowitz said, ‘Shut my big, fat mouth and mind my own business.’ I am attempting to do so.” His cheek twitched. “Also, it’s ‘by whom?’ not ‘by who.”
Hmm. Penny fiddled with the hair tie on her wrist for a long moment before looking back up at those guileless blue eyes. “Say it,” she ordered. “Whatever they told you not to say, I want you to say it now, Sheldon.” She added in a mutter, “Before your head explodes from the effort.”
He fidgeted in place. “I… you and Leonard…” He swallowed audibly. “Never mind, Penny.” Slipping back through the door, he gave her a small, genuine smile. “Thank you for being nice to my meemaw. I hope you have a pleasant day.”
~~~
They settled on the couch, Penny gleefully ensconced in Sheldon’s spot, her feet tucked up under her and a monstrous bowl of Cocoa Crispies on her lap.
Meemaw gave her a quick grin. “Feelin’ sneaky sittin’ in Sheldon’s spot, are we?”
Penny shrugged and shoveled another spoonful into her mouth. “Somfin’ wike ‘at.”
She took a long pull from her teacup. “Use your manners, girl. At least swallow first, before you spray yourself with milk and cereal bits.” Picking up the remote, Meemaw looked at her with blue eyes that were just a shade lighter than her grandson’s. “You mind watchin’ The View? I love them girls. They always seem like they’re a hairsbreadth from a catfight. Makes me laugh.”
Nodding vigorously, Penny took the time to swallow. “Yeah, that’s cool, Mrs. Cooper,” she replied. “I love Joy Behar. She’s nasty and funny, which makes her perfect.”
“I always liked a woman that could speak her mind,” Meemaw agreed, an amused look in her eyes that perfectly matched the small smile playing on her vividly lipsticked mouth. “An’ Alice’ll do- Mrs. Cooper’s for people I don’t know or don’t like.” She eyed Penny’s giant bowl of cereal. “You got quite an appetite on you, Penny. Good to see you’re not one of them silly things that starves themselves to death.”
Penny nodded. “Ung.”
Laughing, Meemaw clapped Penny heartily on the back. “That a yes? Can’t tell from that faceful of sugar you call cereal.”
Swallowing, Penny made a grab for her coffee cup. “Oh, yeah. I barely work out- there’s no way I could deal with the crazy diets half my actress friends are always on.” She suppressed a shudder. “Tried the Master Cleanse once. Thought I’d rip the head off the next person I saw. It was horrible.”
The ladies on The View were gathered around John Barrowman, fawning over his turn on Desperate Housewives… or just fawning over him, maybe. Whoever his boyfriend was was a lucky man.
Meemaw glanced at her. “So what’s there to do around Pasadena for fun, girlie? Last time I was here, Sheldon had put together one of his schedules and we saw every blessed museum and art gallery and comic book shop this side of the mountains.” She sighed. “I love the boy, but sometimes a lady’s jus’ gotta sit back and relax without usin’ her brain. You know?”
An idea -a brilliant idea- took hold of Penny. “We could go get our nails done…”
“Oh my word, darlin’, I’d adopt you as one of my own if you can point me to a good salon.” The look on her face was pure rapture. “Ever since Corrine Jessup’s place got foreclosed on by the bank, I’ve been doin’ my own nails. I ain’t had my cuticles fixed in what feels like forever.”
Slurping up the last of what was now chocolate milk, Penny grinned at her. “I took Missy to this little place across town, and she loved it. They’ve got this older Korean lady that gives the best chair massage you’ve ever had. And they’ll paint flowers on your nails for free if you ask nicely and tip good up front.”
The smile Meemaw gave her was one of overwhelming joy. “Oh, Penny honey, keep this up an’ I’ll have to forgive you for stealin’ Sheldon’s spot.” She rubbed a hip. “After that, you mind droppin’ me back here for the day? My bones are achin’ a little after that plane ride. Somethin’ about the cabin pressure just makes me feel my age.”
