365 Days Of Me: January 10 -- Some Memories Have Sharp Edges Handle With Care.
I'm kinda afraid of my memories right now. Don't worry, this is nothing new, but it's really the first time I've ever admitted that it is something that happens on occasion.
See, when I go to write something, I don't think about what it is that I'm going to write. I've never been able to write that way. The only thing I plan ahead is the first line or two, but even then, I'm not entirely sure how far I will go when it comes to what I write about.
That isn't to say that I am completely in the dark, just that I don't plan out the tone, outline every paragraph, or even determine how long the entry will be. I just start writing, and then when it feels right, I stop.
Of course, this sort of memory spelunking can prove a bit dangerous.
When I wrote Secret Santa, I just thought I was going to write about gift exchanges, since Xmas was just a few weeks ago. And you all know how that turned out. It isn't a repressed memory, per se, just when the time came to get to the meat of the story, that was the direction the flow took me. A lot of the details in that story came bubbling up from deep in my heart where I thought I had locked it away.
By the time I was done with that entry, I was drained, sad, and shaken. I just went back and skimmed though it, and it was like someone else had written it and I was creeped out at how much that bastard knew.
I just want to say for the record that not all of my stories are like that. But I have been fighting a depression for quite some time, and I'm still trying to get my footing on dealing with it.
I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating. I appreciate all of the kind words of support that you all have been giving me. Especially after Secret Santa. It was words I really needed to hear, since that story really cut deep.
I'm down to only two days behind, and I have a lot to write about. But some Days Of Me might be current while I prepare myself to take a plunge into the past. If the memories turn out nasty, then it will do more damage than good if I'm unprepared.
Wm--
Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way