(no subject)
My life's been so strange lately. I've been spending far too much time inside my head, while actually socializing with people, and it's the strangest thing ever. I just randomly blank out in the middle of a conversation and say something incredibly silly. I've also tried writing some LJ posts lately but halfway through I've gotten mad at how I'm incapable of putting anything into words, and erased them. We'll see what happens with this one.
Saturday was interesting - pretty fun, but mostly just interesting, since my head was doing it's own thing. Me and Tinna went to GL's pretty early on and acted very girlie, watching Notting Hill and doing our hair and make-up. Yep, that's right, I wore make-up, and it was even visible. It wasn't quite as horrible as I remembered it, and I actually felt pretty. AND I wore my pretty new dress so that was fun - I didn't have my camera with me, but lots of other people did, so maybe there'll be photos later... maybe. We went to a party which was okay, and after that to a dinner/dance thing which was fun and I danced way, way too much - I woke up on Sunday all sore and my legs and back are still aching. Ouch. And I've absolutely no idea why I'm rambling on about this, I just feel like I should say something about it. Then, on the way home I ran into this guy I used to know, who was obviously on something way, way stronger than alcohol, and he sortof hugged/kissed me and then went "Are you a lesbian? Faaaaabulous!" - even though I did not say anything other than hi. So that was interesting. On Sunday I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and it felt SO GOOD, sortof like I was cleaning up in my life, when it was really just the bathroom and kitchen and my bedroom. And then I went to see Rent. And spent the whole day listening to the soundtrack - I brought it to work, to listen to before the kids came, and then a few of the kids totally got into it... a boy danced like crazy to La Vie Boheme - a girl turned up the volume and listened with her mouth wide open to Out Tonight on repeat - and another girl asked me a million times about what the music was... and this girl is like a sponge, so she'll for sure be going on and on and on about Rent for the next couple of weeks. Hey, I wonder what would happen if I'd bring Fiona Apple to work? (Or, you know, her music - not the actual Fiona Apple, although that would without a doubt be pretty awesome)
So there's this girl I know who I CANNOT STAND, but I still end up having these amazing conversations with her pretty much every day. What's up with that? Seriously? She annoys me SO MUCH but then that happens. Uuuuugh. (A lot of people are best described with an "ugh". So there.) I recently discovered that I'm a very shallow person (completely unrelated to that girl, though), and I think that's something I need to work on. But I think the root of my shallowness is my own insecurities, so. I'm not quite sure how to tackle that. We'll see. Maybe it's, I don't know, unhappiness and not insecurity? Because I'm a WHOLE lot more confident than I was a couple of years ago, but I'm far more unhappy. So I don't know. It doesn't even make sense. You'd think that by becoming more confident I'd also become happier, but apparantly not so. Woah, that was the most messed up paragraph ever written.
Ummm. Tuesday evenings are coffee-with-the-girls evenings, which makes me happy, cause I think it'll be good for my sanity. Yes. I'm so incredibly sorry for spamming your friends pages with this total mess of an entry, but my head's a mess these days.
PS - Patty Griffin's music makes me want to scream and cry and laugh and kick someone, all at the same time. I wonder if that's the effect her music has on all people, or if it's just me. It makes me the happy-sad sort of sad. Sigh.
Saturday was interesting - pretty fun, but mostly just interesting, since my head was doing it's own thing. Me and Tinna went to GL's pretty early on and acted very girlie, watching Notting Hill and doing our hair and make-up. Yep, that's right, I wore make-up, and it was even visible. It wasn't quite as horrible as I remembered it, and I actually felt pretty. AND I wore my pretty new dress so that was fun - I didn't have my camera with me, but lots of other people did, so maybe there'll be photos later... maybe. We went to a party which was okay, and after that to a dinner/dance thing which was fun and I danced way, way too much - I woke up on Sunday all sore and my legs and back are still aching. Ouch. And I've absolutely no idea why I'm rambling on about this, I just feel like I should say something about it. Then, on the way home I ran into this guy I used to know, who was obviously on something way, way stronger than alcohol, and he sortof hugged/kissed me and then went "Are you a lesbian? Faaaaabulous!" - even though I did not say anything other than hi. So that was interesting. On Sunday I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and it felt SO GOOD, sortof like I was cleaning up in my life, when it was really just the bathroom and kitchen and my bedroom. And then I went to see Rent. And spent the whole day listening to the soundtrack - I brought it to work, to listen to before the kids came, and then a few of the kids totally got into it... a boy danced like crazy to La Vie Boheme - a girl turned up the volume and listened with her mouth wide open to Out Tonight on repeat - and another girl asked me a million times about what the music was... and this girl is like a sponge, so she'll for sure be going on and on and on about Rent for the next couple of weeks. Hey, I wonder what would happen if I'd bring Fiona Apple to work? (Or, you know, her music - not the actual Fiona Apple, although that would without a doubt be pretty awesome)
So there's this girl I know who I CANNOT STAND, but I still end up having these amazing conversations with her pretty much every day. What's up with that? Seriously? She annoys me SO MUCH but then that happens. Uuuuugh. (A lot of people are best described with an "ugh". So there.) I recently discovered that I'm a very shallow person (completely unrelated to that girl, though), and I think that's something I need to work on. But I think the root of my shallowness is my own insecurities, so. I'm not quite sure how to tackle that. We'll see. Maybe it's, I don't know, unhappiness and not insecurity? Because I'm a WHOLE lot more confident than I was a couple of years ago, but I'm far more unhappy. So I don't know. It doesn't even make sense. You'd think that by becoming more confident I'd also become happier, but apparantly not so. Woah, that was the most messed up paragraph ever written.
Ummm. Tuesday evenings are coffee-with-the-girls evenings, which makes me happy, cause I think it'll be good for my sanity. Yes. I'm so incredibly sorry for spamming your friends pages with this total mess of an entry, but my head's a mess these days.
PS - Patty Griffin's music makes me want to scream and cry and laugh and kick someone, all at the same time. I wonder if that's the effect her music has on all people, or if it's just me. It makes me the happy-sad sort of sad. Sigh.