After a good sugary breakfast and two cups of coffee, Penny was feeling pretty good. And lazy. Can’t forget lazy. A few hours lounging around before work sounded kind of appealing. “If you’d like some company, Alice, we can raid the guys’ DVD collection. They’ve got some stuff that’s pretty nerdy, but there’s some cool things, too.”
One penciled eyebrow kicked up. Damn, the woman could raise a mean eyebrow. That sucker went up like two inches. “Like what? I’m not one for Star Trek or Star Wars- always kinda seemed a little too gimmicky for me. I like my space drama t’ have some meat on its bones. Plus, Bill Shatner makes me want t’ reach through the set an’ slap him silly.”
“Oh, I’ve got the perfect thing, then,” Penny replied, scooping up the dishes. “I just started watching it- Battlestar Galactica. Leonard and Sheldon got me on it.”
“That silly ol’ thing?” Meemaw retorted with a snort. “Saw it back in the seventies- it was terrible.”
Dumping a bunch of dish soap on a sponge, Penny smirked over her shoulder. “Nuh uh- they remade it. Total reboot. Starbuck’s a chick now, and she’s awesome. She fights and smokes cigars and drinks like one of the guys, plus she’s this total kickass pilot. And there’s loads of pretty guys running around in tank tops and flightsuits.”
Meemaw gave a considering hum. “Always did like a man in uniform- my Jack was in the war, you know. Crewed for some weapon on a ship- never saw battle, thank the good Lord. Still came home a little goofed up, though, if you know what I mean.”
Penny nodded vigorously. “Yup- that’s my Uncle Steve. No one’s allowed to say the word ‘Vietnam’ around him. He flips out- tried to dig a ditch in the fields once. We found him two days later covered in mud and clinging to a stick.” She made a face. “Dad won’t take him to the VA hospital, though. Says therapy’s for sissies.”
“Ha!” Meemaw gave a loud snort. “I scrubbed floors to pay for couples’ counselin’ for my Mary and George back when they was young. Had all sorts of issues ‘bout how to raise kids and spend money, and Mary just flat refused to consider leavin’ him.” She smiled sadly, eyes far away. “The good Lord knows I don’t believe in divorce as a rule, but some people jus’ aren’t meant to be together. Make each other worse, is what they do, and one day you realize two fine people are gone an’ two bitter shells are in their place.”
Penny set her bowl in the rack to dry and leaned against the counter. She knew Sheldon’s parents had had problems when he was a kid, but it wasn’t exactly like he was normal or well-adjusted enough to give her the full background. “Did the counseling work? Or did they end up divorced?”
Stretching, Meemaw clambered heavily to her feet. “Two of the most stubborn people you’ve ever met, Mary an’ George. The counselin’ helped a little, but things always found a way t’ get worse, ‘specially after Sheldon was old enough to show just how special he was. Put a prodigy kid like that in a home like theirs an’… well, things got hard every now an’ then. Good thing my trailer was within walkin’ distance. Johnny an’ Missy an’ Shelly’d end up on my living room floor for an impromptu sleepover every now and then.” She gave Penny a long look, her lips twisted into a sad smile. “It’s hard t’ realize that some things just aren’t meant to be, no matter how hard you try at ‘em.”
A long moment passed, leaving Penny with the feeling that Alice Cooper was trying to say something without saying it. She shrugged. “So, how about we get dressed and head over to the nail place?”
The sad smile deepened a moment before being wiped away. “Sounds good, honey. Just let me freshen up my lipstick an’ put on my deodorant. Can’t be walkin’ around smellin’ like a pair of ol’ gym socks, you know.”
Part Four: http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/1058091.html
Author: obfuscus
Spoilers: Season three through ‘The Precious Fragmentation.’
Rating: PG-13, for some naughty words
Word Count: 3054
Summary: Meemaw comes to town, and sweet Jesus- who knew she carried a Supreme Dictator and Life Meddler card in her hand-quilted purse?
Disclaimers: I don’t own TBBT, or any other shows mentioned, and am only borrowing them for what I hope is an entertaining diversion. No copyright infringement is intended.
