There are too many breakdowns and not enough breakups
[06 Jan 2007 | Saturday]
10:44 PM - The Last of The Bohemians
My generation bred the few individuals left with some cultural literacy. There arent many of us, but we are diamonds lost in a pile of rocks. As smug as I may seem for making such an assumption, YOU know that there is a great amount of validity to what I have said.
I guess I must feel a great deal of what Bob Dylan felt when he wrote The Times They Are A Changin,' except maybe I know that this time they may not be changing for the better.
"Your old road is
Rapidly aging
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'."
They sure dont make 'em like they used to; movie going isnt what it used to be and neither is the music experience. As I sit blogging on my PC (I know I should own a MAC, "the artists computer") I am filled with excitement by the fact that I have access to the world at the click of a mouse, at the press of a button, and that I am only a google search away from getting the answer to all my life's questions. This tower of mine has all the knowledge I could ever hope for but before I completely lose myself and fully embrace these technical advancements, I must take some time to truly mourn for what has been lost with such advancements.
The Movie-Going Experience (From Drive-Ins to Drive-Thrus): Sadly, I never witnessed first hand what it was to makeout at a Drive-In Movie theatre, because most of them were extinct before I was ever conceived. Drive-Ins were replaced by drive-thrus and I got lost in a generation raised in a convenient world. It's too much of a hassle to park a car and walk to get a burger. We no longer sit at a Burger place and enjoy our food, we grab and go, rush home and watch a movie on our plasma HD TVs, on our tiny ipod screens, or on our computers, while we have our cell phones to keep us company.
The last time I actually watched a movie at a movie theatre must have been about 3 months ago. And even then I had to drive about 50 miles to watch the movie I wanted to see because movie companies have targeted family audiences, the movies grossing the most amount of money arent those with artistic merit or the ones that will change minds and inspire, NO, it's Night At the Museum, its Over The Hedge, or Happy Feet. These movies arent necessarily bad, but they also arent particularly great. So, going to see a movie which actually piques MY interest, is an adventure in itself. I digressed. I dont think my 14 year old sister will ever really know what a Drive-In was. I was lucky enough to even know the concept.
The Loss of Music Stores around the World: I dont think it really hit me how sad it truly was that Tower Records went out of business until my little sister called to ask me if she could borrow one of my DeVotchKa cds and I said I had let my friend borrow it and that I'd stop on my way home to buy a new copy of it. But where would I buy it? The first time I bought it no other music store had it, but Tower. Where do we go to find those rare imports, who has such a wide inventory of classical, jazz, funk, and sountracks? Do I have to make that drive to Amoeba? I spend more time commuting than anything else, so at last I resort to iTunes. I give in.
The Face to Face Conversation: I spend a huge part of my day texting. It's sad. I work too much and rarely see my friends. Most of them have become words on my sidekick. It's REALLY sad.
OH LORD HAVE MERCY!
This blog isnt exactly what I initially hoped it would be, but I already wasted a huge deal of my time on myspace, so i wont make much of an effort anymore to edit this or make it better. I have been sucked into this generation of convenience.
*On a sidenote: I almost died when my little sister's friends came over our house and I was playing some Beatles tunes, and one of her friends said, "ewww The Beatles, they suck." I cringed and walked away kind of broken hearted. I have lost hope for those kids. He was wearing a Korn hat. I am disappointed.
[02 Jan 2007 | Tuesday]
3:08 PM - 25, 26, 27, Off in the Future maybe there aint no heaven, its just You and Me...
...and Maybe it's just as well. (20 years in
the future).
The greatest human tragedy is that very few people understand what it takes to save a life and even fewer know how to live a life.
And those who understand how to save one rely too heavily on surgical threads and drugs. But even the finest threads wear and even the most potent of drugs eventually lose their effect.
And those who know how to live a life, spend many hours mourning for all the life that those around them throw away.
I was cursed at birth.
[31 Dec 2006 | Sunday]
5:00 AM - Bad Beginnings with Good Endings
Robert McKee once said, and forgive me because I am paraphrasing this as best I can, that when creating your story/script as long as you have a good ending you will have a hit. Your audience, beit listeners, viewers, or readers, will forgive every flaw and loose end throughout the course of your work so long as you can find a way to tie it all together and wow them at the very end.
I believe that someone is up somewhere smiling down at me saying, "Wow, Ashley, you had a rough beginning, at times I didn't know where you were going, or if you were gonna make it, but you did it, I understand your direction, and watching you go through all you did, I can say you've worked your way to the best place you could be."
