(no subject)
i don't care anymore.
i'm not sure if that's good or bad, but i can't even seem to care enough to consider that.
sure, i still get jealous... and then i tell myself that i don't care and for once, it seems to be working.
remember how upset i was about losing our babies? well not anymore.
remember how they used to be on my mind all the time? well not anymore.
maybe it's just the thesis, it's hard to concentrate on anything else now.
maybe it'll come back? maybe i don't want it to come back.
sure, i don't want to hurt her. even when i feel like she deserves it. kind of.
but i really don't think i'll miss being accused of being rude when i say that i'm too assholish a person to give out advice.
or when i point out that i'm going to watch a show and it shouldn't be a deal when we weren't talking anyway, being accused of designating that line just to hurt her.
is it possible that i grew out of this silly game?
is it too bad that i'm writing it here instead or "strapping on a pair" (as phoebe put it today) and tell her instead?
but maybe i just don't care enough to be bothered anymore.
or maybe i'm just tired. we went on a trek yesterday and it was probs one of the worst i've been to. but my whole body hurts terribly despite the fact that it was just 11 kilometers long.
idk. i just feel all blegh today. not even watching FRIENDS seems to be helping for once.
EDIT: oh no no, one more sentence was enough to remind me why i liked rp-ing so much.
that was the only place where i didn't have to repress myself. bite my tongue all the time.
when did it happen that i started thinking what to say before i said it. with brit, even. wow.
idk what happened here but can i just go back to being sherlock so i can be myself again?
pretty please?
oh no right, because that's just angst. and someone's new otp is steve/dan so i guess we're never even getting back to the main timeline again. okay. i don't care. that's all fine.
alright then.
i'm not sure if that's good or bad, but i can't even seem to care enough to consider that.
sure, i still get jealous... and then i tell myself that i don't care and for once, it seems to be working.
remember how upset i was about losing our babies? well not anymore.
remember how they used to be on my mind all the time? well not anymore.
maybe it's just the thesis, it's hard to concentrate on anything else now.
maybe it'll come back? maybe i don't want it to come back.
sure, i don't want to hurt her. even when i feel like she deserves it. kind of.
but i really don't think i'll miss being accused of being rude when i say that i'm too assholish a person to give out advice.
or when i point out that i'm going to watch a show and it shouldn't be a deal when we weren't talking anyway, being accused of designating that line just to hurt her.
is it possible that i grew out of this silly game?
is it too bad that i'm writing it here instead or "strapping on a pair" (as phoebe put it today) and tell her instead?
but maybe i just don't care enough to be bothered anymore.
or maybe i'm just tired. we went on a trek yesterday and it was probs one of the worst i've been to. but my whole body hurts terribly despite the fact that it was just 11 kilometers long.
idk. i just feel all blegh today. not even watching FRIENDS seems to be helping for once.
EDIT: oh no no, one more sentence was enough to remind me why i liked rp-ing so much.
that was the only place where i didn't have to repress myself. bite my tongue all the time.
when did it happen that i started thinking what to say before i said it. with brit, even. wow.
idk what happened here but can i just go back to being sherlock so i can be myself again?
pretty please?
oh no right, because that's just angst. and someone's new otp is steve/dan so i guess we're never even getting back to the main timeline again. okay. i don't care. that's all fine.
alright then.