White Collar fic - Can't Be Both (Chapter 3)

[sheenianni]

Title: Can’t Be Both (Chapter 3)
Author’s Name: sheenianni
Fandom: White Collar
Spoilers: Season 3.10 - Countdown
Characters/Pairings: Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke, Clinton Jones, Diana Barrigan, Elizabeth Burke, Sara Ellis, Agent Kramer, June and others
Raiting: PG
Warnings/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~ 3,100 (chapter), ~31,000 (total)
Summary: In the aftermath of Elizabeth’s kidnapping, Neal has to make a life-defining choice - and then he has to face its consequences. Post 3.10 Countdown story.

This story is finished. New chapters will be posted every few days.
Prologue II Chapter 1 II Chapter 2



A/N: This whole story has been beta'd by GrayWolf84 from ff.net. She’s great!

Since I’m not sure when exactly I’m going to post the next installment (that depends entirely on the amount of Christmas craziness this year), I now wish you all wonderful holiday and great time, hopefully with your family or friends. Happy Christmas, Chanukah or whatever holiday you celebrate!

*A quick recap from the end of previous chapter:

„When we found out about the manifest, we tried to search for it,” confesses Neal quietly, avoiding everyone’s eyes. „Then I discovered its location. His voices level drops to a near whisper. “I went to get it. Peter, I…”

How the hell is he supposed to tell Peter he has violated his trust like that?

“I made a copy of the key to your safe. Then I broke into your home.” *

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 3

“I can’t believe it.”

“Peter…”

Peter points his finger at Neal. “After everything we went through. You broke into my house!”

“Peter, I’m - “

“No. I don’t want to hear it.”

“I know it was really stupid - “

“Damn right it was!” snaps Peter angrily. He can’t believe that not so long ago, he thought that Neal was finally growing up and leaving his criminal past behind. “My home, Neal! Is there nothing sacred you would really respect?”

“Peter I wish I could take it back - “

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do!”

Peter snorts.

“I do, Peter,” insists Neal pleadingly. “If I could go back to that day - “

“You would have done it just the same,” accuses him Peter. “Try and tell me you wouldn’t do it again, if you could avoid getting caught.”

“I wouldn’t! I swear I wouldn’t - “

“Why.”

Neal gives him a blank look.

“You’re telling you wouldn’t do it again?” says Peter.

Neal bites his lips.

“Then give me just one reason why. One reason, Neal - just one damn reason why should I believe that you’ve changed your mind.”

Neal sighs. “Because you’re my friend. Were my friend.”

Peter raises his eyebrows in disbelief.

“And you didn’t realize that until you broke into my house?”

“Not… fully. Not until you called me.”

Peter furrows his eyebrows. “Called you…?”

“You remember the night after the van Horn case? Elizabeth was on an art exhibit, you were at the stakeout - “

“And you were apparently breaking into my home,” growls Peter angrily. “Was that the reason why you didn’t want to do the stakeout? So that you could commit your nice little burglary?”

“And here I thought my offer saved you from maiming your fingers with a hammer,” says Jones in an attempt at humor. Peter shoots him a poisonous glare.

“It did,” says Neal to Jones. “Believe me; my hatred of stakeouts is true and genuine.”

“There is such a thing with you?” asks Peter sarcastically.

Neal starts to answer, but Peter interrupts him. “Forget it. So, you used the opportunity to get the manifest. What supposedly changed?”

“Did you plant the photo here in case I broke in?” asks Neal.

Now it’s Peter’s face that turns blank. “What photo?”

Neal sighs. “I really don’t want to violate your privacy anymore - “

“Well that’s the first time!” shouts Peter angrily and punches the table. He doesn’t even realize he is standing until Kramer gently pulls him down.

“What was on the damn photo,” asks Peter when he collects himself enough to speak calmly.

“The team,” says Neal quietly. “All the agents from our division on an anniversary photo, from before we found the treasure. And…” he swallows before he adds quietly, “and I was in the middle of it. Right next to you.”

Peter wants to retort something sarcastic, but then he looks at Neal, really looks at him.

The conman looks absolutely worn out. It seems he has aged ten years since the day El was kidnapped. But the worst thing is the desperate expression in his blue, teary eyes.

Right then, Peter hates Neal like nobody else in the universe. Because he desperately wishes for Neal’s remorse to be genuine - but he doesn’t know. He. Just. Doesn’t. Know.