Part Two: http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/1039894.html
There was much crisscrossing of paths and hallways, suitcases and toothbrushes and, in Penny’s case, an armful of clothing and random items, like a large-barreled curling iron, a foundation-smeared makeup case and, inexplicably, a half eaten granola bar. Finally, Meemaw was settled in Sheldon’s room, Penny’s stuff was dumped in the middle of Leonard’s bed, and Sheldon stood in Penny’s doorway, a neatly folded stack of clothes under one arm and a toiletry kit in the other hand. He gaped. “Sweet Jesus, Penny- it never gets any better over here. In fact, I’m fairly certain that pile of shoes by the table has mated and reproduced,” he mused in horror.
“Don’t be so melodramatic,” she grumbled, prodding him in the back to move and let her in her own apartment. “C’mon, let’s get those sheets changed so you don’t have an anxiety attack at two in the morning.” She paused thoughtfully, eyeing the pile of sandals in question. “Though it would be kind of awesome if shoes just randomly multiplied.”
He frowned over his shoulder at her as she jostled past him, kicking clothes out of the way as she went. “While it’s not out of the realm of the plausible, the odds of shoes appearing spontaneously are fairly small. At least in this universe.”
She made a face. Whack-a-doodle. Why was she letting him stay here again? Oh yeah- because she was a giant softie. But this- well, this was just freaking insane, and bound to end in disaster. She waved a hand as she walked towards her bedroom. “Come on, Einstein.”
After a brief argument over whether she used hot water and fabric softener on her bed linens -she didn’t- and if she had any sheets that were more conducive to a restful sleep cycle -hot pink with green flowers or Powerpuff girls were it for options- they made up the bed and headed back to the hallway, Sheldon to have warm milk with Meemaw and Penny to make sure he left before she went back to empty the bathroom trashcan (because Sheldon would probably die if he saw an empty tampon cylinder).
“Aren’t you coming?” Sheldon asked, stopping midway between apartments. “I’m sure Meemaw wouldn’t mind letting you have some warm milk with us. After all, she hasn’t threatened to go home to get Papaw's shotgun or quoted scripture at you, which means she likes you.”
“Uh, yeah. I’ll be over in a few,” she replied, leaning back against the wall next to her door.
His face softened. “Penny? Thank you for letting me sleep in your apartment.” And then he bit that full lower lip. “Though I would feel better about this whole arrangement if you allowed me to institute the organizational paradigm I’ve been attempting to get you to employ for years now.”
Penny dragged a hand over her face. “Look, Sheldon, I think I’m being pretty reasonable letting you stay at my place alone for seven whole nights without any adult supervision. Don’t push it.”
He gave her a confused look, his blue eyes dark in the fluorescent light of the hallway. “Penny, I am twenty-nine years old. I am an adult by any Western standard meaning of the word. Though there are several Pacific island cultures that require their males to pass an initiation ritual before they may be called-”
Her eyes narrowed as she cut him off. They’d be here all night, otherwise. She held up a single finger. “Yeah. Ground rules: One, there will be no over-the-top cleaning. You can clear a path through clothes piles if, and only if, they’re in your direct way from the couch to the bed to the toilet. That’s it.” A second finger flicked up. “Two, if my soup cans end up alphabetized again, I’m going to hurl them at your head in a completely non-alphabetical order. Three, if your weird OCD shit somehow overrides these ground rules and you do clean, know that I will do something totally random and equally invasive in your place, only I won’t tell you what, so you can obsess and freak over it. Four, there is a shoe box under my bed.” Her cheeks pinked just slightly. “Think of it like your puzzle box thingy. Leave it the hell alone, or I will murder you.” Penny paused, a grin forming on her glossed lips. “And I will know, without a doubt, if you opened that box, so just save yourself another broken nose and stay out.”
He nodded warily, touching a finger to his still lightly bruised nose. “Those seem to be both acceptable and specific ground rules. I accept.”
She nodded back. “Good.” Sheldon was headed back towards his apartment as a terrible urge tickled her brain. “The box is for my vibrator. It’s sparkly.”
