hormones receding...sounds kinda epic ya know?
well i had the surgery nov 1, still not fully healed.. but mostly. am liking the fact my moods stay more stable then they have in years. noticed a difference in how food tastes too not sure if thats linked but the stuff i really craved prior to the surgery , isnt as thrilling now. havent crashed and burned since nov. which if you know that cycle, you know how nice it is. still looking for a place to live that takes cats and is in my budget or a job that i can work a month then find a place which ever comes first. chicken or the egg thing. still figure with the economy and my lack of skills ill be homeless by next year but thats just me and my fatalist thinking. i dont worry for myself i do worry for tiny and luna. it would a shame for them to both wind up in humane society becuase of a pair of idiots.
but over all this journey thru marriage has taught me i was right. its a stupid institution. when your done your done. you dont try you just shut down. whioh leaves us who do try ...standing buck naked the meanest of you. when i find a job if i meet a man , im soooo not moving to him or with him. not this time. no more giving up my life for his because i love him. fuck that shit. im gonna be selfish and just stay where i am. working and supporting myself. not stuck in the middle of podunk with no money and no friends and no life.. even before the marriage hit the rocks. only good thing from this marriage is i met reid, shiloh, jaryd, brynbryn and steve. none of which i can say i would have or wouldnt have if id been alone and working all the time. so i have good memories and i know my sisco had a good life at the end. czar too. so there was good. alot of good but the alot of good is nothing to the massivenly bad little bits.
anyway im still kicking. doin my best with little support or help ill get there im sure.its just tough with the girls. finding places in my price range that takes kittys is hard. now i could leave them but i know dena would ditch luna in a heart beat. and tiny well if you know tiny you know why i wont leave her. but honestly both are such a part of my day. luna sleeps at my feet when im on the omputer or the back of my chair. she usually goes to bed when i do at night. tiny will wander in once everyone else is asleep if shes not already in bed. my girls tuck me in.
anyway universe throw me alittle good luck will you? ill be much healthier out of this spot. just need one of my lines i put out to bear fruit... hint hint pokes karma i been a good girl.
but over all this journey thru marriage has taught me i was right. its a stupid institution. when your done your done. you dont try you just shut down. whioh leaves us who do try ...standing buck naked the meanest of you. when i find a job if i meet a man , im soooo not moving to him or with him. not this time. no more giving up my life for his because i love him. fuck that shit. im gonna be selfish and just stay where i am. working and supporting myself. not stuck in the middle of podunk with no money and no friends and no life.. even before the marriage hit the rocks. only good thing from this marriage is i met reid, shiloh, jaryd, brynbryn and steve. none of which i can say i would have or wouldnt have if id been alone and working all the time. so i have good memories and i know my sisco had a good life at the end. czar too. so there was good. alot of good but the alot of good is nothing to the massivenly bad little bits.
anyway im still kicking. doin my best with little support or help ill get there im sure.its just tough with the girls. finding places in my price range that takes kittys is hard. now i could leave them but i know dena would ditch luna in a heart beat. and tiny well if you know tiny you know why i wont leave her. but honestly both are such a part of my day. luna sleeps at my feet when im on the omputer or the back of my chair. she usually goes to bed when i do at night. tiny will wander in once everyone else is asleep if shes not already in bed. my girls tuck me in.
anyway universe throw me alittle good luck will you? ill be much healthier out of this spot. just need one of my lines i put out to bear fruit... hint hint pokes karma i been a good girl.