How I feel today, Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tell me how I have everything I want: a loving boyfriend, good-ish grades, I'm a senior...but I can't help but feel incomplete.
Do you know how I feel right about now? To have what I've wanted for so long, but I can't relish in the fact that I HAVE EVERYTHING I WANT.
It makes me feel like a hypocrite.
And that sucks. Sucks balls.
Maybe it's the fact that my mother is being totally controlling.
Danny and I made plans to do stuff after Homecoming. In fact, we were going to leave early to "have fun."
However, she's dropping us off and picking us up.
Imagine, my senior year...getting picked-up/dropped-off IN A PURPLE MINIVAN. I'm going to be in Barney for crying out loud.
He's depressed about it too. Which made me feel bad. Horrible, in fact.
I'm guessing its the commutative property of love. Whatever he feels, whether its good, bad, sad, depressed, happy, et al., I can't help but feel the same way.
The to top it off, Chris..I found out...has a girlfriend. My reaction? Double-you, tee, eff?
I KNOW I have a boyfriend, I KNOW he's the greatest thing since wonder bread, but GEEEEEEZ. He has a girlfriend.
Talk about "Ouch."
Major ouch.
But, I've put Chris and his girlfriend in a box, sealed the box [with rubber cement, by the way] and threw that box out of the window.
Right now, I have Danny to think about. He's literally become my life. My heart. My soul.
I know its a bit early to say it, but I love him. I'm not sure if I'm IN LOVE with him yet, but I'm sure like hell falling in love with him. And why not? He's been nothing but a sweetheart to me. He's amazing. When I think of him [especially in his glasses and tight shirt..oh man...talk about the sexy-nerd-type....instant orgasm....=) ],I literally can't help but smile.
I hear the phone ring and I JUMP. I JUMP! He's got me in a Russian choke-hold, and I can't do anything about it. Well, actually, I can, but I can't. You get me?
He has this control over me. I'm willing to do whatever for him, trusting him completely not to break my heart. Not to disappoint me. No to hurt me.
And he has yet to make me cry. So why am I so beaten over this whole Chris-thing?
NO CLUE...
I don't want him or it or whatever to get in the way of something that could..scratch that...WILL...be beautiful with Danny.
I've already decided that I'm going to go to Russia with him, have his children, and take over the world.
lMAO. Okay, maybe not have his children...=)
It's about 7:30, time for him to call me...
SO that's it for now.
Side note - I love you, Kim!
Do you know how I feel right about now? To have what I've wanted for so long, but I can't relish in the fact that I HAVE EVERYTHING I WANT.
It makes me feel like a hypocrite.
And that sucks. Sucks balls.
Maybe it's the fact that my mother is being totally controlling.
Danny and I made plans to do stuff after Homecoming. In fact, we were going to leave early to "have fun."
However, she's dropping us off and picking us up.
Imagine, my senior year...getting picked-up/dropped-off IN A PURPLE MINIVAN. I'm going to be in Barney for crying out loud.
He's depressed about it too. Which made me feel bad. Horrible, in fact.
I'm guessing its the commutative property of love. Whatever he feels, whether its good, bad, sad, depressed, happy, et al., I can't help but feel the same way.
The to top it off, Chris..I found out...has a girlfriend. My reaction? Double-you, tee, eff?
I KNOW I have a boyfriend, I KNOW he's the greatest thing since wonder bread, but GEEEEEEZ. He has a girlfriend.
Talk about "Ouch."
Major ouch.
But, I've put Chris and his girlfriend in a box, sealed the box [with rubber cement, by the way] and threw that box out of the window.
Right now, I have Danny to think about. He's literally become my life. My heart. My soul.
I know its a bit early to say it, but I love him. I'm not sure if I'm IN LOVE with him yet, but I'm sure like hell falling in love with him. And why not? He's been nothing but a sweetheart to me. He's amazing. When I think of him [especially in his glasses and tight shirt..oh man...talk about the sexy-nerd-type....instant orgasm....=) ],I literally can't help but smile.
I hear the phone ring and I JUMP. I JUMP! He's got me in a Russian choke-hold, and I can't do anything about it. Well, actually, I can, but I can't. You get me?
He has this control over me. I'm willing to do whatever for him, trusting him completely not to break my heart. Not to disappoint me. No to hurt me.
And he has yet to make me cry. So why am I so beaten over this whole Chris-thing?
NO CLUE...
I don't want him or it or whatever to get in the way of something that could..scratch that...WILL...be beautiful with Danny.
I've already decided that I'm going to go to Russia with him, have his children, and take over the world.
lMAO. Okay, maybe not have his children...=)
It's about 7:30, time for him to call me...
SO that's it for now.
Side note - I love you, Kim!