He slammed into the door face first, hand still out to turn the knob.
Penny laughed and went back into her apartment, turning once to see Sheldon still splattered against his door. She laughed again. Oh, it was so nice to get a little of her own back on that smug bastard every now and then. Organizational paradigm, her ass. Take that, Sheldon Cooper.
~~~
The click of a drawer closing woke Penny. Leonard was standing by the dresser in a pair of Spiderman boxers and a white t-shirt, holding a pair of socks.
“Sorry,” he murmured with a small smile. “I was trying to be quiet. Do you maybe want to get up and have breakfast with me?”
Her eyes slid to the clock. 7:03. “No,” she said decisively, rolling over and pulling the pillow over her head.
“Oh, okay.”
After a few minutes, the mattress dipped next to her as he sat down. “So I was thinking- it’s your day off, right? Maybe you want to come to the university and have lunch with me? You can bring Meemaw to keep Sheldon occupied and out of our hair.”
A hand settled on her stomach and slid up under her shirt. Penny bit back a curse. They’d been dating how long now? And he still didn’t know that she always worked the afternoon-evening rush shift on Tuesdays. Which he should, given that Tuesday was hamburger day and he’d been coming to The Cheesecake Factory with the guys every freaking Tuesday for, like, years. Her lips twisted in a grimace. And if he didn’t move his hand right now, he’d be nursing a few broken fingers. She sat up with a huff. “I have to be at work for one o’clock, Leonard. There’s no way I can get to CalTech, have lunch with you, get back here to drop off Alice and get ready and be at work on time. So- no.”
“Oh.” He gave her a bashful look and rubbed a light circle on her stomach. “Then maybe we could… you know, since you’re already up.” Leonard’s eyes took on a hopeful light.
Seriously? Penny thought. How much more obvious did she have to be? “No, Leonard, I do not want to have a morning quickie.” She rolled towards the center of the bed, away from him, and sighed into her pillow. “Plus, Meemaw’s on the other side of the wall. I’m not doing that to Sheldon’s grandma just because you’re horny.”
He got up in a huff. “Fine. Whatever.” Picking up his canvas jacket, Leonard let his eyes sweep over the barely dressed bottom poking out of the covers. “See you tonight.”
She waggled a few fingers over her shoulder. “See ya. Have a good day and stuff.”
The click of the door let her know he’d finally taken the billboard-sized hint and left. Penny sat up, sighed heavily, and rearranged the blankets so she could burrow under them again.
knock knock knock
“Penny?”
knock knock knock
“Penny?”
knock knock knock
“Penny?”
Jesus Christ. “What?” she snapped, glaring over her shoulder at the long figure that poked its head through the doorway.
“Hello.” Sheldon eyed her nervously, one hand hovering around his collarbone.
She grinned darkly. At least somebody had taken her 11 a.m. warning seriously. “Yes, sweetie?”
Sheldon swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. “I know you have to be at work this afternoon, but I was hoping you could possibly set aside your normal shunning of morning conversation to keep Meemaw company.” He slid a little more of his body through the door, creeping towards the bed. “She likes to eat her breakfast late, and I thought it might coincide with your late-rising tendencies.” His eyes flickered towards her, then away. “She gets lonely. I don’t want her to be lonely.” He paused. “Also, you might want to put on a few more articles of clothing, Penny. Your gluteus maximus is largely exposed in those undergarments.”
A hand swept down to pat her butt- huh. It was hanging out. Boy shorts apparently weren’t designed to hold in girls’ parts. She rolled over, looking up at him. “Sure, Sheldon- I’ll eat breakfast with your meemaw. I’ll even be nice.”
He nodded once, opened and closed his mouth a few times, and whirled for the door.
“Sheldon?” she called after him. When he stopped, she sat up, pulling the blanket up with her. Hopefully nothing else was hanging out in the open where it wasn’t supposed to be. “Sweetie, is there something you want to tell me? You’ve been doing that weird open-closed mouth thing a lot lately.”