He really wants to believe that their friendship meant something, that this all hasn’t been just an extremely elaborate con from Neal’s part. But how can he trust Neal - how can he trust his own judgment - after everything that has happened?

The hate is gone, replaced by an incredible sorrow.

“What happened next?” asks Peter.

“You called me,” says Neal hoarsely. “You called - just after I took a photo of the manifest. And we talked, and - I couldn’t do that anymore. I remembered the time before the treasure, when we were searching for Adler, when we trusted each other, and I realized that it was one of the happiest times in my life.”

Peter watches, mesmerized, as the lone tear travels its way across Neal’s cheek before Neal wipes it away.

“But you didn’t act on it,” says Kramer, and Peter is startled when he realizes they’re not alone in the room. In fact, this is Neal’s interrogation - and anything he says will be used against him in court.

Neal looks at Kramer and smiles. “But I did,” he says. “When Mozzie called, I told him I didn’t find the manifest.”

Jones’s eyebrows furrow. “I’m not sure I follow…”

“I do,” says Peter when the full impact of Neal’s confession settles in.

“I persuaded Moz we needed the manifest before we ran with the treasure,” explains Neal. “So when he thought we didn’t have it - “

“ - he had to wait. So, you kept your friend, yet you didn’t have to do anything about the treasure. Clever,” says Diana.

Neal’s expression turns grim. “Not so much,” he admits. “I underestimated Mozzie’s resolution. When we talked later, he said to forget the manifest, grab the treasure and run. I tried to tell him it was dangerous, but I think he saw right through me. He realized that I was having second thoughts. But I still hoped I could come up with a solution that wouldn’t mean to run and to betray Mozzie… or to go back to jail.”

Peter can now understand the dilemma Neal was facing. That, unfortunately, doesn’t make his actions any less criminal.

“I wanted to do the right thing,” shrugs Neal helplessly. “But I was already deeply involved, and I didn’t want to get Moz in trouble either. I tried to make plans… I considered an anonymous tip to the treasure’s location, or outwaiting the statute of limitations before turning the treasure in - “

“Neither of which would have worked very well,” says Peter.

Neal lets out a humorless chuckle. “I know. I was coming to the point when the treasure stopped being anything more that the epitome of all my troubles.”

“You didn’t want to keep it?” asks Hughes.

Neal’s answer is serious and sincere. “I won’t deny I was tempted at first - very tempted. All the paintings, the beauty, the - absolute perfection, on so many levels…” There’s a dreamy undertone to Neal’s voice, and Peter understands - not completely, but a little at least. Then Neal shakes his head and returns to the ground. “But the price for that all became too high. I realized I would have to choose between Moz and my life here. A man or a conman, you called it,” he says to Peter. “But I still hoped - for a little more time, for a miraculous solution, for something - “

“Did you at least consider confessing?” asks Peter.

“I did,” says Neal immediately. Then he sighs. “But… well, it wasn’t really high on the list.”

The silence that follows is ominous.

“Well, what happened next?” asks Jones.

“Next…” Neal hits his forehead with his palm, rubs his eyes and suppresses a yawn. “Next, the articles about the treasure came out. Moz wanted to sell the Degas and run, I talked him out of it. Then Keller came.”

“Time was running out,” says Diana knowingly.

Neal laughs shakily. “You have no idea.” He swallows. “Keller killed Mozzie’s friend Hale. You know that I met Keller when I was undercover with Raquel Laroque. What I didn’t tell you was that he blackmailed me to give him the treasure.”

“But you didn’t,” says Kramer.

“No.”

“Why not?” asks Kramer. “It would have rid you of your problem. You could even lie to your friend “Mozzie” that Keller threatened your life and you had no choice but tell him.”

Neal shakes his head. “First of all, I could never lie like that to Moz. And second - do you know what kind of man Keller is? What kind of damage he could do with billions dollars?”

“No, I don’t know.”

“Well, neither do I!” says Neal forcefully. “And I damn well didn’t want to find out! Trust me, I’d rather go to prison than know that he is somewhere out there with this kind of resources.”

“I believe you’re about to get your wish,” says Kramer.

“Yes, I think I am,” answers Neal roughly.

