pondering n rambling
Over all its not too bad being me. but tonight it over took me. the car needs repair badly, tiny needs to be rechecked for thyroid issues, i need to see a doctor. i have no money and no jobs have panned out yet. my luck is still holding bad. i guess if you believe in karma i musta done something horrible to deserve this.i keep trying to save up then i have to do laundry .. or like this month ... hair cut. i may have to take out the phone but even then i cannot afford the prepaid one all the time either. and with my memory either i forget to charge it or to put new card on it.;(
so while i am sitting here remembering all those who have gone before me into a better place.. i am sad. martini, shim.macco, sisco, czar .. i miss you all. Mom, im not sure what you would think of this mess i call my life. more and more i dislike people. seems its only ever hurt when i deal with them. i really miss the animals. you always understood that. i miss you tho. i see things i know you would love. i try to make myself feel better by saying to myself... she has that only better. i know your with dad. i guess i should miss him but i never knew him. no memories of him and he passed when i was so young. the only memories ihave of california from before we moved to wisconsin when i was 5 are the two racoons in the big caged area and the black n white pony .. i called it coffee.. it wasnt mine but every time we went to the club , i rode. And i remember the guinnia pigs.. that might be why im not to found of them.. they were annoying.so no i dont remember dad. sorry dad. i wish i did. i have one picture of you and mom. thats it.
anyway may everyone have good communion with those weve lost thru the years tonight. i know im loved. just everyone that loves me seems to be dead or absent in my life.. go figure. and you all wonder why i used to talk to trees more then people. blessed be everyone. hugs to those who i call family still tho .. you know who you are. the list is short but yeah i do love ya.
BLESSED SAMHEIN!
so while i am sitting here remembering all those who have gone before me into a better place.. i am sad. martini, shim.macco, sisco, czar .. i miss you all. Mom, im not sure what you would think of this mess i call my life. more and more i dislike people. seems its only ever hurt when i deal with them. i really miss the animals. you always understood that. i miss you tho. i see things i know you would love. i try to make myself feel better by saying to myself... she has that only better. i know your with dad. i guess i should miss him but i never knew him. no memories of him and he passed when i was so young. the only memories ihave of california from before we moved to wisconsin when i was 5 are the two racoons in the big caged area and the black n white pony .. i called it coffee.. it wasnt mine but every time we went to the club , i rode. And i remember the guinnia pigs.. that might be why im not to found of them.. they were annoying.so no i dont remember dad. sorry dad. i wish i did. i have one picture of you and mom. thats it.
anyway may everyone have good communion with those weve lost thru the years tonight. i know im loved. just everyone that loves me seems to be dead or absent in my life.. go figure. and you all wonder why i used to talk to trees more then people. blessed be everyone. hugs to those who i call family still tho .. you know who you are. the list is short but yeah i do love ya.
BLESSED SAMHEIN!