Concrete prison
I was not made to spend 12 hours a day in a gigantic building that used to be an old hospital. At the moment I feel caged up. I feel as though I can not breath through these concrete walls. I infact can not even breath outside in the Los Angeles air. I just want to take a breath of fresh air. I want to be outside and in nature. I feel so far from God in buildings like these...infront of a computer all day long...on the phone, and kissing ars* all day long in this office. You'd think at the Dream Center..all of us here have given atleast a year of our lives to attempt to change lives in this city, you would think that we could find some resting ground here on this campus, maybe some confidants(what ever that word is) but no...people talk crap about others more than I have ever heard in my life. If you aren't understood here, then you are written off. "Where is the love yo?"-black eyed peas-
I am just very angry at the moment. Organized religion/ministry sucks. But all I can do is worry about MYSELF and what I am doing here and as long as I do all I can to change the lives God has called me to, then I can have peace for why I am here. I am at the Freakin Dream Center and I feel as though it is the most worldliest place I have been in my life. All everyone does is sit around and make fun of each other, dog this person or this event, try to kiss some more ars to get higher up in the ministry and get freakin noticed by the big wigs. People are so fake. I feel fake. I have to put up this front every day and take care of the teams here...try to be "liked," cause "I represent the dream center." This is just sick. It is so hard to resist, to be honest, to be true to myself. People want you to be a certain way here. It is hard to say "hey, I like so and so, she tries her best." I feel like talking smack about alot of people..and uhh, I guess I am right now. But I have to fight against so much crap talking and gossiping.
I need to just not let this effect me. OKay, I need to focus once again on why I am here.
I just need to worry about myself and if what I am doing is right.
I think everyone should just go meditate, drink some tea, and listen to a little Oasis, and only then all would be well in the world.
It is hard to find those who's hearts are true.
I am just very angry at the moment. Organized religion/ministry sucks. But all I can do is worry about MYSELF and what I am doing here and as long as I do all I can to change the lives God has called me to, then I can have peace for why I am here. I am at the Freakin Dream Center and I feel as though it is the most worldliest place I have been in my life. All everyone does is sit around and make fun of each other, dog this person or this event, try to kiss some more ars to get higher up in the ministry and get freakin noticed by the big wigs. People are so fake. I feel fake. I have to put up this front every day and take care of the teams here...try to be "liked," cause "I represent the dream center." This is just sick. It is so hard to resist, to be honest, to be true to myself. People want you to be a certain way here. It is hard to say "hey, I like so and so, she tries her best." I feel like talking smack about alot of people..and uhh, I guess I am right now. But I have to fight against so much crap talking and gossiping.
I need to just not let this effect me. OKay, I need to focus once again on why I am here.
I just need to worry about myself and if what I am doing is right.
I think everyone should just go meditate, drink some tea, and listen to a little Oasis, and only then all would be well in the world.
It is hard to find those who's hearts are true.