You can learn a lot about life by reading a book, listening to music, or watching a movie.
And when someone tells you, "Kid, you watch too many movies, you read to many books." Remember this: Movies and books all have a definite source of inspiration. Its why they bring us to tears or make us laugh. Because we find ourselves in them. Because they're real people. They're you and me. Every character, yes even the most miniscule ones, ever put into a book
or movie is derived from a real person.
Its what makes them appealing to us.
Movies are exaggerated real life events documented for entertainment.
So, I can easily take Robert McKee's words and apply them to my life, more specifically, the past year.
My year began on a decent note, and like all years I went into it very hopeful, but I knew that'd it be a year filled with tears and long nights. And it was.
I hadn't until this year truly experienced loss. Loss of a job, family member, friends, my spirit, and love.
2006, truly taught me that as you lose you also win.
I lost a big figure of my childhood as we closed off my grandpa's casket.
I worked two jobs at one point and barely survived on 3 daily hours of sleep and a quad shot. My creativity, as it had been for years, remained locked away somewherein my brain and it was until a very chance meet that it would all rush back.
It rushed throughout all of my body. And I realized that I needed to slow down and enjoy my life. I learned after this chance meet to let go of the past, all the things that hurt, all my past failures and shortcomings and to truly embrace the GREAT woman I am becoming.
I am taking my time and doing it right.
And Mr. McKee, will be glad to find that my bad beginning has not only a good ending, it has an AMAZING ending, an unforgettable ending.
I also remember that All endings are also beginnings. I'm taking what I have learned at this ending and giving myself a great beginning, one that will carry me through to a lifefulfilling end.
I once had to write an essay to a question made by Mr. Wlasick, my senior English teacher, which asked, "Do the means justify the end, or does the end justify the means?"
I believe I argued at that time that it was the means that justified the end, but ask me now, and I will tell you out of what you may consider to be sheer ambition, that I have become a firm believer that the END JUSTIFIES the MEANS.
Its about knowing what you want and going for it. And clearing your path of all obstacles standing in the way of you and your end.
It no longer matters how it all began, even if it was a wrong way to start, the point is that the END, will be what matters, and that we make it there.
I am in love. God bless you 2006, I thank you for all the tears and heartache, I know you only did it because I needed it to be ready for the gift you gave me at the very end. I am a blessed woman. (And yes, I know it's crazy to personify 2006).
Cheers, Happy New Year.
Here's to great beginnings with even better endings.
And here's to every loss, which now have seemed to breed some serious wins.
[29 Jan 2007 | Monday]
1:41 AM - You know, before they dropped a bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki
The U.S. Dropped flyers saying that they were going to drop bombs. I always found the event sadly comical, obviously there was nothing funny about the casualties, but rather the way the U.S. felt the need to send out notices of an imminent death. "I'm sorry, but we're going to drop a bomb on your country that will wipe you and your family and most of your people off the map and radiate disease for generations to come."
I guess that's the way I feel about my life and present love situation. How exactly? I don't know I'm not smart enough to figure it out, but I guess in someway, someone, somehow, will find a way of making the analogy work and he/she will think I am a genius, but I'm not really I just had the idea. I don't just throw around the word genius. Nikola Tesla was genius. I am Hiroshima. And Someone else is Nagasaki. But of course, when we think of the A-bomb, Hiroshima is always first. It was a cooler, larger city, with more to lose. You are the U.S.
In a list of interests, I am ranked 11th.
I've been listening to the Bjork live box for the past few days and it has made me develop a much deeper love and admiration for her than I already had in the past. And through it all Homogenic is still my favorite Bjork album...now it's Homogenic Live, mostly because it includes the best version of So Broken, which in the past few nights has become one of those songs that has saved me from my own introverted self and allowed me to let out all that's been aching in me. And also because of its flawless flow and dynamics that only a live album could truly offer.
Why am I saying all this? Because its easier to talk about than everything else that's going on in my life.
And yes, my head is clouded by Bjork lyrics at the moment...I walk around with her shrieks running through my head about every few seconds. Call it a defense mechanism if you will. My way of blocking out the bad thoughts.
I dare you, to take me on.
I dare you, to show me your palms.
You can't handle love
What's so scary not a threat in sight,
You just can't handle, you can't handle love. Baby, you just can't handle.
I dare you, to take me on.
I dare, to show me your palms.
