Eye to Eye
I understand his motives all too well only because they so closely mirror my own. On the bright side, the fact that he has to resort to such measures in order to ensure his success betrays the profound affect I apparently have on him, and hence, his rather earnest feelings for me. Clearly, I’m not some flimsy summer fling he took up to pass the time or he’d be ignoring me altogether… he wouldn’t attribute weight to my words, wouldn’t lend an ear to my opinions, wouldn’t seem so genuinely interested in our conversations. So he has indeed established that he has sincere feelings for me…and I’ve already gathered he’s attracted to me. That sound knowledge coupled with his recent, awkward behavior means he’s looking at me as someone whose substance would merit a long-term relationship… however, there is no way on this sweet Earth he would ever allow something as (in the current circumstances) trivial as a potential romantic pursuit impede his clawing up the ladder of success. He knows full well, that if he doesn’t start curbing his affections while they’re still in their most innocent stages, if he doesn’t nip the little … association… in the bud while he still can, then, come September, he’ll be carted off to Dartmouth but his heart will remain in Suburbia. He’d be powerless to prevent his mind from frolicking through pleasant daydreams. If he can’t leash his imagination before it runs wild, he’d be compromising his one chance to milk Stanford for all its worth, and considering the enormous expenses and sacrifices both he and his family have had to put in to get him there, risking that is not an option.
Postponing the farewell any longer means that we would both be in far too deep for either one of us to turn back without the other getting highly offended, thoroughly devastating any chance we would have of hitting it off. And considering the emphasis we each put on dignity, when either one of us walks off, we don’t peek over our shoulder. When it’s over, it’s over. There’s none of that back and forth, to and fro, wishy washy rubbish that so many couples seem plod through.
More importantly, that would cripple both our ambitions, that which is dearer to us than the very air we breathe, the very blood that courses our veins. Our ambitions are the very essence of our existence, the vital nectar of our lives. Without a purpose, what good are we? We’d be no more than idle beasts. Get up, eat, sleep.
So he decided to clip it ever so slightly, to execute a maneuver so ingeniously subtle as to appear perfectly harmless to everyone else, but not so simply inconspicuous as to slip beneath my radar. He knew full well that someone with analytical abilities of my caliber would catch on. Figuring out, as well, that our priorities are so utterly similar, he knew I would understand and reciprocate.
I’ve got to hand it to him: he has indomitable self-control, which only makes me respect him all the more. Heart like fire, mind like ice: yours truly lives by the exact same principle herself.
The aforementioned actions also demonstrate that he has absolutely no intention of dabbling with trifling relationships throughout his college career. Even if he does decide to play the field and partake in a few most… lively… nights… he’ll only allow himself to indulge in those liaisons which will mean absolutely nothing to him, those women whose faces he can hardly remember the morning after. That way, he’ll still get his kicks, but not at the price of clouding his mind, as he would with me… It’s also true, however, that some of the most monumental events of our lives happen without our intentions….
So if he falls in love, if he finds himself enraptured by someone with whom he can communicate one thousand words with a mere glance, with whom he is content to burn the midnight oil just to share company, with whom he can shed his mask and airs and costume, with will he be able to control himself?
Then again… I suppose he just proved to me that he will…. He will indeed.