(no subject)
I wonder sometimes if james' friends really like me. i see them viewing me as some monster that holds him hostage and rarely allows him to eat, breath or see the light of day. I think it is rather the opposite. I moved here to Texas to be with james. As it stands now, due to complications in the Civil Rights Dept, james is without a job, which leaves me working two jobs so that we can have some sort of independence. I would like to have friends here, this town sucks, the people are ignorant, and there is only one store in the whole town that sells special lights! but we can't move right now, we can't call as often as we want (his parents pay for everything, including the long distance.) I talk to my family less often than james talks to his friends. We can't make long drives to San Marcus and pay $60 in gas, at least $60 in food and probably another $40 on fun just for two or three days. I know james' friends miss him, but i miss my friends too, they are fucking 1000 miles away, not four hours, i miss my family, of which james is surrounded by. I guess i shouldn't have to justify our lives, however, they are a part of james and i will never try to take them away. i have never told him to not talk to a certain person. i have never even suggested it. I have told him of who i like, love and can't stand, but he makes his own decisions; i actually like most of them, if not all. As i see it, he spent the whole last semester in school saying goodbye to his friends, they knew after graduation, life would be different. They have spent the last four years seeing him nearly everday, whilst i have spend the last two years longing for when i could at least speak to him on the phone once a week. I wish we wouldn't seem antisocial or as if we are pulling away simply because we are a 'we' now, because we are trying to form a life together, because we make decisions together and because we have a silly idea to run to the justice of the peace. And i wonder, if they really think that they will never know him again, i geesh, it has only been a month or so since we have seen them. i dunno.
in other arenas, my life is going wonderful. i finally have the clarity that i have spent the last year looking for. I find much satisfaction in doing civic, community involvement at the Chamber of Commerce, and i have come to really appreciate my students at Kings Way Academy. A few days a week i literally have to haul ass to get from one job to the next. I enjoy being up before 8, and i have taken a great liking to the New Yoga classes we are taking. James and i have gotten over the "i wonder what that face means" phase, we have become comfortable around each other in all moods, and i have been alot less angry and frustrated lately. It is great to see him before i go to work, eat lunch with him, and as of late, have him pick me up from work. Our evenings are spent reading, napping, talking alot and hanging out with the Revrend Miller. As of yesterday, we have started discussing wedding plans. Nothing is set in stone, because of all the bills i have. $600 to Covenant, $200 Calvary Bank, $120 traffic ticket. I should be filled with angst, but i am at perfect ease. His mother is a wonderful lady who helps me deal with life in general, though i would like to move out of there soon. ahh, well i must send out the invitations to the quarterly business meeting......
in other arenas, my life is going wonderful. i finally have the clarity that i have spent the last year looking for. I find much satisfaction in doing civic, community involvement at the Chamber of Commerce, and i have come to really appreciate my students at Kings Way Academy. A few days a week i literally have to haul ass to get from one job to the next. I enjoy being up before 8, and i have taken a great liking to the New Yoga classes we are taking. James and i have gotten over the "i wonder what that face means" phase, we have become comfortable around each other in all moods, and i have been alot less angry and frustrated lately. It is great to see him before i go to work, eat lunch with him, and as of late, have him pick me up from work. Our evenings are spent reading, napping, talking alot and hanging out with the Revrend Miller. As of yesterday, we have started discussing wedding plans. Nothing is set in stone, because of all the bills i have. $600 to Covenant, $200 Calvary Bank, $120 traffic ticket. I should be filled with angst, but i am at perfect ease. His mother is a wonderful lady who helps me deal with life in general, though i would like to move out of there soon. ahh, well i must send out the invitations to the quarterly business meeting......