Turning, Sheldon gave her a long look, his eyes dark and shuttered. “I- no, Penny. I’ve been told several times this weekend that expressing my opinion on your relationship is a violation of your friendship.”
“By who?” she demanded, letting the covers pool around her, possibly exposed bits be damned. She rolled her eyes- like she had to ask. “Leonard?”
His nod was sharp. “Yes. And Wolowitz, as well. They consider my concern for both your and Leonard’s happiness unfounded and invasive. As Wolowitz said, ‘Shut my big, fat mouth and mind my own business.’ I am attempting to do so.” His cheek twitched. “Also, it’s ‘by whom?’ not ‘by who.”
Hmm. Penny fiddled with the hair tie on her wrist for a long moment before looking back up at those guileless blue eyes. “Say it,” she ordered. “Whatever they told you not to say, I want you to say it now, Sheldon.” She added in a mutter, “Before your head explodes from the effort.”
He fidgeted in place. “I… you and Leonard…” He swallowed audibly. “Never mind, Penny.” Slipping back through the door, he gave her a small, genuine smile. “Thank you for being nice to my meemaw. I hope you have a pleasant day.”
~~~
They settled on the couch, Penny gleefully ensconced in Sheldon’s spot, her feet tucked up under her and a monstrous bowl of Cocoa Crispies on her lap.
Meemaw gave her a quick grin. “Feelin’ sneaky sittin’ in Sheldon’s spot, are we?”
Penny shrugged and shoveled another spoonful into her mouth. “Somfin’ wike ‘at.”
She took a long pull from her teacup. “Use your manners, girl. At least swallow first, before you spray yourself with milk and cereal bits.” Picking up the remote, Meemaw looked at her with blue eyes that were just a shade lighter than her grandson’s. “You mind watchin’ The View? I love them girls. They always seem like they’re a hairsbreadth from a catfight. Makes me laugh.”
Nodding vigorously, Penny took the time to swallow. “Yeah, that’s cool, Mrs. Cooper,” she replied. “I love Joy Behar. She’s nasty and funny, which makes her perfect.”
“I always liked a woman that could speak her mind,” Meemaw agreed, an amused look in her eyes that perfectly matched the small smile playing on her vividly lipsticked mouth. “An’ Alice’ll do- Mrs. Cooper’s for people I don’t know or don’t like.” She eyed Penny’s giant bowl of cereal. “You got quite an appetite on you, Penny. Good to see you’re not one of them silly things that starves themselves to death.”
Penny nodded. “Ung.”
Laughing, Meemaw clapped Penny heartily on the back. “That a yes? Can’t tell from that faceful of sugar you call cereal.”
Swallowing, Penny made a grab for her coffee cup. “Oh, yeah. I barely work out- there’s no way I could deal with the crazy diets half my actress friends are always on.” She suppressed a shudder. “Tried the Master Cleanse once. Thought I’d rip the head off the next person I saw. It was horrible.”
The ladies on The View were gathered around John Barrowman, fawning over his turn on Desperate Housewives… or just fawning over him, maybe. Whoever his boyfriend was was a lucky man.
Meemaw glanced at her. “So what’s there to do around Pasadena for fun, girlie? Last time I was here, Sheldon had put together one of his schedules and we saw every blessed museum and art gallery and comic book shop this side of the mountains.” She sighed. “I love the boy, but sometimes a lady’s jus’ gotta sit back and relax without usin’ her brain. You know?”
An idea -a brilliant idea- took hold of Penny. “We could go get our nails done…”
“Oh my word, darlin’, I’d adopt you as one of my own if you can point me to a good salon.” The look on her face was pure rapture. “Ever since Corrine Jessup’s place got foreclosed on by the bank, I’ve been doin’ my own nails. I ain’t had my cuticles fixed in what feels like forever.”
Slurping up the last of what was now chocolate milk, Penny grinned at her. “I took Missy to this little place across town, and she loved it. They’ve got this older Korean lady that gives the best chair massage you’ve ever had. And they’ll paint flowers on your nails for free if you ask nicely and tip good up front.”