“Enough, Caffrey,” interrupts Hughes before Peter has the chance to interfere. “I realize this is all a bit unusual, but could we at least try to keep the appearances that this is an interrogation and not a schoolboys’ argument?”

“Of course,” says Kramer and Peter watches as he withdraws back to his professional shell.

Hughes looks pointedly at to Neal.

Neal gives him a feeble grin. “Can I get some more coffee?”

*          *          *

“… then you interrogated me and I found out about the six million bounty,” says Caffrey as he finishes describing his confrontation with Keller at the Palace and the subsequent talk with Peter.

“You didn’t know before?” asks Peter.

“No. I didn’t. But when you told me, I had my suspicions.” Hughes watches as Caffrey intertwines his fingers and bites his lip. “I went home and I checked the treasure on the videocamera; specifically, the Degas painting that Mozzie wanted to sell before, that I knew had roughly the same prize.”

“It was gone.”

Caffrey nods into Diana’s direction. “Yes. It was gone.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I confronted Moz about it. He told me he sold it. I told him it was on the list and that we needed to get it back. We argued, then we decided to meet tomorrow. The next day, Moz gave me an ultimatum.”

Hughes listens as Caffrey recalls the story of the Degas recovery; how he made the forgery, how he played the FBI agents, how his friend erased the phone calls from Rusty’s cell, how he fooled Peter, replaced the painting and pulled the stupid stunt with a parachute in the middle of day.

This is exactly the reason why Hughes was against Caffrey becoming Peter’s CI in the first place.

Because, while Caffrey isn’t a violent type of criminal, he is still causing damage right and left. Damage to Peter, damage to Hughes’s department, damage to numerous people around him. And it seems that it is only now, after the fact, that Caffrey realizes the full extent of his actions’ consequences.

Hughes would be blind or hypocritical if he told that Caffrey didn’t bring anything worthy to the team. Thanks to him, many cases were finally solved. Also, the bureau has somehow become much more cheerful, and Hughes doesn’t deny that some of Caffrey’s charm and rule-bending attitude did Peter good as well.

But when he hears Caffrey’s whole confession, and when he sees his people - his agents - affected by Caffrey’s “little” detour on his way to honesty, Hughes doubts that the potential redemption of one conman is worth all this heartbreak.

There is no way Caffrey is getting out of this unscathed, Hughes knows. But if by some weird miracle he does, Hughes will fight tooth and nail against Peter taking Caffrey back - again. Because in Hughes’s eyes, Caffrey has long ago exhausted his rights for another chance.

Hughes would rather have Peter detest him afterwards than see him even more heartbroken when Caffrey’s luck finally runs out and he ends up in prison for thirty years or life.

It’s not even that Hughes thinks Caffrey is ultimately a bad person. He is a thief, a forger and a liar, but there are some values - honest values - that Caffrey respects. His mad rescue attempt to safe Elizabeth Burke was just one demonstration of this side of Caffrey’s personality. Yet even this rescue demonstrated just how unreliable Caffrey really is, when he disappeared alone, without a word except for one little note, instead of working within the boundaries as he very well should have.

Hughes can’t really say he dislikes Caffrey. He will make sure the man gets a fair trial and he will go out of his way to guarantee Caffrey’s safety in prison after his work for the FBI. But no matter what happens, Caffrey’s job in his division is over. Hughes refuses to risk his people anymore at the expense of a criminal.

That is his decision and he will stand by it.

*          *          *

Neal finally finishes telling his story. Then the agents ask him some more questions that he answers, and he is told that tomorrow, they will make him aware of all the formal charges filed against him. Neal is pretty sure they will be numerous.

They make him wait outside while the agents discuss his case and Reese Hughes calls the Marshals. Back in cuffs, Neal is sitting on a chair and waiting.

He’d begun shaking again when he retold the story of El’s rescue. By now, Neal isn’t even sure if it is because of the claustrophobic memory, his body’s exhaustion or the numerous coffees he has drunk in the past three hours. The interview has been very long and absolutely exhausting.

Some fifteen or twenty minutes into the talk, Neal completely gave up at trying to fabricate the details to make the truth appear more likeable. He hasn’t been this honest for years, and he can’t even imagine what words Mozzie would use about choosing honesty when making a confession to the FBI. Neal thinks some of these words probably haven’t even been invented yet.

Of course, Mozzie would probably kill him if he could see him right now.

