Moving On
I realize that I haven't updated in FOREVER... but no one really follows my journal anyway, so I'm not going to bother with explaining why or catching anyone up. I'll just start in, like I never quit.
Living in this house, with everyone. (Everyone being my lil bro, his girl, cristina, and aaron) is exhausting. Two years ago, this was my dream. But I feel like I've outgrown it. I don't want to party anymore... get stoned... and lie around. I want a job and a home and a life that I can be proud of. I want to start getting my life ready to have kids. I want to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I've been living as a teenager too long, and sometimes I feel like I'll never be anything more.
My 21st birthday is in 3 days, and I'm still living the way I was when I was 18. I'm sick of it really.
Stephanie though. My baby, she has never lived like this before. She's never been able to run around abandoning all responsibilities, getting drunk and stoned and even though we have no money, and no hopes of getting any... and the bills are drawing nearer and nearer, she's not worried. Because when you live in a home full of reckless abandonment... it somehow gives you this feeling that no matter what happens, everything is going to be alright. And if it doesn't, fuck it... we had fun anyway.
While I am ready to start living responsibly, and start taking the necessary steps to become an efficient adult, Stef is soaking in the sunshine of a life with no boundries. And she's happy. Happier then she's ever been she says. And her happiness makes everything worth while.
Stephanie has become confident. Confident in herself, and in others. She's learned to trust people, and be proud of everything she is. She loves everyone in this house. And she gets along with them beautifully. She is my life, and I am so proud to call her mine.
I will stay here. Happily, until Stephanie is ready to move on with me. Everyone deserves to live recklessly at least once in their life. And it's Stephanie's turn.
God I love her so much.
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else.
but her.