The smile Meemaw gave her was one of overwhelming joy. “Oh, Penny honey, keep this up an’ I’ll have to forgive you for stealin’ Sheldon’s spot.” She rubbed a hip. “After that, you mind droppin’ me back here for the day? My bones are achin’ a little after that plane ride. Somethin’ about the cabin pressure just makes me feel my age.”
After a good sugary breakfast and two cups of coffee, Penny was feeling pretty good. And lazy. Can’t forget lazy. A few hours lounging around before work sounded kind of appealing. “If you’d like some company, Alice, we can raid the guys’ DVD collection. They’ve got some stuff that’s pretty nerdy, but there’s some cool things, too.”
One penciled eyebrow kicked up. Damn, the woman could raise a mean eyebrow. That sucker went up like two inches. “Like what? I’m not one for Star Trek or Star Wars- always kinda seemed a little too gimmicky for me. I like my space drama t’ have some meat on its bones. Plus, Bill Shatner makes me want t’ reach through the set an’ slap him silly.”
“Oh, I’ve got the perfect thing, then,” Penny replied, scooping up the dishes. “I just started watching it- Battlestar Galactica. Leonard and Sheldon got me on it.”
“That silly ol’ thing?” Meemaw retorted with a snort. “Saw it back in the seventies- it was terrible.”
Dumping a bunch of dish soap on a sponge, Penny smirked over her shoulder. “Nuh uh- they remade it. Total reboot. Starbuck’s a chick now, and she’s awesome. She fights and smokes cigars and drinks like one of the guys, plus she’s this total kickass pilot. And there’s loads of pretty guys running around in tank tops and flightsuits.”
Meemaw gave a considering hum. “Always did like a man in uniform- my Jack was in the war, you know. Crewed for some weapon on a ship- never saw battle, thank the good Lord. Still came home a little goofed up, though, if you know what I mean.”
Penny nodded vigorously. “Yup- that’s my Uncle Steve. No one’s allowed to say the word ‘Vietnam’ around him. He flips out- tried to dig a ditch in the fields once. We found him two days later covered in mud and clinging to a stick.” She made a face. “Dad won’t take him to the VA hospital, though. Says therapy’s for sissies.”
“Ha!” Meemaw gave a loud snort. “I scrubbed floors to pay for couples’ counselin’ for my Mary and George back when they was young. Had all sorts of issues ‘bout how to raise kids and spend money, and Mary just flat refused to consider leavin’ him.” She smiled sadly, eyes far away. “The good Lord knows I don’t believe in divorce as a rule, but some people jus’ aren’t meant to be together. Make each other worse, is what they do, and one day you realize two fine people are gone an’ two bitter shells are in their place.”
Penny set her bowl in the rack to dry and leaned against the counter. She knew Sheldon’s parents had had problems when he was a kid, but it wasn’t exactly like he was normal or well-adjusted enough to give her the full background. “Did the counseling work? Or did they end up divorced?”
Stretching, Meemaw clambered heavily to her feet. “Two of the most stubborn people you’ve ever met, Mary an’ George. The counselin’ helped a little, but things always found a way t’ get worse, ‘specially after Sheldon was old enough to show just how special he was. Put a prodigy kid like that in a home like theirs an’… well, things got hard every now an’ then. Good thing my trailer was within walkin’ distance. Johnny an’ Missy an’ Shelly’d end up on my living room floor for an impromptu sleepover every now and then.” She gave Penny a long look, her lips twisted into a sad smile. “It’s hard t’ realize that some things just aren’t meant to be, no matter how hard you try at ‘em.”
A long moment passed, leaving Penny with the feeling that Alice Cooper was trying to say something without saying it. She shrugged. “So, how about we get dressed and head over to the nail place?”
The sad smile deepened a moment before being wiped away. “Sounds good, honey. Just let me freshen up my lipstick an’ put on my deodorant. Can’t be walkin’ around smellin’ like a pair of ol’ gym socks, you know.”
Part Four: http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/1058091.html