Frightening days
Okay...let me begin two days ago.
I have been fighting my "spirit" or for lack of a better term, my comfort zone for a few weeks now regarding the issue of my Adopt-A-Block site. As I formally mentioned in this journal, I go out with Hope For Homeless Youth. So I fought and wrestled with myself until I just went on Saturday all bitter and biting my lip. You see these people....they are seriously, well, they come from very bad back grounds, bondages, and addictions I have not even heard of in my whole life...so I have realized that that is why I have been fighting and having to make myself go out with them each week. It is literally draining to be around them, even if they don't do anything or say anything to me, I feel and sense there spirit and it is enough to make me extremely nervous and tense. I feel as though I need to protect myself from them, cover myself, stay on guard. I really have no idea how to explain it further than that. But it just shows me that even around "ministry leaders", people you think you can trust, and those you'd think you were safe around...you absolutely have to watch who you spend time with and join with...if that makes any sense. Alright, so with all of that said...I went with them out to Crenshaw on Saturday and this guy came with us who was staying with "HFHY" sort of like on an emergency shelter type of thing, for one night....and they decided to let him go out and "minister" to these kids out there...ok, so picture that..inviting kids to church and all of that stuff...so I sit next to him in the car...wait let me back up 10 min. We gather around to pray before we leave right? and this guys is next to me in the circle and I am thinking to myself...I am going to have to hold this guys hand, shite. and I did. so now remember that as I tell you this ever so frightening story. So I am sitting next to him in the car on the way out to south central ... and he begins to tell me his life story and how he has anger problems and when he gets mad, he turns into a lion and the main comes out and his "scorpio" traits emerge...he proceeds to tell me he has been in jail 4 times and he was in a mental hospital and is not taking his medication...all super casually, it is ridiculous. And then...the most terrifying thing perhaps that has ever happened to me in my life...(atleast one of the top 5) He starts telling me that his drug of choice is sex, and that he is a proud sex addict..alright....I am not even entirely sure what that even means...yet I was very afraid.
Okay well I am going to leave you with that.
I have many other stories to write about, but I am so very tired and have to work early tomorrow.
Good night. and pray for protection if you wouldn't mind.
I have been fighting my "spirit" or for lack of a better term, my comfort zone for a few weeks now regarding the issue of my Adopt-A-Block site. As I formally mentioned in this journal, I go out with Hope For Homeless Youth. So I fought and wrestled with myself until I just went on Saturday all bitter and biting my lip. You see these people....they are seriously, well, they come from very bad back grounds, bondages, and addictions I have not even heard of in my whole life...so I have realized that that is why I have been fighting and having to make myself go out with them each week. It is literally draining to be around them, even if they don't do anything or say anything to me, I feel and sense there spirit and it is enough to make me extremely nervous and tense. I feel as though I need to protect myself from them, cover myself, stay on guard. I really have no idea how to explain it further than that. But it just shows me that even around "ministry leaders", people you think you can trust, and those you'd think you were safe around...you absolutely have to watch who you spend time with and join with...if that makes any sense. Alright, so with all of that said...I went with them out to Crenshaw on Saturday and this guy came with us who was staying with "HFHY" sort of like on an emergency shelter type of thing, for one night....and they decided to let him go out and "minister" to these kids out there...ok, so picture that..inviting kids to church and all of that stuff...so I sit next to him in the car...wait let me back up 10 min. We gather around to pray before we leave right? and this guys is next to me in the circle and I am thinking to myself...I am going to have to hold this guys hand, shite. and I did. so now remember that as I tell you this ever so frightening story. So I am sitting next to him in the car on the way out to south central ... and he begins to tell me his life story and how he has anger problems and when he gets mad, he turns into a lion and the main comes out and his "scorpio" traits emerge...he proceeds to tell me he has been in jail 4 times and he was in a mental hospital and is not taking his medication...all super casually, it is ridiculous. And then...the most terrifying thing perhaps that has ever happened to me in my life...(atleast one of the top 5) He starts telling me that his drug of choice is sex, and that he is a proud sex addict..alright....I am not even entirely sure what that even means...yet I was very afraid.
Okay well I am going to leave you with that.
I have many other stories to write about, but I am so very tired and have to work early tomorrow.
Good night. and pray for protection if you wouldn't mind.