I dare you, I dare you, I dare you.
10:44 PM - The Last of The Bohemians
My generation bred the few individuals left with some cultural literacy. There arent many of us, but we are diamonds lost in a pile of rocks. As smug as I may seem for making such an assumption, YOU know that there is a great amount of validity to what I have said.
I guess I must feel a great deal of what Bob Dylan felt when he wrote The Times They Are A Changin,' except maybe I know that this time they may not be changing for the better.
"Your old road is
Rapidly aging
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'."
They sure dont make 'em like they used to; movie going isnt what it used to be and neither is the music experience. As I sit blogging on my PC (I know I should own a MAC, "the artists computer") I am filled with excitement by the fact that I have access to the world at the click of a mouse, at the press of a button, and that I am only a google search away from getting the answer to all my life's questions. This tower of mine has all the knowledge I could ever hope for but before I completely lose myself and fully embrace these technical advancements, I must take some time to truly mourn for what has been lost with such advancements.
The Movie-Going Experience (From Drive-Ins to Drive-Thrus): Sadly, I never witnessed first hand what it was to makeout at a Drive-In Movie theatre, because most of them were extinct before I was ever conceived. Drive-Ins were replaced by drive-thrus and I got lost in a generation raised in a convenient world. It's too much of a hassle to park a car and walk to get a burger. We no longer sit at a Burger place and enjoy our food, we grab and go, rush home and watch a movie on our plasma HD TVs, on our tiny ipod screens, or on our computers, while we have our cell phones to keep us company.
The last time I actually watched a movie at a movie theatre must have been about 3 months ago. And even then I had to drive about 50 miles to watch the movie I wanted to see because movie companies have targeted family audiences, the movies grossing the most amount of money arent those with artistic merit or the ones that will change minds and inspire, NO, it's Night At the Museum, its Over The Hedge, or Happy Feet. These movies arent necessarily bad, but they also arent particularly great. So, going to see a movie which actually piques MY interest, is an adventure in itself. I digressed. I dont think my 14 year old sister will ever really know what a Drive-In was. I was lucky enough to even know the concept.
The Loss of Music Stores around the World: I dont think it really hit me how sad it truly was that Tower Records went out of business until my little sister called to ask me if she could borrow one of my DeVotchKa cds and I said I had let my friend borrow it and that I'd stop on my way home to buy a new copy of it. But where would I buy it? The first time I bought it no other music store had it, but Tower. Where do we go to find those rare imports, who has such a wide inventory of classical, jazz, funk, and sountracks? Do I have to make that drive to Amoeba? I spend more time commuting than anything else, so at last I resort to iTunes. I give in.
The Face to Face Conversation: I spend a huge part of my day texting. It's sad. I work too much and rarely see my friends. Most of them have become words on my sidekick. It's REALLY sad.
OH LORD HAVE MERCY!
This blog isnt exactly what I initially hoped it would be, but I already wasted a huge deal of my time on myspace, so i wont make much of an effort anymore to edit this or make it better. I have been sucked into this generation of convenience.
*On a sidenote: I almost died when my little sister's friends came over our house and I was playing some Beatles tunes, and one of her friends said, "ewww The Beatles, they suck." I cringed and walked away kind of broken hearted. I have lost hope for those kids. He was wearing a Korn hat. I am disappointed.
[02 Jan 2007 | Tuesday]
3:08 PM - 25, 26, 27, Off in the Future maybe there aint no heaven, its just You and Me...
...and Maybe it's just as well. (20 years in
the future).
The greatest human tragedy is that very few people understand what it takes to save a life and even fewer know how to live a life.
And those who understand how to save one rely too heavily on surgical threads and drugs. But even the finest threads wear and even the most potent of drugs eventually lose their effect.
And those who know how to live a life, spend many hours mourning for all the life that those around them throw away.
I was cursed at birth.
[31 Dec 2006 | Sunday]
5:00 AM - Bad Beginnings with Good Endings
Robert McKee once said, and forgive me because I am paraphrasing this as best I can, that when creating your story/script as long as you have a good ending you will have a hit. Your audience, beit listeners, viewers, or readers, will forgive every flaw and loose end throughout the course of your work so long as you can find a way to tie it all together and wow them at the very end.
I believe that someone is up somewhere smiling down at me saying, "Wow, Ashley, you had a rough beginning, at times I didn't know where you were going, or if you were gonna make it, but you did it, I understand your direction, and watching you go through all you did, I can say you've worked your way to the best place you could be."
