i caved...again
So, i did it again....after hearing from him and seeing that he really doesnt give a shit about me. time for the additional punishment, time for the knife
This time I went for my arm. Not sure why...ive been trying to avoid places that people at work can see. Most of them are on my upper thighs. but I wanted to go back to my arms, the place that i went to for so many years, the spot I can look at and see, at every second of every day. I tapped around finding the right spot, then just SLICED a mark. It bled. way more than the little tally marks of recent weeks. it bled so much I had to grab a towel because it spattered on my couch. what a fuckin relief. fuckin idiot of a person, PATHETIC PUPPY.
It wasnt enough, i had to do more, left and right of the marking, i left little pawprints on my arm. blood drips and pools, letting my knife spread it around my arm like soft butter, painting a picture, so sensual. I left the blood on the knife...it will remind me next time of what a fool I am.
I feel the release. and he doesnt even know.
I love you isabelle