Two good things came out of his confession. One - Peter is - more or less - talking to him again. Two - most of the blame (hopefully all) will now fall on him, not on Peter, Diana, Jones, Sara, June, Cindy, Agent Matthews or any of the other people he might have implicated.

Unfortunately, that’s where the good news are about to end.

Hughes finishes his call and they call him back inside.

“You can go now, Caffrey. Agents Jones and Barrigan will drive you home.”

Neal drops his jaw. “What?” he asks in disbelief.

Hughes is frowning, but he explains nevertheless: “From now on, you are under house arrest. You will be informed about the date of your parole revocation hearing and about the details concerning your trial. Do you have any questions?”

Neal is still amazed they’re not sending him back to prison right away. “No, sir,” he replies sincerely. “Thank you for the trust.”

Hughes’s frown doesn’t diminish. “We are giving you this chance because of your willingness to cooperate and because you recently demonstrated you wouldn’t run,” he says. “It wasn’t easy to persuade the Marshals. If you run, this will be on my head, as well as several more people in this division. Do not break this trust.”

“I won’t, sir. I swear.”

Still wide-eyed and feeling very much confused, Neal follows Jones and Diana out of the room. After they uncuff him, Jones helps him pick up the things at his table and gently straightens him up once or twice when he almost falls on their way to the elevators.

As the elevator’s door closes behind them, Neal crumples up on its floor.

“CAFFREY!” shouts Diana in alarm.

She immediately kneels down to him. “Are you okay?”

Neal’s elbow hurts and he has also hit his head, but he gives Diana a feeble grin. “I’m fine,” he whispers weekly. “No need to pretend… with the two of you.”

“Neal, you need to get up,” says Diana worriedly and puts her arm under his shoulder while Jones does the same at Neal’s other side. “What if someone calls this elevator?”

Neal yawns. “I’m ti-tired,” he whines, and to his horrible embarrassment he realizes he is near to tears.

“Hey, man,” says Jones soothingly. “You can do this for a little longer, okay? Just help us get you up.”

“I don’t want to, Jones,” whispers Neal. Then a sob escapes his lips. “I just want to r-rest…”

“You will,” promises Jones. “When we get to the car, you can rest all you want. But I need you to hold on now, just for a few minutes. Can you do that?” he asks gently.

Neal stubbornly shakes his head. “I don’t want to - “

“Okay, that’s enough, Caffrey,” says Diana harshly. “Get your ass of the floor, now! Or I’ll pick up another area to kick you to, and this time it will be someplace more private!”

Neal’s eyes widen at the threat as he remembers the numerous bruises that are undoubtedly already forming on his shins (although, to be fair, Diana’s aggressive treatment has prevented him from making several unnecessary confessions up there, for which he’s very thankful).

His privates on the other hand…

“Help me up, please?” he whispers hoarsely.

With Diana’s and Jones’s help, he is finally standing again, although his back is leaning against the wall of the elevator and he is still shaking all over.

“Thank you,” says Neal quietly to both of his coworkers, who have demonstrated their friendship with him when he needed it the most.

He had no idea they cared about him that much.

“So,” he starts playfully, “how badly you think I screwed up?”

Jones’s eyebrows shot up. “Enough, I’d say.”

“Neal, I’m sorry,” says Diana gravely. “I shouldn’t have pushed you into a confession today.”

“It’s all right,” he says. “I needed do to it anyway.”

Then the elevator clinks.

“We’re here,” says Jones and puts his arm around Neal’s shoulders in a friendly gesture that actually serves to help him walk without collapsing.

“Thank you guys,” says Neal in an undertone. “For helping me to preserve at least some of my dignity,” he explains.

“It’s fine - “ says Diana when Neal interrupts her.

“ - and for being here,” he says. “And helping me through the interview. And kicking me under the table. And - “

“That’s enough, Caffrey,” says Diana. “If you’re really that grateful, you can invite us to a dinner or make one the next time we’re on a stakeout.”

“I don’t think I’ll be doing anymore stakeouts with you,” says Neal soberly.

Even as tired as he is, he doesn’t miss the look Jones and Diana exchange behind his back.

As Diana helps him into the car, he flashes them his biggest con smile. “Hey. It will be all right, okay?”

It will be all right.

*          *          *

Except that it won’t.