You can learn a lot about life by reading a book, listening to music, or watching a movie.
And when someone tells you, "Kid, you watch too many movies, you read to many books." Remember this: Movies and books all have a definite source of inspiration. Its why they bring us to tears or make us laugh. Because we find ourselves in them. Because they're real people. They're you and me. Every character, yes even the most miniscule ones, ever put into a book
or movie is derived from a real person.
Its what makes them appealing to us.
Movies are exaggerated real life events documented for entertainment.
So, I can easily take Robert McKee's words and apply them to my life, more specifically, the past year.
My year began on a decent note, and like all years I went into it very hopeful, but I knew that'd it be a year filled with tears and long nights. And it was.
I hadn't until this year truly experienced loss. Loss of a job, family member, friends, my spirit, and love.
2006, truly taught me that as you lose you also win.
I lost a big figure of my childhood as we closed off my grandpa's casket.
I worked two jobs at one point and barely survived on 3 daily hours of sleep and a quad shot. My creativity, as it had been for years, remained locked away somewherein my brain and it was until a very chance meet that it would all rush back.
It rushed throughout all of my body. And I realized that I needed to slow down and enjoy my life. I learned after this chance meet to let go of the past, all the things that hurt, all my past failures and shortcomings and to truly embrace the GREAT woman I am becoming.
I am taking my time and doing it right.
And Mr. McKee, will be glad to find that my bad beginning has not only a good ending, it has an AMAZING ending, an unforgettable ending.
I also remember that All endings are also beginnings. I'm taking what I have learned at this ending and giving myself a great beginning, one that will carry me through to a lifefulfilling end.
I once had to write an essay to a question made by Mr. Wlasick, my senior English teacher, which asked, "Do the means justify the end, or does the end justify the means?"
I believe I argued at that time that it was the means that justified the end, but ask me now, and I will tell you out of what you may consider to be sheer ambition, that I have become a firm believer that the END JUSTIFIES the MEANS.
Its about knowing what you want and going for it. And clearing your path of all obstacles standing in the way of you and your end.
It no longer matters how it all began, even if it was a wrong way to start, the point is that the END, will be what matters, and that we make it there.
I am in love. God bless you 2006, I thank you for all the tears and heartache, I know you only did it because I needed it to be ready for the gift you gave me at the very end. I am a blessed woman. (And yes, I know it's crazy to personify 2006).
Cheers, Happy New Year.
Here's to great beginnings with even better endings.
And here's to every loss, which now have seemed to breed some serious wins.
[29 Jan 2007 | Monday]
1:41 AM - You know, before they dropped a bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki
The U.S. Dropped flyers saying that they were going to drop bombs. I always found the event sadly comical, obviously there was nothing funny about the casualties, but rather the way the U.S. felt the need to send out notices of an imminent death. "I'm sorry, but we're going to drop a bomb on your country that will wipe you and your family and most of your people off the map and radiate disease for generations to come."
I guess that's the way I feel about my life and present love situation. How exactly? I don't know I'm not smart enough to figure it out, but I guess in someway, someone, somehow, will find a way of making the analogy work and he/she will think I am a genius, but I'm not really I just had the idea. I don't just throw around the word genius. Nikola Tesla was genius. I am Hiroshima. And Someone else is Nagasaki. But of course, when we think of the A-bomb, Hiroshima is always first. It was a cooler, larger city, with more to lose. You are the U.S.
In a list of interests, I am ranked 11th.
I've been listening to the Bjork live box for the past few days and it has made me develop a much deeper love and admiration for her than I already had in the past. And through it all Homogenic is still my favorite Bjork album...now it's Homogenic Live, mostly because it includes the best version of So Broken, which in the past few nights has become one of those songs that has saved me from my own introverted self and allowed me to let out all that's been aching in me. And also because of its flawless flow and dynamics that only a live album could truly offer.
Why am I saying all this? Because its easier to talk about than everything else that's going on in my life.
And yes, my head is clouded by Bjork lyrics at the moment...I walk around with her shrieks running through my head about every few seconds. Call it a defense mechanism if you will. My way of blocking out the bad thoughts.
I dare you, to take me on.
I dare you, to show me your palms.
You can't handle love
What's so scary not a threat in sight,
You just can't handle, you can't handle love. Baby, you just can't handle.
I dare you, to take me on.
I dare, to show me your palms.
I dare you, I dare you, I dare you.