(no subject)
Deep inside I have a lot of pain that won't go away. I know things... I wish I didn't know them, but I do. To let go of that information would probably completely destroy my life. But, to keep it inside kills me everyday. I sit in my own misery wondering what it would be like if I let it go... and if I kept it with me for the rest of my life. I just want to rip my brain out and shred it to bits. Or maybe just take the front part out. I'd be like Ray Liotta in Hannibal... drooling all over myself, completely unaware of what is going on around me.
I remember being happy once. I would give my soul to be that happy again. But, for some reason... I don't think even that could bring me true happiness.
I am a constant fuck up. I am a loser. I have betrayed people. I have lied. I am a bitch.
Maybe I was meant to be miserable. For all the shit I have put all sorts of people through... Cou ld it be a possibility that I was meant to be this unhappy? To feel so incredibly alone?
At one point... for four days no less... I made someone happy. And since those four days, this person has not felt an ounce of true happiness. I lied. I lost trust. And in their eyes, I betrayed. But let this one thing stand above all else. I love this person more than life itself and would give my mere existance to see that they were happy and enjoyed their life.... even if it wasn't with me.
So... with that said... I am going to close this journal entry. Hopefully my point will get across to whom it is directed towards and they will see what they need see.
I remember being happy once. I would give my soul to be that happy again. But, for some reason... I don't think even that could bring me true happiness.
I am a constant fuck up. I am a loser. I have betrayed people. I have lied. I am a bitch.
Maybe I was meant to be miserable. For all the shit I have put all sorts of people through... Cou ld it be a possibility that I was meant to be this unhappy? To feel so incredibly alone?
At one point... for four days no less... I made someone happy. And since those four days, this person has not felt an ounce of true happiness. I lied. I lost trust. And in their eyes, I betrayed. But let this one thing stand above all else. I love this person more than life itself and would give my mere existance to see that they were happy and enjoyed their life.... even if it wasn't with me.
So... with that said... I am going to close this journal entry. Hopefully my point will get across to whom it is directed towards and they will see what they need see.