(no subject)

[sheislux]

this morning started off while i was still asleep. i dreamed about jarret. it wasn't awful, but it made my heart hurt. it was almost like a commercial for a reality tv show...where this "rock'n'roll" dad takes care of his kid...and skateboards through his son's school halls...yadda yadda. the worst part of the "preview" was jarret and ashley eating at the mall with some girl who wasn't me...and was obviously some baby bitch ha. then i dreamed that i was looking at his pictures on myspace and there were these tons of people jumping off of rock cliffs into a river...and i always seemed to find jarret and his girlfriend holding hands amongst the tons of people...but the weird thing is that the picture would "come alive" and i'd watch them jump off together. it was weird. and b/c of this dream i looked at his livejournal today...and he actually wrote something...he said he'd never be happy without his son. i like how his friends think i'm the ridiculous one. if only they really knew. if that girl's boyfriend did to her what jarret did to us...she'd feel differently. anyway i'm just carrying on. i'm slowly becoming more independant. i'm making more money. who knows when we'll be able to live by ourselves...but with time we'll be able to. my boyfriend treats me so good. he's the most patient man i've ever met. i just hope one day he can love ashley as much as he loves me. hopefully i won't be thinking about this jarret thing all day long.
oh and...
"ive heard from so many people to stay away from him, that im just going to get my heart broken.
that fact is, i cant stay away. if he is going to break my heart, its worth it."
i wish i could tell her that those people are right. things are magical when you're with him...but he's selfish and he'll stomp on you're heart hard...and it's not worth it...and after he does break your heart, you won't be the same...ever...oh and i'm glad she's on birth control...like me. ha